My saddest day

The worst day of my life was September 11, 2001 when my daddy was killed while fighting terrorists on United Flight 93. He was a law enforecement officer and Wildlife Refuge manager with the Fish and Wildlife service. You can read all about my brave daddy on this link:

http://training.fws.gov/history/guadagno/default.ht m

My Tail of Devotion for Raven RIP 9/17/97-12/16/08

This is a special Tail of Devotion

See All Tails of Devotion

I've been tagged!

Well I've been tagged by Dickens so here we go!!

Here are the rules (Hint: Copy and paste the rules so you don't have to type them again):

Each player starts with seven random facts about themselves. Dogs who are tagged, need to post in their Diary the rules & their 7 pawsome facts. Then choose 7 dogs to tag and list their names. Don’t forget to bark them a pmail that they have been tagged and to read your Diary, or, send them a fun Rosette announcing they've been Tagged!

So here are 7 fun facts about me...

1. I get acupuncture for the arthritis in my back and elbows.
2. I *love* to bite the water jet from the hose!
3. I like to whack myself with my kong-on-a-rope
4. I like to sleep on the bed with mommy, but she never gives me enough room!
5. I used to be very shy, but now I love people.
6. I love to sculpt in the sand and the dirt with very large logs.
7. I can never get enough swimming.

Here are the 7 pals I've tagged:
1. Shadow
2. Kansas
3. Neara
4. Decimus
5. Jazz
6. Mitchell
7. Vegas

Our pack thanks the amazing pups and people on Dogster!!!

Mommy was prepared to pretty much just hang out with the hounds and cry a lot today. Instead, starting yesterday, she found an e-mail box full of pup pal requests and notifications of rosettes and stars sent to me! I've also been getting a lot of pawmail. Those of you who have taken the time to express your sympathy deserve more than a simple "Thank you". You have truly made this day more than just bearable--you have brought smiles to mommy's face and made sure she cried more tears of happiness and surprise than tear of sadness. Eventually, mom will get 'thank you's" out to everyone.

My latest tag!

I've been tagged by Dixie !!!

Here are the rules (Hint: Copy and paste the rules so you don't have to type them again):

Each player starts with seven random facts about themselves. Dogs who are tagged, need to post in their Diary the rules & their 7 pawsome facts. Then choose 7 dogs to tag and list their names. Don’t forget to bark them a pmail that they have been tagged and to read your Diary, or, send them a fun Rosette announcing they've been Tagged!

So here are 7 fun facts about me...

1. I *love* my brother Timber, even though I snarl at him as I kiss him.
2. I have a hand-built, carpeted ramp to help me get into and out of mommy's bed.
3. My teeth are quite worn down, because I chew on rocks!
4. When Aiki loses his toys, I can find them when mommy asks me to "go look".
5. I love to play in the snow, even though we don't get to go very often.
6. I like to lick the air when I get a good butt scratch.
7. I am learning my commands in Spanish!

Here are the 7 pals I'm tagging:
1. Jerry the Tripawd
2. Sckyrch
3. Boo
4. A different Raven!
5. Bandit--a true Hero!
6. Ava
7. Another Raven!

Another year without daddy

We made it through another anniversary yesterday. It went ok. Mommy worked all day, but she snuggled me a lot when she got home and I got extra treats before bedtime.

We want to thank all the pups here who have been so kind and loving to us. It helped so much to know that we are loved and supported through the tough times.

Chronicle of my Cancer (cutting and pasting from forums- posts)

Friday, July 25, 2008:

Mom took me in today to have my glands expressed (the second time this has happened since I had the abscessed one in April), and the right one wouldn't express. At first the doc thought it was scar tissue from my abscess, but it's on the wrong side for that. Now the options are that it's cellulitis (another infection, and would be the good news) or a "growth". Mommy can't bring herself to think about the "c" word yet.

So, please pray that it's just an infection and the antibiotics will make me all better!

Saturday, July 26th, 2008:
I had a rough night last night---I was panting until 3:30am, when mom decided to give me an extra 1/2 dose of pain meds. I seem OK this morning.

It's heck being an old dog...

Tuesday, July 29, 2008:
Well, I went to the doc this morning. No change. The doc said that the lump is still the same size and that it's irregularly shaped. It's quite firm. Since I'd had breakfast, I'm going back this afternoon when I'll be sedated and the doc will take a biopsy to get more info.

Mommy is trying very very hard not to panic yet...

Later that day...The vet took a punch biopsy and sent it off. We won't have any results before Friday, possibly not until Saturday. Now my butt feels funny and there are three stitches "back there".

I convinced mommy that kibble just wouldn't do and that I needed the yummiest canned food in the house. But I did eat all my dinner, and I walked up the stairs just fine. I'm resting comfortably on the bed right now.

Mommy is wondering if she should cancel her trip to Seattle next week...

Saturday, August 2, 2008:
The vet called this morning with the bad news. Mommy has canceled her trip to Seattle to be with me. I'm doing well, but mommy doesn't want to spend one of her last few weeks of vacation away from me right now.

