April 28th 2005 2:18 pm
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Well, it has been a while since I penned my last diary entry. Alas, much has transpired and I have become a much more worldly poodle...
In my last entry, I gave some sage advice about recapturing coveted attention from parental units who have turn their attention toward each other and away from me.
It seems that Dad/TAD has had the last laugh!
In November of last year, Mom took me to see Dr. Chase because of some digestive "issues." After much poking and prodding where fellows ought NEVER be poked OR prodded, they decided that I had something called a p-r-o-s-t-a-t-e that was enlarged and causing me problems.
I thought, fine, give me some medicine, and let's get outta here.
Ohhhhhh, nooooo. This is where they decided that the best solution was to remove my, ..... my......uh, my......... "poodle heritage prolification factory." Not to mention a favorite licking spot.
The shame of it all. I was outraged! This never happens to Dad/TAD, although Mom has threatened something like it!
Mom took me to the Vet and he did the "procedure". Yeah! It is a "procedure", righhhhttt. If I did this to anyone, it would be a felony!
After surgery, I did feel pretty good, and my teeth looked better too! How bout that!
I'm still Harley Poodle, Mom's Wonderboy, with my same inspiring personality. Nothings really changed, except I am able to understand more of what she says to me, probably cause I'm not staring at her legs as much while she is talking!
Gotta go run with the big dogs....Until then.
Harley T. Poodle
October 9th 2004 10:14 am
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In this installment, I will discuss how to get your parents to stop kissing or hugging or doing ANYTHING that does not directly involve YOU. This 4-step approach works almost every time.
When my Mom and Dad hug, I get very jealous of Daddy. I know however, that he is much bigger than me, and that he is... regrettably.... The Alpha Dog (TAD).
So what I am about to tell you is quite a delicate balance between asserting yourself to get your way, and appearing cute and innocent at the same time so as not to thoroughly tick off TAD.
When not getting enough attention, I suggest the following escalating 4-step approach:
Level One Response:
When Mom and TAD are hugging, I suggest walking stealthily between their feet. This way they notice you are there, and they will usually laugh or look at you and you can gage how serious they are about ignoring you.
Level Two:
While still appearing innocent and playful (very important), run around, bark, and nip at Dad/TAD's backside.
(This makes Mommie laugh and keeps me from a heap of trouble from Dad/TAD.) Depending on response from Dad/TAD you can tell if you will need to proceed to Level Three.
Level Three:
If this does not work, I pull back my assault and INNOCENTLY go and scratch on the door to go outside to go potty. They always jump up to let me go outside...or ELLSSSEEE!
If they stop and come to the door but I don't actually have to go, I just stand there and look at them like "well, I guess the urge passed" but I think..."I am the Master Thespian!"
Level Four: Pull Out all Stops
Drastic times call for drastic measures! At his phase I basically throw myself on my sword and do something I KNOW will draw a reprimand! I don't like being scolded any more than the next guy, but a pooch has got to do what a pooch has got to do to protect the First Lady.
Here it is critical to choose your weapons C A R E F U L L Y. Choose the wrong tool if the plan goes ary, and you could end up in some serious timeout!
The sure fire way to get in trouble at our house is to:
RUN AROUND THE HOUSE WITH UNDERGARMENTS!
(Do not try this at home, this should only be done by trained professionals.)
My weapon of choice usually belongs to Mom because whatever it is, it costs more and I get an appropriate amount of attention for the risk involved.
After weapon selection, execution becomes critical because I am outnumbered and outgunned...think Dad/TAD. In this situation you must draw your opponent close before the attack.
This means I usually walk slowly and deliberately (some say prance) within about 2 feet of Mom and Dad/TAD until they yell or dive at me, at which time I gun the turbo jets and race around the house with my Victory Garment in my mouth!
This is my 4-step process for putting the attention back where it belongs...on you, the poochie.
Good luck and until next time...
TheRedPoodle
October 8th 2004 11:48 am
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Hi, my name is Harley Poodle and I am a white-collar working dog. My work keeps me busy doing undercover surveillance with some additional physical protection work when necessary.
My job is to protect the First Lady of our household, my Mom Shannon, and keep her on schedule. It IS sometimes an exhausting job!
In the mornings after breakfast, I settle in at Mom's feet at her desk. It looks like I am sleeping, but I am actually monitoring the ground for movement so I can leap into action at any instant. Sometimes I try to blend in or lull my adversaries into an overconfident attitude by laying upside down with my feet in the air...appearing to be in deep sleep.
As a defense strategy, I move my position periodically, sometimes to the cool floor of the hallway, or depending on the location of the First Lady, into the kitchen under the airconditioning vent for outside surveillance of the front lawn. There are many attempts to penetrate the boundaries of our yard due to the large trees and excellent bushes, but I keep intruders way with my intimidating bark!
Around 4:30pm I begin pawing at the First Ladys arm to remind her to "wrap it up" and get out of the office. (After all she has my dinner to prepare!)
By 5:30pm I really have to pester her, I begin going to the door and threatening to leave without her. This usuallly works.
After dinner, the First Lady and Dad watch TV. I usually have to remind them that my job does not stop at our home, but extends into the entire neighborhood, and that it is my job to keep everyone safe. Recognizing the heavy burden of my responsibility, at this point we immediately equip ourselves for the walk with my leash, keys, flashlight, and baggie.
After neighborhood surveillence, I am rewarded with a rawhide, and retire to the den to enjoy the fruits of my labor.
Not long after this we all go to bed. I sleep on the First Lady's right and Dad on the left. She always kisses me goodnight first!
Well that is an exhaustingworking day in the life of Harley Poodle.
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The Dog Show: Who's Your Mama?
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