WE GOT OUR SERVICE DOG TAG!!

Hi Everybody!! We haven't written anything for a long time 'cause we really didn't have anything to say.
However, when it was time to renew my licence, Mom called the licence place and spoke to a really nice lady. They talked for a really long time time and Mom asked lots of questions too but she wouldn't even
know the questions to ask if it wasn't for Sabrina's mom for answering tons of questions too. So thanks a lot V.M. Well anyway, the lady gave mom the correct number to call to find out how many papers mom had to bring and I guess what they said on 'em. Mom said that all together she had about 9 pages or so and also a photo of me in my vest too. (it was really hot here the day she went so I stayed with Dad in the car with the AC on). Anyway, for some reason they were really slow so Mom called and they said they had it there waiting for me so we all got in the car for the giant 3 mile trek to the animal shelter and luckily the same man said, "Can I see all of your papers again ma'am? And we can't find the form you filled out either". Mom just wanted the tag so she said she'd just fill the form out again! Silly Mom. Anyway, now we finally have our official California Service Dog Tag!! Yeay! Its funny lookin' too. Its shaped like our state. Now Mom can just show the guards at Target and other people who give us a hard time (from time to time) my Service Dog ID Tag especially if she's forgotten my vest or something and she just Has to stop by there for something fast, or just to look at the plants or something. I'm doing really great 'cause I learn stuff so fast but Mom's been going through a very long hard time and she's so worried that Blue Shield won't approve all of her doctor's requests (4 of 'em) for her to have the Vagus Nerve Stimuli surgery 'cause there just aren't any pills that work for her and she just feels so sad every single minute of every single day. And she's been having little breakdowns during the day at all time and the panic attacks, sometimes even at midnight. She just can't stop crying and then there are the migraines every morning. Then there's the migraines. Sometimes the pain wakes her up at night. She feels guilty too 'cause she's never able to contribute to the family by doing laundry, dishes, dusting or anything but also she doesn't have that thing inside her that makes people Want to do things like that. I don't know if she just doesn't have the energy or the Urg or what. Urg is a good way to describe it. Even though she knows she's not alone, she still feels very lone ly. Plus she also knows that there's no guarantee that the VNS will even work but she feels that she has to try it anyway. Try anything and everything that might give her back her life. It started when she was just a teenager, a kid and it would come and go from time to time but after she had her last baby, it came back with a vengeance! And that was 16 years ago (when she had the really Big nervous breakdown. She thinks she hasn't been a very good mom to the youngest, that he got gipped out of a good and happy mom, ya know? Besides, she has a friend who had the VNS a couple of years ago and it worked really well for her. You still have to take the meds and stuff but its supposed to help soooo much! And she feels that what's been happening especially in the last year
is not even a real life! She also thinks she's a bad gramma. She loves the kids so much but we don't think they understan her. Anyway, I do what I know she needs plus the other things she's taught me and I remember to use my manners and I never leave her side. Sometimes she even sleeps for 17 hours and even if I have to "go" I still lay beside her, 'cause I love her and she's, Mom. I just learned to "hold it" pretty good but when I get the screen door opened for me, well I have tiny legs but I'm a really fast runner. Well, got to go, she's sharing her banana cream pie yougurt with me and I don't
want to miss my turns.

Love, Grace

THINGS ARE NOT GOING SO WELL FOR US

Things are not going so well for us lately. Mom cries a lot and is in a lot of pain. I went with her to the Social Security office 2 weeks ago and last week too. She had to apply for state assistance. She is very embarrased about that. Dad needs to go to the doctor but doesn't go. All he does is work. I get so upset when mom is that I've been having seizures last week and even last night. They mostly happen at nigh. That makes mom cry too because she counts on me for so much!! Right now she can't even afford her medicine and is in much pain in her body and in her heart too. Well, I'm going to go now sos I can be more next to her. Hopefully we'll get through this spell. Any good thoughts to us are very welcome.