Not sure what we'll do. Mommy has a lot to think about. If anypup has experience with anal sac carcinomas, please pmail me.

Thanks for all the good wishes. I'm feeling great right now, and that's what matters most.

Monday, August 4, 2008:
We have an appointment tomorrow for bloodwork and chest x-rays. I'll probably have the abdominal ultrasound, too. I don't *feel* sick right now, and mommy doesn't want to do anything that will make me feel worse.

I'm 10 (almost 11), and I'm a big dog. I have had an amazing life, where I have been spoiled on every occasion. I sleep in a queen-sized bed where my pawrents make room for me. I live by the ocean and have a 2 acre yard. There is no cure for what I have. Maybe if I were a lot younger, mommy would let them cut me open, pump me full of chemicals and zap me with radiation. But I have had some tough times too, and mommy wants whatever amount of time I have left to be filled with as many happy healthy days as possible.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008:
Well, I decided that I was *not* going to cooperate with the vet, so I didn't get my chest x-rays done. I let them take blood, though. So, mommy says I have to go back on Friday so the doc can sedate me. She says I was just being dramatic with all the flailing and the shrieking, because x-rays don't hurt. Hmmph! They don't hurt *physically*, but being asked to lie on my side on a cold table is an affront to my dignity. I'd much rather be unconscious so I don't have to remember the whole unseemly incident!

Meanwhile, we're going to go grain free and are adding mushroom powder to my kibbles. Yummy!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008:
Frankly, I'm not sure what all the fuss is about. I feel just fine. I ran around like a 5 year old pup today, and I asked for seconds on dinner tonight. Dad is out of town, so I *finally* get my HALF of the bed to sleep on. Life is pretty good.

Word on the street is that they're going to drug me and take pictures of my insides on Friday. I hope they don't find anything too awful, but at least the pictures will tell mommy something one way or the other.

Mommy is trying not to worry too much. I keep telling her that I feel fine. I'm playing and eating and being my normal self.

Friday, August 8, 2008:
We found out at the vet today that it looks like the cancer has not spread. At least there are no obvious tumors on my lungs or in my lymph nodes.

Mommy is still pretty sure that she wants to do only supportive care. Surgery would not be able to take wide margins, due to the location. The vet said that meant there was a chance that surgery could actually make it spread rather than cure it.

I've switched to grain-free kibbles and canned food, and I'm getting powdered mushrooms, too. Mom will buy me some leafy greens to see if I'll eat those, too.

I'm still feeing good and acting much younger than my nearly 11 years.

Thanks so much, everypup, for your continued love and support.

Saturday, August 9, 2008:
I had such a great day at the beach!!! I sculpted with logs and swam and ran. We had a scare when my cousin Ek Be ran off for 2 hours (see Aiki's thread titled, "My cousin is *lost*"), but she was found and all is well.

I'm still feeling great, and mommy is learning from me to live life to the fullest each and every day.


Tuesday, August 12, 2008:
Today is something called "cleaning day". All I know is that my brothers, sister and I are put out in the yard LIKE ANIMALS for half the day. When we finally get to come back in, all of our lovely furballs that we so lovingly dropped all over the house are GONE!

Mommy says that she has changed her mindset. She was so sad thinking that I was dying from cancer. Now she says that she will only think that I am *living with* cancer. I keep eating well and playing like I'm a younger dog. I am happy, so she should be happy and enjoy whatever time we have.

Saturday, August 16, 2008:
ooks like I'm headed for a raw diet. Around here, mommy can't find dry kibbles that are grain free and don't contain chicken, turkey or lamb.

Guess my vegetarian mommy will be putting a call in to the local meat company to get organic grass fed beef and venison for me. The juicer will finally be getting used regularly for adding veggies. My teeth are too flat to eat raw meaty bones, so I'm getting calcium supplements.

It'll be a big adjustment for mommy, but she thinks I'm worth it!

Monday, August 18, 2008:
So far, I've had three meals of raw meat.

Oh. My. Dog!!!! I can't believe it's taken nearly 10 years for me to get food I love this much. Tonight, I had venison with powdered veggies and calcium added. For the first time ever, I went to the kitchen and begged for seconds! I didn't get any, but mommy did let me lick the plate clean where she divided up the packaged meat.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008:
Had a weird episode yesterday morning where I was stadning looking at mommy, then I just dropped to the floor in a "sphinx like" position. I stood right back up and looked behind me as if to say, "what the heck was *that*?" Got a call in to the vet for a checkup to see if it's just my spondylosis or something else.

Monday, September 1, 2008:
How was everypup's Labor day Weekend? Mommy and daddy LEFT US WITH A SITTER and went to something called a Willie Nelson concert. All I know is that at least I got the bed all to myself.

I'm feeling good and looking shinier than ever on my raw diet. I hope all of you had a great weekend.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008:
I'm doing pretty good. I seem to be extra hungry lately, so mommy is keeping an eye on things. It really helps knowing how many pups are out there thinking healing thoughts for me.

