IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!!!

(Page 16 of 18: Viewing Diary Entry 151 to 160)  
1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  

Open letter to my dog

June 5th 2009 8:43 am
[ View A Comments ]

An Open Letter to My Dog (The Bad One)
To: My basset hound

DEAR Jasper: I realize that, being a basset hound, it is highly unlikely you will actually read today's column, but at this point I've run out of ideas for communicating with you and am pretty much willing to try anything.

So, let's consider this an intervention. What I'm trying to say is your recent behaviour has been less than acceptable, not that your track record is anything to brag about.

Do I need to remind you about that Christmas fiasco? That's right, the time you found a 20-pound sack of flour in the kitchen, ripped it open, ate about five pounds worth, then gulped down your entire water dish and rolled in the rest of the flour to ensure you were evenly coated in a thick, white, dripping mass of glue, which you then tracked throughout the living room while testing out the new leather sofa and every single chair to see which was the most comfortable.

But that's ancient history. I think we can agree things have been sort of going downhill from there. Just for fun, why don't we start with what you did in the living room yesterday.

Can you show me in the Official Dog Handbook the part where it says: After eating a bunch of grass and the remains of a dead squirrel, never throw up outside if there's a perfectly good carpet in the living room.

Hey, there's more to life than food! I'm serious. You can't eat everything. For example, and this will be a big surprise, Kleenex, paper towels, discarded "hygiene" products, small pieces of wood and plastic bags from Safeway are not considered edible.

Do you have any idea how many fancy-schmancy, high-tech garbage containers we have bought in a vain search for one can -- one (very bad word) can -- that you CAN'T tip over or pry open on the off chance it might be full of yummy coffee grounds, eggshells or mould-coated things from the back of the fridge?

And do you really think we don't know what's been happening to the butter? Oh, yeah, like I really believe the kids have forgotten how to use knives and have been climbing up on the kitchen counter and using their tongues to lathe the butter into a disgusting, albeit very smooth, little blob.

Look, none of this would bother me so much if just once -- one (very bad word) time -- you would just look at me and say: 'Hey, my bad!' Or: 'Sorry, I just sort of lost control!'

But, NO! Whenever we catch you red-handed, you just sit there with that stunned ('Who? Me?') once-again-I-am-unjustly-accused look on your droopy mug, as if butter wouldn't melt in your mouth (which it does).

And have you noticed how no one wants to take you for a walk anymore? Why? Because you don't walk. No, using the same gravitational pull as the space shuttle, you try to yank our skeletons out through our armpits. ("OHMYGAWD! LOOK OVER THERE!! IT'S A SQUIRREL!!!")
What I want to know is why you can't be more like those dogs we see on TV. Not Lassie or Rin Tin Tin. I mean heroic dogs we see on the news, like that black Lab down in Maine who grabbed his owner by the arm last week and pulled him out of a burning house.

But you don't have time for stuff like that. You devote all your mental energy to breaking out of the backyard by ramming through rotten boards in the fence. The neighbours don't like that. They are cat people. Their cat hates you! That's why he hisses at you all the time.

(Just so you know, that fire that I mentioned a moment ago was caused -- and I do not think The Associated Press would make this up -- by a cat named Princess who tipped over a kerosene lamp. I'm just saying.)

You appear to have modelled yourself after Pepper, that Lab-shepherd cross in Wisconsin who, according to AP, got into his owner's purse and wolfed down $750.

On the upside, the family -- and they wisely wore rubber gloves to do this -- was able to recover and wash off $647 that Pepper kindly "deposited" in their backyard, if you get my general drift.

Maybe I'm being a little harsh here; I don't think I'd be mentioning any of this if it wasn't for that little incident with the wiener dog on Friday. You need to realize that you are roughly 10 times bigger than the wiener dog and, under the laws of physics, the two of you cannot occupy the same space at the same time.

That's why, when the two of you tried to run in the back door together, you managed to bodycheck the wiener dog off the top step, causing her to cartwheel in mid-air and land in the planter on the patio.

Not that you've asked, but, other than a slight limp, the wiener dog is going to be just fine. The vet bill, however, cost me $77. And guess who I think should pay for that?

If you're smart, I think you'll contact your buddy Pepper down in Wisconsin. I hear he's still sitting on a little cash.

P.S. Would you please stop licking yourself while I'm talking to you!

 

The life of a Puppy

June 5th 2009 8:38 am
[ View A Comments (1) ]

The Life of a Puppy


This morning, I woke up & kissed my dad's head.
I peed on the carpet, then went back to bed.
"The life of a puppy, oh my, this is great."
Then I thought about breakfast," I hope it's not late."

Mom took me outside, we walked for a while.
This never fails to make Mama smile.
I sniffed of everything, that we did pass,
I ate something weird - it gave me gas.

I'm sure God loves me, I know that is true.
He gave me so many great things to chew.
Rugs, plants or rocks, I really don't care.
What I truly like best, is Dad's underwear.

