October 11th 2004 11:30 am
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It was the Fall Season of 2003. Her Royal Highness, Princess had decided to let her hair grow to lead in the new fall fashions. Little did she know that simply wanting to lead the world in style would lead to scandal and turmoil within her kingdom.

As her hair grew out full and thick, rumors began. "Is she gaining weight? What is her diet like? Does she work out but at all?!" Gossip columnists everywhere speculated on where the newfound shape would lead Princess's international modeling career. Was it in the tank? Had the once regal girl hit rock bottom?

"She needs to get her face out of the cookie jar and exercise more," reported an anonymous insider. "It's the treats I tell you. She's become addicted."

As the holidays neared, Princess's family grew more and more concerned. The Mommy Peasant stood faithfully by Princess's side through the rumors and, towards Thanksgiving, was arrested for intent to buy cookies for Her Highness. "She needs them! People just don't understand," the Mommy Peasant cried out to reporters as she was loaded into the paddy wagon.

After paying the bail, Princess sprung the Mommy Peasant out of jail. Rumor has it, they hit the cookie scene on the way home.

The family was finally forced to hold an intervention. Princess was getting larger by the day. If this kept up, her career would never recover. "But the vet said that her weight is perfect!" defended the Mommy Peasant. However, after a brief picture show (during which there was much "ooo-ing" and "ahhh-ing"), the Mommy Peasant was finally confronted with the truth.

A diet was planned. Cookies would be withheld. No more steak. No more pasta. No more toast with peanut butter. Feeling betrayed, Princess turned on the Mommy Peasant. She spent her time in the kitchen, so close to the jar of cookies that she could almost taste them...if only she was a little taller...and had thumbs.

After 2 weeks of dry, diet doggy food, the day came to welcome Spring. With Spring came a new hair 'do. A short one. One that showed off her fine figure.

"There was a LOT of hair on that dog," stated the royal hairdresser. "I didn't realize that she could grow that much."

And so, with the truth revealed, Princess continues with her career and the peasants are filled with shame and remorse. To serve as a constant reminder, Princess was given a food dish mat that said, "I'm not fat. I'm fluffy." There have been no more rumors since. The "d-word" will never be mentioned again.