October 12th 2012 7:19 pm
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First offs, I apologize for missing my weekly advice column, but I was not feeling too good on Wednesday. And my momma, hers was all freaked out about having to go to da dentist for da third time in as many weeks, so we were both kinda incerpacertated. In facts, yesterdays we's spent a lot of da day sleeping since we were not feeling too good.
But I are feeling better today. I gots my drain out so dat are very good news. Da vet man said I was healing up real good and dat I can get my stitchies out in a week. And da best news is dat I don't gotta where my cone no more, da vet said I could just wear a t-shirt as long as I wasn't getting at my stitches! So I is wearing one of my Texas t-shirts and I is very happy not to be a conehead. Dat cone made it hard to do important stuffs, like sniffing.
But for some reason, my momma still thinks I am not supposed to be jumping up on stuffs. She does not even wanna let me hop up on da back of the couch which are my normal guard spot. Where else are a head of security supposed to be?? Finley gets to hop up wherever she wants. I also cannot get a bath until my stitchies are out. I tried to hop in da tub today, but my momma said now, even though she are calling me stinky. She went to where all da grooming supplieses are and I started to freak and try to hide under da sideboard (it are a really tight fit but I can still fits there), but my momma stopped me. Turns out all she wanted to do was spray me with perfumes dat makes me smell like cookies so dat are ok. Now I just need da cookies to go with it!
October 9th 2012 4:38 pm
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Yesterdays was a very very bad day. It started out pretty good, me and Finley and da mommas were going on a walk. We was walkin' round da elemenary school in da fieldses so me and Finns could run some. And bark da kidses at recess, ok, dat are just me. Anyways, den were was disaster. I was on a loose leash and momma was watchin dis big dog, tryin to see where it was gonna go. She didn't see da pitbull dat was on da other side of us, but I did. I went running and barkin like crazy.
Finley hateses when I bark at da big dogs, especially dapit bulls since she was attackeded by one dat time. When I go all crazy barkin at a big dog, sometimes Finley will start barking and biting at me. And dat happened dis time, we were fighting real fast. Da mommas pulled us apart and we was both spitting out fur. Momma said she thought I got da worst of it because Finley spit out some more hair. Den she looked at Finley's face and it was red. Finley looked so bad and bloody, da mommas were afraid I ripped off a chunk of ear. So we all went home really fast and momma glanced at me, didn't see any blood, and put me in da crate.
Meanwhile, Finley got all cleaned up and was getting all babied. Her ear were not missing, it do have a little wound, but mostly it just bled A LOT. I got left in da crate while da mommas went shopping, dey was not happy with me for tearing up Finn. I even got told to shut up when I was barking.
Den da mommas came home, and I finally gots freed. After going out on yard patrol and barking a threatening looking Halloween windsock across da street, I hopped up on my momma's bed with her. And den my momma screameded. I had a gaping wound on my chest, it was not bleeding, but it was really bad looking.
So off I went to da emergency vet. Dey took me away and made me go to sleeps and when I woke up, I had all dese stitches in my chest along with a drain and a conehead and lots of my beautiful chestal hairs missing. I has got to wear da conehead for 2 weekses and I are not allowed to do no running or jumping. Which means I got to sleep in da crate which are not fair! Finley does not have to sleep in a crate. My momma slept on da floor next to me, or at least she tried to, I woeks her up every 2 hours. I think that are pretty good revenges for her ignoring my suffering for hours while she awwww-poor-doggy-ed Finley and went shopping.
Anyways, yesterday was no fun and I do not think I am gonna get to have fun for a while.
October 3rd 2012 10:26 pm
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So it are Wednesday, which means it are time for my weekly advices column! Also times for a steak, but my momma do not listen to me to well. Anyways, here we goes . . .
Is you still in love with that Maurice purr?!
I still loves my Maurice. In fact, I am up on da back on the couch sleeping next to him right now. But I also loves da Charlie purr, he sleeps in my room with me and momma. And sometimes da Maurice, well he tries to pick on Charlie some and I don't like dat. I tell him off for picking on Charlie, so does Finley. He even tries to pick on Jezebel, and me and Finley both tells him off for dat one too. So I still loves him, but I loves all my kitties and do not like it when dey are getting all fighty. Dat are only for BFFs like me and Finley to do, BOL! I don't like them stealing our thunders!
