A year

My dear boy, a year has past.

Life has not been easy without you by my side. Even the good parts have a dash of bitterness because you're not longer around.
You always showed me strength and sense of responsibility and how you need to care for your family, the ones you love.

I wish I could still hide my face in your wild hair when life gets too hard and I get too sad. Or walk by your side until the sun sets when is celebration time.

I have one regret and only one in my life: not fighting with teeth and all 4 paws to save your life, as I very well know you would have done to save mine. Please forgive me for trusting others instead of you.

You're forever in my heart which -now i know- will always hurt for you.

How to mend a broken heart?

Chamomile, Fireflies, Triple layer chocolate ice-cream, a run and a hike.
Been there, done that.
Nothing seems to help to ease the pain and fill the dark abyss I feel within.

I miss your morning stretch always followed by a lazy yawn. Your gaze searching for me and then, the stump-stump of your feet as you followed me.
Always following me.

I still hurt inside and long for your presence. I wish I could hold you once more and burry my face in your lovely fluffy coat. I wish I could whisper in your ear the love I feel and the happy I was for having you around. I wish we could still struggle with life together.

No other will be like you, now I know.
No matter the amount of time,
I still and always will be missing you.

The Fierce Guardian of My Heart

Determined, stubborn.
Always taking on life head first
A fierce beast by looks, such deceiving looks
but with a charm that melted hearts.

You were great amongst hunters,
as you managed to trap my heart
with just one look.

My fearless guardian:
Watch over me, be vigilant.
You took a huge chunk of my heart with you,
for now, it's yours to keep,
until we meet again and your presence
puts it back in its place.

Guard it as well as you once guarded me.
I love you
and I always will.
Mom

A farewell for Aullido

To all our friends,

I'm Aullido's dad, with some bad news about our beloved, furry friend, this is a long entry so I hope you'll bear with me.

Aullido passed away unexpectedly, suddenly, yesterday, December the 14th.

This comes less than a month after Bela's death. We're still coming to grips with Bela's absence, so it seems especially cruel that fate took Aullido away from us so soon.

Aullido, no doubt, had a difficult life. He lost his original family and wandered the streets trying to survive. He was lucky enough to come across a kind soul who rescued him and found him a new home with us.

When his adoptive Mom met him, she was instantly lovestruck by Aullido's large, deep, sad eyes. He came to live with us and upon arriving, his gaze was empty and defeated. We showed him he would be safe and loved with us and, little by little, he got his strength, confidence and will to live back. He turned into a caring companion, a best friend, a fearless guardian, and also a dorky and playful child. He craved human company and would often get close to people and ask to be petted. A huge, hairy beast at first sight, he never failed to melt people's hearts when he got close and showed his sweet nature.

Aullido got diagnosed with cancer in September, after barely two years of living with us. We were sad beyond words; to think that this noble, protective creature would surely die, betrayed by his own body, brought ache to our hearts. For months we struggled both with Aullido's controlled, but latent cancer, and Bela's decline and death. We thought our next battle would be with Aullido's cancer. It turns out, we were wrong.

A couple of days ago, Aullido started vomiting uncontrollably. He was admitted to the hospital for rehydration and diagnosis. Two days later, while awaiting some tests, I was with him and petting him, scratching his huge, furry head and telling him how much we missed him being home, and how we would take care of him should he need some surgery. Suddenly, he went into shock. He was rushed into the OR, and underwent emergency surgery which found and removed a cleaning rag Aullido had swallowed. We never realized he'd done this. While the doctors managed to repair his stomach and intestines, the stress of the shock and lack of blood circulation proved too much for even this incredibly strong, tough boy. Aullido never recovered from anesthesia and went into cardiac arrest, all attempts to revive him failed. He died less than two days after first exhibiting any symptoms.

To say we're devastated is an understatement. We still can't believe our beloved Aullido is gone; the suddenness of his departure has left us in a state of shock, interrupted only by our tears when his absence strikes us, when something brings to us the reality that he is no longer with us.

Aullido was our first adopted dog. He showed us endless gratitude, fierce loyalty, and boundless love. This is what we learned from him; that even a lost, broken dog is capable of bouncing back, and giving you all his heart if you only open yours to him. Although 2 years was too short a time, we will forever cherish the memory of his presence in our lives.

