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The Many Adventures of Spice, a Lovely JRT

A Dog's Life Survey

I saw this survey on Dogster and decided to fill it out... why not?

.:About you:.

Name: Spice

Age (in dog years): 11

Age (in human years): 77, so they say... I don't feel nearly that old

Breed: Connemara Jack Russell terrier

Fur color: Tricolor (tan/black/white)

Fur Pattern: Tan head with black patches on a white body... Everyone says my markings are gorgeous and I have to say that I agree with them

Size: Small

Weight: 11 lbs

Nuetered/Spayed: Spayed

Where are you now: Curled up on the bed with my mommy

How many brothers/sisters did/do you have: I know I have at least one littermate sister. I also have a whole bunch of children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, great-great-grandchildren, and a plethora of other relatives... I see many of them once a year at our reunions. Now, though, I am an only dog living the good life with my mommy and I LOVE THIS!

Do you have any strange markings: No

Were you adopted from a pound: No

.:Favorites:.

Food: Anything raw

Sleeping spot: On the bed or the couch... wherever my mommy is

Walking place: Anywhere off-leash

Bone: Any raw meaty bone

Treat: Bully sticks

Animal to chase: Mice, squirrels, assorted critters and creatures

.:Top 3:.

Who's your #1 friend: My mommy

#2 friend: Any person who pets me and talks to me nicely

#3 friend: Shawnee

What's your #1 toy: Football

#2 toy: Basketball

#3 toy: Any squeaky toy that I can destroy

.:Have you ever:.

Been to the beach: Yes

Seen snow: Yes

Traveled out of your town: Yes - I've traveled all over the world!

Bite a person: A couple of times... it was accidental though

Been bit BY a person: No

Ate a frog: Odds are, YES

Broke a leg or paw: No

.:Extras:.

Most annoying thing a human can do: Kick me off the couch or the bed

Most awesome thing a human can do: Let me up on the couch or bed

Boyfriend/girlfriend: I've had my share of boyfriends, but I'm out of the breeding business now and enjoying my retirement ALONE!

Do you wear a collar: Occasionally

If so what color: Purple

Reflections on reaching age 9

It's my birthday today. Honestly, it's not really a big deal. This is my ninth birthday and I think it's juvenile to get all amped and crazy about it. Mom bought us each a Dentabone and she got me a bag of squeaky vinyl balls. Ahhhh... I love squeaky toys! And for once, they're all for ME. I'm free to take them into my crate and tear them into as many tiny pieces as I can manage. Dogster HQ also sent me a happy birthday message and they gave me some bones! Thanks Dogster!

I figured I would share some observations and knowledge I have accumulated over the years. Rather than acting a fool, I would like to reflect on my nine years as a lady:

** Happiness is a warm blanket... and spreading out in the very center of the bed! **

** Puppies are a joy to behold and amazingly beautiful and adorable. They are also loud, messy, demanding, horribly needy, and tremendously annoying (especially when they latch onto your nipples with their sharp little shark teeth). **

** Squirrels are the reason the world will end someday. **

** Never run when walking will get you there just as well. **

** Don't worry about dogs who may attack you or act with coarse manners. They probably don't know any better and are certainly socially handicapped. Ignore them as best you can and pray that some human will use their limited brainpower to stop the rude dog in his (or her) tracks. **

** Hunting is best done SILENTLY. Barking just alerts the prey to your presence. **

** Patience is most certainly a virtue. Staring for hours at a human does wonders for breaking them down. They are kind-hearted but essentially weak. **

** Wrestling and growling and biting are best performed when very young. After that, you just look dumb. **

** No matter how full you feel, there is always room in the stomach for one more treat. **

** Rules of the house: If you're not watching it and I take it, too bad. If you were watching it and I take it, too bad. If you have it and I want it, it's mine. If I have something and I don't want it, that doesn't mean you can have it - it's still MINE. **

