Good-bye, my good friends

My friends,

I crossed the Bridge today. I had taken another turn for the worse last week, and I just couldn't eat anymore. I was in pain and there was nothing more to be done. Last night Mom and I had a little chat and decided it was best to let me move on.

My passing was very peaceful. I had just a little stress when they put the needle in, but then I just dozed off. It was really the best transition anyone could hope for.

I will be on the lookout for another dog to take care of Mom. She won't want one for awhile, but she needs that place filled. So far I've been able to arrange for her to foster a kitten, who came home to us last Tuesday. I also arranged for a loved family member to come into town unexpectedly, who has spent today with her. So she has lots of love in her life.

I am very grateful to every pup here who has become my friend. I love you all and I'll be here when your time comes to cross!

Love,
Byron

Halloween - a dog's view.

ding dong - woof woof woof woof woof - why do I have to stay in the kitchen? - rarf rarf woof growl - ding dong - woof woof woof woof woof - mmm, candy, *sniff* - rarf woof growl - *snooze* - ding dong - woof woof woof - kitchen again - woof - lemme outside - mmm, it's cold out! - rarf growl at kids outside the fence - no more kids - woof for good measure - *yawn* - *snore*

Halloween was also new-carpet day. Installers - ding dong - woof woof woof - why do I have to stay in the kitchen? - woof woof...

You get the idea. I had fun. *snooze*

Weekend excursion!

Last weekend I went on vacation! Mom had a retreat to go to, so I got to stay with one of my daycare peeps! I love it that they "board" by sending us home with one of the staff. No cages, nothing. Just spending the weekend with someone I already know and like. Mom dropped me off at daycare Friday morning and picked me up at Iris's house Sunday afternoon. Before leaving I had to go around and say goodbye to everyone because they had been so nice to me.

Last Wed, before the trip, Mom was really worried about me. Two weeks ago I gained a pound, but then the next week I'd lost two more. And I'm really uncomfortable at night - my belly just hurts and I can't get away from it. Every time I move, it comes with me! It gurgles, passes gas (*blush*), and I'm just miserable. Mom was afraid I might be too sick to be away from home.

The daycare keeps telling her that I do great during the day. She thought maybe they were missing something, because I'm pretty stoic and even she doesn't always realize when I'm in pain. So she decided to take a day off work and watch me at daycare. Boy was she surprised! I was happy, social and playful. I hardly limped at all, even when I got up from lying down for awhile. And even when I did lie down, I was still watching everyone and staying entertained. It's small wonder I sleep so deeply in the evenings. The staff were keeping a good eye on all the dogs, and she could tell they really care about all of us. (But I'm a favorite.) So she was very reassured and went ahead with her weekend plans. (She did, however, write a very lengthy set of instructions and included wipes, room spray and doggie deodorizer in my weekend bag! How embarrassing!) Of course I was perfectly healthy and happy.

Mom's thinking about taking a trip in Feb. Iris said she's SO taking me that week! I love Iris. Of course I also love Laura, Tim, Bobby and everyone else there! So Mom, you can have your silly cruise - I get to play with my peeps!

38 degrees!!!

Last night the temperature went down to 38 degrees F (4 degrees C, did I do that right?). My cold weather is coming back! I am so happy!!! I stayed out on the patio while Mom slept on the couch waiting for me - she finally woke up and brought me back in at 3:30!

The cold really does stiffen my joints though. I don't want to admit it to Mom in case she won't let me stay out anymore. But I think it's ok, because I peeked at her computer today and she'd ordered an outdoor bed for me!

Plus, finally some good news on the health side - I gained a pound! I'm eating and eating. Sometimes Mom still has to put the first piece in my mouth so I can taste it and believe it's food, but not always. Sometimes I get really pushy and try to make Mom hurry up and feed me. The other night I stared at her until she got up and said "what?" Then I led her into the kitchen and nosed the fridge. The only time I've ever tried to will her into feeding me is with cookies - I sit and stare at the cookie jar until it magically produces a treat for me. But this nosing the fridge thing worked too, so it's going into my repertoire!