I am having "motivational" issues. I can hardly get motivated to get out of bed. Well at least at that ridiculous early morning time before Mom heads out to WORK.
How do I retrain Mom to my hours?
I know exacterly what's you's talking about. Back when my momma had a job, she was real bad about dat getting up early stuff and trying to make me get outta bed. But now dat she are unemployed and livings at home, she are much better! So first I'd suggest getting your momma to tries out da unemployment stuffs. But if that don't work, I's got another suggestion. You's can try barking your momma awake when she are asleep. Or running all over her and licking her in da face works pretty well too. Den she will be all tired and want to sleep in and won't be making you get out bed all early. Training humans are hard work, good luck with it!
So everypup, gets in your questions for next week!
September 28th 2012 9:15 pm
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I'm a DDP today! Woo hoo! Today was pretty good, I got a nice walk this morning and I got to wear my pretty fall leaf dress. But I got all confuseded when my momma went to da bathroom dis afternoon. I thought she was in were putting on da swimsuit so we could go play pool ball, so I started going all crazy and jumping up and down at da back door and barking. And den my momma came out and started yelling at me about being insane and dat it wasn't time to go swimming and look Whitley, I's got clothes on and all kindsa other stuff too. It was a little embarrassing and disappointing since I didn't get to play pool ball. Momma says it are almost October and I probably don't have to many pool ball play times left. I think that are not fair, I should get to play pool ball year round!
I just read dat my friend Izzy B went to da Rainbow Bridge today. I are very sad, her was a pawsome pup and we'll all miss her tons.
September 26th 2012 10:40 pm
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So it are da day for my advice column. Remember to ask any questions you got for me pupses!
What do you love best swimming or barking??
Hmmm, dat are hard. See, I loves da swimming a lot, specially in da summer when it is hot. Or in da fall, which I guess it are now, because it are still hot here. In fact, I loved da swimming so much I jumped in da pool when I was a little bitty puppy and it was November and not hot at all. And I used to always try to get in da fountains at UCLA. But I loves barking year round. And day round, BOL. I bark at all kindsa things, like people coming in and outta rooms and Finley and da sky and cars and momma when she are making me my dinner and peoples eating and other stuffs. But you know what are really fun??? Barking and swimming at da same time! I loves getting in my pool float and barking my head off as my momma says even dough my head has never come off. So I guess I loves dem both equally, and it are even better when you can combine 'em!
I am a fetchaholic. Fetchin' is my life! My fambily and furiends say it is innerfearin' with our relationships. I think it brings us closer togefur and gives all sumptin to do. Who is right? Should I try to stop fetchin'?
Hmmm, now it seems to me fetching are a group activity, right? I's never seen any dog fetch on her own, usually da humans have to throw the ball or squeaky toy or whatever it is, right? Unless you've figured out a way to fetch on your own, da fetching has gotta be bringing you and your family together. Sounds to me like you's got a lazy family who's tired of fetching sometimes. Well, I gotta cure for dat and it are called barking. Just let out some maximum volume woofs, and they'll be happy when you get back to fetching and playing and not blasting dere eardrums, ok??
Well, dat are it for dis week, but keep on asking questions!!
September 19th 2012 8:12 pm
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So I told you pupses how I are starting an advice column, right?? So keep da questions coming and I'll be trying to answer some every week!
Dear Mz Whit, bein a barkaholic kinda pup too, what can I do to be more quiet like? I am always gettin hollered at to stop barkin.
It just don't work.
Thank you for your help.
Barkin in Idunno
Now, you says you's a barkaholic kinda pup. Well, I think you shouldn't be doing nothing to change yourself. You is wonderful just the way you is, especially if dat way is permanently set at maximum volume. I get hollered at to be more quiet like too, well mostly it are "shut up Whitley" and "shut the #@%! Whitley" and "for the love of God, shut the #@%! up Whitley." But barkin' are just a part of who I is, and I don't let nobody change dat. Today, I barked on my walk, barked at da other dog at da vet, barked at peoples going in and out of rooms, barked at roofers, barked at all kindsa other stuff too. So I say barkum diem, which are kinda like dat whole carpe diem thing, except it means "bark da day!"
Ok, on to da second question.
