Confessions of a Barkaholic

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My Gotcha Day

November 7th 2012 2:12 pm
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It are my 10th Gotcha Day! I was her sixteenth birthyday present which means she are SUPER old now, and even older later dis month when it are her actual birthyday. Finley's momma picked me out for her and den she gotta get outta school early so she could meet me. Momma was "feeling sick" - BOL, more like sick of high school. Anyways, I was happy to meet her and she just loved me right away. Even when I was a baby puppy I loved da same things I do now - swimming and barking. For some reason momma thought swimming in November wasn't such a good idea and I had to be locked up on Thanksgiving do to da non-stop yipping for some turkey. BOL, I pretty much act da same way now.

I's been lotsa places since I been gotted. For the firstest years of my life I was in Plano, den I went to join my momma at UCLA. Then it was back to Plano den up to da Hahvahd School for Law and Barkings, den back to Plano, den down to Austin for a year and back to Plano again! So I's been lotsa places and barked lotsa things. But one of my favoritest things to bark in da whole wide world are my momma so I are happy she gotted me 10 years ago today.

And a big thanks for all da presents and stuffs, y'all are da bestest pals ever!

 

Yappy Howloweenie!

October 31st 2012 9:04 pm
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Yappy Howloweenie to all my pals! I hopes you had a good Howloween. Me and Finn dressed up like pumpkins and I gots to sit outside when da mommas handed out da candies. I barked at some of da tricks-or-treatsers - more candy for you momma! Which should mean more treats for me, right?? I also got petted by some lil girls and I really liked dat.

Anyways, it are Wednesday which means it are time for more of my advices. Keeps your questions coming pups!

I expect a stuffy needing' repair to be the Top priority... before any of that other stuff our hoomans do! What do you think????? hugs,mazy

I do think stuffies needing repairs should be tops priority, but da humans seem to have different ideas around here too. Da waiting time in dat toy hospital might even be longer dan in da people hospital, BOL! If you can't get your stuffie repaired on time, I'd recommend barkin' and starin' at it - dat should get da point across. Or maybe get you a new stuffie, BOL!

Dear Miss Whit,

I gets yelled at fur stealin' da kitty food... but if they didn't want it stolen, why did dey make it smell so good? How can I get outta trubble fur cat food snitchin.... or better yet, not get caught in da first place?

Thanks,
Cat Food Jones

Dat cat food are yummy, aren't it? I suggest eatin' da cat food real quiet like - dat helps dem not know dat you are doing it. Also, if you got a cat dat are fed in a bedroom when da person are asleep (think Ally and Maurice) dat are da best time to steal da cat food. And it are good to get to be friends with da cat, they're more likely to share den. And I think da humans must secretly want us to steal it, it wouldn't be so yummy otherwise!

 

Back in da DDP loop!

October 27th 2012 6:28 pm
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So I's back in da DDP loop - 4 DDPs in a week. Dat seems like some kinda record or something, it are kinda crazy. Thanks again for all da gifties and comments and badges. Y'all are pawsome.

It has gotten a lot colder here. No, not cold like I used to hafta put up wid when I was attenderin da Hahvahd Schools and Barkings and Laws, but it are still colder. Which means dat I wanna stick my head out into da wind and bark bark bark just like my ancestors did in da Scotland place. Well, momma's ancestors also came from da Scotland place, but she said dat was a long time ago and she'd rather be inside and not be gettin all cold. But I don't really care what she says, so I make sure to spend some times stickin my face in da wind and barkin up a storm.

Me and my BFF Finley has been playin and havin funs, even if my momma don't think rippin apart a walrus toy are fun. It are now in da toy hospital.

I hope all da other pupses had a nice day watchin da foozballs with dere friends and stuffs and dat dat big Frankenstorm don't affect any of y'all too much. Dat do not look like fun, even for me, and I likes rain!

 

Wednesday Advices

October 24th 2012 9:16 pm
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So it are time for my weekly advices column! Keeps on sending in your questions pups, I gots an opinion on everything and am needing to share it, BOL!

Do you have a cure fur shredding magazines?? I also shred paper $$ when I can get my teeth on those, BOL!

I like your take on barking...I am pretty decent at making my peeps deaf, too...

Hmmm, my cure for shredding mazagines i . . . . I mean, a pup's gotta shred, well, I don't really shred, but some pups gotta do it, so maybe they should just let you shred da junk mail. My momma does not like da junk mails we get, she are always going "it's just junk mail." So maybe you could spend your times shredding dat up. Also, you could shred up bills and stuff that mommas want shredded. Den they can save money on a shredding machine! Money that could be used to buy treats and toys. Speaking of da moneys, don't shred dat one! It are da stuff that buys toys, for some reason, even looking cute at da pet store does not get you toys in less your momma hands over the moneys. Trust me, I've tried.

Dear Miss Whitley-
How can we gets the hoomans to lets us lick out da cat food cans agin? Dat lil kerfluffle we had dat time shouldn't mean we never gets to enjoy cat food yums agin, duz it?
yours,
Missing Cat Yummies in Texas....

Hmmm, I'd suggest we use our cutest LWD face on them. And I'd also suggest we try Ally first, she is da "soft touch" of da family. Da mommas are too mean!

 

A DDP Again!

October 23rd 2012 7:02 pm
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So I thinks the DDP picker must be kinda obsessed with me because I's a DDP for the third day in a row! It are hard, all dis pressure. I gotsta think of important things to bark to all my palsies and adoring fans.

So today was pretty good for barking. I spent a lot of time barking my momma and Finley and da squirrels outside. I barked a lot when da peoples ate da pizza. Can you believe dey did not give me my own piece even though I's been a DDP for 3 days in a row? Do you think any of them can claim dat title??? Cause dey can't!