Friday, October 3, 2008:
I've been experiencing what mommy calls "GSD tummy" the last 2 days. I woke her up at 5:45am on Thursday, but I didn't quite make it outside before I had to go. Poor mommy didn't get back to sleep before her alarm went off after cleaning everything up. Last night and today, I've had very squishy poos. Then, after lunch, mommy came upstairs to see me, and I was standing in the hall with little drops of blood on the floor. That really freaked mommy out!! Fortunately, I already had a vet appointment this afternoon. Mom and dad are going out of town tomorrow for a week, so she was really worried about me.

So... I have colitis (getting metronidazole for that), and I have an owie tooth that mommy feels terrible about not noticing. Now the poor pet sitter is going to have to pour pharmaceuticals down me all week. Mom and dad better give him a nice bonus!

PotP for me would be (once again) greatly appreciated.

Friday, October 10, 2008:
Mommy has been out of town (still is), but word from the petsitter is that I'm doing better.

Thanks so much for all the love and support!

Sunday, October 12, 2008:
Mommy's back!!! I'm excited to see her, of course, but I'm also excited that, since I need to gain weight, I'll be getting Solid Gold "Bark at the Moon" kibbles in addition to my meat. The doc said that I'm getting catabolic wasting from the cancer, so we're upping my protein and fat intake. I'm still in good spirits, and the medicine and white rice seem to have cleared up my latest episode.

Monday, October 13, 2008:
In case anyone else is as interested in my poo as mom is, it's been nicely firm.

Must be all that rice and extra kibbles!

Friday, October 17, 2008:
It's back. Mommy found drops of blood trailing behind me again this morning. There's a call in to the vet. Mommy doesn't think it's my time yet, but something needs to be done to make me more comfortable. I still have a great appetite, and I was playing with the pack just now. But, I'm "worrying" at my hip on the side with the tumor, and there's still some blood.

Wish mommy strength to know what the right thing to do for me is.

(Later on the 17th)
Mommy knows that no one but her can really know when it's my time. It might just be "pressure relief", but it's scary for mom. Mom needs to be grading and writing tests, but she can't focus. Hopefully, the vet will call soon and we'll have a plan for the next step.

Much love to all you write here and care so much!

(later still)
Still waiting to hear from the doc. She has a crazy busy practice, but mommy trusts her to call tonight and be there if needed even if it's after hours. I'm panting a little, but mostly resting.

I do have an e-collar that mommy may put on me tonight. I don't mind it, but I turn into a bull in a china shop with it on--I bang into things, knock stuff over, and look around like, "What? What was that? How did that happen?" Plus, I like to use it as a shield while I eat yummies I find in the yard that mom doesn't want me to eat!

Sunday, October 19, 2008:
My pain medication dosage got doubled, and that seemed to take care of me chewing at my hip. Mom could always trim down my e-collar if necessary. It doesn't really go too far past my nose, since I can put it on the ground and hoover up kitty rocca. I just swing it around wrecklessly, because it's the only way I can see around me. All the crashing and bashing doesn't bother me at all, but mom seems bothered by it!

I'm doing OK today. No more blood droplets. I don't really like the warm compresses or the application of neosporin, but those do seem to be helping also.

Thanks so much, everypup, for your continued love, support and advice.

Chronicle of my Cancer (cutting and pasting from forums- posts)

Another relatively good day for me. However, mommy can actually feel the tumor when she puts the neosporin/hydrocortisone mix on me--it's starting to push against the external tissues. Very worrying, but there's not much to be done other than to keep me comfy, which I am.

Mommy found out that I can have *ostrich* meat. Yum! Who knew that bird meat would be so RED?!

Rough night last night and I didn't get to keep dinner- tonight...

I had a really hard night last night. I was panting a lot and just could not get comfortable. I kept trying to sneak into bed with mom and dad, but I wasn't comfortable there, either. Mom gave me an extra dose of Tramadol at 2am. She talked to the vet today, and we're going to up my meds again to 2.5 Tramadol every 6-8 hours. I'm also getting Amantidine 2X/day (I was only getting it at night). Lastly, I'm switching from Rimadyl to Metacam. That means 48-72hrs without an anti-inflammatory, so I hope the pain meds help til then.

Oh no! Mommy hears me gagging in the hall!!


Well, I didn't get to keep my dinner down. I threw it all up on the stairs on my way out only 20 minutes after eating. I hope this is just a GSD tummy thing and not a really bad sign with the cancer...

Doing OK.

Our internet service has been terrible since Thursday. We're going to switch to satellite.

I"m doing OK. I started eating kibble Sunday night mixed with pumpkin. Last night I ate a little raw meat mixed with kibble. Mom wants me to go slow so I don't throw up what little I eat. So far, no more puking.

A little bit rough last night. I got up at 2:00am and again at 3:30am. Mommy slept through her alarm! She's got to call then neighbor now to go by and feed me. I didn't want to be rushed this morning, and she didn't have time to sit with me til I finished.