That obedience book, was sort of yummy.
Though it didn't sit well on my poor puppy tummy.
I threw up a bit, but that was all right,
When Mom found it later, I was well out of sight.

I made streamers of T. P., while running at full speed.
Mom is pretty quick -- but I was still in the lead.
I flew under the bed, and Mom flew past,
She stopped-shook her head, and breathed,
"You're too fast."

Mama later phoned Daddy, and said, "It was frightening!"
That afternoon, she was sure I'd pooped lightning.
She'd sat at the computer, while I chewed the cord,
She thought I was mad, but I was just bored.

When Mama had enough, couldn't take anymore,
That's when my tushy got shoved out the door.
I love it inside, but outside is best.
Lay in the cool grass, and had a good rest.

That didn't last long, there was too much to do--
Can't quite remember where I hid Daddy's shoe.
I found an old bone, and scratched at a flea,
I watched the dumb squirrels as they jumped in a tree.

I barked at the kids, when they got off the bus.
I can't figure out why this makes Mama fuss.
I barked at the neighbor, I barked at the wind.
I barked and barked, till Mom yelled, "COME IN."

The sun dipped in the west-soon Daddy would come!
I sure love my daddy: we always have fun.
I barked at my daddy, then turned on my charms,
I woo-wooed, "Hello," then jumped in his arms.

Sitting under the table -- it's sooo hard to wait.
Daddy slipped me a goodie right off his plate.
I raced through the house, and scattered my toys,
Ricocheted off the furniture, and made lots of noise.

Mom found her purse - the one I abused.
Daddy let loose a chuckle. Mom asked "Amused??"
I cowered down low, I must be in trouble.
Dad said, "Wasn't MY boy, it must be his double!"

Mom turned off the TV, and said,"Time for bed."
Dad said "Let's go boy," and patted my head.
I got in my spot, between Mom and Dad,
I thought 'bout my day and what fun I had.

Mama kicked out my bone from the covers below,
Then let loose a sigh -- a sigh deep and low.
She gave me a kiss, and snuggled me tight,
And whispered so softly, 'My darling goodnight'.

Unknown

 

THEY'RE NOT ONLY A DOG! They're our babies...

May 24th 2009 7:45 am
[ View A Comments (1) ]

Only a Dog

Do you remember thinking it was time that the kids learned some
responsibility and scanning the newspaper ads for a cheap dog for sale?

Do you remember bringing home this little ball of shivering fur and
putting her out in the yard on a chain that was too heavy on a night
that was too cold? Of course you don't remember this.
After all, she is only a dog.

Do you remember this baby crying because she was afraid and alone? Do you remember screaming at her to be quiet and finally going out there to kick her to drive home the lesson? Of course you don't remember this.
After all, she is only a dog.

Do you remember the many times you noticed her water bowl was
empty and her food bowl was covered with mold and thinking that it was the kids' job to take care of her? Do you remember seeing that her coat was dull and lifeless and, in many places, chewed away down to the skin because of the parasites no one took the time to rid her of? Of course you don't remember this. After all, she is only a dog.

Do you remember her first heat and the neighbor's male visiting
her night after night? Do you remember thinking that letting her have
the puppies would be a good experience for the kids? Do you remember that every one of those pups died because their mother was no more than a puppy herself? Of course you don't remember this.After all, she is only a dog.

I know you remember the animal control officer coming to the
house, accusing you of animal cruelty and taking her away because you couldn't understand what all the fuss was about.
After all, she is only a dog.

I thought you might be interested in how this girl is doing
today. You see, once she found a home that gave her love, attention and proper care, she blossomed into a beautiful, loyal companion.
To these people, she is much more than only a dog.

She became a therapy dog and now goes to nursing homes and
hospices where she brightens the lives of the infirm and dying. To some of these people, she has given hope. To others, she's given them a reason to keep living. To even others, she's given them the will to die
peacefully, with a smile on their lips. To these people, she is much more than only a dog.

Just last week, she helped find a little boy that was lost in
the woods. She spent a long, cold winter's night, lying over him to keep him warm and risked her own life to protect his. To this little
boy and his family, she is much more than only a dog.

Why did that filthy, flea ridden animal chained in your backyard suddenly become so important to so many? Because she never gave up her trust in people and she never once thought, "After all, he is only a human."

-Author Unknown

 

I was a bad girl today....mom said so!! :o(

May 20th 2009 6:16 pm
[ View A Comments (2) ]

This morning when mom was getting ready to put Austin and me outside before she left for work, she found an EMPTY bag of candy that I had found that she left within my reach--they were choco covered peanuts...yummy! yum yum!! They were sooooooo good. There wasn't many in the bag, but if she hadn't found the empty bag, she would have never have known. I didn't leave choco on the rug or on my lips so how was she to have known? Darn bag...I knew I should have hidden it or blamed Austin for it!

