Chief Executive - Scooter Squarepants.

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Cutter is a SNACK™ Pig!

January 22nd 2013 8:49 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 3 people already have ]

Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

First off, thank you Coco Rose for the giant Golden SNACK Bone as a gift. This allows me to segue into this topic for tonight.

Mr. Cutter is a SNACK™ pig!! Not only does he con Mom into multiple extra SNACKS™ because he doesn't bother to taste them at all, just inhales them. He then proceeds to stare at me and my SNACK™. I know the whole house jumps up to the spot I vacated (well except for Mom and Lucy Kitteh) in hopes of crumbs or an entire left over SNACK™. I consider that "used food" so fine they can have it.

However!! Staring at me, sidling up next to me, trying to be my "furiend"; and finally, I am on to the false bark to "something" outside.

If I want to hang out with my SNACK™, I don't need the additional pressure of all the other dogs "sharking" around waiting me to spit out crumbs (chum) or be lured away from my SNACK™ (live bait).

This staring at me and creeping closer and stalking me has to stop. I am going to formally file a complaint to the SnackPatrolBoard.org™ (non-profit) or the SPB™ for short. They need to know about this bullying and badgering.

Don't stand for fursiblings intimidation. Report bullying, abuse and outright stealing of SNACKS™ immediately.

Thanks for standing up for all dog snacking rights!

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 

I Shall Not be Ignored Today!!

January 16th 2013 6:51 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 3 people already have ]

Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

Today, I will not be ignored. Here's what I've been doing since Mom got home an hour ago.

*Demanded a SNACK.
*Run over to my Scooter Chair and demand Mom pet me.
*Insist I need to go outside, and then BARKBARKBARKBARKBARK.
*Refuse to come back when called and BARKBARKBARKBARKBARK. Except when Mom comes back after putting her shoes back on I'm now barking at the door to be let back in. BOL
*Randomly walk over to Mom and stand by her and if she doesn't notice BARK! Scares the heck out of her and I just look at her and wag my tail.
*Need the free flow food bowl shaken so that the bottom is covered. It's so sad when you can see the bottom of the food bowl.
*Whine to have Mom stack my pillows back up on the couch after I wiggled around on them and pushed them all off. I'm a stinker I know.
*Stare at Mom so long that she picks me up and gives me some scratches.

Well that's pretty much it so far, but the night is young as the humans say. I've got more under my dog bed I'll pull out later. Perhaps around 2 in the morning or so. BOL.

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 

Goofball Pie.

January 15th 2013 6:26 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 3 people already have ]

Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

Mom always calls me Goofball Pie because of how I am with my SNACKS.

In the morning after my privacy please time we all get SNACKS. Yes, you heard right, all the other pups have to wait until I go outside and come back in before they get theirs. No matter if they have already been outside! BOL.

After I come back inside, Mom gives all the other pups their SNACK and I just stand there grinning and wagging my tail. Mom always tries to get me to take it and 95% of the time I don't. Want to know why? Sure you do. It's because I want her to walk down the hall and lift me up onto the bed and THEN give me my SNACK. That way I can watch while she does all that weird stuff in the bathroom before work. (Did you know you shouldn't jump on the back of Mom's leg when she is leaning really close to the mirror and putting stuff on her eyelashes? Let me tell you - that makes a mess you just don't want to witness. BOL)

The other 5% of the time I take it walk 4 steps and toss it down and wait for Mom to pick it up, carry it down the hall and lift me up to the bed.

Then when Mom gets home from work she gives us all a MILKBONE™ so we will "Chill Out" and she can go privacy please and put down all her stuff from work. Then we all play the in / out game and she stands at the door letting us in and out. Mostly she doesn't have to close the door before we want back in. Mainly because none of us want any other pup to get the first pets from Mom. This is important and we are very vocal about who is picked first. Mom says it's all by random, and if I had the gumption I'd prove her wrong.