With Love Frome Grace

OUR 75 YEAR OLD CHRISTMAS EVE HOLIDAY TRADITION & MY- CHRISTMAS WISH

Every year since I can remember and even way before I was born, my family has always had a Christmas Eve Tradition.
Traditionally, when my grandma was alive, we always had a Smorgasboard. On Christmas Eve, she'd always put out lots of Swedish foods like herring (yuck!), Swedish cookies, lots of types, some with different jellies in the center, olives (yuck!-only on pizza for me), ham, potato salad, regular salads too. Oh, and homemade Swedish sausage. She actually would go to a special place to find the skins and carefully mix up her own recipe and grind it up in one of those old fashioned hand grinders that hooked onto the cutting board that pulled out from many of the old kitchens that used to have cutting boards that pulled out and would grind up the sausage and then stuff carefully push the raw sausage meat into the very long skins and would then bake the sausage. (its very different than breakfast sausage and tasted very different too way much better). There were many homemade breads but at the time I didn't like potato salad (when I was younger) so I would always make a sandwich from the homemade ham. There were many condiments too. The simple ones that I liked were just mustard and mayonaise. There was also cranberry sauce (which I never liked) but what I did like were her homemade gingerbread cookies. I think it took her about a week to make everything for Christmas Eve.

After we ate. we always would sit in the den at my mom's house and would sit around and open up Christmas presents from the relatives. The one's from Santa (Mom & Dad) were always opened on Christmas morning. So on Christmas Eve, we usually opened up presents from the Grandmas & Grandpas, Aunts & Uncles, cousins and friends. We always tried to make it last as long as possible. It usually lasted, sometimes up to 3 hours because first everybody would get one present from someone and keep it on their lap and then we would go around in a circle. One person would start and everybody would wait and watch the first person open up their gift and go ooooohhh and aaaahhh and that person would get up and and go kiss and hug and say thankyou to the person who gave the gift and show it to everyone too. Then the next person would take their turn and open up their gift and so on and so on. Not every though (the grown ups) would alway have the same number on gifts however because there were ALWAYS more gifts for the children than for the adults.

The great-great grandmas, great-great grandpas & great grandmas & great grandpas are gone now and now I am the grandma (although I feel in my mind very young and actually am very young to b e a grandma and so does my husband)

The tradition still continues however. Only now we have ready made sandwiches, chips and dips but still have hot cocoa though but still have the basic Holiday tradition. We first have our dinner, then we all sit around in a circle and everyone has a gift on their lap. However, I don't think it lasts 3 hours anymore. But we open the gifts from our aunts, sister and brother-in-law, cousins and friends. Only I'm really excited about this year because now we have three grandchildren!! Lovely Mariah is 11 going on 12, lively Josiah (who's very smart but so is Mariah) who i 5 and now we have a new member of the family, baby Hannah, who is growing so quickly (I wish I knew how to get to their home but I'm also afraid to drive it alone). I'm hoping, that for one evening, we can just all get along and celebrate Christmas and the birth of Jesus, and exchange gifts like a normal and loving family. After all many people say "that Christmas is for the children" (and why should the children have to suffer if some people don't see eye to eye) I've always said I just want everybody to be happy and healthy. We do have a great grandpa still left whos going to be here too. (God forbid, but what if its his last Christmas with us?--why should the children be deneid a Christmas with their great grandpa? He loves them ALL so much!!) Plus, its baby Hannah's first Christmas. Is hatred and animosity something that shows her what the Holidays are all about? My wish is that all of us can be together like the Chistmases me and my family are used to having. My son was lucky enough to know his great-grandmas & grandma & grandpa but it was too late for my daughter and her younger brother to know them. My husband and I have many health problems that we don't discuss with everyone. God forbid one of us is not here next year, all because of a disagreement. In my opinion, the children should always come first.

We have a fine tree with many gifts for everyone and we'd very much enjoy watching our grandchildren getting excited and opening the gifts. We love them very much and wish they would come over more often. As we have health problems, as our parents did, when we were younger it was always easier on them if the younger people (us) came over and visited our folks, the grandparents. We wish it was the same now.

The day of Christmas, we ALL usually have a Honey Baked Ham and again, wish the children and grandchildren would come over and celebrate Christmas Day with us. We usually make cheese scaloped potatoes a vegetable and pumpkin and apple pie with cool whip or vanilla ice cream. We never eat late on Christmas. About 3:30-4.

I don't expect a Christmas gift. All I want is to enjoy my grandchildren at Christmastime. I think they would like it too, if given a choice. PEACE, LOVE & JOY

WHAT AM I THANKFUL FOR?

