What's it all about.. Alpha
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My Tail of Devotion for DasherJune 21st 2006 12:30 pm[ Leave A Comment ]
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No Spa treament!January 23rd 2005 10:13 pm[ Leave A Comment ] I am sick in tired looking like a ragamuffin. I was supposed to go the Spa Monday and mommy had to cancel the appointment because she was sick! So what she could have called a Limo or better yet I would have drove to the Spa myself! My brother Mickey was ecstatic. He did not have to go. What can you say about Maltese’s. They certainly don’t have the proper upbringing a Yorkshire Terrier has. He doesn’t know but Mommy is going to put a top knot in his hair. She said Mickey hair grows very fast over his eyes. She said it is the same thing Sumo Wrestlers wear. Well unless it is attached to some food Mickey is going to have a fit. That Maltese is the most spoiled dog in the world. If mommy is doing something he actually barks to get her attention so she will play with him. She doesn’t get a minutes peace. When she takes us out for a drive, he almost strangles himself to climb on her back. Mommy just goes along with it. He even tries to growl at me if I try to get in the bed with her. I can’t do much because he is still blackmailing me about my chocolate business. Just wait until I get my new Corvette and he wants a ride somewhere especially in the type of weather we have now. Well he can hitch a ride. Oh and one last thing Mickey doesn’t like the snow one bit. I was hoping he went outside and got lost because you can’t tell him from the snow. But mommy would have had a fit and passed out and she would have been unconsolable. And I love my mommy so I would not want that to happen. Besides I love Mickey even though he is blackmailing me.
Clothes! Glorious Clothes!January 7th 2005 4:19 pm[ Leave A Comment ] Mommy finally found MY clothes. Since Mickey doesn’t like to hang outside with me in the backyard mommy thought he was probably too cold. She said she wasn’t buying anymore clothes. I over heard her say that I am the same size as Mickey, so there is no need to buy a lot of new clothes I’ll fix her. So I hid them. There is no way that Maltese is going to step one paw in MY Persian Lamb coat!!! Humans do not understand the relationship between Yorkshire Terriers and their clothes. Now I am not what you call a Froo Froo type dog but I am a Yorkshire Terrier!! I have my cashmere sweaters, my Harley clothes, a Maltese would not even appreciate them. Mickey all he is interested in is food. So why bother letting him use my clothes? In any case I thought there was no way anybody could find them, I hid them low to the ground. Places where only little humans like babies would be able to look and see. Humans my size! Under the vanity sink in the bathroom. Only a snake and a Yorkie could see under there. WRONG. Something happened in the bathroom. That funny seat where humans sit on didn’t work. Why do humans need help with everything? Just give us a walk and a newspaper. Everything is so complicated. Well mommy had to get a new one. And guess what happened. Her friend Andy came to put it in and found the clothes under the sink!!! Mommy was so excited. She wondered how they got there. She blamed it on Stephen. After she washed the clothes she put them on me to see if they still fit. What did she think? That I ate like Mickey and gained 10 pounds!! Perfect my clothes fit me perfectly. Well I am a perfect dog what else to expect. Mommy then started to call for Mickey. Where is my little boy? Mickey was not coming. He must of found some dropped food somewhere that is the only thing that keeps him away from mommy. Oh boy mommy was ready to pass out again but just in the nick of time he was found hiding under bed in the guestroom. He looks like he is scared. By god he is scared. He hates putting clothes on! Great this is turning out to be a good thing. He hates taking pictures and he doesn’t like wearing clothes. I don’t have to share the camera or my clothes. Now that is what I call the perfect brother. Now only if he will stop blackmailing me.
