The Giant Hole....with Water in it

My parents are crazy. They moved us into this big house, which in itself is fine. But they have this GIANT water bowl they call a "swiming pool". I call it LIQUID REFRESHMENT! But they won't let me drink out of it. And another thing, they do this weird thing where they get in the water and flap their arms around like idiots. And they tried to get ME to join them.

Well, forget that! At first it seemed like a great idea, so I put my feet in. Then I put my feet in a little deeper, and YOOOWZAAAA! That stuff is cold, and it's not so good on my bare belly. Or my, ahem, private parts. So I let that water know in NO uncertain terms who's boss...ME! But it didn't listen! And my dad just stands there, IN the water, trying to coax me in. As if! I know it's trying to swallow him up. So I bark and bark and bark at it, and all they do is LAUGH at me! It's so humiliating.

And that kid. He has turned into such a baby. He's scared of the rain, for pete's sake. When will he grow up and act like a man?

ANOTHER one!

I cannot believe that my parents brought home another kitty to torture me. I am not allowed to chase him, but he BEGS for it when he runs from me! Sometimes he stays still when he is sitting with mom and I can smell him real good. Mom says I'm gentle, but Manny doesn't listen to her! He smacked me in the face the other day, too, which was totally uncalled for.

Also, I cannot believe that my parents left us at the Pet Hotel and, instead of it being a vacation, I had to share a room with That Kid! He is such a pest. I tried to show him who's boss but he just doesn't get it. Do you believe he STILL barges past me to go inside when we are in our backyard?! I have told him a million times, I AM THE BOSS, but he doesn't get it. Mom and Dad say he is smart, but I think he's dumb. I mean, he does everything they tell him to do...that's not smart! Sheesh!

OK, I gotta go back to sleep now.

That Kid, Part II

Well, that kid really did it this time. He ran away! I wasn't going to go anywhere, no way, I like my house and my yard and my mom and dad. I told him he better not go, but he didn't listen to me. Mom says I'm a very good boy for staying in the yard when the gate blew open. But I was kind of hoping that kid wouldn't come back, but he did. Oh well.

That Kid

You know, that kid is always annoying me. He eats my food. He tries to take my bones. And then he tries to barge in and steal the affection that is rightfully mine, if for no other reason than I am OLDER. I have tried to put him in his place, but that kid is stubborn. And now, he has taken over MY spot on my parents' bed. This is so wrong. I was so disgusted, I had to sleep on the couch last night. Someday he will realize that I am older, wiser, and much more experienced and wordly than he. Just because he's the baby he gets all the attention. Well, OK, not really ALL the attention, but still.

I have tried, to no avail, to eat the caramel kitty. She moves much to fast for my, uh, rotund body. However, the double stuf Oreo kitty is much easier to take a bite of. I do not like his fur in my mouth, though, so I mainly nuzzle him with my snout. He usually doesn't move, so I believe he is inviting me to taste him. Now, the Licorice kitty, on the other hand...that is one BITTER cat! She makes awful noises at me, so I usually leave her alone. She is so not worth getting clocked on the nose for.

When that kid starts shaping up, I'll let you know. Don't hold your breath.