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Life As A Super Model

Bag o' Chips 1.28.2010

Last night while the whole house was sleeping, I found a bag of blue corn tortilla chips on the counter. Blue I tell ya. Who makes a chip blue, for Pete's sake? Some crazy healthy person, that's who. Big Mama and Big Daddy not only bought blue chips but they are organic. That means there isn't any bad stuff in the chips. What a bummer. I was looking forward to a good Dorito high at midnight, but the only thing that was high was my position as I laid on the back of the couch, gazing with a perplexed look at the closed-up bag of blue chips in the middle of the floor. Blue chips just don't do it for this girl and her girth.

Big Mama had put the chip clip on really tight anyway. It's easier for me to get the bags open when it's nothing but a rubber band wrapped around the bag, but rubber bands are bad for me, too, so they stopped using them. Big Mama always makes it easy for me to get all the crumbs out of the bottom of the bag by making a slit on each side at the top of the bag. I put my head in the bag and it rips right down the side. I don't know if Big Mama knows how easy she makes it for us. It goes to show she really does love me and wants me to have chips.

This one time she found me with my head in the chip bag. She cried. She said that it's dangerous and I could suffocate if the bag doesn't rip along the cuts like it's supposed to do. She always makes sure that she cuts the bag, so I don't know what she gets so stressed about. Being a safety freak, you'd think she'd worry less, but not Big Mama. She worries about everything. I didn't even eat the chips last night but she was worried when she found out I had taken them off the counter. I think that was more because I was about to get in trouble with Big Daddy. Speak of the devil and the devil appears. Here's Big Daddy now. Gotta go...

Today Is the Day [11.15.09]

Today is the day that I run amuck at Camp Chaos. I will eat any piece of bread that you leave within my reach. I will shred any plastic bag that contains said bread. Granted, I take the chance of suffocating, but I do not care. I will eat bread. I will eat all of the bread. I will gain 3 lbs today. And I will be proud of it.

I Want A Steak! [11.2.09]

After this weekend of rain, I think I need a steak myself. Granted, I didn't do anything special like Elvis, but it would be delicious & my figure can always use a little help.

And besides that point, I think Big Mama wants to starve me to death. Everytime she gives everyone else cookies, she only gives me tiny pieces. Sometimes Big Daddy even gives me a pet on the head & tells me my reward is love. They love me regardless so, that's no reasonable reward. Harsh is what that is.

Now they're giving Elvis a steak? All he did was bring in a mouse that someone else killed & pounced around on it like a little fool. I say that with love in my heart. It was very cute of him, jumping & rolling & grunting & then pouncing on it just to roll around on it some more. I'm surprised it didn't spew all of its innerds all over Elvis. He got to play with it for a REALLY LONG TIME before Big Daddy even realized Elvis was just a little too excited about his plaything.

So little man gets a steak & I get a pet on the head. There really is no justice in the world. None whatsoever.