I remember when Aullido's mom & I first started discussing adopting him, helping him find a new home. In the end we decided to bring him home. Adjusting took a lot of effort on our part (as well, for Tallulah and Bela). In the end we all adjusted and had some great times together. Now that he's gone, mom put into words the thought that was in our minds and our hearts: The hard part wasn't letting him into our lives. The hardest part was letting him go.

To all our Dogster friends, thanks for your support in these difficult and trying times for us. Love and best wishes from Mom, Dad and Tallulah.

Here to help my humans!

Hey all! I haven't been here for quite a while! I was busy supporting my humans because they've had a hard past few weeks. After my surgery I recovered fine, I can now go out for walks, climb the stairs and I'm basically back to normal.

However, right after I got well, Bela got really sick. It's like she was waiting for me to get better so she could have the humans' attention!

Anyway she had some serious problems, had surgery, and spent a few days at home under treatment, while Tallulah and I just watched, and gave our humans a lot of love. They seemed to need it; they were really sad.

Bela died today, November 15th; and we're all very sad. I didn't know her for that long, but I appreciated her. Mom, dad & Tallulah were extremely sad; so I guess the best I can do is be with them and give them all my love. Mom, Dad, remember that we're in this together and here to help each other; Humans and doggies can help with different things. I'll be here for you whenever you need me.

I'm also restarting my chemotherapy tomorrow, so I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing! I know that my humans will help me through this, like they did last month, and like they did for Bela until the very end. With humans like these, it's no wonder we give them our all!

See ya!

The stone

Hey all! I almost died! and it all began with a lowly bladder stone.

Turns out my peeing wasn't caused only by my cancer medication: about a week ago, I started feeling really sick, I panted a lot and my tummy hurt but I couldn't pee very well. Mom took me to the hospital at 2 AM, where the vet found what appeared to be a bladder stone (and a tack stuck in my intestines, but that appeared to be the least of my problems).

The next day I was in the hospital, the doctor tried to insert a tube to reach my bladder and empty it but the tube didn't pass, meaning I had a urinary obstruction that had to be removed surgically ASAP.

Now, by itself, it's a pretty common procedure with few complications. However, due to chemotherapy, I was in a very delicate condition, with my defenses down and my healing capacity quite diminished.

I went into surgery on friday. I spent the night at the hospital but I developed a fever. I started getting antibiotics and mom & dad came on saturday. But rather than taking me home with them, the doctor asked them to leave me there for a while. I later learned this was because my condition was very delicate and the doctor wanted to keep an eye on me. But right then, I felt like I was going to have to stay in the cage forever.

Mom & dad visited twice a day on saturday and sunday, but they always left. I was really sad, feeling terrible and wondering whether they'd leave me there for good. Alone in a cramped cage, my tummy got really red and my elbows started to hurt. I refused to eat or drink water.

Happily, mom & dad picked me up sunday night and took me home. I was very happy about this, but I also felt weak, tired and everything hurt. Still we got home and I started recovering, quite slowly. I didn't feel like doing anything, just lying there, at least I'm home with my family. But mom & dad forced me to get up on my feet, walk around, eat, and stuff like that. Recovery is difficult but I'm glad my family was there to help me.

I'm now starting to eat normally, I can go for short walks and I'm having less and less trouble getting up. It's all thanks to mom & dad who have helped me and didn't give up on me even when I was being difficult and tried to bite them (just a warning, mom, I promise I wasn't meaning to hurt you). So thanks to them I'm here sharing this with you!

I'm off to rest a bit more, see ya!

Chemotherapy!

Hey all! Here i am reporting on my treatment. I started chemotherapy almost 3 weeks ago. I went to the vet and they gave me a shot. They also started giving me some weird pills. Now, I've noticed that when I get shots or medicine, I feel better. In this case it was the opposite: after a few days I was feeling a bit weird, I felt famished and felt the urge to pee a lot. Sometimes I couldn't hold it and peed inside the house, I was so embarrassed but mom & dad were understanding and didn't give me a hard time.

After about 10 days I felt a bit down, vomited and didn't want to go for a walk because I felt dizzy. However the next day I was much better.

