Do they know it's Christmas?

Hello Gentle Readers,

Again it has been a long time since we corresponded. In fact, this, I believe has been the longest gap- over a year. For that there is no excuse except that Mommy and I have been busy. That's what she says, anyway. But I say, aren't we all? I'll try to give a recap as best I can...

Last Christmas passed in the usual fashion. I went home with Mommy but had to stay out at Dogwood Kennels near home. Apparently there are two Jack Russel Terriers there who have not heard of my legions of fans and value of cuteness to the world at large. They are of less than a, shall we say, equitable spirit when it comes to sharing turf, toys, and humans.

After that vacation, it was back home to Chicago where the rest of the school terms passed into Summer fairly uneventfully. I deeply enjoyed having Mommy home for several months when she didn't have to go anywhere for classes or do any teaching. We spent a great deal of time walking and reading together on the sofa.

The weather was lovely, but turned unexpectedly hot in August. It was so hot that Mommy went to Ace Hardware and bought me my own doggie pool! It was a large plastic enclosure that she filled with buckets of cold water and placed in the living room. I did appreciate her efforts, but being born under the sign of Taurus I am a decidedly land loving individual. I am not prone to amphibious cavorting and fits of unseemly splashing that retrievers and labs enjoy. I like to lounge poolside. Mommy didn't understand this, and try as she might, she could not interest me in the little tub. Her efforts were not in vain, though, as she found it was nice to soak her feet in during the evenings.

Neither of us experienced much relief until she cleverly installed a window A/C unit. The latter was provided mercifully to us by Mimi and Papa, grandparents extraordinaire. Many said the unit could not be placed in our apartment, but Mommy solved the engineering problem and we were at last cool and comfortable. With her opposable thumbs, Mommy's flashes of brilliance generally lead to amazing results. People often mistakenly think that we canines are not so quick minded. What they fail to realize is that many of our theories and concepts remain mere blueprints in our brains, as we have not the physical capacity to manifest them with our flat paws. But I am digressing.

Later in the summer, after the heat wave, Mommy and I moved to nicer quarters. We are still in Evanston, but have taken up residence in a newer apartment building with oh so much window space. It is a much quieter building on a quieter street. No more constant passing of trucks and yelling of the postal workers out back during all hours. No more city bus idling for 20 minutes at a time under the window. As a result, I have found it unecessary in this new home to spend my time underneath the furniture, with my delicate temperment disturbed. I can still howl at sirens, but there are fewer now so my voice can rest. When the trucks do pass within earshot, I can hit some much higher notes and I know that with the rest my range is increasing. Perhaps my stage career will include a stint in Phantom of the Opera or some such respected production.

Time passes with greater ease in our new home and I enjoy myself here greatly. Mommy has taken to leaving NPR on for me to hear during the days, and I'm boning up on all the issues. I enjoy listening to "Fresh Air," while Mommy's favorite is "This American Life." We try to catch the latter together on weekends. Sometimes when she comes home, I am in a bad humour. She is confused at this, and I wish I had the words to tell her that it was due to me having to be stuck at home with no way to get away from "Prairie Home Companion."

We were soon back to the Yuletide season and Mommy was on her way to many places during her month of break. I myself travelled abroad by auto-car to visit Poppi in Rockford. I stayed with him there for several days while Mommy was off to the Big Apple. We did guy things, which included eating fried chicken out of buckets and drinking beer while sports competitions were played out on television. While I was not much for this part of the visit, I was greatful to have morsels of food falling from the table that were something more exotic than Mommy's usual fare of carrots, lettuce, and the like.

Poppi and I also watched Caesar and his dogs each morning on "The Dog Whisperer." Some of these canines were wholly undignified. Because of this, I initially reacted poorly to the show as I felt it represented dog kind in a most stereotypical and negative light. However, as I saw that Caesar had quite a knack for healing these animals and teaching thier humans how to behave correctly, I relented and enjoyed myself. I have put in so much hard work with Mommy, you really have no idea. I tell everyone- she did not come out of the box this way, I had to train her! And you know, I get so little credit for my opus. But Caesar publicizes the need for human teaching and training and for that I have a certain affection for him.

But, moving on to more news...

