Running Away From Home

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The Dog's Stomach of Steel

September 5th 2007 8:42 am
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Diggy has a stomach ache today. Mommy told him yesterday to expect it. He ate a lot of strange things, some things that Mommy didn't even see him eat. Here is a list of what Diggy said he ate: 2 scrambled eggs; 1/2 milkbone; grass; 1 bee; 1 milkbone; dog food; berries that came from the black tree; 1-Paul Newman treat; crumbs from the car floor; 2 stale dougnuts; 1/4 baguette; olive oil and garlic sauce; bits of a crustacean plus part of the shell; heel of a boot; tire; 1 hippie.

No wonder he is writhing around today trying to find the coolest spot on floor to put his belly. I know I shouldn't make fun of Diggy because it was not so long ago that I ate some inedible tidbits and fell ill. However, I can't help but chuckle. You should have seen him on the dinner table slurping up the olive oil while Mommy and Daddy were doing the dishes! And when he thieved the baguette he almost got away with the whole thing! I would been more quiet about it. I told him later that the key to food stealing is absolute silence. Sneak up, grab the target without a peep, and dash to a safe zone for consuming.

Well, summer vacation has concluded and Mommy is back to work. She will be gone long days now and Diggy and I will have to stay inside the house even though we have an invisible fence.

 

Uncle Stan

August 20th 2007 6:24 am
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Uncle Stan needs extra doggie prayers, Mommy says he is very sick. I am not feeling so well either. I had my "lump" removed and it hurt! But, I'm ok. Diggy and I are very happy because we can run around our yard by ourselves! I almost totally forgot about the invisible fence! Well, I know where it is and I don't go there.

Diggy and I are trying to catch a chipmunk for Uncle Stan. I think that will make him feel better. I wanted to send him some Yoghund, our favorite Doggy frozen yoghurt that is made in New Hampshire, but Mommy says it will melt by the time it gets to NJ.

Anyway, Mommy needs the computer now, so au revoir and think good thoughts for Uncle Stan. He's a good dog and everybody loves him!

 

Invisible Fence

August 8th 2007 6:59 am
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There is something new in our yard.. It is called an “invisible fence.” It is HORRID! Mommy kept talking about it as though it were a fun thing, but it is not. I have had plenty of experience with visible fences , so I thought an invisible one might be even easier to breach. Not so. The visible fence is easy to get over, under, through or around. Just ask Diggy. At our old yard all we had to do was get a running start from the back door, leap onto the stack of bricks next to the fence, hop onto the compost bin and viola! We could sail effortlessly over the fence. Diggy figured that one out. I found another way that was even easier. I would squeeze through the gap where the gate post joined the back fence. Sometimes I would just use my opposable thumbs, which I keep hidden from humans, to open the gate. It was such a cinch to get out!

The “invisible” fence, however is not the same. You can’t see it or touch it. It makes a high-pitched beeping sound. This sound is so awful it paralyzes me. I can’t even move. Mommy calls me to her and gives me a treat when it beeps, however. Treats are nice, but that infernal beeping is not worth it. The worst part is that if you go the wrong way the fence makes you tingle. I tingled once. I couldn’t move. Mommy picked me up and brought me back into the middle of the yard. Diggy doesn’t mind the tingling so much and Mommy positively loves it! She put the collar on her foot and said that the tingling was like a foot massage. Mommy is weird. Daddy gives her foot massages every night, I don’t see why we need an invisible fence so she can get a foot massage.

I really just want to be able to run around the neighborhood. But we can’t. It’s the bane of every dog’s existence these days. Mommy is afraid that the neighbors she doesn’t like will hurt us. She is also afraid we will get hit by a car or bicycle. I really don’t like bicycles. Sometimes Mommy and Daddy ride bicycles and that frightens me. I think that bicycles should be inside the invisible fence, not dogs.

Well, I am reading To Kill A Mockingbird this week. Mommy got a first edition of the book so we have to be very careful not to drool on the pages or wrinkle them. We are not allowed to dog-ear the pages either. Dog-ear, what a stupid phrase. I prefer bookmarks anyway. We have some really nice bookmarks. I guess I’ll get back to my book or maybe take a snooze. It is a rainy, gloomy day today.

