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The Life and Times of a Misunderstood girl

Born to be Wild!!!

Its been way too long since I got to sit down at this keyboard and type out a diary entry with my big oversized paws. Guess I've been a little busy with my new "game".................................OH?! What game??? Glad you asked! You see...I'm fairly creative, as many boxers tend to be. In that spirit I'm always inventing new ways to entertain myself and my humans. Honestly, I don't know WHAT those humans would do without me to keep them busy. (Humans aren't very smart you know). But I digress! Back to "THE GAME"

It works like this. Anytime one of the human goes out or comes in a door, I try to sneak past and run free. Once I'm free its up to the humans to try to catch me. Now this may not sound like much at first but I gotta tell ya.........its got some perks. First of all, there a LOT of chances to play. My peeps are always leaving to go to work so they can make money for me to have food, treats, bandana's and other bling that a pretty girl such as myself needs in life. Also, I can open door myself if people forget to secure the really high latch I can't reach

Secondly, its GREAT exercise! Dads a bit tubby so I have a responsibilty as a human owner to run some of that butt off of him. (don't tell him I said that, I want him to think I only do this for fun).

Third, I get to explore a bit of the neighborhood I was unfamiliar with. Just in the past 3 weeks I have sniffed the butts of some of the finest males dogs this town has to offer........and those boys are F. I.N.E . Its all a girl can do to control herself.

Lastly, its funny to watch humans bumbling and stumbling about trying to catch me. A few weeks back I got loose on a Saturday afternoon. It just so happens the local fire department was going door to door collecting donations for a charity event. Because of the firetrucks on the street every last child in the subdivision was outside. When I darted out dad yelled for mom who got the 10 year daughter to help out. All three of them followed me for 3 blocks when the child ran across a few of her friends who also helped chase me. Then the entourage came across a group of fireman who joined in . At this point there were about a dozen people (a few in cars) who were trying to track me down. Feeling a little heat I darted across the street, forcing a police car to suddenly stop to avoid hitting me. The officer then joins the chase (briefly before realizing the futility).

I've got to tell you, It was pretty hilarious watching this parade coming down the street after me. Police cars, fire trucks, neighbors in SUV's , kids on bikes....all we needed was a helicopter and I could have been on TV like OJ. After about an hour a lot of the people gave up and went on with their lives. Just my humans and a few neighbors persisted. I was getting pretty tired myself and wanted to go home, but no way could I just quit. I'm a stubborn girl! So I pretended to allow my human to herd me into a neighbors fenced yard. Once inside the gate slamed shut behind me and I wa s "had". I walked up the stairs to the second floor deck and sat down. Mom and dad grabbed me and boy were they proud. You could see them brimming with confidence. I should really let them catch me more often (it does wonders for their self esteem).

They took me back to the car for the long ride home. I went straight to the water bowl but was too tired to stand so I layed in front of it an drank. Man..... that was a good game. I slept good that night. After all I WAS.......................BORN TO BE WILD!!!!!!!!!!

The MAN won't keep me down

Well last time I left you with tales of my great bleach conquest. Since then I've conquored new evils. You see, my parents have 3 human kids as well. The oldest is something they call a teenager. It seems teenagers get a thing called acne and as a reward they get to take these yummy pills.

Well day after day I see him just pop these things into his mouth, and not even once has he shared with me. No matter what I do, the sad face, the wimper, the standing up on my hind legs, even the licking of the hand......hey, I m a Boxer....... I LOVE to eat. I love to eat any and everything. Show me some love kid. When I do cute things, feed me.

After weeks and weeks of being left out I decide to take matters into my own hands. After the kid pops his pills, he naively leaves these treats on the countertop. Countertop???!!!! Are you kidding me?? Kid, I surf countertops taller than this with my eyes closed!!! So as soon as the coast is clear I nonchalantely hop up and claim the prize as my own. It only takes seconds to chew the lid off and and all the delicious treats are mine....ALL mine!!

Just as I'm finsihing up my well earned reward mom walks in and FREAKS!!! Man mom, get off a boxers back would ya??? She calls dad at work to tell on me. (not cool, not cool at all) He tells her to call poison control who informs mom that the antibiotic I ate can cause kidney failure in dogs. So mom rushes me out of the house to the VET (god I hate the VET, everytime I go there somebody sticks something in my butt) On the way there I start to not feel so good, maybe those treats weren't such a good idea! Once we do get their they feed my something that makes me thow up. Now this is gross but they looked through my vomit and discovered 28 pills, 4 plastic candy wrappers, 2 rubberbands and a penny. You Know, typical stuff! THen they make me drink this thick black charcoal, which isn't half bad, but it made my poop black for days.

Well needless to say, I'll leave the kids treats alone (for now) Its just not worth the hassel. Hey I wonder what they find in the kids stomach evertime he eats those things?

Parents Just Don't Understand

Hi World, Dad says I need to try writing as an outlet for my "creativity", so here goes.

First let me say that Mommy and Daddy are pretty cool. They are usually patient with me when I have one of lifes little accidents, they spoil me silly and go out of their way to make me comfortable. Having said that, I need to point out that they get bent over the silliest things. Check this out.....I recently learned a new trick. Its a cool trick and I thought Mom and Dad would be pleased. My trick, or skill if you please, is that I can now open doors. It's simple really, I simply stand on my rear legs, wrap one paw around the doorknob, pull down on the doornob until it turns, claw out the door opening with my other paw and "TA-DA" Open SESAME!!!!

I'm a genius! Right?! But it seems Mom and Dad are now trying to thwart my new skill. They have put chains on the door that they lock and are talking of getting attatchments to put on the doorknobs that require them to be squeezed in order to be turned. Can you believe that?? You'd think I was a criminal or something. What prompted their behavior you ask?? It was no big deal....really!!! All I did was let myself into the garage last week, ate a little garbage, then found this really cool bottle with the letter "C-L-O-R-O-X" on it. The bottle was heavy but I'm a strong girl, I decided to study this strange find a bit more in depth so I took it into the living room. A girls gotta be comfortable you know, so dragged it onto the couch to get a better look. Now I have no idea what "chlorine bleach" is but it sounds interesting. The only thing to do was to chew that darn thing open and see what treasure awaited inside.

Now, I must warn you, Clorox Bleach is not nearly as cool as it sounds. First of all....IT STINKS! It stinks so much that my eyes began to burn. The second problem with it is that it itches and burns when it gets on your skin and paws. I decided this stuff was no fun so I left it on the couch, and you know what? The stuff is MESSY! As soon as the bottle fell over on the couch most of it soaked right into the cushions. Now you won't belive this, but everywhere it got on the couch.....turned WHITE! all the color dissappeared completely. As if that weren't enough, the fabric became brittle and tore with very little pressure applied to it. I must ask .....why would anyone keep this stuff around the house? Its nothing but trouble.

I sure would've thought Mom and Dad would thank me for getting rid of this awful stuff for them them. But NOOOOOOO!!! Instead they freaked! Mom snatched me up and rushed me into the bathtub and began washing me . Dad kept sniffing my mouth to see if I swallowed any and then they went on the internet to reasearch bleach ingestion. Next think I know thay are feeding me milk and cereal , which I must admit was a pretty good perk. Then Dad did the strangest thing, he took the couch and dragged it outside for the trashman to pick up. Now Dad, I understand bleach is awful stuff and there is no need to thank me for getting rid of it for you, but still, thats where I sleep Dad. How could you get rid of my couch? Is this some way of punishing me for opening doors??? Parents!!! They sure are weird!