When Mommy returned from NYC she was so delighted to see me as I was her. We went immediately to the park where I attempted to corral some noisy geese. Unfortunately, they were across an ice covered pond. I attempted to cross it, but lost my footing as my bottom cracked a large hole in the surface. Mommy helped me out and laughed heartily at my condition. The woman finds the most inappropriate things to be funny, she truly does. Anyway, we got back home and things returned to their normal routine for a few days before the 21st, when Mommy celebrated the Solstice. I recieved a toy soldier that squeaked. A noble warrior, he lasted about 2 hours with me before I removed his insolent head. I still carry him around the house as a trophy.

On Christmas eve I accompanied Mommy to her parent's home where we repeated our usual holiday ritual. The one exception this year was my visit to Mimi and Papa's house. Oh, what a time I did have. Not just one, but two people to dote on me at once! And not distracted people like Mommy, no no. These people were able to give me total attention. Twice the affection! Twice the laps! And, twice the house space for me to sniff and explore. It was truly a paradise for the overnight stay I had with them. The kitchen there held such wonderful smells, and Mimi was forever sneaking me nibbles of carrot and cracker from the Christmas platters of a couple of days before. Papa bought me a rawhide bone, which I have kept hidden in the manner of pirate booty in various places ever since (I am not ready to chew my souvenir just yet). I did miss Mommy a bit. However, the thought passed quickly when I realized her absence also meant the absence of the killjoy "no more treats" attitude she can have.

In short, it was a glorious holiday, and for the first time I felt I had truly had my own festive vacation. My previous sojourns had certainly not been unpleasant, but this...THIS was really a holiday treat. Hopefully I will be back to visit again very soon. When Mommy picked me up, I remember her singing to me and giggling (again with her own silly humour) "Do they know it's Christmas time at all?" Well, I can safely say that this year I did know it was a holiday, and I did have myself a refreshing, relaxing, if not slightly debaucherous time.

Here's to being spoiled by loved ones, and here is to you, dear reader. As we move into a new year I wish you light, love, and peace.

Faithfully yours,
Magnus

Starstruck

Hello gentle readers,

It has been an extraordinary amount of time since I last corresponded with you, my reading public. For that I apologize. Mommy has been atrociously seflish with her new pc. She is back at school now, and has been extremely busy. She's always sitting in front of the thing or reading her books and ignoring me in all my cuteness. How that's possible I cannot begin to explain. I personally find that I am infinetely loveable.

While school has brought changes of Mommy being around at home more often- a good thing- she is often busy. This is a bad thing. However, we have begun a ritual of sorts together that she calls our 'bonding' time. I don't understand why we have to have this special hour every week and can't simply take up permanent residence at the park instead, but hey- it's a human's world. I just adorn it with my elegant and beautiful existence.

Aside from the usual walks and tummy rubs- and occasional games of tug, we have begun watching 'Curb Your Enthusiasm.' Mommy is a huge fan of the show and despite her busy schedule she tries very hard not to miss it. If we can't catch it on tv, we watch it another time on DVD. I'd never understood the appeal- I like cartoons, myself- until this season. Now that the show has a canine star, I'm hooked. I run to the television constantly. I spend the whole show between the sofa and television jumping and trying to get a better view of this celebrity boxer.

Now, Mommy used to tease me about getting a job and all since she put me through school- ironic now that she herself is a student again. But I, being a corgi, am not cut out for hard labour. My body is small and I've a very creative turn of mind. I cannot pull anything, nor do I fetch except on my own terms. However, exercising my creativity through screen acting seems something I could do. And do well.

To be adored by Mommy is one thing, but to be fawned over by millions of fans, to bring to life a mere story on a page- this is the true calling of the actor, and a deep yearning in my heart.

Perhaps I will begin in local theater and then be discovered at a nostalgic soda shoppe. I will bypass commercial work and go straight to off broadway productions. Then I will ascend to screen stardom. After that I have not yet decided if I will become a respected patriarch of the screen actor's world, or descend into a tragic end involving some element of poverty/troubling eccentricities, or both.

Anyway, this is now my calling and vocation. Watch for me. Someday the name Magnus will be on everyone's lips- or if I'm lucky, even on children's lunchboxes.

Maybe he's born with it, Maybe its Maybeleine

Hello out there, friends. It's February and I'm back to share my latest news with all of you.

Last time I wrote, you heard of the harrowing saga between myself and the uncle. Things have surprisingly improved since then. Mommy's psychological tricks are not always in vain, I will have to admit. Uncle has now become a source of treats and games, which Mommy does not always have time to play with me. Perhaps he is not so bad to have around, after all. I still refuse to allow him to finish his dinner. Come on, I'm not a total pushover. But I will refrain from soiling his belongings so long as the games keep coming. Every time he throws my tennis ball or gives me an empty bottle, I find the desire to ruin his shoes fading from me a little. Someday we may even reach the level of warm acquaintances. But that is as far as it will go, of course. I am still the number two dog in this pack. Now and forever.