 

Summer Reading II

July 25th 2007 6:59 am
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Last night in Harry Potter, Harry Hermionie and Ron did some amazing wizardy things! They tricked all sorts of bad wizards and narrowly escaped the clutches of you-know-who. I won't tell you exactly what happened, just in case you haven't read it yet. I don't want to spoil anyone's read.

This morning after doggy breakfast, Diggy and I played Harry Dogpotter again. We pretended to be dogwizards fighting all the bad catwizards. The catwizards had us cornered, but like Harry Potter and his pack, we used magic to defeat them. Now we are very tired.

Diggy is snoozing on the floor in Mommy's office and I am writing at the table. I will snooze in my cool bedroom when I am done.

Last night, before we read Harry Potter, Mommy read us a story about Pirates in Maine. Daddy LOVES Pirates. I don't know what kind of life would be more exiting: that of a dogpirate or dogwizard. Maybe I could be a dogwizardpirate. YES! That's it!

I'm going to go get Diggy and we're going to play dogwizardpirate outside. Oh no, there is a lawnmower going in the neighbor's yard. I'm a little afraid of the lawnmower. I think I will stay in and snooze.

 

Summer Reading

July 24th 2007 7:18 am
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Mommy got us the new Harry Potter over the weekend. We've been reading it every night since. It is a very exciting book! I love to read about the wizards and witches and all the magical animals.

Diggy doesn't read much, but he likes to play Harry Potter. Yesterday we were playing Harry Dogpotter and I scared Diggy by telling him that I really saw a Grim. He freaked out and tried to bite me! I ran and hid in my bedroom, but as he walked passed I whispered that the Grim was at the window. He was so scared he hid behind Mommy.

There really wasn't a Grim, but the thought of one is scary. It has been gloomy and rainy all day and yesterday, which I hate so I think I will go read with Mommy now.

 

Dog Food

July 5th 2007 7:53 am
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I sure don't like this crumbly dry dog food. I push it away with my nose. I want to have hotdogs instead. Yesterday we had hotdogs. Technically, they were cold in temperature, but they are still called hotdogs. Actually, they are called dachshund sausages, but I don't think the dachshunds should get them all. They should share with schnauzers. Schnauzers are the best kind of dog afterall.

I have pushed my dry food across the room, but still no hotdogs. I will let Diggy eat my food and then Mommy will give me hotdogs.

No such luck. Mommy put the food dish back in front of me and I have to eat the dry crumbly styrofoamy food. Bleck! I can hardly chew it.

As a dog, I like to eat a lot of things, but not this food. Diggy eats more things than I do and back in his prime, Uncle Stanley ate almost ANYTHING! Uncle Stanley could dig up mushrooms like a truffle pig. Now he gets chicken.

I sure enjoy chicken, but don't get much these days. These days it's just dry, crumbly styrofoamy, chalk-tasting dog food. What makes people think that dogs like to eat this stuff? I think I will go on a dog food strike and wait for dachshund sausages.

Now I'm hungry and there still aren't any hotdogs in my dish.

Grrrr. That was my stomach. I think I'll go eat the dog food and go on strike next time.

 

Dog Days of Summer

June 27th 2007 9:01 am
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Well. we have moved to our new house and yard! It's not so bad. The yard is great. There are lots of chipmunks to sniff for. There are other critters too. Diggy and I try to catch one of the chipmunks which lives under the barn. It is a wiley chipmunk and it comes up from its burrow and "eeps" at us then runs back down! If only it would run into the grass, we would capture it and shake it and shake it. . . .

A few days ago, I ran away. Mommy said she wasn't going to look for me, but she did. She didn't find me, though. I am sneaky. I went to all the houses on the new street. I met two dogs who live here. One is Lady, a black lab. She is so prettty. Diggy doesn't like her, but I do. I got back to the house before mommy, again! Someone let me in the house. Mommy was mad, because as usual, she dislikes the neighbors. I like the neighbors, though. I like to bark at them and growl. It's practice for the chipmunks and to protect mommy.

Today it is so hot. I'm napping on the cool floor. Diggy is sleeping near the fan. We both want to go out, but it is just too hot. Mommy even cancelled Diggy's training today. Rats! I wanted Diggy to go to training, like a little puppy. He's so bad. He bit mommy last week when a boxer dog came to sniff us. He was in a lot of trouble for a few days, but mommy got over it and started liking him again.

