Raven's Blog

Watching over mommy

This will be the first 9/11 anniversary mommy will have to go through without me. To top it off, she has appointments all day, so she's not sure she can really do much to honor daddy. She and Aiki will probably go to the beach or the forest.

Next will come what would have been my 12th woofday, which is the day before mommy's birthday. Tough month for mommy, so daddy and I will have to watch over her extra special for a while.

At the Bridge

I went to the Bridge to be with my daddy last night. I'd had a very good last day. I went on errands with mommy, had my pawprint immortalized in cement for a garden stepping stone, and then to the beach. When I got home, I went to my favorite corner, where I stayed for the rest of the evening. Mommy cuddled and held and kissed me over and over. She thanked me for everything I'd given her and told me that I was loved by people all over the country (and even in other countries), most of whom had never even met me. Wow. I had venison and manicotti for dinner. My favorite vet Dr. Green and her assistant came over after dinner, then I got really, really sleepy. The last thing I remember is mommy saying that she loved me forever and that it was time for me to go be with daddy.

Mommy thanks every single pup and person here on dogster who have shown our pack an outpouring of love and support without which this whole experience would have been unbearable.

Wags and licks,

Raven

OMD! I'm Diary of the Day!

Mommy couldn't believe it when she checked her inbox and saw that I was chosen diary of the day! I am humbled by the honor. I just wish there was happier news in my diary.

It's been definitely decided that I will cross he Bridge to finally be with my daddy again tomorrow (December 16th). Mommy is literally sick with grief at the thought of losing me, but after putting all of my Paw Cancer Group posts into my diary last night, she could tell for sure that's she's making the right choice for me.

Last night was another rough night with wake-ups every few hours. I keep straining to poo, but not much comes out. Mommy doesn't want me to get to the point where everything is "broken". I've got a balance of good and bad days now, and she doesn't want me to suffer any more. She also wants to avoid any more indignity with the increasing messiness of things "back there".

Today, I get my pawprint immortalized in cement to make a stepping stone for the garden. The weather is frightful, but mommy will take me somewhere--just the 2 of us. I've got venison to eat and some new toys to play with, since mommy let Santa Paws come early to our house special for me.

It's time for my breakfast, so more later.

December 14th

I have been peeing, finally. I've also been eating ok.

Unfortunately, the ulcerations are getting much bigger. Mommy can see that the tumor is even affecting my gait. Despite having some good days, she can tell that I've gotten markedly worse in the last 2 weeks. I'll see the vet Tuesday, but mommy is pretty sure that I'll go to the Bridge before she goes on her trip on the 19th.

December 13th

Mommy thinks I may not have peed since noon yesterday.. She knows for sure that I hadn't peed as of 6am today. I may have peed this morning at 10am. It was POURING rain, so mommy left me in the vestibule while she went up for heavier rain gear. I haven't been going out without mommy, so she figured I'd stay put. When she got back downstairs, I'd already gone out and was poo'ing. So maybe I'd peed and maybe I hadn't. No way to know. Rain gear is now at the door, so I'll have only strictly supervised walkies in the yard.

Pray for pee!

December 12th

I ate really well today, but I seem restless this evening. I keep "huffing" at mommy, but I don't want out, I don't want food, I don't want water. Hmmm.

I did, however, nearly give mom and dad heart attacks. Mommy was coming home from a massage appointment and called daddy to say she'd be late. Daddy was talking to the other dogs, and mommy asked how I was. Daddy said, "She's not with you?" Mommy freaked. Daddy looked all over the house, and I wasn't there. He hung up and searched the yard (in the dark) and couldn't find me. He called mommy back to tell her that, and she almost had to pull over. He hung up to call the repairman who'd been at the house this afternoon. Then he called back to say he'd started to hike down the steep trail to the beach, and I turned up behind him! Daddy doesn't know where I had been, and I'm not tellin'.

It really scared them both, because mommy had a friend whose doggy hid when it was his time to go to the Bridge.

December 11th

I had a 3am snack after I woke mommy up to take me out to pee. A little restless last night, and I left an icky stain on the bed (no blood, just stuff from "back there"). Oh well, sheets are washable.