I am thankful for Grace. My companion, partner, snugglebunny and main squeeze. She lays with me at night, cuddles and licks my face in the morning to wake me up in the morning. She's with me all day, everyday, even as I type this is in my arms kissing me. She warns me of danger and loves to play when its time to play. She does what I ask of her and even more even if she doesn't "feel" like it. She will never talk down to me or argue with me but instead gives comfort and love, a person's basic needs. She even brings me things albeit not something I find to be very amusing. She's very funny. Sometimes I might think she's under the bed when it turns out she's still on the be just buried in all the pillows and all you can see is a small nose and two little eyes starring right at you!! She's so comical. She's with me at the mall and beside me at the dinner table. She never complains or whines or throws a tantrum like humans. She loves me when I cry and when I'm happy. She always wants to drive but never gets to but still goes for the drivers side everytime she enters the car. She always likes everything I try on and watches me do my hair. She's always with me even with online friends or in person. She loves my cooking and TV choices too. Her head always goes up as she knows the theme to Days of Our Lives. She's become my best pal. She knows all my secrets and will never tell even for a treat. She hates baths but loves being rubbed dry and brushed. She loves to hang her head out the car window when she's wiggled out of her safety belt but sits down and stays in her seat if she thinks I've seen her do it. She'll always let us know if she has to "go" even if its 4am in the morning, she'll wait and stand on us and stare at us until we wake up and see her staring and as soon as eye contact is made she's half way to the backdoor if you say, "do you have to go out" she outa there. Thank you Grace.

Mom

Still a PS is a must. I'm also greatful for children, online friends and the husband whose occasionally too noisy in the morning

WHAT IS MY DESTINY ....... ANYWAY?

