Chief Executive - Scooter Squarepants.

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Naughty or Nice List?

December 8th 2011 12:59 pm
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Hey everypup ~ Scooter here~

Are you on the Naughty or Nice list this year with Santa Paws? I of course am on the Nice list this year like always.

Do you know who is on the Naughty list this year? You bet – Dogster. No Meatz™ to fill our bellahs. Not even a minceMeatz™ pie to drool over.

Dogster there is still time to make the Nice list and avoid that lump of dog poo in your stocking over the mantle. Give us back our Meatz™ and nobody’s feelings will get hurt Christmas morning. Do I make myself clear?

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 

And I Quote.

December 2nd 2011 11:04 pm
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Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

Yelled at me from across the room today. Rude or not I ask.

"Scooter! Look before you bark!"

Yelling's the same as barking isn't it?

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 

Where's the Meatz?

December 1st 2011 9:00 pm
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Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

It has come to my attention that things are amiss in Dogster World. Even more so than a normal Dogster day would bring you. I'm looking at you "error 4" when trying to post comments.

There is no protein option on the gift page. Well unless you count the eggies that go into the cake and cupcake there, and whatever is in that dry kibble dog dish. Let's be real - no pup in his right mind would consider that protein anyhoo.

By protein, let's just get this straight since I did a little surfing on the couch, er web today and I read all kinds of stuff about San Francisco. One interesting fact is that dogs outnumber children just like in Seattle, which is a good hash mark in their favor. More importantly, it is a very "healthy" place. I thought, oh, balanced diet, probably wise. Then I clicked on some of the images of food they were displaying as "healthy".

Uggg, they eat seaweed and fish eggs together with raw fish. For dogs sake - you roll around in the lovely smells and carry them around with you, you do not eat that stuff. Disgusting. So please Dogster listen to the experts on Meatz, the actual "dogs" in your name, and throw both red and white meat (both of them so we get bacon too) up on the page.

Also SF is very big on the no Meatz diet, which I believe warrants a trip to at the very least the Zpups couch for some mental health flossing. (That's what Mom calls the couch visit not in our living room, because I don't think her other term paid friend applies in this situation). Vegan and a longer version of that word. I do tend to skim sometimes, but I did see the word granola a few times too. BOL.

Which brings us to the debacle caused by no Meatz choices on the gift page. Our brand new favorite sit/staycom 'On the Couch With Dr. Zpup' has had to be suspended I am pretty sure due to a strike. There is a clause in the contract saying that Meatz shall be supplied at all times, and as we all know, no Meatz to choose from.

We need the Dr Zpup show back in action. Dogs go crazy on the new Dogster diet and we will need professional help on this. That, and Misty tells me she asked an important question this week. Err, some pup in this house asked the question since it's all anonypups and all. BOL.

Dogster, now you have Coco Rose all up in paws starting a write in campaign and a possible march on SF. Weather is a bit damp and chilly this time of the year like Seattle, so I'd really rather we nipped this in the Meatz brisket.

I'm warning you that when Demon Flash Bandit sinks his teeth into this topic you might feel a little sting at first. Setting a pup back on his heels sometimes feels that way doesn't it Dogster?

Meatz must go back up on the gift page less we starve during the holiday month. Don't you know us pups have to wait until the humans are in the "shopping" mood before they just leave those magic money cards out and we can buy stuff for our pup pals? This is prime Meatz picking season and there is no Meatz to choose from.

If this ends up being a dastardly plan to either curb our spending spree or control the weight gain I will be one angry ScooterMeatzPie!

Dogster, do you do this to Catster too? Do you just yank their tuna out from under them leaving them with only dry kibble? I'm just wondering and all. My secret security swiper to get through the kitteh door has lost battery power so I haven't been there for a while.

While I'm sure it was just a clerical error at HQ, perhaps the nice lady/sir at the gift control counter is on vacation and forgot to leave the password out for the extra special Meatz. So while I do understand these "things" happen, I would appreciate immediate attention to this pressing obviously glaring oversight.

Thank you so very much Dogster.

Sincerely Yours,

The Sultan of All His Sister is Not Looking at: ~ScooterMeatzPie~

PS: A certain dog that shall remain anonypup agrees with me that we wouldn't also like a bit of dairy product added as a selection in namely CHEESE if it wouldn't be too much trouble. k - thnx

 

Allow Me to Elaborate.

November 24th 2011 10:50 pm
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Hey everypup ~Scooter here~


Yes, there was a turkey leg.

Yes, it tasted good.

Yes, we ate one of them over in the corner, kind of out of sight, you know on the only carpet in the house.

Yes, it came out of the trash while the hub bub of cleaning the kitchen went on.

Yes, it was tasty even when I licked it off my paws..err and ears.

Yes, I growled at you and that gave it all away.

Yes, I want it back. Oops now we're in trouble?

Hey Pepper - want to take this from here on out? BOL.

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

*Burp*

 

Hear Ye, Hear Ye.

November 22nd 2011 8:26 pm
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Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

All those pups out there who want a Santa Paws card from the Papillon Pack please pawmail us your address.

~Scooter, Queen Misty, Mr. Cutter & Pepper~

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 

Run, Hide, Invoke Cloaking Device!!

November 20th 2011 3:35 pm
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Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

BATH water is running, I can hear it. Whatever you do, avoid making any eye contact and invoke cloaking device immediately.

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

I'm sure you won't want to sniff me since I'll have that retched clean dog smell. Cucumbers and Kiwis - what kind of floo floo cr@p is that?

 

Finicky.

November 8th 2011 6:29 pm
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Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

Dogster is more like a kat than it should be touting the "Dog" part of their website.

