Saint Patrick was a Schnauzer!

Lexie did told me that today is Saint Patrick's Day an that the humans are s'posed to be wearin the green. I don tell colors apart so good. Mom said her Keen sandals are green, so that's propriate.

I asked Lexie who was Saint Patrick. She tol me he got all the rats outta Ireland a gabillion years ago. I think. I din know Saint Patrick was a schnauzer!

How cool is that?!!!

Mom's Learned How to Bark!

Mom's been barking a lot lately, which fur a human is not a good thing. She sounds rather rattley and gurgly and has been using up a lot of tissues, which is really cool, specially if I could get my paws on them - yummy, gummy treats! She puts the trash cans up really high now though. Sigh.

She is also taking extra naps, which I don't mind in the least. Actually, I don't think this is normal and good behavior for a human. I hope she don hafta go to the vet. If she does, at least maybe she can get some pills and take them with peanut butter. That wouldn't be all bad. I could even help wif that part. I'm good like that.

ZOOM ROOM and 'Gility!

Mom took me to this place called Zoom Room today. I got to go all by myself, but wif Mom too. Lexie stayed at home.

It was a whole room for dogs. Mom said I was havin' what they call an E-valuation. There was a black rubbery floor an all these 'gility things in there. There was a lady named Gretchen an her dog named Elliot. Elliot is some mix of poodle, an this an that. He was very friendly an he was white wif black spots like a cow. He was also very big an tall.

Elliot showed me how to go through the tunnel. I peed against the tunnel.

Then Elliot got all up in my beard an tried to play wif me an I pooped on the floor, all of a sudden like.

That's when I tol Mom I had nuffa that. Gretchen put Elliot away an then it was jus me an Mom an Gretchen, sittin on the floor. Gretchen tried to give me tasty treats. I took a couple, but then I decided I jus din wanna be there anymore. I would not take anythin more from the Gretchen lady. Mom gave me treats an I din even eat those at first. But heck, treats is treats so I started eatin 'em when Mom gave 'em.

Gretchen said maybe I wasn't gonna do so well in a classroom sitchuation. There is somethin called a Calm Dog class that Mom wanted me to join. Ha. I shook like as if it were thunderin outside and got the Gretchen lady to say maybe I was not ready for that. It's not like I don hear Second Child sayin' how borin' school is an how he don wanna go. I'm not stoopid.

I got the rest of the treats from Mom on the drive home.

I am confusticated.

Mom said she has lots of rollover minutes left on her phone, but she might have to give summa them up for New Years. She also was talkin' to Fourth Child bout somethin called Cookies on the puter. I love cookies! My sweetest evfur girlpup Gretta did send me some cookies for Christmas!

But now I am worried. If Mom don use up her minutes before New Years, they won roll over an they will disappear. What if Mom forgets to give us ALL the cookies in that magic box before the New Year and then THEY disappear?! What if they don roll over?

OMD!

I asked Mom. She said my cookies won roll over. Oh no! But then she said that's okay cuz as long as I roll over, I can still have my cookies. Yay!

Wait . . . if I don roll over, will I disappear for New Years?!!

Lexie said to try not rollin over an find out. She would say that cuz she knows how to roll over real good. Dang. She's gonna get all my cookies for sure. What am I gonna do?

If I don roll over, I don get cookies.
Cookies don roll over.
Cookies are on the puter, even tho I don see them up there.
Who gets to disappear?
OMD! I am so confusticated.

Pressies!

OMD! There were boxes left on our doorstep from my sweet girlpup Gretta! I dunno how she got them here, but she did got them here! Then she wrote an said DON'T WAIT jus open 'em so we did! There was a whole box of Three Dog Bakery peanut buttery cookies! Mom let us each have one right away, which is good cuz I don wait so good. Lexie posed wif the cookies an Mom put that pickshur on the FaceSpace. I din pose cuz I was goin in circles. I'm good like that!

The other box had a cookie makin' kit from King Arthur hisself! It said so right on the box. He's the king of flour. Wow. It had dog biscuit mix in it an a biscuit thingy shaped like a real live dead bone! How cool is that?! I can tell the New Year is gonna be pawsome!

I went to the vet!

I hadda get my nails trimmed. At least that's what Mom tol me. I don let her trim my nails. The vet tech did it so fast, I hardly had time to register what was goin' on!

Mom said I could save her lots of time an money by jus lettin' her trim my nails, but I don let her do that. I pitch a tent, or a tar, or somethin. Whatevfur fits.

Mom then said I was dumber than a bag a'rocks. I know that's jus stoopid a her to say cuz rocks don think anythin!

Kittehs!

First Child has two kittehs, a big Mr. Kitteh an a little Sebastian kitty kitteh. Mom did take me to First Child's place to make pals wif the kittehs. I was very nice to them, but they din wanna play wif me so much.

Mr. Kitteh said hello an then when I tried to sniff him, he ran an hid in the baffroom. I don like baffrooms cuz of baffs, so I din go in there after him.

Sebastian is smaller an fluffier. In fact, she is so fluffy it's not possible for me to describe it. Her back goes up like a troll bridge in the air an her fur sticks out evfurrywhere. And you should hear the noises Sebastian makes! I never knew kittehs knew so many bad words!

Sebastian would not come near me no way, no how. She hid in the corner under the piano bench an kept yellin' out pawsonal remarks at me, which was not very nice seein' as I din do nuthin' to her. Mom said Sebastian was jus scared. I dunno. I can be fearsome for sure. I guess I don always recognizate my own powerful fizzeek an what an impresshun this can have on smaller aminals. No wonder the sqwerlz allus run away from me!

Cookies!

Lexie tol me that we have cookies on our 'puter! How cool is that?! She said you can n'able them or dis'n'able them. Who would wanna dis cookies?

If you can nable cookies on your 'puter, can you nable them on the toaster or the toilet or the doorbell? I'm so gonna find out!

Earthquakes in Oklahomey!

OMD! Our pal Harley Davidson said they had two earthquakes by his house this weekend! OMD!

HD said it really scared him. I don mind sayin but I wouldda been scared too. I'm like that. I shake all by myself wifout the world doin it too. *shudders*

Did you see that up there? I was shakin!

Radar Gets Gormay Meals!

Our house guest Radar is refusin to eat. Mom finally went an got him summa those moist meaty meals that you only get if you have a birfday or you are gonna die or somethin. Oh, sure - he ate that right up and all the kibble from this morning that Mom had buried underneath it. Who wouldn't? But who wouldn't eat perfectly good kibble in the first place? I dunno. Radar, I guess.

He din get no insulation shot this mornin cuz he din eat, but he got his shot tonight. Mom said that was good. Radar din seem to mind at all.

Radar's pretty nice. He is really mellow. Sort of an un-Buddy. Mom says he is a "dahling". Lexie says he is an amazin food artist. She is takin notes on how he is gettin Mom to give him chicken, cheese sprinkles on his kibble, and now deluxe gormay meals from little cans. If she figures out how he does it, I'll ask her to tell me an then I'll tell you, k?