The issue now is that I still enjoy thieving from time to time. I can't help it. There is something about the rush of it all that I can't resist. The strategy, the waiting, the planning, and the adrenaline during execution. I recently thieved the most bizarre object from Mommy- something she calls a lipstick.

I have seen her with these many times in the mornings when she is standing in the bathroom. They look delicious- she's always got them near her mouth so they must be divine little snacks. Well, my friends, let me advise you- lipstick is not good tasting. I don't know why in the world Mommy has that awful stuff.

I planned to sample some myself late one evening while she was disposed in the shower. The perfect time, by the way, for covert activities. Wet humans do not like to run around like we do, and they will stay in that bathroom until they are dry and robed. This allows plenty of time for any questionable doings without being interrupted by Mommy.

I heard the water go on and spied a lipstick left on the kitchen table. Just like the banana cake, I knew that if properly motivated I could get my corgi body up onto that high surface. And properly motivated I was, because I had had my heart set on trying lipstick for quite sometime. Finally, my moment had come.

Using the famous double chair move, I hopped my way up by rising levels from the easy chair to the table chair and finally onto the table itself. Success was mine. I stole the lipstick in my mouth and brought it to the sofa were I proceeded to cover it in my mouth.

It was disappointing at first. It just tasted like those awful nylabones I don't like. Just plastic- no flavor. And then- something awful began to fill my mouth. The bright pink filling (which I assumed was the good stuff) burst forth and tasted completely foul. It was waxy and thick. As I tried to rid myself of it, I only succeeded in covering my teeth and paws with the awful stuff. Ugh!! I began to feel enourmous sympathy for Mr. Ed, who I had seen on television looking like he had peanut butter stuck on the top of his mouth for half hour segments at a time. The more I licked and tried to spit out, the more it spread. Now it was on my most favorite and largest chew toy- the sofa- and all over me.

Finally Mommy came out of the shower. Usually I feel that she can stay in there for hours, but this time I could not wait to see that steam stop pouring out of the doorway. She came out, stopped dead, and stared at me.

Then of course, she flew into her crisis mode, and began talking fast and checking me for blood and cuts. When she lifted my body, she spied the smoking gun- the cracked and mangled green plastic tube. She held the evidence of my shameful escapade aloft and suddenly burst into a highly obnoxious giggle fit. While I sat miserable on the sofa she rolled onto the floor, now being rocked with a full on belly laugh. All at my expense. Some gaurdian, huh?

When she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and made sure that the waxy snack was not going to poison me. At this point, I felt that such a thing would almost be a blessing considering my current misery.

As if that were not enough, I had to be punished for my thieving! Certainly I had suffered enough. I wanted to assure Mommy that I would never steal this evil substance every again- she could have all of it she wanted to herself. But no, humiliation had to occur in addition to physical discomfort.

Mommy scooped me up and informed me that my punishment was going to be a photo to memorialize this event and a long stare in the mirror at my ridiculous face.

She hauled me into the bathroom- the place she keeps these foul little things- and held me up to the mirror. Never in my life have I been so embarassed. Not even when I lost control during my sofa escapade. I thought, 'I look like I belong in a doggie drag show.' This sentiment was immediately confirmed by Mommie who said the same thing through her laughter almost verbatim. All I needed was to have my flashy special occasion rhinestone collar on, and the show look would've been complete.

Needless to say, this has ended my love affair with lipsticks. Mommy still puts them up to her mouth all the time, and now, instead of envying her, I nearly gag wondering how she stands it. I have noticed now that my desire has cooled, that she does not actually eat the things, but just puts them to her lips. This is a fine detail I wish I had noticed previously. Perhaps it would've clued me into the decidedly UN snackable quality of the things. Yuck.

This will not end my thieving days by any means. But, it has made me more selective in the items that I choose. For now, I am playing it safe by sticking to empty food containers and socks. It will be a while before I branch out again. Keyser Soze, I am not.

Jealousy- thy name is Magnus

Whew. The adjustments just keep on coming. Where do I begin?