Maltese is blackmailing me!January 3rd 2005 9:36 pm[ Leave A Comment ] The Maltese has taken over. This has got to stop right now. He never leaves my mommy’s side..unless he smells food. He has taken over my spot on MY bed, He barks and growls if I try to get next to my mommy. She tells Mickey she loves him all of the time. I’m sick of it. I never seen a animal who needs constant affection. Yes I know I need constant attention but I am a Yorkshire Terrier and that is expected of us. I not going to mention that every time I try to get him off the bed he threatens to tell mommy about my chocolate business. I need a car what am I suppose to do! BEG!! The holidays were fun we ate a lot especially Mickey, he must of gained 10 pounds. I never seen a dog eat as much as him. Eat! eat! eat! And he will eat anything. The other day grandma came home with already cooked food and Mickey grabbed the bag from her hand. She was so mad I could see steam coming from her ears..really. Mommy came to his rescue. All grandma was going to do is put him in that cage. Some people call it a crate, well I bet if dogs could talk or if humans really paid attention to us they would know we can’t stand the cage. He gets away with everything though. But my paws are tied, I need a car and if I do something about how Mickey is acting my plans for a new Corvette will be just a pipe dream. Just wait until I get my car, I’ll fix him. But now he is getting away with murder. Call 911
Turkey troubleNovember 28th 2004 8:36 pm[ Leave A Comment ] I am writing this because I have never seen anything like what happened on Thanksgiving. It started a week earlier. All I heard from Mickey is something about some day humans eat all day. Mickey was so excited he threw up a few times. He sat guard in the kitchen for hours waiting for someone to start cooking. Since my mommy absolutely hates cooking it looked like Mickey would have a long wait. Well right he was because as sure as my name is Dasher mommy went shopping and came back with all of this food, human food. She brought this huge looking chicken into the kitchen, Mickey said it was a turkey and that is what human eats on theirs eat all day day. Looks like an overgrown chicken to me. She had lots of and lots of food, Mickey passed out for a few seconds when he saw all of the food. I never saw that happen before. Mommy passes out if we are missing but I never saw anyone pass out because they saw a lot of food. Remember Mickey is a little greedy boy he even eats lettuce but passing out..never. Mommy passed out when she saw Mickey had passed out. God that leaves me to revive them. I quickly got a piece of bread for Mickey (any food will do) he woke right up. All of a sudden Mickey says WAIT!! I have to wake mommy up! Wait, he says. Seems like he wants to get some of the food before she wakes up. She’ll never notice, there is enough food to feed a regiment here, he said. He jumps up on a stool and grabs a tray with stuffing drags’ it down the hallway, hides it and runs back into the kitchen just in time for mommy to wake up. My boys, I lick her face and Mickey barks so she is ok. Mickey decides he will wait to eat the stuffing. Hopefully he can get some of those orange things or Turkey when mommy tries to make gravy. She tells him to get out of the kitchen, yeah he leaves, eats some stuffing and comes right back. Finally she closes the door. Oh Boy Mickey actually has a seizure when mommy would not let him into the kitchen, a seizure. Mommy runs out and sees Mickey..guess what yea she passes out again. I get Mickey a string bean and all is well. As I am licking mommy on the face to wake her Mickey jumps on the stool. The next thing I hear is a big bang. Oh my God! The turkey fell. It almost hit Mickey..yes mommy passes out. ...again . Mickey is just fine he is eating that turkey like it is going to fly away. Oh my god mommy is mad what are we going to eat for Thanksgiving the turkey is on the floor and the dogs are eating it. Yeah I guess I better get in on the fun. All I know is the next thing I remember is being carried into Mommy’s room, I guess I ate a little too much where I promptly threw up. And Mickey was inside the turkey where the stuffing was at and is stuck. I never saw anything like it. He put his head into the hole to eat what was left of the stuffing and the next thing I saw was just his little tail coming out. Mommy was so mad she almost left him in the turkey. But he is so spoiled, she had to let him out. It took some time and she did not want anyone else to see how he got stuck in the turkey. When he finally got out all, he wanted to know about was dessert. I have never seen anybody as greedily as Mickey. Oh it looks like they do have a Ham. Mickey is going wild now. But mommy is not going for it this time. She puts me and Mickey in her bedroom and closes the door. By the time she let us out everything was gone and the kitchen was cleaned. Oh man we missed the dessert and the wine. Mickey tells me another eat all day is coming in a few weeks. Christmas and he are really going to get ready for this one. Yeah we’ll see.