Its been said that our destiny has been predetermind for us. Has it truly been my destiny to suffer with sadness for the last 35 years? Is my destiny now in the hands of the insurance company Blue Shied? If so, I'm afraid I will lose. I've been told from many sources that they always reject most treatments & devices the first time around. What if I'm not here for a second time around? I don't know how much longer I can linger in suffering and sadness-the depression it so great!! I haven't been outside in 2 weeks. What good could possibly come of it? I did have rather high hopes that I would have the Vagus Nerve Stimuli installed before Christmas. That was all I wanted. to feel better and stop crying every day. To be able to finally leave my bedroom which I encased myself in for the last 15 years. However, I was informed one week ago by an advocate from the company who makes the device that it sometimes take one year to be approved. I don't think I can hold on for a year. The depression is so bad that for me at this time in my life, I don't see why I should stay. I am very ill and I realize this but one can only cry too many tears fill too many diaries and "chat" only do long while screaming inside asking somebody "please help me" I'm dying inside little by little, day after day, moment by moment. I'm losing weight because the mere idea of food sickens me. With my dear dog by my side, I try but its so terribly hard to mearly exist in a world when you feal that nobody will help you. People pay a lot for insurance and when you need it the company won't come through for you. Then what is it for? My life now lays in the hands of an insurance company with a reputaion of turning people who honestly need it. I have so many symptoms and yet am being denied the proper care. The right thing to do is to help me but will they? Probably not. I've been on disability for 15 years and have tried every medicine "out there". Some made me sleepy, some made me "hyper", some even gave me "grand mal seizures" for a year. Onec I was combing my 5 year old's hair for kindergarten, had a grand mal and fell on him!! He was freaked out for weeks. I also broke 4 ribs that time. Another time, I was fixing my hair in my bathroom at 11:00 AM in the morning, the nex thing I remember was that I was turned around, on my hands and knees, crying while all the time I had been banging my face and teeth into a hard tile floor. There was blood everywhere. All of my front teeth were broken and my teeth had cut a large gash which had split my lip and ripped the skin above my lip in the area below my nose. My teeth broke so badly that they were pointed which caused the great tear all the way through my lip and the skin above it. It took weel over 24 stiches to sew my lip and the skin above it together. Most of my teeth had to be bonded to fix them. It also left a golfball size knot-like bump on my forehead above my left eyebrow that lasted for 6 months. And of course, again I broke more ribs. When I'd come to, the clock said 11:45am so the seize must have lasted 45 minuts. 45 minuts of me thrashing my face into a hard tile floor!! I know that this procedure would work for me. I feel it in my gut. I'm asking Blue Shied to save my life here. As for now I'm only existing and existing with some pretty miserable side effects and symptoms. They are al follows: Loss of self confidence, memory loss, loss of personality, can't make decisions-can't even pick up bedroom or house-feel too overwhelmed-don't know where to begin-absolutely can't figure out where anything goes, can't throw anything away, loss of personality-I haven't really been myself since I was 18 years old!! constant crying, major panic attacks at least 3 times a day-often feels as though I'm having a heart attack, often my day begins at 4:30- 4:30PM have no energy or desire to get up and sleep sometimes 17 hours a day then going to bed again at midnight, scared of everything=no confidance, afraid to go outside-if I do, I have a service dog that has been trained=she also somehow knows if I'm going to hage a panice attack sometimes 1/2 hour ahead of time, thus giving me enough time to let me take approxamately 3 Xanax tablets. She's usually correct 80% of the time. She also is with me 24 hours a day because I'm aftraid to be alone. Much trouble eating=I keep losing weight the thought of food makes me nauseasus, I'm 5'7'' and down to 203 pounds, a size zero, I have ocd tendancies- I'm very picky about where things belong and have developed many idiosyncrisies even though I can't pice us things on the floros or even bring myself to dust. I've been on disability to 25 years because of killer migraine that are incopasitating-and actually, I have a high pain tolerance. I have no pease of mind, have great fears of crowds, am afraid of anything new. Always have trouble sleeping and have scrry dreams. Afraid I'll let people down who count on me, but I always end up disapointing people anyway. Have a big fear of being discriminated against-100 years ago, my great grandmother, a Cherokee Indian was discriminated against befause she was not white, she suffered from what was then called melancholia blacks had more rights that Indians at that time,therefore whe was made to sffer her enire life=afraid it will happen to me too, fear of new meds because they don't work and have terrigle side effedts. had a big
nervous breakdown 15 years ago, fearin anotherone soon, feel as though I'm going downhill fast, fear of breakdown, Migraines every single day really every morning.(which came first migraines or depression? depression came first, then the migraines began, fear of new doctors, that they won't understand me, treatment resistant medications- tried them all Effexor works the best but not very well,people in my family have always lived very long, afraid of being in my bedroom, alone, another 40 years!! I couldn't handle that! I feel that I'm going hownhill quickly. I'm scared!! I just want to feel normal again!! Have the inspiration to go back to work and live my life as God intented- right now I'm in limbo merely existing and I losing hope qickly. I want and need peace of mind. This is not only affecting me but four other people. My three children and my husband. I can't even pick up my 15 year old son from school because I'm in bed or crying or just don't have the spunk-that thing inside you that makes you who you are-is gone. I've turned into a very sad and lonely person and this is not something you can simply "snap" out of. I'm in a very dark place and I want to live again.
Its time- I've been through enough!! Its affected my entire family so you see? Its not just my one life
that has been ruined but that of my 3 children and my poor husband of 31 years. I can't cook because the smell of food makes me nauseaus, I can't have any loud noises, not even the doorbell because that is also a migraine trigger. I have to wear tinted blue eyeglasses because the sun & bright lights trigger a migraine. I haven't even been to the movies since 1995 because of the loud noises and all the people.I deeply fear I won't receive the VNS device, its the only thing thats keeping me going and allowing me to "hang in there" Please, please approve my doctor's request that I have the implant. If I need to pay you back, I'll try my darndest. I'll be able to go back to work and be able to get off of disability. I'll have the desire to live again!! I may even laugh. I know in my soul that it will work for me. I'm terrified of being committed. I'll be able to think. I'll have my mind back and I'll be out of constant pain!! I'll have a chance to be normal and I won't be scared of everything. I want and need-peace of mind. I won't be sad everyday. I'll be able to think straight(which so manu people take for granted) I won't be depressed anymore. I have a friend who moved down here from Oregon in order to ogtain getter medical care and she had VNS done 2 years ago. Now she's back to work as a surgical scrub nurse-a very important job and she's now able to do this job because of VNS. Please Blue Shield, give me a chance-let me have my life back, that's all I am asking. Please save my life!! If I had a lump in my breask, there would be no quesion, I'd probably be having surgury next week. Well, depression is my lump and you are my only hope. Please please let me have my life back. I used to be popular, the president of my sorority, church youth group, church choir, and within a mere 6 month period-depression hit me like a brick over the head and suddenly, I found I couldn't do anything. It changed me in so many ways. I couldn't think strait, cried all the time had panic attacks loss of confidence. I had to quit all of my activities. Had no desire to socialize and all of the abovr mentioned signs and symptoms. And now there's a cure but I can't afford it. Sirs and Maams, would you let your child go through what I've been going through? I wouldn't even let a person in prison go through this. Please,, Please approve my request. You'll be saving my life, please, I beg of you.

