AhhhRoooOoOOoOOOOOooOOoo!

(Page 11 of 16: Viewing Diary Entry 101 to 110)  
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Fashion Faux Pas, and Another Date Bites the Dust

June 15th 2008 8:45 am
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Hi Mom! Welcome back from your date! I sure hate being left alone so long on Saturday night. You were gone for hours and hours! I’m so happy to see you! Why are you looking at me like that? Why are you laughing? Your date is looking at me funny. Is he supposed to be turning that shade of red? I had a really nice time rummaging through the laundry basket while you were gone. I found this really cool hat. Do you like it? It fits my head perfectly.

What do you mean it’s not a hat? It’s a pair of underwear? YOUR UNDERWEAR??! Oh. Oops.

Hey? Where is your date going? They sure don’t seem to stay around very long do they? The last one you brought home ran off after I destroyed the crotch of my mailman stuffie in front of him. Wimp. Your dates sure scare off easy.

Good thing you got me for company cause this whole dating thing doesn’t seem to be something you’re very good at. We girls gotta stick together.

Love,
Coffee

 

Greyhound Catapult

June 8th 2008 4:48 pm
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Mom call it the new “rocking chair”, but I know better. It is a greyhound catapult.

I know this cause I jumped on it and got flung on the floor.

Love,
Coffee

 

Not. Funny.

May 28th 2008 6:45 pm
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It’s a new house, okay?

We only been here two months so I am still getting used to everything, so if I am in a deep sleep and the door bell rings and I get confused and run into the laundry room and bark excitedly at the washing machine it is NOT FUNNY.

I was confused.

And half asleep.

Shut Up. And Stop Laughing.

Love,
Coffee

 

Welcome mats - false advertising?

May 18th 2008 7:29 pm
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The mat in front of the door said WELCOME on it so of course it meant I was welcome to poop on it. Right? What else could it mean? I don’t see why you are so embarrassed.

Really, that new neighbor should consider it an honor.

Love,
Coffee
neighborhood welcoming committee

 

Musings on my Playtime

May 15th 2008 3:01 pm
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The early bird might get the worm, but the early greyhound gets yelled at.

In a completely unrelated note: Apparently my mom doesn’t want to play at 3:12am. Even if you squeak your loudest stuffie in her ear. She no fun at all.

Love,
Coffee
(If the early bird gets the worm, then the early worm just gets eaten, so maybe this phrase is stupider than I thought.)

P.S.
Thanks Dogster for putting me on diary central today. aaROO!

 

The Retrievers were particularly scandalized

May 9th 2008 9:15 am
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Yesterday I went to daycare and confounded the staff by trying to catch the ball with my front paws.

Everybody at Pete and Macs loves me, and thinks I am a big goofball. I don't know what "a big goofball" is, but surely it means that I am intelligent, graceful and athletic.

When mom came to pick me up, she asked how I did and everybody just started laughing.

Love,
Coffee
Big Proud Goofball

 

Coffee - Apex Predator

May 7th 2008 3:42 pm
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Today on our walk, I spied something in the distance. My head went up and my tail went straight out at attention. My ears rose to catch the faintest sound in the wind. My nostrils flared as I caught the scent of my prey. One front paw was lifted regally off the ground, ready to run run run!

Mom started thinking about how beautiful greyhounds are, and how we are born predators and thousands of years of evolution and selective breeding have made us perfect hunters, and how we are trained from puppyhood to run prey to ground. How amazing greyhounds are, she thought. How wonderful, she marveled.

Then she realized that the prey I spotted was the neighbor’s garbage bin.

Oh well...

Love,
Coffee
Scourge of the Colorado Trash Can population

 

Studies in Puzzling Human Behavior Part IIIVXX

April 28th 2008 3:49 pm
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If you happen to see a big pile of ants and you happen to sniff a bunch of them up… whatever you do, DON’T sneeze them all over mom when she comes over to help.

Apparently humans do not like having their faces, clothes and hair adorned with snot covered ants.

I have no idea why.

I ate one off her shoulder and it tasted pretty good. I really don’t think all that shrieking and jumping around was necessary at all.

Love,
Coffee

 

Sweet Elvis (2004-2008)

April 16th 2008 2:23 pm
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I will miss you, my friend. You were everything anyone would want in a dog - loving, funny, intelligent and kind. You made us all proud.

I hope you are running fast and pain free at the bridge.

Love,
Coffee

 

Banned from E-470

April 14th 2008 11:18 am
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No matter how much you want to greet the toll booth operator, do not wiggle past mom and step on the window controls.

The window rolls up, mom’s arm gets trapped, the money gets dropped and the lady in the toll booth is NOT AMUSED.

Love,
Coffee

 
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