Confessions of a Barkaholic

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Mardi Gras DDP!!

February 12th 2013 4:18 pm
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So it are Mardi Gras and I are a DDP! Laissez les bon temps rouler! A big thanks for all da rosettes and comments and da badges! I have got on my Mardi Gras dress and my beadses and are listening to da cajun music. Da humans are having sea food dirty rice and King Cake - I wish I could get some! I should, since I are a DDP, right?

Anyways, pupses, I has been getting in trouble lately with da Finley's daddy. He apparently are not too fond of me barking in his ear. But he shouldn't have me sit right behind him on da back of da couch right? He knows I bark, I has been barking for almost ten and half years. I are not gonna stop now. It are a part of me.

So, nopes, I will not be giving up barkin for Lent no matter how much da Finley's daddy may think that are a good idea.

 

Advices and Stuffs

February 6th 2013 10:13 pm
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Dear Whitley,

We have had snow, ice and below freezing temperatures. Now it is warming up a bit (in the low 20"s) and the weather forecast is for rain followed bt more snow. How am I supposed to find a perfect spot to do my "business" at if the earth is all muddy? I don't want to get my pretty feets all dirty.

Coco Rose doing the pee-pee dance

I are familiar with dat kinda bad weather having lived in Boston with my momma while we attended da Hahvahd School of Law and Barkings and Freezing Your Cute LWD Booty Off. Oh momma, dat are not what it are called?? Well, it should be! Like you, I don't not likes getting my feetses all dirty. So you has quite da dilemma. I suggest dat you might invite NotMe to come visit you. Dat NotMe pup seems to take care of dat problem. And since you has got another dog in da family, da humans can not be blaming you one hundred percent for any "accidents." Den your pretty lil feetses will keep on being pretty.

Whitley.

All this silliness aside, I have a serious inquiry for you. I believe you being the Terriertoriale you are would have the best advise. Pillows. I only ask for 1 in the house and that is the one next to Mom's on the bed. I'm extremely vocal about my pawsonal space on MY pillow. How can I convince Mom that all other dogs should be banished from the bed? Barring that, the fact they should all allow me pawsonal space! I hate the touch of a "common" dog.

~Misty~ Queen of all I Survey (beholden to a sleeping human who thinks a little growl is worse than...errmmmm gotta run).

I know all about dis because I got my terriertory on da bed - a certain corner of da foot of da bed. No matter how hard momma tries to get me to sleep up near her, I sleeps there. Lemme think. Hmm, I take it by your signature dat growling are not da answer, which are hard since growling are so effective. It really are da bestest solution for most of life's problems, besides barking. So I'm gonna suggestive you use your other end - dat are release some poison gas stink bombs. When I was a little puppy, my momma nicknamed me Baby Saddam for my habit of dropping poison gas bombs. As in "Stop treating me like a Kurd and trying to gas me to death Baby Saddam." Yeah, my momma thinks she are funny. Anyways, unleash a few poison gas bombs and maybe da other dogs will get da hint. And they'll probably split because of da overpowering stink smell. Dat should give you your pawsonal space.

 

Groundhog Day DDP

February 2nd 2013 9:21 pm
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So I's a DDP today! Thanks for da comments, presents and thanks Freckles for da badge for my page!

To celebrate, I got bacon and a bath. I know most of y'all don't think baths are a celebratin event, but I loves dem. And den I got stripped! OMD, dat are not a way to celebrate. Not dat kinda stripper anyway, it are no fun! Momma ripped all my hairs of out my poor little body. No momma, I is not exaggeratin', well maybe I is a little because I are still super fluffy, but still. Not a way to celebrate a DDP.

I better get some Super Bowl snacks tomorrow to make up for it.

 

Barney

February 1st 2013 9:41 pm
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Barney, da former first dog and cutie pie Scottie boy, passed away today. He was 12 and had been battling lymphoma. My momma are sad, she loved watching da Barney and Miss Beazley videos. And I thought Barney was a real cutie pie. And I BOLed when Barney bit da reporter dude, hey, we are terriers, what do you expect?

Barney da First Dog

I'm sure Barney will be missed by his family, he was one special dog. So I'm sending big hugs to da Bushes and I hopes you will too, no matter what you thought of how his daddy did as President. Barney was a pawsome dog and will be missed big time, at least by dis little westie girl and her momma.

