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Somewhere Over the Rainbow- Just This Side of Heaven

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It's weird not having you here.
Some days, I step outside...
and I expect you to run to me.
I wait to feel your tongue kissing my hand.
I wait to hear you bark.
But when I don't,
there's a void.
An emptiness.
And it hurts more than the knowing.
Sometimes when I sleep,
I wake up because I could've sworn I'd heard you bark.
But when I get up to check on you,
I remember that you're gone.
Some nights when I'm sound asleep,
I see you in my dreams.
I can feel you so vividly that when I wake up,
I'm convinced you're still alive.
But when I go to find you,
and I don't,
the pain is too much to bear.
It's been almost a month since God took you away,
yet, sometimes,
I still break down and cry.
Sometimes I still stop and wonder...
why was your life so short?
Why were you taken away from me?
Why can't dogs live as long as us humans?
Then I have to remind myself.
If dogs lived as long as us,
surely not all of them would find a home.
Surely, we'd all only have the chance to know one or two dogs.
The dogs I've known have made me who I am today.
You helped make me who I am today.
And I know there will be more dogs to come.
I'm just thankful you spent your life with me.
I miss you but I know that I made your life worth living.
Your life was too short
and, yet,
I know that if you grew old with us,
we would never have the opportunity to open our homes again-
to another stray,
another rescue,
another puppy in need of a home.
The glazed over look in your eyes still haunts my dreams.
Yet, there was something in those eyes that I hadn't seen in so long, Chance.
Peace.
You were finally at peace again.
You were no longer old.
I just want you to know that I will never forget you.
And when another family dog joins us,
it is because of you...
that I will appreciate him just the same.

Gifts

I'm usually so good at giving rosettes and gifts when I receive them. I usually get to it right away. However, when Chance passed away, I admit, I was out of it. Returning the favor didn't cross my mind. However, I did read the messages and the rosettes, furever stars and special gifts received were appreciated. They each helped in their own little way. They let me know that I wasn't alone in the loss I was feeling. They let me know that there are other dog owners out there that understand. They let me know that even though Chance is gone, he is young again. He can chew all the pig ears he wants now and run as fast as he could when he was a young dog. I apologize for not sending out rosettes or gifts in return. I know it's not important. But, I want to make sure that everyone who sent me one knows that they were appreciated. Things like that just don't go unappreciated. Out of all the communities I've been on, I have never been on one with nicer members than there are at Dogster. Thanks for your kind words, thanks for your condolences. Thanks for letting me know that I am not alone.

How long has it been?

I'm not sure how long it's been. It's hard to remember time when you lose someone so dear. Has it been weeks already? Has it only been days? I miss you Chance. Things are getting harder down here on Earth and it feels odd not having you here to help me get through them. The other dogs- they do a wonderful job. But I still remember how you've always been there. Through everything. I remember when I was still a child and I would bury my face in your fur and cry. And you'd lick my face and make it right again. I can't do that now because you're not here and that sucks. To put it blunt. That sucks. I know you were old and I knew it was going to happen soon. But, even so, it feels like we didn't have enough time. When it comes to animals, it always feels like we don't have enough time. Your lives are too short and ours are far too long.

I'm down here missing you and thinking of you.