It's good to be The Dog.

Cheeseburgers are Evil

No, not really. It's strange how I suddenly lose my taste for things, though. Even such dog-beloved classics as cheese, goat milk, peanut butter, and bacon. I'll love them one day and hate them the next. A week or two later I love them again. For awhile cheese didn't interest me at all, but I'd eat the hamburger. Last night I didn't want the burger but only some cheese.

What I really don't get is why Mom can't keep up with my changing tastes. I mean, obviously the same hamburger that was delicious yesterday is poison today. And of course it will be the best thing ever a couple days from now.

She gets irritated that I never turn down a Milk Bone. She grumbles about me rejecting pork chops and steak but wanting junk food. I refrain from pointing out that she does exactly the same thing; she'd probably take away the cookies entirely.

Good news - I didn't lose any weight last week! Mom weighs me every weekend, and I've lost a half-pound or a pound every single week for quite while now. I'm 14 pounds underweight. But Saturday, for the very first time, I'd stayed the same! Must be the new thyroid med!

The dogter had said a couple months ago that I might have degenerative myelopathy. That would be bad - it's painful, progressive and fatal within a few months. But I didn't seem to get any worse after that, so Mom thought the dogter was wrong. Then Saturday I started dragging my back feet, and I became really sensitive along my lower back. When she stroked my back, my leg would instantly come up and try to scratch. I couldn't help it! Both the foot-dragging and sensitivity could be DM symptoms. We're both hoping not. As old as I am and as many problems as I've had, so far I've always caught a happy break somehow. Hey, even this eating thing might be starting to turn around. So we'll just hope my good luck holds. I am a strong guy.

For now, I'm very happy it's getting colder and I can lie outside in a good stiff breeze! Mom gives me a good shoulder rub when I come in, and I just love it! I can't wait for snow!

More and more doctor stuff

Things are getting both better and worse. I take a new pain med that really helps a lot! I can run and jump and play with other dogs. I love that. Mom has me in daycare every workday now. It's really tough on the budget, but she wants me with people who care for me and will look out for me. I, of course, am very happy about it and don't understand anything about budgets anyway. I just wish she'd had this great idea a long time ago.

My appetite's improving and I'm eating more. Mom has to hand-feed me though. If there's too much food in front of me, I don't like the smell and it's too overwhelming, so she can't dump everything on a plate like she used to. Feeding time is nice now, though. She sits on the floor with me and we just kind of hang out together while I eat. She often has to help me get started by forcing my mouth open and putting a tiny piece on my tongue. I hate when she opens my mouth, but most times I find the food is pretty good after all. If I spit it out and won't take it, she lets me be. It's our way of figuring out what my system wants at the time.

They feed me at daycare, too. Mom bought this super-premium kibble stuff for me because I eat it like it's cookies. She's so anti-kibble now that I was shocked she even considered it! My friends at the daycare sit down with me and feed me a few kibbles at a time. I usually eat a cup or so of that during the day. I like it and Mom says anything for more calories.

I'm taking a lot of meds and supplements. Mom figured out that if she put them in a cheeseburger, I'll almost always take them. She mixes some raw hamburger with cheddar cheese, chops up the pills, dumps in the capsules, and we have cheeseburger time together.

On the other hand, I'm *still* losing weight. I should be 60-65 pounds and am down to 48. My diarrhea won't stop either. My thyroid is high, which could explain the high energy and weight loss, but Mom and the vet didn't want to treat it until my digestive stuff was fixed. Now they're going to go ahead with the thyroid med in spite of the other problems, since nothing seems to fix them anyway. I hope I put on weight. Mom looks so worried when she pets me. I'm glad I have so much fur - people can't see how skinny I've gotten. I'm still very dashing.

I really love all this extra attention, and I usually feel good, so it's all pretty ok by me. It's sad to see Mom and my dear friends worry about me though. I want to tell them that it's ok, that even if my time is coming, it's just a normal part of life. I'm a dog and I'm not afraid of the trip to the Bridge.