Well, for starters, Mommy left me alone over Christmas. Completely scandalous behaviour, if you ask me. While she was living it up back home in Illinois, I was left at a hotel. Now granted, the place was nice. I had my own little room with a tv and everything. And a new squeaky bone Mommy bought to appease me. But it still had an impersonal feel, and my big Christmas gift was to get my nails trimmed. Just wonderful. Can you smell the sarcasm here?

Anyway, then Mommy's friend came to pick me up and keep me for a few days. This guy seemed pretty cool. We've met before and we got on well- I love Mommy and all, but we guys sometimes like to kick back and watch football on tv and drink beer and scratch. I don't do the former, but the latter is something I am particularly fond of.

These few days with him were fun, and then Mommy came back. I was overjoyed! I had begun to fear that she had left me for good, but she came back bearing gifts from all my admirers (of which I'm certain there are many), and all was well........for the time being.

More and more this guy I stayed with kept popping up in my life. Mommy spends more time with him now and sometimes we both go over to his house. Mommy explained to me that he was sort of my uncle now, which would be fine, if she didn't lavish her attention on him and not me! I tell you, I have been the man of the house for my albeit short, but entire life so far, and I don't care for this usurper one single bit. I like hanging out with my uncle and all, but when Mommy's around, we're a two member pack. End of story.

Well, mommy does not get the hint that I whine when I am at his house, and that I have a look of general malaise. Her attempts to buy me special treats and toys specific to uncle's place have not helped. I see through the pig ears and greenies. I know what's going on. So thus started my guerilla campaign against this man.

Last weekend I commenced with the plan of attack. I waited until dinner, jumped up on him, snatched his food right out of his hand (it was hamburger-YUM!), ran into the bathroom and ate it. Now, I got scolded by Mommy, but I didn't care. I would never dare steal her dinner. I'm not allowed up near her when she's eating anyway. But this guy...you've got to be kidding me. I'll take anything from him I want. Now the burger worked its way through me quickly, and Mommy took me outside to do my business. But I saved some, and when we came inside I defiled that man's bed (while he was making it!!), and number two'd in his left shoe while he was cleaning up my first mess.

Mommy came out of the shower to find out what I had done, and I pranced out to her and licked her toes. I have nothing to be ashamed of. The guy's a loser- what can I say? If I could put a kick me sign on his back I would, but I lack an opposable thumb. Now Mommy did exactly what I thought she would and burst out into uncontrollable giggles and laughter. She's such a sucker for me, and I know that one of her weaknesses is laughing fits. This seemed to drive a temporary wedge between her and the new man, which was just what I had hoped for.

They made up quickly, and my uncle tried to pet me the next day. I let him for a little while, but only in order to lure back his trust. I have not seen him since this episode, so I am hoping that he is gone for good. However, I heard his voice on the answering machine last night, which irritated me to no end. Mommy is no doubt making some sort of silly intellectual inquest into my behaviour to investigate what is causing it and how to stop it. Little does she know that I have not yet even begun to disrespect and embarrass this man. Little dogs can destroy quite a lot of they set their minds- and teeth!- to it.

We will see what the weekend brings. Mommy is mine all through the week, and I have little intention of sharing her on weekends, even if it is only for the day. As my readers know, there is a reason that I have titled my diary "man of the house." And as of right now, I feel that status is in danger of corrosion. However, my fight has only just begun. And that is not a threat, it is a heartfelt corgi promise.

Yours faithfully,

Magnus

Like a Corgi Scorned

Oh my friends- it has been far too long since I wrote here in my diary. My life has recently become a whirlwind of events, which I will fill you in on.

First off, just in case anyone was concerned, Mommy had indeed forgiven me for the sofa debacle. I got a new rahide bone and a greenie the next morning, so I knew I had charmed back her affections.

Speaking of Mommy- she can be pretty sneaky at times. A few weeks ago, we got up in the morning as per usual, but Mommy seemed to be moving slower and paying more attention to me. Time ticked by, and I was so sure that she was not leaving for work that day that I became elated and ran around with my ball out of sheer joy. Soon enough, she grabbed her coat and bag and I became confused. For goodness sakes, was she going or not? Indeed how cruel it is to toy with a corgi's emotions. Well, to make a long series of emotional peaks and valleys short:

She took me with her to the car (YAY!)
We pulled up to the vet's office (Not the park, but not a problem either)
She handed me over to the vet tech, turned and walked out (ARMAGEDDON)

I howled and mustered the loudest tantrum I could, but it was all to no avail. I had been left.

