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Running Away From Home

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Tommy Don't Eat That!

September 16th 2008 5:15 am
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Ohhhooh...My stomach hurts. I don't even have an appetite for my yummy food. Two nights in a row I didn't make it out... oops. Mommy thinks I ate something bad in the yard. I think some evil pixies jumped into my stomach when I wasn't looking. Now they are wreaking havoc on my belly.


Mommy said not to eat grass, but I did anyway. I puked. Now she follows me around the yard looking out for mushrooms and stinky things I might eat. She says, "Tommy! Don't eat that!" every time I get close to something smelly.

Speaking of stinky, skunks were in the yard last night! I stayed away from them this time. I just pretended I didn't see them even though Daddy did. Skunks are bad news and they don't run when you chase them. They just kind of waddle around and hop.

Well, I'm going to go put my belly in the warm sunny spot and see if I can have a snooze. I hope my belly will feel better soon.




September 8th 2008 6:32 pm
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So now I am on a doggie fitness regimen. Mommy has called me "slightly out of shape" and started taking me on long, fast walks. Slightly out of shape!? Not! But I am not a fan of the long, fast walk. I don't really want to go that far and I need time to sniff things and to take breaks under cool, shady shrubs. Now that Mommy is on this fitness kick it's all "Let's go, Tommy!" and "Keep it up, pups!" as we dash around the neighborhood to the beach and back. I just wish we could stop and sniff for a minute! How am I supposed to keep up with what is going on in the neighborhood if I can't sniff things? As a journalist, I would think my Mommy knows this.

To be fair, she is taking the blame for my so-called lapse in physical fitness. She said that ever since Diggy went to the Rainbow Bridge she hasn't be taking me for enough walks. Walking must make her miss Diggy. Walking makes me want to sniff things and pee on them. I miss Diggy too, but he was not the best walking buddy. I mean, really, he always had to be in the lead. He would try to scare other dogs, and when we got to the beach he'd be chasing birds all up and down. He was never a focused sniffer. I know all the regular dogs and where the chipmunks hide plus when a new dog walks along the sidewalk at the beach. I am proficient in doggie news and gossip. For example, I know that there are 4 cream-puff dogs around trying to act fierce while they are on summer vacation in Maine. These cream-puff dogs come from Massachusetts. There is also a new puppy in the neighborhood. He is a yellow puppy with a flying squirrel toy.

Such things would not interest Diggy. He just wanted to chase birds. Birds! Rodents and cats is where it's at! Today I barked at that Cupcake and her henchcats and they retreated to their own yard. I sure wish I could defeat this invisible fence and chase them right out of that yard and east, onto the beach and into the ocean like Mr. Edwards' Spiders. Mommy has us reading an anthology of New England Literature and Jonathan Edwards' Spider Letter is our present favorite work of literary art.

Mommy likes spiders. I am indifferent about them. It's cats I can't abide. Well, I am exhausted after my brisk walk this evening, so I am going to curl up on these pillows and snooze.



September 4th 2008 5:15 am
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I have finally won the war of the dry dog food! The victory came at the most unlikely place: the vet's office! Mommy told Doctor B that I was a "picky" eater. Picky eater, bah! I'd like to see her eat that dry, crumbly dog food. Doctor B said that Mommy should give me yummier food. Well, she didn't say it like that, but that is what has happened much to my delight.

Every meal is now a feast of tender beefy chunks, veggies and gravy! Yum! Gravy!

Life is not all gravy, however. Mommy has gone back to teaching and now I have to stay home alone for long times and that is very boring. It is also frustrating because Cupcake sneaks into the yard and I am trapped in the house! Cupcake sneers at me and trots around the yard with all liberties!

Here's Cupcake now! Arf! I have to go bark!


Skunky Night

August 19th 2008 8:39 am
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Last night, I had gone to bed and was snoozing away when Mommy roused me and told me I had to go outside. I stretched and yawned and followed her outside. Trotting off to the back field to "go" I smelled a strange odor in the air. As I sniffed, I nearly tripped over a skunk crouching in the high grass.


I barked. It stared at me. I barked again and circled it waiting for it to run. It didn't. Instead it hopped about and did a little twirling move landing with its fluffy tail toward me. I charged. It hopped again and I was suddenly overcome with a stink so powerful I almost sneezed. Then I heard Mommy shrieking from the house. I ignored her. I was determined to chase this peculiar critter. I circled it again and it hopped under the wisteria plant.


I ran around and around the wisteria in a barking frenzy. Mommy turned on all the lights and cheered for me. She came out with a flashlight and lit up the Skunk. It was an itty-bitty skunk puppy, but dog alive it had sprayed me. I rolled in the grass to get the stink off me. Then I barked at the skunk again.