Thank you for reading my story, Becky Potter

NOT DOING VERY WELL

Perhaps you have noticed that I haven't posted in a few weeks, there's a reason for that. I am extreemly depressed. Not just normally depressed as I am every day but seriously depressed. I have been trying to move forward to obtain a type of surgery for deeply depressed persons called Vagus Nerve Stimuli and I'm terrified that Blue Shield will
reject me. In addition, the pdoc I've been seeing for the last 10 years is retiring next month, so I have no one really to take care of me. I am home alone without any contact of humans on a daily basis and am very, very lonely. It took all that I have to bring myself to post this. I have been crying everyday for the last 2 weeks. All I do everyday is stay in my bedroom in a certain spot, where I've planted myself 15 years ago and just sleep or cry. I haven't even been to psychdog.org because I fear they will think I am crying wolf but it is true that my depression is worse and worser each and every month, then, day to day. I feel as though there is no hope for me. I take the pills I have but still have bouts of crying about 5 times a day and have panic attacks 3 times a day. I've tried to get people to help me but they don't return my calls. I don't have the energy to call 20 new md's and try to figure out if they're good or not by listening to the people who answer the phone. What will I do if my insurance company refuses my request for this surgery that could save my like? Probably not be here any more. I am farther down than down and don't want to put the words into writing but simply say read between the lines. I feel friendless, all my husband does is sleep when he comes home. My daughter has "her" social life and my son is always in his room. I feel like jumping up and down and saying,"God? do you remember me? please help me from myself, please" At this time I don't think anyone has anything to say that would make me feel better. I'm so tired of other people saying,"Becky, just snap out of it!! what do you have to be depressed about?" they don't understand that I have a real walking talking illness and I'm terrified I'll be committed!!! I'm just so dawm sad. Everything within reach feels so far away from me right now. I have no energy to pick up my room or laundry or anything. I just feel spent. I'm done-game over.

FRIENDS I CAN COUNT ON

My first and very best friend is my faithful Maltese/Service Dog Grace. First of all, everytime I post Grace is by my side. She's always with me 24/7!! She places her little nose on my laptop or my lap . She knows when I'm sad or going to be sad even before I do. She sits on me, facing me and begins giving me kisses. She even knows when I'm
goint to have a panic attack before I do. She comes to me and stares at me as if she has to go out and paws my chest or shoulder and stares at me. I'll even ask he, "Grace, do you have to go potty? If she does, she'll get sort of excited and runs to the edge of the bed, wiggles a little and sometimes barks onece to let me know. But she deffinatly acts differently if she knows a "spell" is comming. She'll paw my shoulder and stare at me if she knows I'm about to have a panic attack even before I do. This gives me enough time to take some medicine.She'll stare at me in a different way with her large brown eyes. Sometimes shel'll begin liking my face for up to 10 minutes or more. If we're out waling and she's in her regular heel, she'l cross in front of me, so as not to let me go any farther and this
makes me stop and reminds me that its "that time of day, when I'm more prone to panic". Useually between 2 and 4 pm. This again makes me stop and look at my watch and think, "Oh, yes! these are the time of day, I'm more often to have anxiety/panici problems. So yes, she does remind me to stop and take the medicine that will calm me down. At only 2 & 1/2 she's very motherly and protective of me. Even though she's only 5 pounds. She constantly gives me kisses if I'm crying and is the most cuddlesome dog/partner I've ever had. Originally, purchased as a pet she began trying to get my attention last January of oncomming emotional problems. I really don't think i dould ever live without her.
Other friends I always know I can count on are the women & men friends I've made through the organiztion:
psychdog.org. All I ever need to do is to tell them that I'm in a bad way and practacly instantly my friends come to my rescue wirh works of encouragement, prayers an sage advice. I litterally don't know what I'd do without the wisdom of these wonder souls. Thank you my friends, all of you mean everything to me.

Becky & Grace

I'M BACK TO MY NORMAL SMILING SELF!!