Dogster is finicky lately. Take last night - wanted to tell DFB that perhaps a Meatz pawty was in line with the Kenmore $$ prize, but Error 4 reared it's ugly face and hissed out loud. See, very kat like. (Side story - Mom was wondering what Kenmore contest you had won with a picture until she read the diary post today and figured out it was Kenmore the appliances. The neighbor town next to us is Kenmore, and Mom does all her camera shopping in the same town at Kenmore Camera - best prices and service paws down - she has another one about a washing machine in China, but that's for another day).

All other pups - good to bark to my yappers content.

Finicky again tonight, DDP Fizzy was treated with the Error 4 message when all I wanted to bark was congrats on the pick. Also that if snow was taken off the happy list and replaced with sleeping in my favorite chair I could live with that list. However I don't know a Natalie so will have to substitute Ms. Louann instead.

How more finicky like a kat is Dogster acting? Letting you barktate, barktate, barktate and pay for the barktator's time and then Error 4 on you? That's just like playing with Lucy Kitty and then when you least expect it she whacks you over your tender nose. Do you know what this does to me? First I experience shock, and then I get frowny eyebrows and then, then, I GRRRR*&^*&^^&$%^#^%@^@^&^&)(&_(*)((*&*%^%$#@!@$^ (some grrs taken out for sensitive ears).

So here's hoping this will post, and that Dogster picks me for a DDP to get the word out. BOL

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 

Extra Sniffy Today.

November 4th 2011 4:48 pm
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Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

Tonight when I went outside on the pretense of chasing an EVIL NEMESIS SQUIRREL I took my own sweet time coming back to the house. Usually I am a get er done kind of man and am back in the house in my barkalounger pretty darn quick.

Tonight I was out in the yard all by myself, Mom just let me out to bark at EVIL NEMESIS SQUIRRELS, almost decapitating Cutter with the door. Don't worry, he didn't even yelp and survived.

Everything smelled so good I took my nose around the whole yard and let it have good whiff of Fall. Every once in a while I'd decide to give Cutter something to find and lifted my leg on a few things.

I even tried to fool Mom by hiding in the tall grasses on the path and staying still as E.T. in the closet with the stuffed animals. Every time she'd look away I'd bark. She'd look back and I'd do my E.T. impression. I'd like to think she didn't catch on, but she did laugh every time I struck my pose.

At one point I multi tasked by peeing on the garden sign AND barking at the EVIL NEMESIS SQUIRREL in the cedar tree. I can't say my aim was spot on, but I managed to stay upright and keep my eyes on those tree rats.

I took the long way around the garden path and then wandered through the garden. Hi Dahlias. Hi Roses. Hi Daisy. Hi Rosemary. Hi Rhoda(dendron).

I had my mind set up to head back inside and had my I'm done with my business trot going on when what does my nose smell? Dead bird!!! Right there under the Magnolia tree. What's a pup to do but stop, drop, roll and sniff! Mom says I was lucky I just did that on the loose feathers because if I'd have rubbed the headless bird on my body I'd have been headed for the bathtub.

Now I'm back on the couch watching the tree line for Crows and Squirrels. I'll be the first to let you know if I see either of them.

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 

You Might Be a Lazy Dog If.....

November 3rd 2011 9:09 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 2 people already have ]

Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

As I was waiting in line for the foodbowl in front of the tv tonight I was listening to a Jeff Foxworthy and Mom just started laughing. Then after she explained the concept to me, I BOL and we came up with these.

You Might Be A Lazy Dog If...

*The dogs bark and your idea of support is to bark while still keeping your eyes closed.

*You think food tastes better if brought to you rather than go fetch it.

*Lucky Kitty runs by trying to get you to play and all you do is watch.

*Getting up on the bed is achieved by whining so you are lifted up.

*Watching Cutter run by in the yard just makes you yawn.

*You think about lifting your leg, but have to burp at the same time so you just squat instead.

*Supporting your pack is barking at whatever they do even if you have no care what it is about.

*Making room on the couch involves rolling over for your bellah to be scratched.

*Licking the plate clean is sprucing up for the guest dog.

Well I are all those above, so stop on by if you want to hang out and relax.

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 

Occupy The Couch 2011.

October 20th 2011 10:04 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 4 people already have ]

Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

It has come to my attention there is a movement (not that kind) lately and Seattle has it's own little version. After half paying attention to a news broadcast (fell asleep, yawn)I have come to the conclusion that we dogs can apply some of this, so over the weekend we started the Occupy The Couch movement (again not that kind).

First off, we might need to switch the name to Pawcupy The Couch to avoid confusion with the human version.

This house has the feel of a monarchy - Queen Misty aside - we're talking how Mom makes all the rules, and they seem to benefit her all the time.

In other words, this house would be ruled by the dogs not the people if we put it to a democratic vote. Mom says that would just be "the tail wagging the dog" to which we say, bahrrroooo? Do you see why she should be removed from office?

Go Green! All business will now be done outside. Trees to the left for the boys, brown circles on the grass for the girls.

Equal Meatz! for all, no more kibble.

Health care for all, no more exclusive Dr. visits, go to the V-E-T like we do.

Tea Pawty got it all wrong. They need to call it a Pee Pawty and more would show up. CWAZY times would happen then.

"Joe" the Average Working Dog is still sleeping in his dog bed, still not working. Then again he turned out to be a Hound dog so had been applying for all the wrong jobs.

So we're not moving from this couch until the wealth of SNACKS is spread out among all. Make all the working humans pay for the 100% of all our dog demands.

We're not moving from this couch until - OH!!! SQUIRREL!!!

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

PS - feel free to sign my petition below. Addendum can be made to the above suggestions.

 
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