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Odie's Musings

A Lesson in the Facts of Life!

Yesterday, Mom sat me down and we had a heartfelt talk. She said I was now old enough to learn the-facts-of-life. First off, she told me that she loved me.

Next, she got "but face." You know that look. It's the face that she always gets when she is going to insert, BUT...

She quickly added that I needed to understand that I was a dog, and that I should remember that I am not any of the following:

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Dogs are not beavers. I should not take logs off the woodpile, nor should I gnaw on the firewood, leaving little slivers of wood all over the house.

Dogs are not termites. I should never, ever sit and quietly nibble on the wooden arm of my mom's favorite Sticky Chair.

Dogs are not cats. I should not sleep draped over the back of the couch (even though my big brother Jake does).

Dogs are not cows. I should not eat grass. I should not rip up and chew dad's newly seeded lawn.

Dogs are not pigs. I should not wallow in mud puddles.

Dogs are not fish. I do not "have" to go swimming, whenever we walk near a lake or river.

Dogs are not gophers. I should not tunnel long lines of dirt all over the yard.

Dogs are not mountain goats. I should cease and desist walking on the ledge of our stonewall.

Dogs are not "bed hogs." I should not kick my mom out of bed in the middle of the night.

Dogs are also not world travelers. I should keep this in mind when I try to visit China by way of my mom's garden.

Dogs are not vacuum cleaners. Although my mom appreciates my help, I do not need to suck-up everything that falls on the floor.

Dogs are not alarm clocks. I should quit waking my mom up before four in the morning, especially on the weekends.

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I did my best to apply what I was taught in obedience school. I sat very still and listened intently to everything that my mom said. I only scratched twice and yawned three times—I didn't nod off—not once!

Finally, when I kissed her nose and wagged my tail, she stopped talking and gave me a big hug. I wish I had thought about doing that when she first sat me down for our heart-to-heart.

Boy-oh-boy, I can hardly wait until dad gets home and we get to go for a long walk in the woods, near the big lake. There are always mud puddles to wallow in, dirt to root, and squirrels to chase. I LOVE being a dog, I love my dad!

Wolf,
Odie

Motion and Motion Sickness

A month ago, when my mom said I was going to obedience class, I was excited, because my big brother, Jake, was excited. He was the star pupil when he was a puppy, plus, he loves riding in the car.

I used to like riding in the car, until one day when riding in the backseat of my mom's Mustang, my tummy became queasy. I put my head on my mom's shoulder and power-puked. Mom was not happy, and said a lot of bad words.

Reluctantly, mom drives me to school twice a week, but she now takes me to class in my dad's truck, instead of "the pony" (that is what mom calls her car). Dad's truck has a big cab with a deep back seat. Trucks are fun and I have the back area to myself. The best part is that I can't see out the window so my tummy doesn't get sick. My Dad is soOOo smart...I love my Dad!

Woolf!
Odie

Puppy-Sleep-Walking

Early this morning, I got myself stuck in the bathroom. I don't know how it happened. I must have been puppy-sleep-walking. When I went to turn around my big lab butt [as my mom calls it] pushed against the door, and the door slowly closed. I got really, really scared. I scratched on the door and it wasn't until I started to cry that I could hear Mom, ask Dad, "What was that?"

Dad told her that he thought I was stuck in the bathroom. Then, my mom said a bad word. She sometimes says bad words when I wake her up at three in the morning. As always, she came to my rescue and opened the door. I wagged my tail and licked her toes, and she softly said, "I was a silly dog," and she bent down and kissed my head before crawling back into bed.

My dad is my hero, he can roll over and go back to sleep, even when answering mom's questions...Gosh, if he hadn't told mom where I was, I bet I would still be stuck in that scary dark room. I love my dad!

Wolf!
Odie