October 4th 2011 1:01 pm
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THINGS MOM THOUGHT WE LEARNED THIS WEEK:
Do not chase geese.
Do not helicopter tail if there are small children with ice cream cones standing directly behind you.
Do not poop on someone’s carefully manicured and pruned rose bush.
Do not whine if mom leaves the car and only goes 10 feet away.
Do not snuggle so aggressively that you push your snuggl-ee off the couch.
Do not eat your sibling’s food.
Do not destroy your stuffie.
Do not wake mom up at 4:13am hoping to get an early breakfast.
Do not chase the neighborcat.
Do not eat people food.
Do not try to roughhouse-play with terrified little dogs.
Do not potty on the displays at a Meet and Greet.
THINGS WE ACTUALLY LEARNED:
Geese are fun to chase! All that flapping! All those feathers!!! And best of all.. goose poo!!!
Kids are great! Wag your tail enthusiastically! If you get ice cream on your tail… lick your tail!! If the kid gets ice cream on her face…lick her face!
If you poop on a rose bush, mom will have to deal with a bunch of thorns while trying to scooper it without puncturing the poop bag.
She will fail. She will get a handful of poo. It will be funny!!
If mom leaves you in the car and steps an entire 10 feet away, the appropriate response is to WHINE loudly and let the whole neighborhood know that you are being cruelly abandoned by your mama and are dyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyying! She will tell you to shut up a couple of times, but she will eventually give up and come back. Remember: Whining Works.
Snuggling is a full contact sport, and if mom can’t handle it, then she belongs on the floor where we pushed her. (Just follow her onto the floor and snuggle here there too.)
Your sibling’s food is much, much, much better than your own.
If you destroy your stuffie, you get a brand new one then you can destroy that one too!
If you whine loud and long and sound extra pitiful at mom at 4:13am, and she gives up on going back to sleep, she will get her butt out of bed and get you breakfast early! Remember: Whining Works at all hours.
Next time you chase the neighborcat, run faster! We almost got him!! (Mom was doing a lot of yelling. I assume she was cheering us on?)
People food is delicious and if left unattended, it officially becomes greyhound food. That’s the rule.
Little dogs aren’t really terrified. That is part of the game. Also, they like getting stepped on.
If you wait until mom is distracted talking to someone, you can potty on a display at a Meet and Greet. Every other dog has pottied on it, so you should be able to also. You just have to do it fast before mom realizes what you’re up to.
Coffee & Daytona
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That sure is a long list, hope you can learn it all...BOL
Your lessons learned sound much more fun! I once stole an entire Burger King Angus burger that was left unattended!! I figured he left it there for me!!
BOL! So true! I luvs poopin' on challengin' to pick up terrain! Hilarious!