January 25th 2012 12:57 am
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Hello my wonderful boy.
Yesterday and last night was quite cool, well cooler then it usually is. You would have loved running around chasing Spud but never catching him. He is fast on his feet that boy.
Remember the ball you pushed under the TV cabinet just before you left us and I refused to get it out for you. I am so sorry Merlin, I regret not getting it for you my boy. I got it out after you left us and I couldn't help but burst into tears, I am so sorry Merlin, please forgive me my boy. It hurt me to get the ball because my back and my knee's hurt, it's difficult for me to get down which is why I refused to get it. I'm not making excuses Merlin, I just hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. If you were here now Merlin, I wouldn't refuse you anything. I just wish you were here so you and I could go for our little walks around the property on our own as we use to. I really thought we had many years left together my boy, years to grow old together. I wish God hadn't taken you Merlin, I wish God would give you back to me. I love you so much.
Some days are good Merlin, but other days I feel tears welling up in my eyes, like now. I know you want me to be happy, but being happy without you is so hard, I feel so empty without you Merlin, my life has no meaning any more.
I love you Merlin
Your ever loving Daddy
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Merlins Daddy, Do you wish to know what the ultimate gift is?
It is unconditional Love. And everyone of our babies, has the greatest capacity of unconditional Love. I know how hard it is to try to understand the why, when, and how they leave. but please know, you were loved from the day Merlin seen you, until the day he left you. And his Love is still continuous. Even though you feel like it, you never disappointed your lovely boy, so please try to be kind to yourself. I do know how hard that can be. It breaks our hearts when we feel we didn't do something right, but, know in their eyes..we were the best!