Eventually, Mommy found her way back to the office after I had had a nice long drug induced sleep. Though I was excited to see her, I had spent the late afternoon playing mind games with the kitten in the cage next to me and had him completely in my thrall. So much for my all kitten army world domination scheme.

Anyway, after this event I felt very strange and unlike myself for a few days. I could not get enough rawhide- I became a dog possesed. Mommy had to make two trips to the store just to get more bones. She gets the ones shaped like porkchops, which, if I may tell you so, are the only way to go.

I have now recovered well and am back to most of my regular mischeif. I recently graduated from dog class and beat out all those bischons for salutatorian. This pleased Mommy very much, who stopped for dairy queen on the way home and let me eat some of it. She said that this education would be a great benefit to me, and that I should take another class. She also joked around that I should get out there and get a job. Ha. She thinks she's so funny sometimes. As I always say, to the victor go the spoils, and right now, I'm sitting very pretty on my laurels.

But of course, my glory faded with Mommy beginning to work overtime. Perhaps I should get a job where she works, and then I would see her as much as I've been used to. I have tried very hard to be patient with her schedule. After all, she has to provide for herself and her stay at home dog. And yet, I became so irate with her showing up late at home on Monday that I shredded the treat bag she takes on walks with her and stole the television remote. She found it right away of course (we've already covered my poor choices in hiding spots). I am trying to be good, but I am not used to being anything but irresistable to people.

With Christmas coming up, let's just hope that Santa will look the other way just this once.

Faithfully yours,
Magnus

Crime and Punishment

So Mommy got through her exam just fine and seemed very pleased when she came home. I got a brand new toy- a brown paper bag, my favorite- and Mommy cooked something extra yummy that night.

With such a festive mood in the house, I decided to have a little fun. I mean, I work hard everyday gaurding the house and trying to train Mommy. I deserve to cut loose. So, after my half hour of zooming around the house showing off with my squeaky sheep, I decided to finally give into temptation and indulge myself in a big chunk of the sofa.

At first, I teased the upholstery, just pawing at it and nipping it. Then I began scraping my teeth on it oh so silently. Before I knew it, I was drunk with my own hedonism. I ended up on my back, tearing all the fabric off with foam bits flying everywhere like a glorious blizzard.

Just then, Mommy came in to eat her dinner and the mood in the room abruptly changed. She glared at me and gasped. It was then that I realized I had gone too far. I tried giving her the shy manipulative puppy look, but the foam peice hanging from my mouth didn't help my case one bit. With damage done, I slinked off to the bathroom where I curl up behind the hamper when I am feeling sheepish. I could hear Mommy using some very strong language in the other room for the next 20 minutes or so.

I spent the rest of the evening behind the hamper until Mommy came and got me for bedtime. She gave me a kiss on my forehead before I went into my crate, so I am hoping that all, or at least most, has been forgiven. Out of this debacle, I have learned that I have very little self control. And a little fun can soon get very much out of paw. I have eyed the torn place on the sofa many times, and see that there is frayed bits begging to still be removed. I fear that thing will be the undoing of me yet, but for now my friends, I must and will remain strong.

-Magnus

I'm too sexy for my sweater

Mommy has been working extra hard lately on her computer studying for the GRE. I have been trolling our apartment looking for magazines to eat. I have seen several of these "New Yorker"s with dogs on the cover, and have decided to see what this whole typing/writing thing is all about.

As you can see, I am Magnus the magnificent, corgi extraordinaire. Mommy brought me home in July, and I have been her companion and gaurdian since. Though I am just a puppy still, she certainly requires my full attention and protection from vagrant squirrels and seedy looking types at the dog park (this especially means weimeraners).

While she is attempting to further her education, I am pursuing my CGC degree at doggie school, which I'm told is good for me. I feel the treats are the main thing that makes it worthwhile. I am trying to form a clique to defend against the four bichons at school (they're soooo smug), but so far no one has joined me. Perhaps I am just too cool for school.

In other news, Halloween is fast approaching and mommy has that glint in her eye just like when she makes me wear my sweater. I am no fashionista, but I know that I hate that sweater. To thwart her costuming efforts, I have stolen and hidden what appears to be a pickachu hat. However, since she seems to have discovered my treasure trove of half chewed rawhides behind the couch, that hat is probably not as cleverly hidden as I think.

I will keep you up to date on all my adventures, and machiavellian quests to take over the household. For now, I have to go find a new hiding space for that hat AND the sweater.....