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Yip, yippeee!

Pepe le Peee-uuuu

That blasted skunk is back! He is living under our house! Mom went on the internet and what she found said that they don't like mothballs so she put some under the house. Guess what! He doesn't care if there are mothballs there or not. He has a nest underneath the kitchen in the crawlspace and it is warm and there is water and it is right close to the trashcans so he can help himself to whatever food he wants. On trash day when there was nothing to eat, he came in through the dog door and was eating MY FOOD! I yapped and yapped and then ran into mom's room and hid under the blankets so I would not get sprayed again. Mom went into the kitchen and I heard her say "HOLEY CROW! You get out of here, you little beggar!" And he hissed at her and scrambled outside real quick.

Mom called the Critter Gitter and he said he would come and trap the skunk, but, guess what? They "dispose" of them humanely is what he said and mom says NO WAY! She thought they would carry him off to somewhere he could have a better life. But the guy said that is illegal because of rabies or some such thing. She says it's not that little guys fault that he is hungry and homeless........and oh, no, I could hear it coming. Mom is a big softee. Mom is a sucker for every homeless creature out there! She says, okay we will keep the trashcan lids closed tight and put hot sauce on the bags and keep him out of the trash and I got really happy thinking that if he couldn't eat, he would go away somewhere else and THEN................SHE BOUGHT HIM HIS OWN BOWL!

No kidding! She looked on the internet to see what pet skunks could eat and GUESS WHAT! Skunks can eat cereal and bread and CHEESE and ham and turkey and macaroni and rice and fruit and all kinds of things. Some of the BEST scraps can go in that stinker's bowl!

I watched carefully yesterday and sandwich scraps went into that bowl and one pizza bone that I would have been HAPPY to eat and leftover cereal from the little boys breakfast and some wilted grapes they didn't eat and leftover pasta that she said nobody wanted ( I guess I am NOBODY!) That stinking skunk had a HEAP of food! There was even ham and cheese scraps that fell out of Justin's wrap sandwich! I danced around the bowl and let mom know that I was hungry and willing to go without my dog food and eat scraps but mom said "No Way, you are getting to be a pot bellied pig" and I danced some more to show her that is MUSCLE, it is NOT FAT! But, did she listen? Oh, no!

About 10 o'clock last night I could smell that stinking skunk come out of his den and I heard him crossing the side yard to go to that bowl. I heard him slurping up that good food and I yipped and yapped and them ran into mom's room and got under the blankets. There is NO WAY I am getting sprayed again! NO WAY!

I got a quick look at him out the living room window and let me tell you, if there is ANY pot bellied pig at this house, it is Pepe le Peee-uuu. He is one fat rascal. I hope it is fat and not a bunch of skunk babies that will REALLY eat all the scraps!

Drive By Shooting

Oh, btother, am I ever in the doghouse. AGAIN! Mom says I am worse than a two year old! Wait a minute! I AM a two year old. She says I need STRICT supervision! Whatever! But, I am in serious trouble.

Tonight I heard a big cat out in the yard and it wasn't Notcho either. I dashed out the door and didn't even take time to bark a warning shot. I was all wired up because the little boys were here and part of my job is to protect the small silly creatures. I flashed outside and ran to the bushes by the back shed and there was a big black and white cat. That sucker didn't even bat an eye, he just turned around and SHOT ME! You heard it right. Your pal, Harley, is the victim of a drive by in his own back yard. I tell you, guys, it['s a JUNGLE out there!

Now, I have heard about mace and tear gas but this stuff was unblievable! My eyes burned and my nose burned and I staggered back to the house and ran inside and got on my pillows. I was sneezing and pawing my eyes and my nose and I couldn't see straight and, to tell the truth, I was SCARED! I never knew what hit me!

Did I get any sympathy? DOG NO! Adults were jumpimg up and yelling something about a skunk and I heard the word STINK about 12 times and the little boys were saying PEEYOOOO, Harley Stinks! And mom scooped me right up and took me to the bath tub and rinsed out my eyes and wiped off my nose and then ran a bucket of water and yelled for big Justin to to open a can of tomato sauce and they dumped that all over my back and rubbed it on my chest. Then I got shampooed and conditioned and toweled dry and nobody even asked me what happened! They think they know it ALL! Not a thought for my dignity! No respect!

I wanted to go back outside and see if that big cat was still out there but mom locked me in my crate AGAIN! AND, she says I can't sleep in the bed tonight cause I still stink! Did anybody ask me if I wanted to call my attorney:? Or Deemster? NO! Did anybody ask for MY side of the story? NO!

I tell you guys, this is a wild neighborhood. Is this what they call the GHETTO?

FUN

I discovered today that Mom does NOT know how to have fun. I suppose it is up to me to teach her. Last month, Jessie and Kelly and Dawn came over. I used to live with them and Jessie was my little mom until she had to go to school so much then she asked my new mom to find me a home. Anyhow, that's old news. They all cut a lot of branches out of the trees and yard and made a HUGE pile. I was so excited! There were plenty of sticks to chew on! Enough to last the rest of my LIFE, for gosh sake. I have been having a great time while mom is at work. I drag sticks out of the pile. I haul them around the yard. I chew them up. They are moist and green and make my teeth feel good. Mom says "Okay, Mr. Fuzzypants. You need to QUIT! Do not drag sticks all over my yard. " She is going to burn the sticks. Now what fun is that, I ask you? She spent a whole lot of time today breaking up big branches and making them little. She put them in a neat pile and told me not to go near it!
Let me tell you what else she ruined! About a week after they cut sticks, Kelly came over and tilled up the ground. It was the greatest place EVER! I could race through the dirt and dust would fly all over the place. Birds would come there to munch on worms and I would lie out there and wait until they got busy then RUN right up and scare them. When it rained, it was muddy and squishy and my paws would sink into the muck and I would stomp around and run around and have a blast!
Then, she ruined everything! She planted green things called tomato plants in the muddy ground. I thought it was neat. She had made markers for my racetrack! I ran around them and skidded into them and slid and slipped and had a BLAST! Then came the trouble. Mom is saying "what the Heck (I"m using the nice word) happened to my tomato plants? " This better not be YOUR doing, Mr. Fuzzyfeet! "
Well, DOH! Everybody KNOWS that if you have guides for your racetrack, they better be sturdy in case you crash into them. It's not MY fault she put such frail markers on the track!
Apparently, it is not a racetrack. Today, on her day off, instead of just breaking up sticks, she took the good strong chewing sticks and planted them all around her new tomato plants and RUINED the race track. She put tall poles up for the beans to climb. She put smaller stakes around the pepper plants. Now my dirt track is WRECKED! She calls it a garden. I call it a nuisance!
I was thinking of opening a dirt track so the folks from Savannah Blue Bell's Bar B could come over and race with me or maybe a mud wrestling ring. But NO! Now we have a garden with tomato plants and other stuff that doesn't sound edible at all. Why couldn's she plant a Burger Patch?
The only good thing is that it is still easy to see the snakes. I laid and watched her work and when I saw a snake come out, I ran and tried to corner him. I thought mom would be happy. But NO, she says don't chase the snakes. They eat the mice so leave them alone. I thought that is why we kept the cats around here.
Mom needs some serious help I think. Someone needs to set her straight. I'm so little, she doesn't listen to me. Maybe some of you big dogs could talk to her. Mom is NO FUN!