Potato Chip's Angelversary, July 13, 2010.......

Potato Chip went to the rainbow bridge yesterday evening----she passed around 6:00 p.m. in the backyard. she was about 18 1/2 and i am sure she passed of old age. she wasnt sick at all and had just eaten grilled chicked for lunch that day. So she had a great, long, fulfilling life! no regrets with Potato Chip----of course, she was the mother of all of the puppies, including my first son, Greedy, and she will be missed more than words can say. She was, and still is, a member of our family!! I will get sentimental about it in my writings as soon as i allow myself-----I just want to thank her for being such a tough, spunky, loyal, faithful and fun doggie for so long to us!!! she was one of a kind!! Just glad Greedy, and Gammon and Checkers, and her pal, Ollie were all waiting for her with open paws the moment she got there!!! I love you, Potato!!! Days come and go, but my feeling for you are forever.....

ok, a few dreams......not all that great, but i promised to- write every sighting

last night i had a dream about greedy and he was around but we were some place weird and there was like flooding and weird people and catering and just a lot of random weird stuff put together, yet Greedy needed a bath---so I was trying to get his bath ready, and the bat tub was all outside, leaking, spraying water every place and there were a lot of people using it or wanting to use it or standing around it, etc---i finally got it ready and Greedy was under a bed---i called to him, didnt think he would come with all of the commotion, but he did, of course!! and i picked him up and he was in pain, like i was hurting his back or something strange, he was growling and mad---i them remembered i needed to pick him up more carefully. i put him in the tub and then all of a sudden it was like a huge vacuum and it was trying to suck him through the bottom of it--i had to grab the nape of his neck by his fur and pull him up----he was growling and snarling like he does when hes not happy----and i pulled him out---again, with the reaccuring theme of, "i cant believe Greedy has made it this long, how many months has it been since his diagnosis, and why dont i see him a lot if hes still alive???" i then got him out, brushed him off, i did get to hold him, pet him, rub him and then he turned into Ronald and I was brushing stuff off of ronalds face and rubbing his back and then thinking to myself, well if Greedy was sick and Ronald is now Greedy, i wonder if Ronald is sick---then i thought to myself, no, Ronald is not sick-----again, like i really felt like from the pregnancy of ronald and the death of Greedy that somehow greedy put his soul into Ronald--that somehow Greedy is a part of Ronald-----there are so many things, even to this day, that Ronald will remind me of Greedy and the bond I have with Greedy reminds me of the one I have with Ronald!!

the night before I had some dream that i feel like i cant remember totally---i feel like Greedy was hanging out with me and that we were doing something fun but i can barely remember that part of the dream---what i do remember is that i was up high in some building and i was looking out of the window---i saw greedy out in the yard, but he had like some sort of weird electronic box or something on his side (maybe it was me thinking of the feeding tube he had towards the end), and he had some sort of sweater on or something---which he rarely if ever wore clothes, but anyway, i was showing everyone how connected we were---that if I looked down at him and wanted him to look up at me, even though there was no way he could hear me, that he would indeed "feel' me and look up at me----sure enough, i would look down at him and he would stop sniffing around and look me right in the eyes and give me that look, that conection, that bond that we had so much-----that was the best thing about us and in the dream it was perfect like it used to be---the look---the love---our essence----again, a dream trying to show me our connection is still there, even though we cant "hear" each other, etc

the next dream was a dream that me and greedy and the rest of the dogs were running and playing in some pool or lake or some sort of water that wasnt very deep in the begginning but then would get deep and i saw greedy all romping and jumping and having a good time and i was trying to keep a good eye on all the dogs and then greedy was gone---i couldnt find him, i was panicked and looked all over for him, i then found him on the bottom of the pool, he had drowned and then saw all of the rest of the dogs on the bottom of the pool too----they had all drowned and i was picking up their limp bodies one by one-----thats the first of these three dreams i had and i didnt want to write it down, but i now have!!! none of these dreams were very very pleasant like some can be, but the worse moment Greedy and I could have together, is way way better then not seeing him at all!! every time i lay eyes on my baby, get to see him, touch him, hold him, get growled at by him, is a moment to cherish forever----i love you my first son---you taught me how to love and i cant wait to hold you again----see you in 5 minutes boo!!!

another dream.....