 

Yapping Advices

January 30th 2013 10:12 pm
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Whitley, what I need some sound advise on is on the topic of food distribution.

I always have to be the last one to get a SNACK and have to sit patiently. This is supposedly due to my exuberance of the site of a SNACK. I can see Cutter standing on his legs and Misty and Scooter pushing in for the best pieces. I'm the youngest, shouldn't I be the spoiled rotten one?

Sitting patiently?? Are your momma's job professional dog torturer? Sometimes my momma forces me to sit and behave too, she says barking are not too polite when it comes to getting a snack. But I finds if your bark loud enough and long enough, da mommas are willing to put anything in your mouth to get you to "shut the @%*#% up!" Now, about dis youngest being da most spoiled thing, can't say I agrees with dat one since I are almost 10 and a halfs. But sitting patiently, dat are for da birds! Even da cats round here are not patient!

Mademoiselle Whitley le Wise.

My Mom has been coming home later from "work" because she is "busy" and that just stresses me out. I want attention. She needs to change out of dog hair free clothes. How the heck can I get my white hairs on those clothes if I'm not allowed in that room?

Merci.

Mr. Cutter

I used to have dat problem too, back when my momma were employeded. What I would do is rub rub rub my white hairs everywhere! Dat way, if your momma puts her worky clothes down on her bed - dere is hair on dem! If your momma puts her worky clothes on da chair - dere is hair on dem! If your momma's pants hit da floor while she are stepping out of dem - dere is hair on dem! Get da idea? It involves lotsa rubbing and rubbing all over da place, put I are sure you can does it!

 

I'm a DDP!

January 25th 2013 6:14 pm
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So I's a DDP today! Thanks to all my pals for da gifts and comments and for da badges!

We kinda had some cool weather today - da high was only in da fifties instead of da seventies! BOL!! Now, none of you Yankee or Canadian pups come butt bite me, i know it are all kindsa freezin where you are. I lived in da Boston for three years so I are all familiar with dat stuff!

I still got my walk today though. It were lotsa fun. I also just got some pizza crusts. But my pizza crust supply was kinda low tonight because only momma and Finley's momma was eating. Ally are asleep and Finley's daddy are off at a meeting, so I only got halfs my amount of crust. And momma don't even hand out all da much because she are selfish! I do not think that are fair! DDP girls should get even more pizza crusts, right?

 

Advice Yappings

January 23rd 2013 11:27 pm
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First of all, I'd just like to tell all you pups dat got dose freezing below zero temperatures dat it was 70 degrees and sunny here in da Lone Star State. Me and Finn got a walk and da weather are gonna be just as nice tomorrow. So my firstest advice is to come down here where da weather are pawsome and warm and your yard art won't turn to poopsicles before you are even done producing it. BOL BOL! Now, on to my questions . . .

Dear Whit da Wise,
Dere is repairmens in da house and dey is buildin' a new bathroom fur my Momma and Daddy.... I heard dat dey is puttin' in handheld showers in both da tub and da shower and I's afeerd dey is gonna use dose to bathe me even MORE often....

What do I do about dis?
Signed,
Waterlogged in da Big D

Hmmm, did you say more baths?? Well, I'd say, be happy! Baths is pawsome fun and dat giant tub of your momma's is almost big enough to be a swimming pool. All dey need is to get a ball in dat room to play pool ball with and it would be perfect! And if you don't want da baths, just hide and maybe I'll get da extra baths! Dat would be lotsa fun.

Whitley the Wise- The Fur Doc put this stretchy mesh on the trunk of my body today.(After a lumpy thingy was taken off)
OMD! It has to be like a corset of the 1800's! I think, my eyeballs might pop out! How do I get rid of it,without being in trouble?

I've put a feeler out for pals to come and chew it off!
I'll pay with my stash of Christmas treaties....
Unhappy Prairie Ponderosa Princess,Mazy

Now, if it hadn't been so cold up where you are I mighta taken you up dat offer! BOL BOL! If you gotsta wear something like dat again, just let me and Finn know and we will be there to chew you out. We's pawsome chewers. You should see Finn try to chew a towel when it dries me off (she hates towels for some reason, BOL!)