I KNOW choco is bad for me but when mom left to go to work, I was acting o.k....well of course I WAS I had some choco goodies in my tumbo!! But, mom being the mom she is, was worried about me and came home for lunch to check on me and OF COURSE I was alright! I'm the Doo--I'm Invincible!! (Have I ever told you I've eated 20 flour tortillas, 2 raw chicken breasts, bread, and anything else I can get my paws on!)

Until my next adventure and the next time mom leaves something for me to get into...or within my reach on the counter...

The Candy Girl...
Doo

 

We want one of these.....

April 24th 2009 8:47 pm
[ View A Comments ]

Hi Everyone...

One of mom's friends sent this to her and we just wanted to share it with you. Mom says she wants one, but what will she do with Austin and me????

You have to admit its one of the cutest things ever....



http://www.metacafe.com/watch/2346868/kingsf ord_goes_to_the_beach/

 

I've been tagged!!

April 6th 2009 7:31 pm
[ View A Comments ]

Haley Belle tagged me and this is what she wrote:

TAG YOU'RE IT!!!
YOU ARE CONSIDERED ONE OF MY SWEETEST FURRIENDS ON MY LIST. ONCE YOU HAVE BEEN TAGGED YOU HAVE TO TAG 5 OF YOUR SWEETEST FURRIENDS AND LET THEM KNOW THEY ARE SWEET, AND TO MAKE THEIR DAY HAPPY!!


Send this to at least 5 furriends including me if you care.
Besides being my pawmail buddy You are my friend, you make me smile and truely warm my heart, dear friend.
Send this to all your furfriends you want to keep forever...
If you get 5 back you are LOVED!
You are a Great furend! Haley Belle and Stormy Lynn


So I'm gonna tag:
MAX
LEXIE
LOLA
JAKE
HOOCH
MILO
AND MY LOVE, TANK!

(P.S. I know its more than 5 but I have so many friends I love, I can't not tag only 5)

 

Another job, yet again for mom!

March 17th 2009 7:54 pm
[ View A Comments ]

Whew...its a good thing she can constantly get jobs, the hard part is having ones that last long enough.

We told ya'll recently that mom started a new job last Wednesday and it was a temp job that was supposed to last through at least 5 or 6 weeks. The first day there, they told mom (and the other 2 temps that were hired that same day) that they weren't going to continue with the completion of the survey. It was a oncology drug company that had run a multi-year study years ago and they were just going to input the study info into computers to see if the FDA would approved the drug being studied. But the company went over to Europe to talk with their FDA group which is much stricter than the USA's, and they decided not to continue the study. So, mom's job ended Friday of last week! Talk about a shock to everyone...even the company she was working for it came as a shock to them too. (The main office is based in Masschuttes!)

But, as we know, God is good and takes care of mom, so mom went on an interview yesterday at 4:30 and they called her today and she starts work tomorrow at 8:30! YAY--treats are still on the horizon! And, during the interview the lady was telling mom that after the busy time for which mom was hired for (March-May) they might be wanting someone permanent...and I bet its gonna be MOM! She's a good typer (73 WPM) and her data entry skills are way up there(11,000 - 13,000 keystrokes per minute)--I think thats pretty good, its sounds like a lot of strokes to me (keystrokes or swimming strokes--BOL).

I'm sure ya'll get tired of us always telling you mom has a new job over and over and over, but we just get so excited we like to share with all of our friends here!

Talk to ya'll soon...
The Doo

 

Hi Evfurbody..

March 6th 2009 10:02 pm
[ View A Comments ]

I want to thank each and every one of you, both long time friends and new pals too, for all the birthday wishes and prezzies you left for me. That was so thoughtful and I was so excited--my page kept filling up and up and up with prezzies! I was doing the happy dance!

I had a very good birthday. Mom loved on me all day long, and I didn't get in trouble once. She gave me my chicken strip treaties, and some eggys (hard boiled...mmmm good!) I played with Austin--he hasn't played with me in a while so it was like "old times". I slept late and got to be a couch potato all day long! YAY me!

I just wanted to thank everyone very very much again for all my prezzies and Happy Birthday wishes!

Your friendship means so much to me.

Love to You All,
Doo

 

Thanks everyone!

March 2nd 2009 1:16 pm
[ View A Comments ]

I just wanted to thank you all for the gifts you have been giving me for my birthday! Thats so nice of ya'll, and I greatly appreciate them.

Mom took that good lookin' guy holding the birthday cake off my page just in case someone might get offended. But thats o.k., I have a bunch more stuff on my page and its just as great without him (as good lookin' as he was....)

Thank you everyone!!
Doo

 

THEY SAY ITS MY BIRTHDAY---AND I'M GONNA HAVE A GOOD TIME!

March 1st 2009 6:22 pm
[ View A Comments ]

4 more days until my birthday!! YAY!!! I'll be the big "4".

HAPPY BIRTHDY TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEE EEEE,
HAPPY BIRTHDY TO ME!!!

 
  Sort By Oldest First

♥ Doo ♥


 

Family Pets

♥Austin

Subscribe

(What does RSS do?)