Well, Saturday and today, I am back to my normal smiling self. Geez, mom & her mood ring/necklace idea was weird but she thought it was a good idea at the time. Its so California, ya know? Mom thinks that maybe I was depressed because it rained here on Friday. That's the only thing that was different around here. She loves the rain. The L.A./Orange county areas were exceptionally dry this past season and she likes the romantic ideas of the fireplace going with hot cocoa, a good book and the rain. I think she's nuts. I hate the rain!! I have special shoes for the rain but they never work on me 'cause I always kick them off, so I have to "go" outside in the rain bare pawed. I don't like that very much. I don't like getting wet even for a weekly bath (ugh!!) I sqirm and always try to get out of the sink even with shampoo all over me. And going out on the grass is a bummer. There's never any good spots to "go" on. Also, mom is weird about keeping me so clean when it rains that I don't get any walks either.
Hopefully, I'll get more walks tomorrow and the coming week. Its supposed to get a tad warrmer this coming week. Oh, I've made some more cool friends but haven't had a chance to get back to them because mom had some flu symptoms today (eeeek!!)so I stayed with her all day. She got so dehidrated that she even weighed 5 pounds less from yesterday's weight to today. So she can't eat anything yet. Its not good for mom to lose weight because she doesn't weigh very much anyway. A lot of people think that its really neat but they don't realize that she gets that achy feeling where your skin is really touchy and even taking a shower hurts her skin. She takes an antidepressant that makes almost all food smells icky to her. The side effect is called taste perversion. Loads of humans think that that's neat too 'cause they think its a good way to keep your weigh down but they don't understand that the smell of food cooking makes her feel really nauseas every day. They always want to know what she takes but we don't think that would be good medical advice to pass out. The eating problem makes her so nauseas also because she has migraines every day and that makes her nauseas too. The worst thing is fried foods (ugh-gross) all that grease (ick!!). Well, we thing she's gonna be fine tomorrow. Mom wants to go see the new baby this week so she has to be well. I get really funny around the baby. Its just not something I've ever seen before and I think its sorta like an alien. Its kinda weida. It doesn't cry a lot its just a very different kind of human that I've never seen before. And she's always going on about the baby, the baby, until she came....I was the baby. It doesn't even have any hair!! Can't "high five" or even sit/stay. Mom says its going to start crawling around soon (eeeek!!!) I hope it doesn't follow me around, that would make me nervous!!

