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Loki's Diary

Saying Goodbye

March 16th 2010 5:41 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 3 people already have ]

March 15th 2010 will be a day that I will never forget. But January 8th 2009 will forever be engraved in my heart.

Saying goodbye is never easy, no matter who or what it is thats leaving us, it still hurts..sometimes the pain is tolerable and sometimes the pain sinks to the deepest part of our souls. In my 25 years of life, I have said goodbye to many. My first cat, a few fish, My own daughter, and a man or two. Each loss has changed my life one way or another, they've made me stubborn in the ways of love and trust. But saying goodbye to the one life that changed me the most, the one life that saved a pain that will never fully go away.

January 8th 2009- This day, was the day my life would forever change, and I never even seen it coming. I knew I wanted another dog, but I didn't know I was getting an angel. I searched high and low for a dog needing a new forever home. One that wasn't fortunate to find a human to love them unconditionally. I stumbled across an ad on for a Male Saint Bernard puppy 6 months old. I was leery at first. How could such a large dog be safe around my kids? Will he be ill mannered, will he get along with my other dog? Why was an AKC registered Saint only $250.00?

I didn't care. My heart said to jump right in....and I did.

Loki turned out to be more than just a dog. He was my guardian angel, my best friend, my life. I welcomed him into my home, and into my heart and the hearts of my children and the hearts of the few people who he allowed into his heart. Loki and I shared a lot of the same pain. We both had trust issues with people, primarily men. We both needed someone, something to show us that it was okay to love and trust again. Little did we know we were each others teacher.

Even though the lessons were short, we both learned an amazing amount about life, love, and trust. I knew when I laid my head down at night, I had nothing in the world to worry about. I would hear Loki making his night time rounds checking on all the children before he finally came into my room to go to sleep. He made sure to let strangers know his house, his owner and his kids were off limits, even certain people in my family were considered off limits, and treaded on thin ice when here. My Loki never left my side...He was always in the same room with me at all times. He was always there when I needed him, whether it was just for a simple hug, or a shoulder to cry on...My Loki was always there.

In January of this year, Loki had a slip and fall accident. It was wet and snowy outside, and he slid on the tiled floors as he came inside. It didn't look like a horrible fall, in fact he never even fell, just banged his leg off the rabbit cage. It wasn't until a few days later we noticed him slightly limping. We checked his paw and leg for any sores, cuts or abrasions, and when we found nothing...we figured it was from the slip and fall. I took him to a very well known Vet in Morning Sun, Loki was diagnosed with a simple but very painful sprain/strain, and was given an anti inflammatory medication, and I was told he would heal up in 6-8 weeks, and to give him plenty of bed rest.

When the anti inflammatory didn't work, and the swelling of his leg had gotten worse, I knew it was something else. I called the vet back in Morning Sun, and he had advised me to get testing done as soon as possible, "It might be bone cancer" he said. My heart dropped, because some where, some how...I already knew.

The night of March 14th was a very exhausting night. My poor boy was constantly up, not being able to find a comfortable place to sleep, and crying when he did finally find a place to rest. I remember waking up and seeing him at my bed side, watching me sleep. His eyes seemed to beg me for help. I wanted so bad to be selfish, to ignore his cries...pretend I was hearing and seeing things. The thought of having to life the rest of my life without him absolutely killed me inside. I don't want to live without him....I don't think I can.

March 15th 2010- I remember sitting on the couch watching Loki sleep in his usual place by the dining room table, listening to him whimper, moan and cry tore me into a million little pieces. My boyfriend and I laid with him, petting him, hugging him as much as we could. We both knew what was next...Loki loved us and took care of us. At 1:45pm Monday March 15th 2010, Loki went to Rainbow Bridge. I will never forget what he has done for me and my family, he will always be "My Savior".

He wasn't just a dog. He was an Angel.


Leave A Comment | 3 people already have

Barked by: faith B

March 17th 2010 at 6:53 pm

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your boy. Osteo is an evil cancer, and steals so many from us much too soon.
Barked by: Wrinkles (RIP) (Dogster Member)

May 25th 2010 at 1:15 am

What a heartbreaking story. My heart goes out to you. My Wrinkles very recently was diagnosed with cancer. it's so hard!
Barked by: Cisco Kid (Dogster Member)

May 25th 2010 at 10:24 am

What a lovely story about Loki - He is being honored today as Dogster Dog Of special for your family...

Cisco Kid

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