So pupses, I's figured we can play a little game. I want y'all to guess what I'm gonna be for Halloween, and if you guesses right, you's gonna get a prize, ok?? Have fun and good luck!

 

Stuck In Da DDP Loop da Loop

October 22nd 2012 7:56 pm
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So pupses, I's stuck in da DDP loop! Thanks to everybody for da comments and gifts and pictures. I just hope my pals ain't gonna get tired of seeing my fluffy LWD face on da DDP page!

Today was a pretty good day! Me and Finn got a walk today! It was our first walk since da incident and we did good, no fighting or being bad dogs. Well, I barked some kids and just da world in general, but for us, we was pretty good! It was good to get a walk again. And when we got home, my momma gave us both baths. She said I really needed one, it had been about 3 weekses since I had one since I couldn't while I had da stitchies! And dat water was dirty! It was nice to be clean and smell all good again, I was really happy. But I was not too happy with da strippin' dat occurred, it had been about 3 weeks since dat too and momma stripped tons of my hair off. I still got tons of it, but I big ol' fuzz ball came off me!

So I is all groomed up and looking pretty again! Well, maybe my chest ain't too pretty, but I's wearing a little pink shirt so it are not too noticeable. ;)

 

I's Stitch Free!!!

October 21st 2012 7:45 pm
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So I guess I's stuck in da DDP loop. After abouts a year of not getting no DDPs, I's getting 'em all da time. So thanks to all my pals for da gifties and comments and pictures. Y'all are da best!

I got my stitches out on Friday. And it feels GOOD! I's so happy to be able to climb to da back of the couch without being yelled at for doing it. And me and momma is back to sleeping in da bed in her room - we even gots a new bed and it are pretty nice! I tried to go swimming today, but momma said it was too cold for pool ball. It wasn't all dat cold, momma was tanning!! She said da water was too cold to get in and dat is late October and I's crazy. But at least me and Finn gotsta spend lotsa time outside so dat was fun. We's been playing a lot, specially now dat I can play more and not be told to stop all da time. It are lotsa fun!

 

More Advices from Me

October 17th 2012 7:16 pm
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So I's back and I'm ready to answer more questions and offer up some advice! Here are my first question.

I love to dig me some holes...why do the peeps not like that??

They say they are gonna get a concrete walk put in. Will that make it harder to dig?

I don't know why da peoples don't like da hole digging, but I are pretty sure it are because dey are jealous dat we are so much better than dem. Dey gotsta use shovels and things to dig, but you and me can dig good just by ourselves. Dat and getting dirty, digging makes you dirty and den de peoples want you clean when you come in da house. And if you dig in da flowers and mess dem up dey also get annoyed, you's also not sposed to go tromping through flowers. Flowers is very important. Dat concrete stuff are bad news. It are very hard to dig in concretes, trust me, I's tried. It are not fun.

I gots another question:

My name is Mr. Cutter and I am a barker and proud of it.
How would you go about forming a national club of barkers?

None of this anonymous stuff either. BOL

I'd bark about it of course! And den I'd bark some more and some other dog would here me and dey'd bark about it and on and on across da whole country. In fact, we could bark across da whole world!

 

Da New Bed

October 14th 2012 11:57 am
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First offs, thanks Dogster for making me a DDP. And thanks to my palses who has giving me gifties or made pictures or left a comment. Y'all are da bestest!

So yesterdays, my momma gots a new bed. I's got to sit on it, but I hasn't got to test drive, errr, test nap it out yet on accounts of my stitchies. And neither has my momma. Instead, she's pulled da old mattress out to da living room for us to sleep on. Since it are down pretty low, I's being lowed to sleep up dere and not being forced into my crate. But still, dat new bed is looking pretty good. I don't think we'll get to sleep in it until I get my stitches out though.

I's being called Stitchy too. My momma is calling me Stitchy and calling Finn Itchy on counts of her allergies. Momma thinks she are so funny, but I don't think she are all dat funny. Specially when she says "shut up Stitchy, I'm not giving you my breakfast" and stuffs like dat. I has stitches! I should be getting everyone's breakfast, right? But momma do not like to share, specially when I bark at her over and over for it.

Me and Finn is getting along pretty good, but da mommas is being hyper-sensitive about everything we do! It's like we've got to not have no fun at all! I think they needs to lighten up some, but I don't know if that one are gonna happen.

 

Feeling Better

October 12th 2012 7:19 pm
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First offs, I apologize for missing my weekly advice column, but I was not feeling too good on Wednesday. And my momma, hers was all freaked out about having to go to da dentist for da third time in as many weeks, so we were both kinda incerpacertated. In facts, yesterdays we's spent a lot of da day sleeping since we were not feeling too good.

But I are feeling better today. I gots my drain out so dat are very good news. Da vet man said I was healing up real good and dat I can get my stitchies out in a week. And da best news is dat I don't gotta where my cone no more, da vet said I could just wear a t-shirt as long as I wasn't getting at my stitches! So I is wearing one of my Texas t-shirts and I is very happy not to be a conehead. Dat cone made it hard to do important stuffs, like sniffing.

But for some reason, my momma still thinks I am not supposed to be jumping up on stuffs. She does not even wanna let me hop up on da back of the couch which are my normal guard spot. Where else are a head of security supposed to be?? Finley gets to hop up wherever she wants. I also cannot get a bath until my stitchies are out. I tried to hop in da tub today, but my momma said now, even though she are calling me stinky. She went to where all da grooming supplieses are and I started to freak and try to hide under da sideboard (it are a really tight fit but I can still fits there), but my momma stopped me. Turns out all she wanted to do was spray me with perfumes dat makes me smell like cookies so dat are ok. Now I just need da cookies to go with it!

 
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