Grace

ME, MOM, AND A MOOD RING

Today I'm just having a blah day. I don't know why, I don't feel sick but I just don't feel like eating a treat, Dingo rawhide rounds, not even Scooby snacks with peanut butter!! Mom was very concerned about me. I usually tell her when I have to "go" but she put me in the back yard anyway. So I looked for bugs, I like to give them "high fives" then watch 'em wriggle around but only saw a few. Mom kept saying, "Grace you haven't gone since this morning, don't you have to "go"?" I just kinda looked at her and wandered around the back yard sniffing things like the new apple tree and some other new trees Mom & Dad had put back there. The backyard was demolished and totally re-done with new grass even, so I like that and investigating new things but I wasn't going to go. Mom said, "well I not waiting around all afternoon Grace" Usually she watches what I do so she can figure out when I'm going to do what next. She's carefull about that. But I'm not allowed to wander around the new garden alone yet, not till mom has checked all the new plants out to see if any are toxiic. So she picked me up and we went back to the bedroom and I still did what I was supposed to do: lay on Mom or next to her. I just have the blahs. Well, Mom was still really concerned about my health and my humor so she had this idea, see. Our boy, Matt has a mood ring and a mood necklace and she's been putting them on me all day and checking to see what color it shows. She did it last night and one time it was pink. She never saw it turn pink before. Mom says black is:bad mood, Blue is: calm & in love, Green & Yellow is : nervous/anxiety. When mom wears it: its usually black or green/yellow. She doesn't like that. So I've been wearing this dumb necklace for hours and she keeps checking it. And I keep showing: Blue,calm.
She tried to put the mood ring around my tail to get a second opinion but my tail is too hairry and my toes are too small. She just now checked it and it was pink again with a little purple in the middle. Mom's been thinking, maybe an outing would help. So we took a break from this diary and when mom said, "Grace!! Working!!" I jumped around and got all excited. Mom had to say, "Grace Qui=et" to calm me down so we went outside & mom said, "if you want to go working, you have to go potty" So I went, a little. The store we went to is kinda always dusty and dirty (It's right next to the freeway) they sell plants, pots and lots of unusual things. Because mom didn't want me to get dirty and its really crowed in the store, I got to ride i the shopping cart. The lady who worked there even said I was cute, but leave me in the cart, not on the floor, mom said Oh you don't understand she's a service dog and I can put her down if i wish to. we don't think the lady understood 'cause she just said uh huh, leafe her in the cart please. we stayed in the store for an hour ane found some really nice plants. I was really good and liked seeing things up high the way humans do I sort of liked it, I was good anyway. well when we were done mom put me in my seat belt and went home. Mom could tell that I had to "go" but it was taking me forever. I just couldn't find the right spot and I was eating grass too. when dinner came, I didn't efen want to spin. Well, I gave Matt one slow "old man" spin. Matt said,"what's wrong with Grace?" he could even tell. Mom let me out again and I couldn't go. So mom & Matt were taking the plants out of the bag and I finally had the urge. I didn't even indicate to mom that I had to go I just went #2 on the carpet!! Whoops!! Mom saw me almost imediatly and said," Grace Potter!! What did you do? Bad girl very bad girl, No, No, No-How could you? Very bad girl. Sit here and stay"(on the lazy boy chair) She got paper towel and rug spray. I was so upset too that I was shaking I don't know why I did that, I haven't done that in agout a year ane a half!! My ears were back and my big brown eyes were as wide as I could open them. I felt so guilty and sorry. Mom wrapped the gift in a bag and took it out to the trash outside. I hadn't moved a muscle.I was reall scared and Really sorry. Mom put her hand on my back & saw that I was so sorry that I was shaking. She picked me up hugged me and said, "Grace, what is wrong today? huh I love you anyway, acccidents happen, right?" Well, I guess even dogs get moody sometimes.Right now I'm back on mom's lap with my little head on part of the laptop, like I almost always do when she's on the computer. I think now I kinda know how mom feels when she's down. I hope I feel better tomorrow 'cause today was a real bummer.

HORRAY!! IT'S SUNDAY!! TRAINING TODAY!!

HORRAY!! We're going back 'cause mom says I'm rusty. See, it was so hot here in August and lots of
September that mom & me stayed in with the air conditioning but it wasn't very good for mom or me. She had 7 panic attacks last week but I was there with her though, luckily. I helped her out a lot. Usually, when mom's ready to go out she says, "Grace! Wanna go WORKING?" And I say, "working?
Yeh!!" and sometimes I get the "zoomies". Sometimes, I run around the house. I race from the bedroom to the hallway, to the living room, past the sliding glass door, make a left at the computer, go past the kitchen table, through the kitchen, then past the front door, back through the hallway and run up to mom and stop and look at her. Then mom says,"Grace, come here, we're just going, WORKING" Then I zip through the hallway and back through the house all over again until I calm down. Or sometimes I spin, spin, spin.

But if mom isn't feeling well, has a headache or panics its a different kind of work and I can't zoom. If mom gets upset, she uses lots of words until I get it. I can usually tell first if she's going to panic but if I don't pick up on it mom says something like, " Grace work, help mom". Then I know mom needs cuddling and needs to hold me and I always give her lots of licks and I usually get lots of extra love too. So it works good for both of us. This is where me being small and cuddley comes in really handy. I'm just so lovable that humans can't resist holding me, scratching me and kissing me. I'm like that ya know.

Anyway, we went to Target and I had a little trouble watching mom. There's all kinds of new stuff there. Mom says its for Halloween but I wanted to go see all the stuff. I wasn't really paying much attention and not really sitting when I was supposed to and stuff like that. It was just a couple of times but mom says there's another class starting today and I know I know all the stuff but I need something called disipline. At least I'll get to show all the "kids" there my stuff. Besides, I love making new friends and just love Marta my trainer. Whenever I see her I think I'm going to train right away. Mom says she does other stuff besides train. But when I saw her last week I got all excited 'cause I thought I was gonna train. Mom said we were just saying, "hi" but I kinda pouted all the way home. Anyway, we're gonna see her today and train today too. So that's why today is a happy day for me. But mom doesn't give me dinner until after we get back so I'll do stuff for treats......bummer!