I guess I'm getting used to it; mom & dad say the pill (prednisone) is the one making me feel bloated and pee a lot, but they also told me that the dose will be reduced and I'll feel a bit better.

I'm also starting a new chemotherapy drug tomorrow, I'm a bit scared because mom & dad are worried, but said they'd keep a close eye on me so I don't have any problems.

Yeah, it's chemotherapy and it can be tough on you; don't expect it to be a walk in the park. But I'm holding up just fine and hoping that all this results in my having a lot more time left with my family.

Off to take a nap, see ya!

My tumor

Hey all!

First for the good news: my wound is almost completely healed, which means I'm pretty much back to normal: I get to sleep upstairs with all my pack, and can go for normal walks. The last stitches will come out tomorrow. The surgery by itself was a success and I recovered just fine.

However, there's also bad news. My tumor was stage-II, meaning that, even though it was completely removed, the cancer is already spread at the microcellular level and will certainly come back at some point, although at the moment I have no other growths.

The doctor suggested chemotherapy, which he says will keep the cancer at bay for up to a year, during which I should have good quality of life, thanks to these medications.

He kept on babbling but I stopped paying attention because I sensed mom was getting very upset and wanted to help her but didn't know how. After we got out of the vet's office we went pick dad up at his work. He was upset and concerned too, but me, I was worried about mom, who was really sad. I love my humans and want to protect them but in this case I didn't know what to do, except to be with them.

Back home in the last few days we've mostly returned to our usual routine. That makes me feel at ease, although I still sense a certain sadness in my humans. Me, I'm not sad, as long as I'm with my family. I know they will help me through difficult times, whatever the outcome might be.

I'll be keeping you up to date on my progress. See ya soon!

YOWSA!

It hurts! but I'm back home. On Monday I went to the vet again (I hate the place). I had some studies done, and I was about to call it quits but mom & this doctor student were scratching my tummy and head so I chose to stay put. I like being pampered!

On Tuesday mom dropped me off at the vet's, after having a talk with the oncologist. I was worried! why did they leave me here? I went into surgery and woke up in a cage. I was worried and feeling terrible. Hours passed! I spent the night at the vet's and just when I thought I'd be there forever, mom came to get me, on Wednesday afternoon.

I was so happy! I got into the car and vowed never to get off again. Indeed, when we got home I refused to get off the car, it's so cozy and comfortable like a cave. So in order to keep an eye on me, dad got ready to sleep inside the car with me. They were yapping about how I was a crazy dog and all, but I was not about to move, my leg hurt too much. The nasty ball I had on my leg was gone, mom says we'll know more about it after the biopsy in a week or so.

At about 2 AM, I started feeling the "call of the wild", after 24 hours without peeing and having drunk too much water. I mustered all my strength and got up, off the car and into the yard where I peed for 5 minutes straight while dad cheered on me. However, the sneaky bastard closed the car doors so I couldn't get back in! Anyway I went into the house and found out they'd set up a nice den for me downstairs (can't climb stairs to my room, doctor's orders). So I went to bed and dad went to sleep next to me.

This morning I'm feeling a bit better, but I still prefer to lie on the floor or my doggie bed because my leg hurts a bit. Mom took a day off work to look after me, but she says tomorrow she can't, so they're going to leave me with this cone thingy I've seen Bela and Tallulah wear. I'm not too happy about it, but I'm very happy to be back with my family, free of the nasty ball.

See ya'll, I'm off to sleep some more!

Now I know what having a knot in the tummy really means

I heard the news on Saturday and I know you can feel by my mood they are not good. Your bump is malignant and surgery is in order.

You've been with me so little, a bit more than 2 years, but I've been in love with you since the start. It was your eyes, round, lovely and profound.

You were a stray, your story before we met will remain untold but it is the time together what matters most.

You came into my life with purpose, to teach me about love, strength and loyalty. You are my guardian, my protector and I can't imagine my life without you watching over me.

I hope for the best, I hope for you being healthy, I hope for you without pain but either way you know I will be there for you, loving you, holding you, helping you in every possible way.

You and me are forever as I firmly believe chance, love and destiny brought us together. There's meaning in this and I believe it to be faith. Faith in circumstances, faith in purpose.
I love you and I always will.
Mom