** Dogs are so much smarter than humans... but we let them think they're smarter than us. Seriously, it's the only way we get some peace from them. **

** It's no use gulping your food. It will make you burp. Decidedly unladylike and highly embarrassing... but the occasional flatulence cannot be ignored or held back. **

** Balls of all kinds cannot be allowed to stay inflated. It's like that human show, Lost, where they kept having to push a button in order to prevent the whole world from exploding. If you're a dog and you see a ball and you don't try to destroy it, the world will end. Do your part. **

** Always kick dirt over the area you have used as a bathroom. It's just courtesy. **

** Stand still when the humans want you to, particularly during grooming exercises. It will go faster this way. (Exceptions to this rule are anything involving the nails. Run like hell if you see a pair of clippers!) **

** Smile - you'll be well liked. (Even if people tend to mistake your smile for a snarl.) **

** Traveling can be fun. It can also be stressful. It's all about your attitude toward it. **

** Always try to kiss humans. It is entertaining to watch them wiggle and squirm in their attempts to escape. And despite what you may have heard, they cannot give you diseases. **

** When no one is looking, help yourself to a seat on the couch. **

** Being quiet can gain you access to many rooms and places where noise is not welcome. **

** Digging: fantastic. Digging in mud: even better. **

** You can never drink too much water. **

** Lick yourself frequently. A clean dog is a good dog! (Leaving wet spots on the couch is a plus.) **

** Be flexible and open to change. You never know when life will throw you a bone... or take a bone away. You have to be prepared for anything. **

** Trying to communicate with humans is a little bit like trying to walk through a wall. If you can find a weakness, you may get through... but most likely, you'll just get stuck in a hard place. **

** Hold your head high and trot lightly when moving. You always want to present yourself as beautifully as possible because you never know if someone important is watching you. **

** Love freely. Humans are basically good at heart. Forgive them their trespasses, because they are people and therefore know not what they do. Pity them because they're not nearly as kind and lovely as us canines. Love them and perhaps one day all people will be good and respond to our kindness. **

Boomerang Momma!

I am going to start referring to Mom as a boomerang... because no matter how far away she goes she always comes back for me! Hooray!

I was so sad that she'd left again (and it looked like it was pretty permanent this time)... I spent most of this week just lying in her bed wishing that she would come back home... and then the most glorious thing happened! Grandma and Aunt Carole and MOM walked in with her stuff! They say she's moving back home because the apartment she moved into was terrible and illegal, didn't have windows or proper ventilation, and the landlord was a real jerk. (That's the nice version, anyway... I'm a lady so I won't repeat the names Mom was REALLY calling him! BOL!) To top it all off, Mom said that the stupid cat, Chairman Meow, was pooping on the floor. Really, how uncouth and ridiculously filthy. I hope that landlord's happy with himself... not allowing ME, the cleanest dog on earth, to live in that little stinkhole while a cat with the undeserved title of "Chairman" utilizes the floor of the residence as a crude toilet? HA! They should call the cat "Dunce Cap Meow." What a simpleton!

Anyway, Mom said that the apartment smelled horrible. Aunt Sarah confirmed that when she came home on Sunday from helping Mom move in... she and Uncle Ron were talking about it a lot and she kept comparing it to the B.O. episode from Seinfeld when the stinky valet got Jerry's car horrendously smelly and they couldn't get rid of the stench. (Yes, I understand a lot of what humans talk about. They're very boring usually but sometimes I get an inkling about something interesting, like a shipment of food or squeakies that Aunt Sarah is expecting. I usually listen on the off chance that they'll say something intelligent. Gotta tell you, so far I haven't met a human with any more brains than your average paramecium. Yep. Know that word too.)

They can bash that apartment all they want... I know the REAL reason Mom came home was because she knew she'd made a huge mistake leaving me here. She missed me too much to live there without me, so she came back home.

I'll allow her to make it up to me by giving me free and unrestricted access to any couch in the house.

Thanks Mom! I love you!