well, i cant say that these are the best dreams ever lately, but at least they are dreams---they are close to the ones i had in the very begginning, like i was or am unsure that its really greedy or i see everything but his face or something---but the only thing i remember is walking and seeing a stream of pee on the ground, like in a zig zag pattern, didnt think much of it at first, but then, i was like, hey, thats how greedy use to pee, just peed, walking, didnt stop and would just walk and pee-----goof ball, so i followed the stream and there greedy was sitting there, but i only saw the back of him, never saw his face and didnt get to pet or touch him-------these are the types of dreams that make me feel like greedy is trying to come to me but that i am too busy, or too cluttered or too unopen to it for some reason that particular night-----i love my baby and even these types of dreams make me wake up feeling like a queen again----so hopefully, more sighting with more loving, petting and hugging my baby-----goof ball, would have thought at the bridge he would have started peeing normal by now, ha!!! : ) zorro we called him.....

dream of my baby last night......

funny, because in the commotion of the Saints winning, my drinking too much tequila and Greedy's angelversary and going to bed wayyyy too late-----Greedy appeared to me last night, which he hadnt done in a long time----truth is, i woke up in a total blur, but right away i could "feel" that I had been with greedy---the sad thing is i dont remember the whole dream of my baby at all----the only thing i remember is that he was with me, which is way enough---we were walking some place and was like walking on a muddy ledge and greedy stopped to dig his paw in the mud and i got mad at him and told him come on greedy stop getting so messy and come on---then we had to jump on a higher ledge or something and i remember it had little pieces of glass all over it, and i thought, ooooh no, how are we going to make it over tihs---and looked at greedy, then greedy just basically gave me this look, like, lets go, lets do this and started walking over it and made it with no problems!!! its a weird portion of a dream, and thats all i remember, but still woke up with that unique, cool, loved feeling that i use to have when greedy was around---so that makes every dream a perfect one when hes there!!!! please come to me more often again----i need you baby!! hope you had a great party last night and thanks for sending us a saints victory!! i know you had something to do with it!!!

3rd angelversary------

today is the day that you died in my arms, three years ago---although it didnt happen until about 10:30 pm tonight---i remember it like yesterday----we were going to bed as our normal rountine, although i was sleeping on the sofa with you because you were so sick and would have "accidents" of many different kinds---although i didnt mind for one second taking care of you---it was the only time in our relationship that you didnt take care of me, and needed me to take care of you---it was an honor to do it----i laid down and you did too, right on my head, right on my pillow as you had done for 13 years every single day of your life---minus the nights in the icu----which killed me-----and i felt the warth of your fur on my head and my face and you were resting your chin on the side of my head, i could feel and hear your breath in my ear----i sat there and cherished it, and knew there would only be few moments like this with you to come----i remember how comfortable i felt, how "normal" you made me feel, special, loved, unique and how no one in the world, not another dog, or any other person, loved me the way you loved me----then all of a sudden in a big rush, you jumped up, acted very strangely, i did too, and funny your brother, shubert, had to start running up the sofa on the steps we had there for you to see what was happening----of course greedy hated schubert, and gave him one last good growl----i sat up on the sofa, grabbed you and put you in my lap and held on to you so tightly and whispered in your ear over and over, "its alright" "its alright" "its alright" while i gently rocked back and forth---these are words you knew very well and you knew exactly what they meant----i, of course, knew, you were dying, but you couldnt have died in a better place, right on your mommy's lap, hearing her voice last, having her hold you last, just like it was meant to be-----looking back, the "perfect" death-----he passed in about 20 seconds, although i held him for 4 hours after and didnt ever want to give him up----and he looked so peaceful, completely like he was sleeping-----theres not a day that goes by that i dont miss my first son, greedy, he stuck by me through thick and thin and he was the pure, true version of love and really taught me how to love-----so, today, i look back on that day for only a moment, only now, for the rest of the day, i will look back on your life and not your death-----i will spread your love with random acts of kindness and i will remember how great and perfect you always were to your mommy!! i love you baby!!! i will see you in 5 minutes.......you know what i mean.....Happy Angelversary, have a great time at your party today with Ollie, Mr Bubble head, pepe, gammon, buckwheat, sam, angel and all of the dogs we know and love at the bridge!!!! and send a saints victory down here too while you are at it!!! : )

Happy 15th Birthday

Happy 15th Birthday to my very first son and soul mate, Greedy!!! Words can't describe how much I miss you and wish I could spend today and every day with you still!!! I hope the bridge has big, juicey steaks, because I know for sure I would have made you one for your bday, then we would be off to the dog park!!! I may have ordered you some peking duck from your favorite chinese food place-----but for sure I would have pampered you and loved on you extra special today!! I'm sure God and all ur bridge pals, including Ollie. Tucker and Angel, and your bridge family members, like Gammon, Sam, Checkers, Shalimar and Buckwheat will all make sure you have a special day---probably steak AND peking duck!!! : ) I love you baby, come see mommy tonight in her dreams so I can give you a special kiss and hug and lots of pets!!!

well its been a long time......

