Sydney has gone to the bridge

I had written this right after my sweet angel passed and thought I would share it:

It is with great sadness and pain that I relay the passing of my sweet Sydney. I had taken him to the vet December 3rd and they found many issues. They say he had pancreatic cancer and prostate tumors which were probably cancerous as well. My heart is breaking because I feel like I could have fixed him if I knew when the issues started. Syd’s been to the vet at least once a month for a year. Every time there was an issue, it was something else that masked the underlying deadly issue. So we would treat the one issue and never know that there was something else going on as well. The vet said that there was absolutely no way he could ever survive no matter what I did, so I had to make the hardest decision of my life to end his suffering. I don’t know how I’m going to go on without “my little brat.”

He was the most high maintenance dog around. He was never easy. He always was at the vet for one thing or another. He was so alpha that I had to be careful around other dogs, but he LOVED his people. Everyone who met him fell in love with him. He was responsible for 11 doxies getting forever homes because he was such a charmer. I spent the last 2 months constantly caring for him and now that he’s gone, I don’t know what to do.

I can’t believe I’m never going to be able to take the Christmas card photo I wanted with Syd as Santa and Dex as the reindeer. I can’t believe that I’m not going to be able to enjoy watching him open his Christmas presents on Christmas Eve. It was the best part of the holiday. He would unwrap the tissue paper so carefully and put it in a pile and then once he liberated his new toy, he’d take a victory lap around my parents’ house and then place the toy on his “new toy” pile and go for the next one.

I can’t believe that when I say “Where’s my weenie dog?” that I’ll never hear him answer with a howl again. Everyone loved that he did this. My friends and my parents’ friends would love to make him howl by saying that. I never taught him how to do it, he just did it on his own.

I can’t believe I’m never going to come home from a bad day and have him lick away my tears and give me the look to let me know it was ok. And stroke his velvety fur! Oh my goodness am I going to miss that. I’ve never felt a doxie feel like Syd in my life. Everyone commented on it too. He was pure velvet.

People are acting like I’m insane because I’ve been off work from the vet appointment on Wednesday (3rd) and just came back today (Monday 8th). I’ll admit that a very kind and caring friend gave me some Xanex(sp) to help me deal. I haven’t been sleeping well at all. It’s not the same without Syd’s head aside of me on the pillow.

My parents are having a hard time too. My dad wants to throw all of the toys away at their house. It’s too hard having them around. My father even had to remove the famous Syd picture at their house of Syd when he stole one of my dad’s cigars and was running around the house, well we were lucky enough to snap a picture of it and it has been one of my dad’s prized possessions ever since. Right now it is too hard to look at it.

Syd was the first dog that I ever had to make the decision to put to sleep. I feel like I made the right decision but darn it, it hurts! I never knew it would happen so quick. When they began to give him the shot, I wanted them to stop, but there was no stopping what happened. I also never knew that their eyes would be open. I held my little one in my arms when he took his final breath. I actually held him for 2 hours after. I didn’t want to let go of him.

I’m here at work and my desk is a homage to Syd. It comforts me and pains me at the same time.

I’m so lucky I have Dex to love. He’s been such a goofy little guy lately. He’s acting completely different. I think he may have been nervous because he knew Syd was so sick and now it’s like he can finally relax. I’m so lucky to have my little fuzz bucket!

It’s funny because everyone who heard the news of Syd’s passing would tell me that Syd wasn’t just a dog, he was almost human and they had never met a dog like him before.

Please keep me and Dex in your prayers. I worry about him without his big brother.

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