New Addition To the Family...

And I dont like her at all. She thuks tho bad. She took my spoth on the couch, eath my food, taketh my toys, and takthes mommy and daddys attention from me. At firtht I just tried to ignore her, but now I have a new idea. Mommy and daddy thinkth I'm playing with her rethently, but I'm going to use my big paws and WAP her a good one until she can't take it anymore and runs away! Too bad sheth a masochist and liketh it! And then she wapth me back and bites me too boot! Plan B, get enough postage to thend her to Korea...

The Art of the Shago

Thome people have asthed me what proper shago technique is. The art of the proper Shago ith not a thimple thing. Firsth you think of thomething that maketh you really happy. I think about things like my favorite plathe in the world, central bark, or oh though delicious human food, it tasthe tho good, oh does it ever. Once you do that you start wagging your tail. You keep thinking of more happy thoughts like a brand new rawhide or a new sthuffed animal to chew, oh cath in the hath your eyes, hands, and feeth will be mine, and then you shake your tail harder and harder. Soon, your shaking your tail tho hard that your butt begins to move side to side and your tail and butt are both shaking in oppothite directions and thath the art of the Shago. Thath why mommy and daddy thay I'm Lego the Bago who likes to Shago cuth I do like to Shago cuz I go to central bark everyday. Nexth time, learning how to count to theven. It's the nexth number afther one.

My Speech Impedementh

I think I spelled impedementh wrong but I'm just a dog. Ith amazing enuff that I can even spell! Anyways, my mommy and daddy think I have a speech impendementh. They say I have a lipth to all my words. They're so stupid. I'm part welsh, ith my welsh accenth I tell you. I think they have the speech impendementh.
I went to the besteth place in the world today, my thole reathon for living, central bark. I go there everyday. Well, not everyday, thince every seventh day it seems we don't get to go there. Coincidence? I think not! It's a doggy conspirathy I tell you. Today wath fairly uneventful at the bark. My girlfriend wath there and she tried to take one of my toys away and I said "damnit woman, thath my toy" and I wapped her in the head. I only wap her becauth I love her. That's what I tell her at least. She's just one of my hoeth to be honest with you. I hope she can't read thith. But she's a dog so of course she can't read thith!

I am going on a road trip tomorrow - my mama and daddy, my daddy's younger brother, my daddy's friend and his dog are all going in one car to Northern Cal. Mojo is the other doggie's name - he barks a lot and hurts my sensitive ears. I like him, in fact I like all dogs and people, but Mojo doesn't like me. I wonder why? His daddy told me that he doesn't like doggies but he does like people. I think that's odd. Oh well, I am going to be in the car with him for 5 hours, I hope he doesn't yap all the way there. If he does I'll just 'wap' him with one of my paws. I won't hurt him, I'll wap him so he can play with me. Wap him right good on the head I tell you. Wap, wap, wap.