Dogster

return to top

Loss

Another year w/o you 21-Oct-2012

Come 25-Nov-2012, it will be my 4th year without you.
It is getting better, i no longer have crying spells at night but on some quiet lonely nights, I still can't help but miss you.

I am sure you have moved on after 4 years but I still can't bear to take on another dog. I am afraid I will compare it to you and it won't be fair to the new dog.

With you, I had experienced unconditional love, though I did not fully appreciate it until you were gone.

With my cats, I learned now how to love unconditionally, now I always make time for them, no matter how busy I am. (even though sometimes they dun have time for me).

I wish I could show what I learned but you are no longer here.

Miss you still.

Your mummy.

22-Jan-2012 - Chinese New Year without you

3rd CNY without you is had to bear. It's getting to me again.

Yesterday, my violin teacher was late for 15 mins and i dun know why I was got so angry. But I felt being taken advantage of. He is persistently late and shoos me off on time for the next student. He is late letting of the next student, so i felt the unfairness of all. I felt shortchanged. And somehow it got to me that day.

Perhaps it's bec earlier in the week, my mum was complaining about me to father. I felt so unappreciated. After all, she got kicked out by my sister & brother and I am the only one who can tolerates her, can't she be at least a bit grateful ? I even got the cursed that I will grow old alone, poor, then i will know what it feels like,,,,ai,,,'

Then i get all the comments, complaints from my niece and sister and all the while, I had been treating them to meals etc, etc.

Maybe I am too much a pushed over and perhaps my new year resolution is to be more assertive.

I never needed to change myself with you, how i miss you. Your love for me never waiver. No conditions, no strings attached, no complaints and never once taking advantage of my love.

Miss you. No one can take your place.
Wherever you are, please help make me feel better.

Missing you 13-Sep-2011 (Tue)

To my dearest Bear Bear,if you have not moved on.

I dun know why but I have been missing you lately.
Cried myself to sleep just last week.

And during yesterday's concert, nearly cried when a sad tune was played. The panned up grief struggling to break through the wall.

Why can't i get to the "acceptance" stage of grieving ? how i miss you.

The cats have moved on, my mum, every1 wants to get another dog.
But how to get another when I am still not over you.

Perhaps meditation will help. This overwhelming sadness, grief...I can't manage this.