Still stinking, I rolled in the dirt for a minute before Daddy grabbed me. Mommy was talking to the skunk telling it how cute it was and how it didn't have to spray stink all over the place, no one was going to hurt it. I thought for sure, given Mommy's cooing that the skunk would be in my bed that night, snuggling with my Mommy. Grrrrr.

Daddy plunged me in the bath tub and at first I didn't mind because I was not enjoying the stink wrought by Mommy's new pet. But after two soapings and a tomato rub, I had enough.

I wasn't allowed in the bed, but after everyone was tucked in I sneaked over to Mommy's side and checked for the skunk. It wasn't there. Thank Dog! I leaped up and snuggled in and Mommy let me stay and snooze next to her.

If I see that skunk tonight, I'm going to grab it and shake it...well, maybe not.



August 10th 2008 6:26 am
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This summer, I have been introduced to one of the lower forms of life: slugs. Our particular variety of slug is orange and if it gets squished the residue is bright clementine. I have learned not to squish slugs. The bright residue gets into my fuzz and stains! Then I'm walking around with an orange smear on myself.

Because it has rained so much, slugs are everywhere. Mommy hates them too. Mommy doesn't hate anything, but she has been driven low by slugs. She tries to kill them with anti-slug sprinkles. I don't think these work, but it gives Mommy a sense of satisfaction to put them all around in the garden. Still, the slugs come back. Just today one got on my eyebrow. It was sticky and it wouldn't flick off when I shook. I had to go inside and let Mommy get the slug off with the dog cleaning cloth. Yuck.

I decided that although Cupcake is prowling around the woodpile seeking chipmunks, I am going to stay inside and and have a morning snooze.


Stinky Dog

August 4th 2008 1:39 pm
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Funny! So now I've got a Febreez icon on my pet page. Tres drol mes amis. Good grief! Last night a bath and now this! I am so not a stinky dog. Ok, sometimes I do like to roll in an aromatic patch on the grass and coat myself in odiferous pleasure.

This weekend we had visitors of the human puppy variety. I think human puppies are a laugh. First, they want to pet you, then they want to give you a treat, then when you follow them around for more pets and treats they act all afraid and get picked up by their parent.

That's the end of free pets and treats for the dog who is soon banned from the company of the human puppy.

So, I spent my weekend mostly watching out for Cupcake who came into the yard several times. Once, while Cupcake was dallying out the the field diving on grasshoppers, I got real close to that cat. For a minute I contemplated grabbing it by the neck and shaking it! But, then I felt a curious tendency rise inside me and I sniffed cupcake instead. Not polite enough to return the sniff, Cupcake bounded out beyond the reaches of the invisible fence. I stood and barked until Mommy came to get me and bring me back inside where the human puppy was snacking on something crumbly. Yum.

Well, it is time for this stinky dog to stretch out on the sofa and snooze for a while.


The Hot Car

July 22nd 2008 7:14 pm
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Last week my friend Grogan the Greyhound came to visit with me for a few days. No sooner did he get to my house than Mommy packed me into the hot car and we headed to NJ. It was 93 degrees! We had no air conditioning! I have to give Mommy credit, though. She stopped at a convenience store and bought two bags of ice. One bag of ice for me to sit next to and one bag of ice for her. It didn't work. Soon we were hot and wet. I prefer just being hot. Wet is not my thing.

When we finally got to NJ I got right to work chasing chipmunks. NJ is practically overrun with chipmunks! I could only chase chipmunks for short stints because it was so hot outside. Even the chipmunks were complaining about the heat wave. Fortunately, my grand-people have air conditioning in the house.

The reason we went to NJ was to visit with my Grammy. She is very sick. I was not allowed to jump up and down and give her kisses like I usually do when I visit with her. I had to be very slow and gentle, which I am excellent at. I sat with her while she rested and was extra cute so she would smile at me. That made her feel better, to see how cute I was and to pet me a little.

She is almost all better so we came home to Maine where it is less hot. Ooops. Mommy doesn't want me to say how nice the whether is here because other people might move here from places like NJ that are hot. Mommy wants to keep this place to ourselves, which is fine by me. To tell the truth, the weather is nice now, but it can turn nasty fast. Grogan told me that there were HUGE thunderstorms while I was away with Mommy. In the winter we get that snow stuff which I could do without.

But, today's weather was perfect. Grogan and I hung out in the yard and I told him all about Cupcake. We saw Cupcake only once, he was wearing a pink flea collar. Mommy said Cupcake's sister cat got fleas so all the henchcats and Cupcake are wearing flea collars. Ha! Ha! They have fleas!

Itchy, itchy, itchy....

