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Coco's Diary

R.I.P. my sweet boy

on december 17th, we put Coco to sleep. we all knew that it was time; he had so much trouble getting around and he didn't know who we were most of the time. when i came home from school over thanksgiving, i knew that coco's death was something that i would have to face much sooner than i would ever hope to. he had deteriorated so much from last summer. he would sleep all day, pace around the house for about an hour, then go back to sleep. the only thing that seemed to make him happy was food. before i left to go back up to school, i sat down with coco and asked him to wait for me to get home, because i couldn't handle not being able to say goodbye. as soon as my finals were over in december i rushed home. my parents had to go out of town that weekend, so they had left coco to board at the vets office. when i came in to pick him up, they took me back into a room instead of just bringing him out to me like they usually do. they told me that the day before, coco had a really bad seizure and hadn't eaten since. he had never had a seizure before. i took him home and tried to keep him comfortable until my parents came home. that night, i got him to drink some chicken broth and eat a few bites of ground beef. the next day, after my parents came home, he had another seizure. after lots of tears, my parents and i decided that it was time, and that we would call the vet's office in the morning. coco refused to eat or drink, so i stayed up with him all night, giving him syringes full of water and chicken broth every hour. he laid in my lap all night while i cried and talked to him about how much i love him and how much i was going to miss him and apologizing for every punishment and every day that i've been gone for the last three years while i've been away at school. i offered him a pupperoni, his favorite kind of treats that we had stopped giving him when his heart got worse because of the high sodium content, but he even refused that. when it came time for the appointment, my parents, sister and i wrapped coco up in one of his blankets and carried him out to the car. the 15 minute drive to the vet's office was one of the longest, most painful rides of my life. when we walked in, they immediately ushered us to a room, which was very much appreciated, since all of us were crying. my sister and my mother said goodbye to coco, then left, leaving my dad and i to be there with coco. right before they gave him the shot, i told him that he was still the only man in my life that has never let me down and not to worry that he would let me down by dying. i thanked him for 13 wonderful years, then held him while they gave him the shot. as soon as they started the injection, he turned back to look at me as if to say goodbye, then laid his head down in my lap and he was gone.
i miss him every day. he wasn't the sweetest or cutest dog, but he was my first dog and he loved me.
we donated all of his things to SPCA, where we adopted him 13 years ago. i couldnt keep any of his things to give to gladys because i can't think of them as anything but coco's bowls, or coco's blanket, or coco's treats. i hope that everything that we donated will make other dogs in the shelter happy.

coco,
you were truly the only man in my life to never let me down. i love you with all of my heart and i miss you every second of every day. sometimes i forget that you aren't still at home, patiently waiting for me to come back for a weekend and spoil you rotten. then it hits me all over again, and i can't help but cry, even though i know you hated it when i cried. although you know i'm iffy about the whole religion thing, right now i need there to be a heaven because i need you to be there, young , disease and pain free. i need to be able to think that there's a possibility that i can see you again someday, pet your soft fur, take you on long walks and give you all the pupperoni's and people food you could ever want. i miss you so much, and although i wish we had more time together, i'm glad we made the decision when we did, because it wouldn't have been fair to keep you around for the holidays when you were that sick. if there had been any hope that you would have recovered, i would have taken that chance. i love you, sweet boy.