Uncle Stanley is visiting us. He is not well and we are not allowed to bother him. He mostly sleeps, so there's no need to bother him. He is no fun. He still growls at Diggy, though.

We got a new toy! It is a Wumba-Wumba and it is so much fun to play with! It squeeks like a chipmunk and when you shake it and shake it, it feels like a chipmunk. I got it away from Diggy and played with it by myself for a while and it was so much fun. Then Diggy and I played together, but it is really too hot for anything but sleeping.

 

Moving....AGAIN!

June 14th 2007 9:51 am
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We're moving tomorrow. Mommy says we are going to have a big yard and we won't have to move anymore. We went to the new yard the other day. It's nice, but I'm a little afraid. I don't know any of the smells. There were squirrely smells, but not our usual squirrels. There were foreign cat smells. Cats that I've never smelled before are there. Ugh!

Mommy says we have to stay in our bedrooms for the first few nights at the new house. I guess that's ok, but I like to sleep next to Mommy. Diggy does too. Maybe Diggy will have to sleep in his crate and I will sleep next to Mommy. Probably not, though. I pooped in the bathroom again last night and Mommy is really mad. I tried to tell her that I didn't do it, but she knows the truth. I tried to tell her that it was because it is raining out, but it's not. So I just tried to look cute. I was in trouble anyway.

If only we could go to the beach. I think that people should not be allowed on the beach. People are infinitely more messy than dogs. They leave their cars running and throw cigarettes on the ground and food wrappers and other garbage like vinyl. Mommy hates vinyl and cigarettes... People are so much smellier than dogs and they just kind of sit there on the beach. They don't even look for stinky things or chase birds or run like Diggy and I do. Well, I don't because I'm not allowed off my leash because I ran away that time.

I try to tell Mommy that I won't run away anymore, but she doesn't believe me. I guess she's right. If I smelled something good, I'd just go. I can't help it! I'm a dog!

 

No More Beach

June 5th 2007 5:27 am
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Well, of all the indignities! Since Memorial Day, dogs are no longer permitted on the beach during the day. Doggie discrimination. I am so offended.

Diggy is upset too, because he really loves to go to the beach to run around. Mommy says that now that it is almost summer, there are too many people around and sometimes people are not nice to dogs. I know she is just saying that. She means that some dogs are not nice to people and some poop and make a mess where people want to walk or lounge on the beach. I think there should be an exception for me...and Diggy. Mommy says that a lot of dogs feel that way and that we can still go to the beach in the evening.

Whatever.

It has been raining for days! It is so cold and wet I don't even want to go to the beach. I just want to curl up in my bed and snooze. Diggy is still watching out the window for things to bark at. With the rain, there aren't a lot of joggers and bicyclists going by. There are some cats and squirells, but not many. When Diggy barks, I'll go over to join him, but for now I'm going to snooze.

 

Visit with Stanley

April 28th 2007 7:22 am
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Uncle Stanley came to visit this week. He and Poppy were very disappointed that the NY Rangers lost the hockey game. So Stanley moped. He walks so slow it is not fun to go on a walk with him. I always become trapped in the middle with Diggy pulling ahead and Stanley trailing behind. We had a fun time in the house though. With all three of us barking, we can scare any cat within a mile! Funny thing is, the cats still come in the yard! Even when we bark, they sneak in and just sit there! I think we should break out and chase those cats and catch them and shake them and... Well, I just think that the cats should stay away...

It was nice to visit with my grand-people. We got treats and Greenies and lots of extra pets and kisses. Diggy always shows off when Uncle Stanley and our grand-people are here. He goes on the table, jumps over the sofa and steals more food than usual. He even opened the screen-door and went into the swamp! He evaded Mommy for almost an hour. When Mommy finally caught him with Poppy's help, he was all full of smelly, black swamp mud and that landed him right in the bathtub! Ha! Ha!

I was lucky, no baths for me. But, I try to keep clean.

Uncle Stanley won't let Diggy or me play with any toys while he is around. Even our own toys! He growls at Diggy. He likes me better, probably because I always offer to share my toys with him.

Well, I am looking out the window now for cats. I noticed that another squirell met a bloody end in the road. The squirells here are stupid. Much more stupid than our old squirells at our old yard.

 
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