Goodbye Chevy Hello hoop de villeNovember 19th 2004 1:22 am[ Leave A Comment ] Oh My God! This has been the absolute most exciting time in my life. I am sure mommy will disagree with me though. She has been very upset, crying and depressed. Let me start in the beginning. Her mommy came home from the hospital and she is doing much better. But we are not allowed in her room for a few weeks. I got all my stash in her room and I have to get to it. Hope she doesn’t find it. Oh well-let me tell you what happened. My mommy had to pick her mommy up from the hospital so she asked her nephew to help her clean up her room and pick grandma up. Now Floyd, her nephew is cool he lets me do anything I want plus my girlfriend lives with him. They brought grandma home and we all went to sleep, well mommy thought everyone went to sleep. All I know is that I and Mickey were awoken by knocks on the door around four in the morning. I take my house rounds at 2am and everything was fine then. What in the world is happening. I knew it was the cops because they always knock on doors they never ring the doorbell. So I hid under the bed, they are not going to pick me up tonight. Wait a minute they are asking about Floyd. Lisa is hysterical. Mickey tells me that Floyd took Lisa’s(my) car while she was sleeping and had a accident. Floyd doesn’t have a license and Lisa never would let him drive her car. She never lets anyone drive it. She doesn’t let me drive it. Heck she doesn’t even drive it. Mickey told me she only had 21,000 miles on it and is 3 years old. He says they call them powder puff cars and little old ladies usually have cars with low milage like that. Mommy isn’t a little old lady. Hum I’ll get Mickey back for saying that. The car accident happened right down the block and Floyd was ok. But her car was totaled. Mommy is mad and she said he had no right stealing her car and she went to the police station and pressed charges. Her mommy had no way to get to her kidney treatments now. Lisa had to put her on a train with Stevie it was horrible, but it was a fun train ride even though it was raining cats and cats outside. She went to see her car and she was hysterical. Seems the car flipped over and he was speeding. Gee I never even got in a wreck like that. Boy that must have been fun flipping over. She said Floyd is lucky he wasn’t paralyzed or dead. She finally went and got a car but it was rough for a few days. It is not her car but a car they call a rental. She hates the car. It is called a Nissan Altima. God I can see why. You have to push the car to get up a hill. And it is a 2005. No power what so ever under the hood. And it looks chintzy inside she says. Plastic this plastic chrome that. A no nothing stereo system. She said it looks nice outside but that is where the good stuff stops. Her Chevy was light years better then this car and she hopes no one spends more then 10 dollars for it. Oh and she called it a gas guzzler. Gee if it had more power then a hamster she could see but why so much gas. Hum now I am not going to just take her word for it. I’m going to give it a whirl to see for myself. I told Mickey to get ready. So we wait until she goes to sleep. Wait a minute the car door won’t open. I and Mickey jimmied it open. Wait a minute the car won’t turn on, she’s right the car is a piece of junk. Oh the alarm just went off. I tell mickey to hit the gas peddle and make a run of it, she’ll think Floyd stole it. I move the gear and steer. How come the car isn’t moving? What is that growling noise? Mickey is pushing the peddle as hard as he can and the car is making this noise. Looks like mommy is right. A Hamster has more horse power then this jalopy!!! Putt putt putt putt putt..sputter sputter putt putt.....oh oh the kitchen light comes on..My boys my boys where are my boys is all we can hear over the putt putt and sputters we better get out of this bomb before it blows up, I swore I heard ticking too. But mommy is going to see us, Mickey tells me. I tell him hold his horses. I have a plan. Start barking and make your growling noise..You know the way you growl when you want me to leave you alone. My boys. My boys someone took my little boys!!! And the rental car!! She hysterical..Again ready to take another tumble and faint. So Mommy opens the kitchen door and sees the car, not us, oh boy she fainted. Someone called 911 because the next thing we see is those trucks with lights and the police. We are barking as loud as we can so someone can hear us. Finally a policeman opens the door and we rush up and I lick mommy right in the face. She wakes right up and Mickey barks. My boys are missing. Oh do you mean those two dogs who were stuck in the car? Well they must have done something to set the car alarm off, we see that a lot. Looks like they were marking the car, a good thing because they must have scared the car thief. Mommy says too bad they didn’t do the same when my nephew took my car. Here are the keys. Funny the police said I can’t figure out why they have teeth marks all over them.. Oh Boy. And it looked like a lot of dog treats were in the car too. He said don’t tell me you have one of those dogs who like to drive cars, we see the all the time. Well into the cage I go. The car was a jalopy though. If it was any good we would have been long gone. I’ll fix those Nissan people.
Double Double Toil and boy am I'm in TroubleOctober 31st 2004 11:59 pm[ Leave A Comment ]
Oh my god! I have noticed over the past few weeks my mommy has been opening all of these boxes with houses in them. Now who in heck knows why she is buying houses with bats and ghosts and who cares. I just love the soft plastic stuff in the boxes. Mickey calls it Styrofoam, I call it heaven. Forget about fire hydrants this stuff is great. Why mommy gets mad at me for leaving such a mess is a mystery to me. Boys just want to have fun!! Mommy has vacuum cleaner, let her just clean it up! As long as I am not in the room, I hate those things.