Ah, well, it is late and my friend Grogan is already snoring away. I think I will settle in on Mommy's pillow for my nighttime snooze.


Good Day!

July 15th 2008 5:06 am
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Yesterday was an excellent day! We had many human visitors to the house who I showed off for. They all said I was so cute and gave me pets. The men who came to measure for the furniture were the best. Mommy said not to invite them to play because she was working with them to decide on a new couch. But, I didn't listen and I jumped all over them and took all my toys out to share. I even pulled the stuffing out of one toy to show that I am ruthless with rodents. The furniture men were impressed, Mommy was hardly amused. She said that dogs won't be allowed on the new couch! Whatever. I don't abide by such unjust and arbitrary rules. I will use non-violent protest like MLK and soon I will be able to sit on any couch new or old whenever I want to.

There have been some new developments in the yard. In addition to the laughing chipmunk in the garage and the stone wall chipmunk, we now have the gutter chipmunk. It makes an awful racket scuttling around in the downspouts. It disturbs me in my sleep. On Sunday I staked it out and waited thinking it would have to come out the downspout eventually. I was mistaken, a downspout is also an upspout when you are a chipmunk. The gutter chipmunk went up and across and travelled around the entire house in the gutters and the along the roof. If only I could negotiate a ladder, I could get up there and chase that gutter chipmunk into the trees so we can have some peace and quiet.

In other developments, we now have 10 baby turkeys. I wasn't sure what they were, so I didn't chase them. Mommy said not to chase them, but we all know that what Mommy says usually means the opposite.

I tricked Mommy last night! She took two HUGE carrots out of the cooling machine and put them on the food table. When she turned around to wash another, lesser vegetable, I sneaked over and pilfered a carrot. I was half done with eating it before she noticed! I got the entire carrot, not just a little circle piece like I usually get. If only Diggy were here, he would have laughed at my trickiness!

Well, this morning I am watching out the window for Cupcake. He hasn't been outside much the past few days. His Mommy said she is afraid a fox will get him. Poor unfortunate Cupcake locked up in the house because of a fox! Ha! And my Mommy said Diggy sent that fox. Thanks Dig!

Yawn! I'm just going to take a little snooze and keep one eye open for that cat.


Sporting Equipment

July 8th 2008 7:55 am
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People are funny. They engage in something they call "sports." Sports requires all manner of odd accoutrements and apparatuses. For example, in the winter, my people use "skis," which help them slide around on the snow. In the summer, the skis go upstairs in the garage and out come the bicycles.

I don't know how many of you are familiar with bicycles, but they are curious. I am currently making an investigation of bicycles. Specifically, I want to know how they attach themselves to people and then roll around. It is a little frightening to be around a person attached to one of these bicycles, and extreme caution must be exercised during research.

I have so far learned that bicycles do not respond to barking. They are not easy to grip with the teeth and they move about as fast as a whippet--some may possibly travel with the rapidity of a greyhound, but I have not proven that yet.

My people are fascinated by attaching to bicycles. They use them almost every day, except during the most torrential rains. Mommy even tried to put me in a basket and attach me to a bicycle. I said, "No way!" and I promptly jumped out.

A good way to catch and bring down a bicycle that is attached to a person is by gripping the foot of the person and running alongside the bicycle until it tires and drops the person.

This is how wolves bring down beasts. It works every time. The bicycle stops and you can sniff it and growl at it until you are told to, "go in the house and have a snack, Tommy," in that patronizingly sweet voice that means, "We're leaving you here while we go away with our bicycles and without dogs."

It is my goal to learn as much about bicycles as possible so that I might slay them and keep my people home with me. But, since it is so hot today, I think I will sprawl out on the cool floor and snooze first.


Cat Fights

July 1st 2008 6:30 am
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That cat, Cupcake, is a menace. Yesterday, Mommy became distressed when she found another dead bird. I do not like to see my Mommy upset.

At first, we thought the dead bird was the Worm Robin. The Worm Robin lollygags around the yard every day holding a worm in his beak. When he finds a new worm, he eats the one he's got, picks up the new one and flaunts it around the yard. I think he is trying to "pick up chicks."

Well, Mommy and I were happy to see the Worm Robin safe and waving his wiggly worm as he hopped about the yard yesterday afternoon. It seems another Robin met his demise in the deadly claws of Cupcake.

I do everything I can possibly do to keep the murderous Cupcake and his henchcats from the yard. They just keep coming back. Cupcake doesn't seem to realize that I am BARKING at HIM. I run up and down the yard barking my fiercest bark and he just struts along the lane, totally unaffected by either my barking or the invisible fence. Oh! How I despise that invisible fence!

There goes that cat now! In the driveway! Woof! Once more into the breach dogs!

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