For now, though, I'll just enjoy the cheeseburgers. :)

Great weekend!

Wow, was this a good weekend! I've been feeling pretty good and have had lots of energy lately, even with the eating problems. Friday I went to daycare as usual and had a good day. Then that night Mom picked up Wilson and he stayed the whole weekend! Saturday he went to a part-time daycare to help wear him out, but it didn't seem to really make a difference. And then on Monday he went to my daycare with me!

Wilson's mom said he could have raw meat too. He was so excited. I needed some help eating, so Mom hand-fed me. Wilson finished his chicken quarter and then came over to watch. But he was really good and didn't try to barge in. He's really a nice dog, and fun to be with.

This morning (Tues) I was still in a good mood from the weekend. I used to jump up on the bed every morning while Mom got ready for work, but had to stop as my back/hips got worse. But this morning Mom could tell I wanted to go up and play our morning game, so she lifted me onto the bed and I didn't mind! I even let her put me back on the floor when we were done! I made her late for work, tee hee.

Mom doesn't get how I can eat so little and still have so much energy, but we'll both take it. Saturday we're going to go back to the vet, but Mom promised we won't do anything scary like xrays or MRIs. She might let them try a new medicine with me if they think it will help, but she says she'll let me be as much as possible. That's good - I want to be a dog, not a patient!

I hate being a patient!

I haven't been doing so well lately. Mom's really worried and sad. My hearing is going, I don't see as well, my digestion is iffy, the arthritis hurts, and there are some new things. I hate going to the vet all the time! They're really nice people, but I hate the stuff they have to do to help me! Mom gives me a calmant called Calm Down for Dogs, and it helps some, but I still get really, really scared. Mom says I'm a wuss, but she says it affectionately and says she's still proud of her big old coward.

The arthritis (so we thought) started to hurt so bad that I limped on one back leg one day, and the other the next day, and started having problems getting up. I have to roll onto my back feet before standing, and it hurts. The doc gave me an herb to help that and my tummy problems. It didn't do anything for the pain, really, but it did firm up my poop! Yay good poop! Mom also said I can't jump in and out of the car anymore, and got me a ramp. I don't like it, but she insists and I am getting used to using it.

One day I went to get my shots for daycare. I hate shots. But they didn't give them to me. The dogter felt a mass in my abdomen, and so she took xrays. That means taking me away from Mom, lifting me up on a slippery steel table, holding me down and shooting my pictures. Doc saw the mass on the xray too. She said it could be nothing, but chances were high that it was really bad news. It looked like a tumor on my spleen, and if it was, there was a 75% chance I'd die in 6-8 weeks. The next day Mom took me back for an MRI - even worse than the xray. Thank the fates, there was nothing there. Probably I'd been SO scared and panting SO much that it pushed the spleen forward. Plus my spleen is folded over kind of weird, which is ok but made it feel abnormal. Mom just rolled her eyes. Of COURSE I would have a weird spleen.

The silver lining was that Mom took the MRI day off work, which was nice. She also let me have some of her breakfast Danish. Not the next day, though - she said I wasn't dying anymore, so the Danish was hers. Selfish.

The xray also showed two spurs on my spine, which explains why I've been in pain. I'm on a pain med now that seems to help. Mom also told them I've been kind of wheezing. Doc said it was laryngeal paralysis. Mom looked it up and it's progressive too. The only treatment is surgery, and with everything else going on I really don't want surgery. It's not bad now, and I don't have any trouble breathing, so we'll see.

Now all of a sudden I really don't feel like eating. I get hungry sometimes, but food doesn't really appeal. Mom tells me I have to eat because every pound I lose, she finds - but she's only joking to cover up her worry. I do better some days than others. Mom said she was going to trade me in for a poodle, which I know she doesn't mean, but it made me eat a lot more yesterday. Still, it wasn't my usual amount. I don't know, chicken and stuff just don't smell as good. She can usually find something I'll go for, but not always. I don't even like canned food, which I always loved. We have a communication system now so we don't waste as much food - she opens the bag or can with the food, I sniff it, and either lick it or turn away. If I turn away, it means I won't eat it and she doesn't have to end up wasting it by trying to put it out for me.