Whitley, I has a question.... why duz you love da kitties so much?
Why does I luvs kitties? Hmm, dey are soft and snuggly and good for warming up to in winter. They's also fun to play with. And dey have tasty cat food dat sometimes I get to lick up when dey leave a little bit in their kitty bowlses. And sometimes, dey knock da treatses to da ground for you, especially if dey are named Maurice. And dat kinda help are always useful! BOL! And dey are just sweet and I luvs em!
Don't worry if I didn't get to your question dis time, I'll be answering some more next week. So ask some more and I'll try to help!
September 12th 2012 9:09 am
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So it are my birthday today which means it are party time! All da pupses can come to my house for da birthday extravaganza! We's gonna have eggie weggies (with bacons in 'em) for breakfast then we's gonna play with the toys and stuffs. Da pool are open for swimming and pool ball, but for you crazy pupses who don't like da water you can just chill on da deck or go running through all da plants in my backyard - it are like a real jungle out dere! Dere are gonna be a huge MEATZ buffet for dinner so make sure you is hungry! And were will even be vodka and rum and gin and tequila and whiskey dripses for da mommas if they wanna come too! So everybody come on over and celebrate me!!!!
September 9th 2012 9:57 pm
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Hey pupses, I been thinking. I's gonna be 10 on Wednesday and I got all kinds of wisdom I've accumulaterated in a decade. I's travelled all over da country and lived in lots of different places and junk. So I was thinking that some pupses could benefit from my advice and if you know me, you knows I am not one to be keeping my mouth shut. So I are thinking about starting an advice column. So if you pupses has got a question for me, ask it! You can leave a comment or pawmail if you wants it to be more secret. I got opinions on all kindsa things, barking, baths, squirrels, rats, swimming, barking, walks, cats, da best places to nap, how to avoid nail trimming, barking, toys, getting in fights with siblings, snow, barking, well you gets da idea. So ask away! I'll be trying to answer some every Wednesday, ok??
Today was a pretty good day, well for me anyways. My momma and her pinkie finger might disagree. See, she was getting ready to go out in the pool and I was jumping up and down and barking and getting all excited and when she tried to open da door, her hand interfered with my tooth. i didn't "bite" her, her hand just got in the way! But she still got in a bad mood about it and wouldn't play with me for a while. But my cuteness and barking just melted her icy heart and hurt finger and she played with me eventurally. And den I got a walk tonight cool since it are finally cool enough for walking! I did lots of barking on my walks so I think it was pretty good! BOL! It was a pretty good day.
September 6th 2012 10:01 pm
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First off, I want to introduce everyone to my new pal Milo. He are a little westie puppy and he are just too cute. I think he is making momma want to get me a little sibling or something. Dat are how cute dis dude is! So check him out!
Anyways, today it were Finley's daddy's birthday which means dere was yummy MEATZ to celebrate!
Today I barked my momma awake because Finley's momma was already up and cooking in da kitchen. And did my momma thank me??? She said no and dat I was being a brat. Can you believe it. I was just alerting her to da yummy smells emernating from da kitchen - smells like chocolate. It are not my fault dat her olifactamory senses do not work to wake her up when da delicious smells starts coming in.
Da day improved when my momma took me out to play da pool ball. Dat was a lot of fun and I played like crazy. It are good exercise too since it are too hot for walks since it are a hundred and million degrees or something.
Anyways, den were was da MEATZ called anticuchos. And dey were so tasty!! So it was a pretty fun day!
September 3rd 2012 3:06 am
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So pupses, I been havin' da bestest weekend evers! I's got to play pool ball for hours everyday. Except for my momma, she don't play non-stop like I wants. She takes time to swim around da pool and get outta da pool and lie there and read. She says she does da reading when I "need a break." I got news for you momma, I never needs a break. I think she are lazy and just wants a break. But I can't complain too much since it are a lot of playing.
And da food! OMD da food! On Saturmaday, Finley's momma overcooked some of da eggie weggies, making dem like hockey puckses. And da only person who likes hockey puck eggie weggies are Finley's daddy, da rest of da people's like da eggs all runny. So me and Finley each got an eggie weggie for breakfast. And on Sunnyday, she overcooked some pancakes so me and Finley each got some pancakes. Wonder what she'll overcook this morning, hope it are something yummy!
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