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I am in a total snit! She saw Henry & didn't let me see Henry! I was laying on the couch and I heard mom open the kitchen door, and she started talking to a dog, and she was saying the stuff she always said to Henry--she said stuff like "hi baby, hi sweetie, how are you?" and then she said "oooo oooo, you bad boy! showing off your pee-pee, my goodness!" and then she said "see you around, buddy. bye, baby." Well, I jumped off the couch and ran into the kitchen to see Henry & he wasn't there! She told me, "that was Smokey and his mama. you remember Smokey?" but I still don't believe it was Smokey, because she talked to that dog the way she talked to Henry...I wasn't born yesterday!
have finally decided to sleep on Henry's old bed. I'm not sure why it bothered me to get back on it. It was my old bed, and it was my day bed when he was here. When I wasn't on the couch, or in the big bed, I slept on the hard floor since Henry went away.
I still pretend I don't know who my mom is talking about when she says "Henry." I perk up when I hear my friend Sophie's name mentioned. Mom doesn't understand that, and I can't explain it. I got to visit with Sophie twice in the past year & had Henry here constantly for a year and a month. I don't know. I just hate to acknowledge that I remember him because it makes me feel so funny. I feel lonely, and sad, and bored, and confused, and I want my baby brother back.
I've stopped wanting to go outside when I hear Henry's name. I know he is not out there. I don't know where he is. I saw him sick, I saw him dying, I saw him dead, and I saw my mom wrap him in towels and take him outside & she never brought him back. She took a photograph of me sniffing him before she wrapped him up--she doesn't understand why I don't understand.
Today is week 3 of him being gone, and mom took me out to the park to get me away from the house. I saw a deer, a turkey, and some Canadian geese. I also saw a bunch of people--including babies, and a very interesting lady crossing an intersection while sitting in a chair with wheels. I came home & got to bark at a cat that Henry hated--I know he would have liked me doing that.
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