Big Night OutOctober 29th 2004 5:49 pm[ Leave A Comment ]
My mommy wears these things on her face. In matter of fact most humans seem to wear them. They wear them in front of their eyes. I think they call them glasses. Now I really don't know what they are but they sure taste good. Perfect for chewing. I have a stash of them hidden. I mean if they don't keep them on their face what am I suppose to do?? Leave them alone? No. Mommy never can find hers. For some reason she takes them off when she goes to sleep. And that is the perfct time to take them. I don't know why she gets mad when she catches a pair with me. She should had never taking them off her face.
Home Alone! Again!October 27th 2004 9:40 am[ Leave A Comment ] They did it again. They left us home alone!! Looks like grandma was sick and mommy called theses men in a truck to pick her up.. Something humans call a ambulance. Mommy was all upset and she was hysterical again. Looks like fun to me. In any case 2 minutes later I noticed we were all alone! When will these humans learn? Well I'll fix them. I woke up Mickey who can sleep through a train wreck. I told him about the men in the truck . He said the only reason they come is if a human is sick and they have to take them to a Emergency room in a hospital. And that animals and little humans are not allowed in Emergency rooms. OK OK I get it. No animals and no chidren. Oh boy. I can understand children because they can get sick from sick people. But animals!!! Mickey said they had to leave us home. Ok a reprieve. Well hours went by. Hours and more hours. No one even came and checked on us. Yes we had food and water . But I NEED ATTENTION! ATTENTION! ATTENTION! They have been gone long enough. I'll fix them. Umm what to do . Yeah that's right my mommy has a something called a alarm system and it makes a lot of noise and sometimes the police come. I know who the police are, don't ask me why though. It is in my past and they probably won't remember me. Now how do they get the alarm to work?? Mickey said if you open a door and the alarm is on it will make that noise. Well some good that wll do. How can I reach the door knob?? Wait just a minute. There is a glass door where my doggy door is at. Humans slide it open. Oh oh its locked..wait a minute look at those wires on the door I wonder what they are there for. Mickey tells me it is wires for the alarm! Smart dog that Mickey. I tell Mickey we got some work to do. Scratch on the door as hard as we can and he wires will probably come a loose and maybe the alarm will come on. Well after around 5 minutes the noise came on. Oh goody, the phone rang and that was it. Wait a minute someones at the door. It's the cops!!! Do I know them? NO! Just what I wanted !! They are banging on the door and we are barking and wimpering as much as we can. I'll fix my mommy for leaving us here for so long. The cops are probably going to arrest her. She'll learn her lesson then. Oh my God. I hear my mommy crying where are her boys at? She must be talking about us. She said the alarm company called her on her cell phone I call it a walk around phone and she thought something happened to her boys. The cop said you mean those 2 dogs making all of that noise? Yes . The police said it looked like the dogs scratched the wires for the alarm and set it off. Oh boy am I in trouble now. Seems like this is a old trick. Well my mommy comes into the house very upset because they kept her mommy. She will be ok though. And now she is mad at me. Time for the cage!!! She puts me in my Cell it is horrifying. She leaves me some food and water, just like they leave prisoners in solitary confinment. I saw that in a movie, I swear. Mickey gets to lay on her bed. Not knowing that he is the mastermind of this whole caper. Well not the only mastermind. I start making that noise my mommy hates , it sounds like crying. Within a few minutes she lets me out of the cage. She said the only reason she let me out is because she needs her 2 boys because she is vey upset about he mommy. Maybe I was wrong to want the police to arrest her. She does love me and Mickey and more importantly who would be here to take care of me?
A Goose in Dogs ClothingOctober 23rd 2004 2:10 pm[ Leave A Comment ]
I have had a hectic past few days. It started 4 days ago. I was in my grandma's bedroom playing with her as usual. Since my mommy picked up Mickey she plays with him too, not just me and she lets him sleep on the bed too! Well I'll fix her and not pay attention to her. So I have been playing just with my grandma. All of sudden I heard a this noise it sounded like a goose. Oh no I hope one of those geese I have been terroriz...I mean playing with in the park across the street did not find out where I live. Just to be safe I hid way under the bed. It was just a second before my mommy frantically called for her mommy and said something is wrong with Mickey!. Oh no, I'm thinking, I hope the Geese did not attack him by mistake... Oh My God. So I stayed where I was just in case they figure out they got the wrong dog.
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