She ordered some special food on the internet that's supposed to come today. We both hope it's yummy!

And daycare told Mom that I'm getting senile and don't always seem to know where I am.

So all in all, it hasn't been a happy few months healthwise. But I'm still playful and loving, and chase the cats away from my food even if I don't want it. Mom's stopped trying to push stuff on me that I don't want, which cuts down our arguments. The neighbors put up a basketball hoop, so I get to bark wildly at all the kids who come to play. It's a bit scary not hearing or feeling well, so I need to make sure I know where Mom is all the time, but otherwise I act pretty normal. We'll just take it day by day. Daycare still wants me to get my shots, but Mom's going to ignore them as long as possible. We're just accepting that I may be starting my journey to the Bridge, and the main thing is that I be happy and comfortable. We don't want to leave each other, but I'll try to take care of her. And when I do pass over, I'll find another dog to adopt her and watch over her while I wait.

It's really ok. Sometimes old dogs just feel their age, but we have the experience and maturity that young pupper-snappers can't even imagine. Watching them race around jumping over each other makes me tired - don't they know it's so much nicer to take a good nap?

Summer, hose, fireworks...

Grr, fourth of July. Whoever thought of that fireworks nonsense anyway? Mom stayed home with me though - she said it was to be with me, but I suspect it was because she didn't want to deal with traffic and crowds. Whatever, I'm glad she was home. It wasn't bad - she gave me some Calm Down stuff to reduce anxiety, and after all there is an advantage to being hard of hearing.

On Friday the 3rd, all the hoomons were off work and Mom's friend had a party. That was good news for me because my buddy Wilson got to come over to keep me company while Mom was gone. We played with the hose in the morning, and then Wilson came, and all in all it was a great day.

Now we have hose play every day that it's nice out and Mom's off work. I get so excited - I just bark and bark at the hose and attack the water. I get drenched and Mom says I look like a wet rat. I hate when it ends and try to get the hose to put out more water, but it doesn't work. I carry it around and chew it, but it doesn't fight back.

After the game is over, though, Mom dries me - and I love that. She rubs me down with towels and it feels great. I could do that for hours. I'm just glad she doesn't use a hair dryer like the groomer does.

Mom posted a couple videos on my page of the hose play. I must admit I'm pretty photogenic!

Spring!

Winter is my favorite season - wonderfully cold and invigorating! But I like spring and fall too. Now that the weather's warmer they bring out the hose at daycare and I get wet chasing it around!! And the nights are still cold enough that I love sleeping on the patio until Mom calls me in!

Lurch has turned out to be a decent kitten-brother. The only problem is he doesn't know how to get out of my way, so Mom's always having to stop me from stepping on him. Hey, not my fault he's a gimp - what am I supposed to do, look down?

We had a scary thing happen last week. My neighbor rott Bear caught Spooky and really hurt her. I was outside when it happened. I should have protected her, but it all happened so fast! All I knew was there was all this noise, and when I came over to check it out, Spooky was on the ground and Bear was standing over her. Mom ran out and made us all leave Spook alone. Then Mom drove off with Spooky, and when she came home later Spook wasn't with her. Mom says she's ok and getting better, but I haven't seen her since that night. I hope she comes home soon. I think she wrote a diary entry with all the details, but since I can't read I don't know what it says.

I don't hear as well now. Mom sometimes has to clap her hands to get my attention. I don't hear the garage door or her keys in the lock, so I'm pretty surprised when she comes in. And sometimes I sleep so deeply that if she comes over to pet me, I don't hear her coming and jump when she touches me. She got a dog whistle, so maybe that'll help. Someone also suggested she use a penlight to get my attention (not while I'm sleeping, of course). Guess I'm just getting older, even though I feel very young. Otherwise I'm in great health with lots of energy! Whenever Mom spends time with the cats, I pick up my stuffed cow and shake it so she knows it's time to pay attention to me!