For the first SNACK after Mom gets home she just tosses it at me to where I'm sitting. Either the couch or my own special Scooter chair. She used to be a softball pitcher and she's very accurate at the underhand tosses so you don't have to worry about fighting the fast ones (Cutter and Pepper) for your very own SNACK.

This one - I just sit on and then bring out after everyone else has eaten theirs. I just play with it a little bit, picking it up and dropping it on the pillow, teasing the other dogs. Eventually I either get distracted or have to go outside. As soon as I move, it is a race by the others to get to where I have either left my SNACK or really good crumbs.

Once I come back inside I need to have another SNACK and that one I take up to my pillow pile on the couch and toss it around and play with it before settling in for a good nosh.

Still all the other pups do the "shark" around me in case I drop it or move away from it. Sometimes on the weekend I will sleep next to it for hours and fearfully defend it with a Scooter growl. rrrRRRgggggrrrggggrrrRRRgggggrrrrrr.

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~ AKA "Goofball Pie"

 

Evil Comes in all Shapes and Sizes,

January 13th 2013 9:54 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 5 people already have ]

Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

Evil has been hanging around our place this weekend. When it gets cold outside, Evil visits more often.

First off, those EVIL CROWS keep swooping around and acting like derelicts on our roof and tree limbs.

Secondly the EVIL NEMESIS SQUIRRELS appear to be in cahoots with the birds because every time we barked them out of the yard those rats w/ fluffy tails would scurry along the fence. Rat Bast****(bleep)!!!!

Lastly - it has been so dang blasted cold outside there is not much worth going out for. Good thing Mom has a fire going. Gives us something to meditate upon.

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 

Resolutions, Schemsolutions.

January 5th 2013 8:40 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 4 people already have ]

Hey Everypup ~Scoooter here~

I had no intention, therefore no r'solutions would have been expected.

1. I still bark at everything. Even if I'm being looked at directly in the eyes being told not to.

2. Bed is very comfy. Lift me up on demand at any time of the day you are present. Otherwise the couch will do. Don't expect it to be any different.

3. No I will not sleep any other direction than I do. I don't ask you to turn around so your "butt" isn't in my face.

4. The "brown" hair on the carpet is mine. The "white" hair on your clothes is Misty's. Yes we plan it that way.

5. Announcing the neighbours arrival shall be done from all 4 corners of the house. We are the #1 in Bark Alarm Notification.

6. I do not stink! You do Mom, taking those showers or baths every day. Makes me want to go roll in a slug or duck poop to even the keel. BOL.

7. Crows are still EVIL. More so than the Seagulls, but I still want to go all "Neighbourhood Watch" on them sound the Bark Alarm.

8. EVIL NEMESIS SQUIRRELS have not been eradicated fully, but they now keep to the fences and trees as they should.

9. Still spoiled, but I am the cutest so it's more of a training issue with "Mom" if you ask me. So don't ask me at all. BOL.

10. Things are always better after a nap.

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

Happy New Year Everypup! Please embrace rule #10

 

Not Worried Bout No List.

December 20th 2012 11:15 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 3 people already have ]

Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

Hey Santa Paws, long time no bark. 360 days to be exact, and that's almost 7 years to a dog. You should stop by more often and not be such a stranger. BOL.

Just to make sure since it's been so long, you still want a 47 ingredient healthy juicified shot glass to go with just a veggie burger patty. You'll have been to Ireland, Canada, the east coast and then zig zagging over to to us on the west coast (via Idanno) in Seattle. Not sayin' anything, but you'll have partaken of some various Bodka-Dwips™ and such.

I'm not too worried about making a naughty or nice list. Basically because that takes too much effort. BOL. Here are my reasons I don't put much effort into this holiday.

--Only 4 days left. I've never been into destroying furniture because I like the benefit of the softness.

--SNACKS. I get these every day. Why is it any better if I have to unwrap it or if it comes in a fuzzy stocking?

--Mom's Favorite - even if only in my own mind, I am the Favorite.

