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GREYHOUND 2.0 USER MANUAL

GREYHOUND 2.0 USER MANUAL

System Specifications
• Available in a variety of colors and sizes
• More silent operation than other DOG models
• User Friendly
• Ergonomic
• Portable
• Highly accurate Dual Video
• Efficient energy usage using INPUT Port and OUTPUT port. (Required hardware – POOP_BAG.sys)
• Automatically reverts to Energy Saving Standby Mode when not in use
• WALK, RUN, and ADVANCED NAP features.
• Manufactured by BROODMAMA (Makers of Many DOGs)

Transportation
• Failure to properly transport a DOG unit may result in loss or damage to the unit and serious injury to the user.

Installation Procedures
• If the user already has a DOG unit successfully installed in the HOME port, it may be possible to download BASIC routines from the old unit to the new unit. For the first day or two, DOG will stay in self-learning mode. When the learn buffer overflows, the DOG will autorun the sleep() routine. This is normal. The ROAM chips will write the new information to permanent memory. After 72 hours, the DOG will be interacting with the operating environment.
• If all basic environment requirements are satisfied, the DOG system will autodisplay HAPPYTAIL. This is normal. If environment requirements are not satisfied, the system may emit a series of prolonged high decibel whines.
• DOG units are operational in all 3-D axis: 45 mph, eating, or asleep mode. The Greyhound 2.0 operates best in sleep mode.
• The unit may be placed in direct sunlight for short periods of time. Do not exceed 85 F without the WATERBOWL app..
• A new DOG should not solo exit the primary site facility. The advantages are cleaner operation, longer unit life, and fewer bugs. Contact with pirate DOG units may lead to unplanned BATCH iteration. Contact with virus infected DOGs may lead to bug infestation. If allowed to exit, some DOG units may try to port across heavy data traffic. Nonrecoverable fatal errors may occur. However, DOG units can autosearch independently if yard has installed a FENCE program.
• If you decide to let your DOG out, it should have a TAG_COLLAR.TXT file with a system address and URL which identifies the host site and system administrator.
• Your DOG should have a system name. The name may need to be initialized repeatedly until the system can read it correctly. This lets you issue voice commands to bring the unit to an online state. Advanced system operators have successfully installed dozens of voice commands.
• You can also get the DOG's attention by booting the system. While this is effective, it is discouraged. Too much booting will abuse or damage the system.

Applications
In contrast to CAT units, there are many productivity applications for DOGs. Units are installed in home, home office, industrial, and farm settings. DOGs have even been sent into space.
• GUARD: The DOG unit will auto-deploy BARK and BYTE routines. If three or more K9 units are activated, an unwanted, endless BARK feedback loop may occur. This is not available for the Greyhound 2.0 operating system as the Greyhound model overwrites all GUARD applications with NAP applications. If you are interested in GUARD applications, you may want to purchase a GERMAN_SHEPHERD system instead.
• SEARCH: K9 units can search/find random data to find hits. Searches frequently obtain important data such as SQUIRREL.DOC, RABBIT.EXL or CAT.TXT.
• SORT: The K9 can use SORT and GUARD to regulate FAMILY units. BORDER_COLLIE can SORT and GUARD SHEEP units.
• RUN: DOG units, especially the Greyhound 2.0 perform optimally in RUN mode. This is upgraded to DAAAAAARNFAST on all Greyhound 2.0 models.

Many owners use their system for game playing. DOGs play best when they are young. Older units suffer a system timing decay which leads to reduced response and flexibility. Some DOG games are:
• CACHE: The DOG will CACHE a data object.
• JUMP: Move the data object through the air. The DOG unit will reach new heights of operation. This can be terminated with the voice command DOWN. Best used with RETRIEVER operating systems.
• MIRROR: Place the unit in front of a mirror and watch it attempt to parse itself. Some units may ESCape. Reboot the system by calling its name.
• CHASE: Played between two DOG units or with a CAT unit. Units take turns as one is the data object and the other attempts to CACHE it.
• ROO: Offer audio data to elicit a range of audio output. Exclusive to Greyhound 2.0 models.

Maintenance
• DOGs will self-recharge. For the Greyhound 2.0 model this takes 19 hours in a 24 hour cycle.
• DOGs require little user maintenance. Do not clean the unit with alcohol.
• Your DOG unit should be taken once a year to a VET (Very Expensive Technician) for a system checkup.
• Do not attempt to open a DOG. There are no user serviceable parts inside. If a unit emits strange smells, sounds or evacuates data via the input port, it should be serviced immediately by a VET.
• You may examine the rear of the DOG unit to determine if it has a male or female port. DOGs with a male port may result in unwanted copies. VET can remove this optional item. DOGs with female ports are plagued by periodic heating problems. VET can fix this permanently by removing an internal part. Such systems run UNIX.

Warning Notices
• DOG systems are user-friendly. However, in certain documented situations, a DOG may pose a danger to the user. Repeated jamming or obstruction of Input or Output ports may lead to deployment of auto-defense systems. Do not pull its "tail." DOG may BYTE.
• Never attempt a first strike on a DOG system. You can't outrun it. The VISEGRIP ™ byte device has an average seek rate (ASR) of 30 milliseconds. The manufacturer is not responsible for injuries to the user (Note from our attorneys: The Supreme Court issued a ruling in End-User vs DOG that can be summed up under the legal principle "Every DOG is allowed one BYTE.")
• Never attempt to interface with the BATH application. This may lead to water damage for the end-user and HOME port.
Service Life
• As DOGs become older, the learn program will recognize all situations.
• If you properly care for your DOG, it will give you years of loyal service.
• Many users get a second unit. Most users don't need the extra capacity, but multiple units enable the ability to run complex games.

Documented Problems
• The Ctrl key on some DOG units is defective. This may lead to serious performance problems.
• Do not install a new CAT unit at a site which has an operational DOG unit. These systems are not compatible. The CAT unit may be permanently deleted.

System Features
• Models = Main frame (ex: GREAT_DANE), desktop (ex: GREYHOUND) laptop (ex: TERRIER) and handheld (CHIHUAHUA) models.
• Interface = Touch sensitive interface for maximum user friendliness.
• Memory = Not much, but can be highly selective depending on nature of data.
• Expected Lifetime = 12-14 years.
• Weight = 60-85+ pounds without optional features or add ons.
• Speed = up to 45 miles per hour for short periods of time
• Color Graphics = Wide variety of solid or mixed colors.
• Sound Chip = 2 octaves, digital MIDI output through internal woofer speakers.
• Power Consumption = 3.5 cups protein daily depending on size of unit and energy output. Increased performance when used with TREATS.



(Note: the dog user manual idea came from another website. I shortened it and changed quite a bit to suit my own sense of humor and greyhounds, but felt it was appropriate to attribute the really funny concept. http://andreas.com/blog.html. Enjoy!)

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Barked by: Scout (Dogster Member)

June 29th 2009 at 10:52 pm

Barked by: Kirby (Dogster Member)

June 30th 2009 at 11:30 am