 

Advice Barkings

January 16th 2013 1:30 pm
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Dear Whitley,

I have another one for you! Why do all our hooman peeples go all mushy this time of year? 'specially making' us pupsies wear stoopid hats and other such nonsense? Is it the weather or sumfin?

I do think da cold weather drives da humans crazy. Sees, dey gotsta be inside because it are cold instead of outside playing in da sun and da pool. And den dey start getting bored since it are too cold to walk us pups and dey see us sitting dere, all adorable-like, and start thinking it'll be real funny to have da dog wear a hat or whatevers. Now, I likes wearing hats and all kinds of other stuffs, but I know dat some dogs don't. And humans, if you've got a dog dat just hates wearing stuff, don't make dem wear it! You wouldn't like it if we started dressing you up, now would you??

How do you help the humans deal with our pawsome cuteness when she shake our behinds? I know it is often too much for my humans to handle, and I feel sorry for them! We can't "tone down" our cuteness so what can we do to help the humans survive?

Dis are a big issue for me, as I are a booty shaker extraordinaire. I are always shaking my LWD booty and bumping it into stuff. It are tough for da humans too handle because dere bootys are not nearly as cute as ours. Has you seen dose naked things? Dat's why dey gotta wear da clothes to cover dem up!!! I'd recommend getting your humans to shake dere bootys with you, den you could all shake and be feeling happy. Just make sure dey keep dere pantses on, since dere bootys are not so pawsomely cute like ours!

Make sure to ask your questions so I can haves some more to answer, ok?

 

First Advice Barkings of 2013

January 9th 2013 9:58 pm
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So first of all, congrats to my kitty brofur Charlie who are Cat of da Day over on Catster. He are real full of hisself today, dat fluffy orange kitty are real funny. Anyways, on to da advices . . .

Why on earth would growlmy get so annoyed when I try to help her by doing some litterbox cleaning work?? Growlmy wonders if this is 'normal'...?

Hmmm, well dis ain't something I's done since I was a lil puppy. You'd have to ask Finley about helping clean out da litterbox, she got caught doing dat one pretty recently. So I guess it are normal, if you judge normal based on what my BFF does. Dat are up for you to decide if dat are a good idea or not! But I think your growlmy may not like it because you'd get some stinky breath from doing dat. You might be hungry and dat are why you are doing it so if your growlmy don't like it, I'd suggest she feed you more. Dat seemed to work for Finn - dat crazy girl ate 3 whole bowls of dog food dat night we caught her doing it. Den she was too full to snack on kit kat bars.

Dear Mz. Wise.

Some would call me a bossy paws. I consider it making sure I know what is going on in my house. I've been told this is annoying, but I just can't seem to help being a busybody.

How do I let everyone know I'm just looking out for the safety of the whole house?

Pepper Power Out.

Everyone calls me bossy too cause I gots to bark at everyone to tell dem what to do. Adn it are annoying and blah blah and shut up blah blah and I are trying to watch TV blah blah or I are trying to talk on da phone and blah blah blah. But come on, dey got a dog. And dogs bark! It are a basic part of who we are. So I think all dat protesting just really means dey like it. If we weren't taking care of dem with barking everyone and everything who would? How we dey know if a car went down da street or da wind was blowing or someone came in da room?? Keep on da barking Pepper girl!

Whitley the Wise
How do I convince Mom to get rid of that dog that just asked you the last question?

Queen of All I Survey (but not chief decision maker).

Hmmm, I'd try barking bout it! BOL BOL!

 

Christmas was da bestest!

January 3rd 2013 10:00 pm
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So dis Christmas was da bestest! I got cardses from lotsa pals and a stuffless stuffie from Coco Rose and Puffy and a bacon air freshener from da Papillon Pack and a pawsome Secret Santa present from Ichabod from Westies Unite and lotsa toys and treats from my family on Christmas. It was lotsa fun!

Knocking over da metal thing on my momma probably wasn't so great, but I can't help dat I like to shake my booty when I are walk. It are a cute lil booty and needs to be shaken.

And now I are getting a good excuse to use my best barkin' since we got remodeler guys here fixing up Finley's momma and daddy's bathroom. And I even got some pets today from one of dem - now I are gonna be barking everytime he comes by to get more pets! BOL!

Happy 2013 everypup! And da advices are returning next week, ok?

 
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