I'm so excited, I have to pee!

Hello everyone!

I am Chompo and today I used the powers of my mind to make the guy sitting here create a new webpage for me. I can't wait to make new dog friends because the other dogs I sometimes hang out with are stupid. One of them poked my eye out because she waqs jealous of me. But now she acts depressed. I told her it was OK and I forgave her, becasue my empty eye allows me to see the rainbows around everyone. And people are now compelled to give me sympathy and treats.

Next time I will talk about my favorite sports!

Love,
Chompo!

My First Question

Dear Chompo:
I hate to see you wasting your time on silly questions, so permit me to pose a humdinger that will surly have a meaningful impact on today's world: Why do dogs eat poop, and LIKE it? I love my dog to pieces, but if she starts eating pieces of excrement, the last thing I want is her licking my face. Why she does she engage in such awful behavior?
-Concerned Dog Lover

Dear Concerned:
Many humans use the phrase, "this stuff tastes like crap!" but have they ever tasted it? Have you? Many Scientists admit they don't exactly know why dogs like to eat poop, but none of them ever asked a dog. This dog says it's for one reason only– it tastes great. Any variety - fresh, sun-baked, dried, horse, human, dog, cat - each has its own boquet and spice. Make mine a double!
-Chompo

Need some Dog-gone advice? Write Chompo!

It's the Holiday!

In Rainbowland we call Christmas, CHRISTMAS!! because it's so much fun. First, we wake up and put our heads in a bucket of applesauce and get chased around by ravenous hibernating red squirrels who lick it off our faces before they mate and die.

Then we go to the Giantest Tree in the Cloud Forest to perform the Dance of the Christchild before we open our presents. I will be wearing a new collar made out of oyster dreams and jellybeans this year. I will be the prettiest dog in the world!

Then we open our presents. This is the best part because when everyone is happy and full of good gifts, we turn and thrown them off the clouds we live on and give them to the needy children on Earth. In Rainbowland we don't need presents because we have everything!

Have a happy holiday, no matter what you celebrate.
Love, Chompo!

My Second Sight

When I walk down the street sometimes people ask me what happened to my empty eye socket. It's stupid to ask if I was born that way - people do it all the time. The thing is, while I may have lost the sight in one of my eyes I have gained powers that are beyond most people. Not that I have x-ray vision or anything, but sometimes I can see the Truth. And dead people. But mostly the truth.

So if you tell me a lie, I won't tell you about the ghost with an ectoplasmic axe ready to strike enough fear into your heart to cause a stroke.

Check out my website: www.chompo.com
-Chompo

My New Year's Resolutions

1) Excercise more.
2) Stop eating cat poop.
3) Start my novel.
4) Finish my nuclear toaster oven.
5) Move zombie cat army to the garage and clean them.
6) Visit chompo.com and click on all the advertisements for fun.

Rain, Rain, Stop messing with my e-mail!

My telephone, hence internet, here in Rainbowland has been down for two weeks! Normally, my party line I share with 18 other dogs works real swell, and my rotary phone gets an incredible 300 baud connection with the internet. Sadly, due to violent storms here in Rainbowland, the phone wires snapped and nobody has come to reapir them yet. And when I tried it myself... let's just say my hair is a bit curlier, blacker, and littering the ground outside my gingerbread house.

So I've had to do what any selfrespecting dog in Rainbowland would - I am stealing internet from someone else! This wireless thing in my computer hooks up to people who still have phones and allow me to download all kinds of things when they are not around - dog on dog love videos included! My internet at home never got anything like this!

But in a few days my internet is supposed to come back online and I can update chompo.com and everything else. Whew!

I Like Dancing

Sometimes I get the urge to dance. Usually it's right before I go on a walk, or when I have to pee really badly. I just start getting into the spirit and shaking my body like the beat is going to crush me. Or again, that could be the pee trying to get out.

Do you human ever wonder what it's like to be a dog? Imagine living OUTSIDE and you can't pee anywhere until someone lets you in. If I were outside all day, like you people are inside, I wouldn't have so many accidents. Of course. I would probably stop dancing so much. Makes you wonder.

Visit chompo.com!

Sniffles

Last week I made a terrbile mistake - I ate the mailman.

All dogs know that mailmen are the bane of modern society. They bring foreign and dangerous objects to the home, like letters, bills, and mysterious packages from amazon.com. But what most dogs don't know is that, like kids allergic to peanut butter, you can be allergic to the mailman.

Now I am all puffed up and sneezing. I will never make that mistake again.

Chompo
http://www.chompo.com

I Like Spelunking

Sometimes, when I feel like it, I go spelunking in the toilet. First, I make sure nobody is in the room with me. Then I take a tennis ball and drop it down the hole, watching it splat in the underground water cistern below. Now, comes the exciting part. I have to rescue the ball.

I climb down into the cistern and paw at the recultant yellow-green orb. It gets awaqy, anopther paw, and deeper into the abyss I go. When the moment is right, I grab for it with my mouth, barely getting the whole thing in - and I don't let go. I climb out of the cave and leap to the ground below.

When I go and show the others my grand accomplishment, and successful rescue operation, they never seem to pleased. Yelling, and throwing the dripping rescuee to the ground, I run to fetch it. Deep down I know they are proud, even if they get upset about toilet water flooding the partment.

- Le Chompo

I Like Eating

There is no doubt about it. I like eating. Mostly I like to eat dog food, but that's mainly because that's what I can get. Chewy chicken snacks are better, but what I really like is Korean BBQ, lamb's blood, and coconut toenails. Got any?

Visit chompo.com - not enough people have.