return to top

My birthday, but not very happy

THANK YOU to all of our new and old Dogster friends!

This is Payton's mom, Viki. I just wanted to write a blanket "thank you" to all of you kind and caring people for supporting us the past few weeks. It's been very difficult, but it's so nice to read your sweet messages and see that you understand what we're going through because you're all "dog people" like we are.

An update-
Jade (now alpha dog) is very clingy still. She won't eat any food unless there's a little canned food in it. (That's what we did when Payton was sick) She doesn't even like peanut butter anymore. Sometimes I can see in her eyes how sad she is. I've been letter her up by me on the couch (big no-no before) just so she can have a warm body by her. I took her out for a special trip to Petco last weekend for treats and things. We came around one corner in the store and she got all excited. There was dog at the end of the aisle that resembled Payton (black, eyebrows, older). She literally pulled me down there, sniffed him, and then backed up. I had to explain everything to the other owner. It just crushed me. She so desperately wanted that to be Payton! We're giving her lots of extra attention to help her along.

I'll write more later when I can. Take care and thanks again everyone!

Your friend,
Viki

Today was it

Today, I woke up in a lot of pain and was having a difficult time breathing. I was almost panting but for no real reason. I didn't want to eat my breakfast, but I drank some water and took my meds.

Mom and Dad decided to take me to the vet and let him help me out of this pain. I got to smell fresh air on the way there. I had enough energy to push myself up and put my nose out of the window. It always smells so good. We got there and I didn't want to get out of the car. I wanted more fresh air. Mom had to pull me and dad pushed me out of the car for me to go into the vet's office. It took awhile before they got us in a room and mom and dad kept petting me and telling me how wonderful I was. We were put in one of the exam rooms and the nurse offered us a comfy blanket for the cold floor. I managed to get onto part of it and mom just looked into my eyes and kept kissing my head and telling me it was ok. Dad had my back half and kept giving me butt rubs. The dr. had mom and dad put me completely on the blanket. Dad held my head and mom rubbed my tummy while the vet gave me the shot. Before I knew it, I was sleeping and still.

The vet left the room and mom and dad just hugged me and kissed me and said they loved me. Mom never saw dad cry like that before. He said that he hasn't cried like that since his dad died 15 years ago. I was sad they were crying, but I know that they'll be glad they helped me out of the pain and agony I was in and that they'll eventually realize that. I'll keep watch over them and make sure everything goes ok for them. I hope my little sister, Jade, will be able to help all of them with their pain and that she can step into my lead dog role and take care of things for me.

Thank you to all who have been writing us and giving us your pointers and helping my mom feel better. She really appreciates all of you reaching out to her. She'll still need support if you get a chance to write her again.

Peace to you all!
Payton

My Last Birthday

I know I've never written an entry here before, but feel that I should now. You see, I've been gradually getting sicker and sicker over the past few months. My fatty tumors are getting larger and I had one removed in January. It was so heavy, that it hung down between my legs. When they removed it, it weighed a pound!

Since then, I haven't felt 100%. Mom and Dad noticed that my tummy didn't look quite right, so Mom took me to the vet about 3 weeks ago. I wanted to go because I'd been vomiting and was having problems going potty outside (#2). The dr. looked me over and said everything looked fine except for my lumps and bumps. Mom asked him to take an x-ray of my abdomen to see if I had a blockage of some sort, kink, etc. Turns out that my abdomen has a 10-12" mass in it and it is pressing up into my stomach and pushing my stomach almost flat up against my spine. The dr. also figured that it was pressing on my intestines and other important things in there. We couldn't see through the mass, so we weren't sure. The dr. suggested a blood test to see what might be out of whack. He said he'd call us the next day.

After my boy got off to school, the vet called and told Mommy some bad news. My kidneys and pancreas were fine. But, my liver enzymes were through the roof. Not sure what that means, but mom started to cry, so I figured it wasn't a good thing. One of them was supposed to be no higher than 180 and it was 3000. So, my dr. figures that the mass is actually my liver. He also said that I most likely have liver cancer. Mom was very upset. She hasn't smiled since then.

I've been on canned food and they sneak preds into my treats 2xs a day (like I don't know!). They're supposed to help me feel less pain and inflammation. Last night and this morning haven't been good. I think it's pressing into my diaphragm now because I can't take deep breaths or go far without having to lay down. Mom helped me lift up and go potty. I had to lay down a few times while I was outside because I'm so weak. Mom came out and tried to help me come in, but I just wanted to lay on the cool,wet grass on my tummy, the sun on my face, and the cool air. It was so nice.

Before dad left for work, mom asked him to help me come in, so I came in and had some ice chips to make mom happy. I don't really feel like eating anything. I didn't even want my canned food this morning.

I heard mom and dad talking about "when to tell Tommy" (my human brother who is 8). They've just told him I'm sick, but they haven't told him I'm dying. The little guy calls me his big brother because he's an only child. I worry about what he'll do when I'm gone. They still have Jade, but she'll be really depressed too. She and I are very close and she follows me everywhere and gets upset when I just go to the groomers.

I'm not sure what or when something will happen. Dad doesn't want me in pain, but mom said something about "not playing God". Mom is very sad today because it's my 11th birthday and she knows I won't be here for next year's b-day. I'm more worried about my family than I am about myself.

Any thoughts about what to do???

Love to all of you!