I thought i was "sick", long story, since sept 1, and the sad part is instead of thinking as greedy to find some comfort in him, i was too consumed with thoughts of terrible things of fear to even let my mind glimpse over to him and his love----then, i started to let myself do that again, ans last week i had a dream we were crossing some wooden or bambo type bridge---i reassured greedy that he could go on this bridge and he ended up falling through the bamboo and i had to watch him fall, then look down to the ground and see him after he fell---he was still moving around but i never knew if he had died from the fall or not, lets just say, it didnt look good, wasnt comforting and i actually refused to write about it until now----so then last night, finally i had another dream of him, i have been allowing myself his comfort like i use t0----but still the dream was disjointed and hard to understand-----but suffice it to say, greedy was with me and alive and we were for sure paling around like we use to---and i remember i was worried cause i had seen the neighbors were keeping their dogs and animals in a mess, in small cages and abusing them, so i called the police on them, then i was worried that they were going to take or steal greedy or hurt him as retaliation----so the rest of my dream was trying to keep greedy in eyesight and keep him close to me so i could protect him----but then that is all i remember---not the best dream in the world, but for sure a huge treat getting greedy to pal around with me again----i will be calling on him more often at night and hoping for our sweet, loving dreams like i use to have of him!! i love you my first baby-----come see mommy and make he feel good!! i love you!!!!

my boy sleeps with me...on me!! : )

i cant believe i found that pic of greedy sleeping on me last night and then last night, sure enough, he came to me in my dream and slept with me!! i was on my bed and i saw greedy walking around the bed on the floor and i was wondering---why the heck dont i have greedy up here with me to sleep with me----its like i dont know i can have that option or something----and when i do find out i can have that option, im like----bring it on----i grabbed him, he got right up on my pillow, even fought with shubert along the way, like he sooo would in real life, and he curled up on my pillow and snuggled in my hair and even kissed my face several times----now that was a dream----hes such a great great great dog----so loyal to me, even now!!! and the best part about this, is i literally only slept for like an hour last night and thats when he came to me!!! good boy!!! always there when i need him----always----even now......

dream on aunt debs bday!!

me and aunt deb were taking a boat ride with a few other people----for her bday----and the weather was sort of gloomy, then we turned the corner and there were 5 rainbows in the sky, criss crossing each other and bright and beautiful and I immediatly turned to her and said omg, its ollie and greedy trying to wish u a hppy birthday----she looked up there and said, nah, I don't think so-----and I couldn't believe it---i kept trying to convince her that it was, but she didn't believe it (funny thing is in real life, I know she WOULD believe it!!)-----the next thing I remember was me and greedy were riding in a van or something and I kept looking greedy over in my mind to make sure it was him, I kept saying to myself, yes, that's greedy and even asked someone else, is that dog right there greedy!?? And they said yes----he was even kissing me on the nose and up the nose and I was hugging and loving on him! i woke up feeling like a million dollars and feeling the love and warmth i always felt when greedy was with me!

my doggie!!

im bummed cuz i cant remember anything about my dream last night other than greedy's face was really close to mine or something and when i woke up in the middle of the night, i totally remembered the dream and it felt great---but by the time i woke up for good, i couldnt remember anything but that i had seen greedy last night and it felt awesome, as per usual!!! hes soooo cool to come to me so much lately----i also heard "the dance" on my way home back from the zoo today----its funny because without warning i just busted out and cried---reminded me that i now have a guard up that allows me to function without him daily, but if i let my guard down, and really "feel" his loss again, it hurts me, bad-----life just isnt as grand without my boo----he was the best thing in the world to have around and i miss him like crazy-----well, just had to document that i had seen greedy last night even though i cant remember it too much!! : )