--Mom's already trained - she opens the door, lifts me up to the bed, makes sure the chair I'm will still be able to see her, food and water filled properly.

--Because of course I am Scooter!

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

*(Santa Paws, look in your pocket, I snuck in some gummi bears soaked in Bodka. Trust my Mom, eat them, Rudolph's driving after all).

 

Makings of a Country Song.

December 19th 2012 7:57 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 4 people already have ]

Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

How's everypup doing? Been a long time and that is all my fault. I just lay around uninspired this time of the year. Dark, rainy, cold, why bother?

*Scooter clears his throat and affects his best Southern sound/voice*

Y'all we've a country album in the makin'.

*The Stove Caught On Fire - a song about fire and panic and beating stuff out with a towel.

*Dryer Switch Costs How Much? - sad story of technology and bad design. This is a premium song so download will cost 4 dog bags of food.

*Momma it's Cold On the Ride to the V-E-T - enjoy the backing vocals of Scooter and Pepper for a butt squeeze session then drop car off to have the heater fixed. Too many dog bags to count on paws.

*Meetin' the Tow Truckin' Man - this is about Mom with a broken clutch slave somein' somein' (she stopped listen' after "broken"). Not so many dog bags of food, but more than a paw for sure.

*No Light in my Life - the day 4 out of 5 light bulbs went out in the kitchen. (I think the Crows n Squirrels have something to do with this.)
No bag of food cost, dogs can see in the dark so who cares?

*Bye Bye Magic Heatbox - the thing Mom puts food into and warms it up stopped working. Estimate is a "we'll see".

*I'm Almost Starved to Death - I know there is food in that dish, but you'd better get your butt to the store and stock up before the weekend. Just sayin'.

*Vaccination - not the same as Vacation. Misty and Cutter had to go to the and have their refresher shots.

What do you think pups? Hit album or what?

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 

Embracing My Inner Wolf.

October 19th 2012 8:27 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 3 people already have ]

Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

Mom told us about this article that explained why dogs eat their kibble so far away from their food bowl. She'd always snickered at how we all queue up in line but still wander away from the food bowl to chomp the kibble.

This is explained as basically channeling your inner wolf instincts. Wolves didn't belleh up to the hay bale, so to speak, like herd animals. They run in grab a mouthful and run out to enjoy away from the (to borrow a completely different species analogy) "sharking" going on at the food source. BOL.

So that is why I typically grab a mouthful of kibble, dash across the room and enjoy it in the comfort of the Scooter chair.

Embracing my inner wolf during dinner hour. We'll discuss my eye contact and growling to protect my kibble some other night.

Sniff at ya later as I am currently guarding the food bowl. BOL

~Scooter~

 

Justification.

October 18th 2012 9:33 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 3 people already have ]

Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

I did in fact pee on those pumpkins on the deck while looking at you as you told me not to.

It's pouring down rain and you just holler at me from the door. BOL. Make me stop.

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 

Scooter's Rules For Life.

September 23rd 2012 5:04 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 5 people already have ]

Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

I was just laying out in the last of the sunshine we will see for a long time in Seattle and thinking I should share some of my rules for life.

1. If there is a couch with pillows, make sure to perch on the pillow for extra comfort.

2. Bark at all the noises! Better safe than sorry!

3. Pee on all vertical things when out on a WALK. You never know when you'll be back to claim that territory as your own again.

4. Always guard your SNACKS. Even if you don't really like that particular flavor.

5. Mom, dogs cannot do the "twist". Stop making me dance with you!

6. Always choose to sleep in. Beauty over activity every day of the week.

7. The first morning pee should happen out at the tree off the deck. The one Mom calls the "morning wood" tree. Yawning is allowed, barking may throw you off balance a bit.

8. Always have the last bark.

9. Don't lean on the portable heater hogging all the warmth. It just turns itself off keeping all the warmth to itself.

10. Make sure your humans know how much you love them by burping your appreciation into their face. Food crumbs still stuck to any whiskers is considered going the extra mile.

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 
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