return to top

The Fat Pug

The Dog In The Yard

I looked! Then saw her
Running real hard!
I looked! And saw her!
This dog in the yard!
She came! From Florida
With her two human beings.
She came! From Florida
For all our seeings.

But what’s this?
Away she runs.
Oh no, not yet,
Again she comes…
With something in her jaw.
So, I ran right over
To see in her paw.

Is it a bone? A munchy? Or treat?
Is it something savory?
Something good to eat?
Here! Let me sniff.
Ah yes, let’s see
Perhaps it is something to share
‘Tween you and me?

Why no! It is only a stick.
A stick made of wood.
This must be a trick.
Why eat twig or bark?
A silly old stick!

There’s plenty good,
Don’t you understand?
Just bark or whine,
Humans are at your command.

There’s bones, munchies, and treats.
A lot of it’s savory and scrumptious.
Feasts in cans! Oh how sumptuous.

But a stick?
A piece of wood?
Oh dog, I didn’t think you ever could
Disappointment me so.
Oh yes, dog in the yard,
We both know—you must go.

—Apologies to Dr. Seuss

Fear and Loathing in Pug Vegas

Papaw had given me $100 in cash, most of which was already spent on extremely tasty treats. The trunk of the car looked like a mobile pet store. I had two bags of Canidae, seventy-five Peanut Butter Buddies, five sheets of Beggin’ Strips, a tin half full of Yip-yaps, and a whole galaxy of pig ears, bully sticks, moo tubes and several pinches of Catnip for Marilyn. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious treat-collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.

The only thing that really worried me was the Catnip. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a cat in the depths of a ‘Nip binge. And I knew once we’d get home, she’d be all into that rotten stuff.

That’s the way it goes when you’re on the road like I’ve been the past couple of weeks. So many houses, so many carpets, so many yards that need marked, and let’s not even talk about the butts that needed sniffing.

When we haven’t been on the road, dogs and their humans have been over here. The humans pet me and coo and give out a butt scratch or two while assuring me they’re not after my stash.

You can never be sure, I say. Better safe than sorry.

That’s part of the reason I got the ‘Nip. Don’t have to worry about the cat’s beady little eyes, eyes that are always moving, if she’s got the ‘Nip. She hasn’t grabbed a bone or a munchy stick yet, but I think she’s just trying to lull me into a false sense of security.

That’s why I take the stash on the road with me.

--Apologies to Hunter S. Thompson

Rockstar Fabulous Look-a-like Contest!

So anyways, i wanted ta play wif the other Rockstar Puggies so i gotz ta thinkin "who does I look like?" well, dis is waht I think!!
Bob Hoskins, cause he can be real huggable and silly but he can also be one bad dude when he wants to, just like me!!