March 12th 2012 7:48 pm
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I have this book and the title is, If You Only Knew How Much I Smell You. It has pictures about dogs and sayings about how much they love their owners. I leafed through the book the other day and thought to myself how much I miss smelling Griff. I know this may sound strange to someone who doesn't have a pet, but each one of mine has a special smell and not in a bad way. It reminds me of the smell I would encounter when I entered my Grandmother's home, warm and inviting, home. It's that smell that I miss about my Griff. The smell of home and comfort. Of his wet hair after going outside in the rain.
As I spoke tonight with my therapist over the loss of Griff and my oscillating decision to get another dog I came to a light bulb moment....I'm not ready yet and that's okay.It's okay not to be ready. There is no deadline. After describing my connection with Griff and this unbelievalbe way we just knew what each other was thinking my therapist said to me, he was your heart animal. Wow. She was so right. Then I feared I didn't have the same connection with Henry and just as I thought that I realized that I had a totally different connection with him instead. If it wasn't for Henry I wouldn't be here today. If people ever wonder if dogs have the power to lift someone out of despair and a crippling depression I will always give a loud and resounding YES! Each one of my pets bring something special into my life and I can only hope that the feeling is mutual.
I know the old saying goes, everything happens for a reason, and I hate to admit it, it's true. As much as my heart breaks over the loss of Griff and I still cry myself to sleep most nights, it happened for a reason. Since he's passed I have constantly asked him to send me a sign that he's okay and to help me ease my pain. Tonight he did just that. He allowed me to realize that his passing is allowing me to work on some very long and overdue issues in my life. Ones that I pushed aside and deep down for many years. It's not going to be easy, not by a long shot, but it will be okay.
Grief is tricky. There is no easy fix or pill to take to make the pain go away. I learned that a long time ago. And as much as I wish there was a magic cure all I'm not sure at this point I would be so eager to take it. It's okay to cry, it's okay to feel sad, it's okay to be mad and it's okay to feel.
So if you ask me what my connection was with Griff I would say that he taught me to be in tune with another living being. To be alert and attentive to another beings needs. That it's okay to just be and it's okay to get really excited over the little things. Because every day can be just like Christmas if you let it and it was for him.
I will forever love you my little man.
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Beautiful diary entry and very well said. We are so very sorry for your loss. But I understand completely everything you wrote. I lost Duchess almost 2 months ago and I miss her smell too. I had cut some of her fur before that dreadful day and put it in a zip lock bag. I open it sometimes to try to get another whiff of her scent. Unfortunately, it's gone now. I can't physically smell her anymore, but I remember her scent so vividly. Some days and nights are more difficult than others to get through. I feel like I had the same exact connection with Duchess that you did with Griff right from the start. We are sending lots of hugs and loving thoughts your way during this difficult time.
What a touching, heart felt entry this is. It brought tears to my eyes. It's so amazing how much our dogs can teach us and how blind we can sometimes be to those things until they're gone. After Chela died, I had a tough time of things and then my health went quickly down hill. Had she been alive to help me through that I wouldn't have been able to care for her with her health issues. I could hardly walk myself, helping her up and down the stairs would have been impossible. So, when that realization that her passing when she did happened for a reason, it was a tough, painful pill to swallow but it was the truth. Sending you healing prayers.