Mommy will try offering me a variety of tiny meals today to see what it is I want to eat now!

December 10th

As of 8pm, I've only eaten 1/2 of my breakfast. I'm in good spirits, though. It was weird this morning, though. I peed, then just a few minutes later, I peed again. Then I didn't pee any more until 7pm. I've been drinking ok, so mommy will just monitor things. She's started a "health journal" for me to keep track of everything. That way she can tell when the bad days outnumber the good. She's leaving it on the counter for the pet sitter to fill out wile she's on vacation.

December 9th

Things are stable today. Eating, drinking and eliminating fairly normally.

December 6th

I think I've adjusted to my new shaved butt status. I'm moving more comfortably and can get settled. I ate 1/2 my breakfast, so mommy will offer the rest to me after a couple hours. I've been doing better with several small meals instead of 2 big ones.

later:

Finished my breakfast (eventually) and about 2/3 of dinner! Definitely a little more chipper today. We haven't tried the new shower for my bum yet. Things are much better "back there" now that I have a nice trim.

December 5th

I did get my tail shaved today. I seem really uncomfortable today--I keep trying to get away from my own butt! On the way home from the vet I cried out. Mommy doesn't know why. I also did it at home just 15 minutes ago. The vet said that other than the messy tail, things didn't look any worse "back there" on the outside.

I ate today, so that's good, but mommy is worried about how uncomfortable I seem.

December 4th

I ate my leftover breakfast around 10pm last night, but I threw it up 1/2 hour later frown

I ate about 1/2 cup of rice just now, and Mommy is just making sure I have lots of water today. The countdown begins to see if I keep it down.


later:

I kept the lunch rice down. I ate another cup of rice with some cottage cheese for dinner. So far, so good. We're going to the vet tomorrow. Things are still very messy "back there", so we're definitely getting a tail shave. Get an overall check-up and see what's what.

Thanks for all the good wishes.

December 3rd

Mommy has decided against subjecting me to the vet today. Things look ok "back there", so she's just going to make an appointment for early next week.

The only concern this morning is that I refused breakfast. I cleaned a little yogurt out of the bowl, but that's it so far. I even turned my head away from meat.

December 2nd

My butt is kinda not doing so great today. Mommy is going to try to get me into the vet tomorrow to get things "tidied up" back there. I think it would help to shave the underside of my tail, because it keeps getting gunked up. As long as the top side is furry, it shouldn't be too embarrassing.

November 30th

ur whole pack went to the beach today. BIG waves, so we had to be very careful. Still, I got to sculpt and play in tidepools.

Uncle Dave cooked up all the meat we had in the freezer, so I'm set for a while.

It's the last week of classes, and I'm excited to be going back to work with mommy.

November 29th

I've kept all my food down since my last post. My "uncle" downstairs cooked my meat for me today, and that was GREAT. Tomorrow, he'll cook up several pounds for me, so I'll be set for the week. It's a little sad that I can't eat raw anymore, but at least I still get the meat!

November 28th

Overall, I'm doing ok today, though I did puke up my breakfast again. The vet said I should no longer eat raw meat, since I don't seem to handle it or digest it well. However, I can have the meat cooked. Since mom and dad are vegetarians, our downstairs tenant will cook the meat for me so it doesn't smell up our house. (The raw meat doesn't really smell like much unless you're right up against it.) So for the rest of today, I'm getting rice with a little yogurt in it. I had a little about an hour ago,and it has stayed down.

November 25th

Check out my post on "Vote for me!". Mommy entered me in a calendar contest to raise awareness for canine cancer.

http://www.dogster.com/forums/Vote_For_Me/thread/ 577142

(Feeling a little pukey today, but otherwise ok).

November 24th

I had an OK day today. I didn't eat that great yesterday, but I did much better today. The owies still look icky, but they don't seem to be bothering me too much.

November 22nd

Mommy realized that I have decided that I no longer want to eat Merrick canned food. I will accept only Innova Evo 95% meat canned food. Good thing the pet store takes back the unopened cans. Just to keep her on her toes, maybe next week I'll decide that I'll only eat Merrick!

So, I ate ALL of my breakfast and ALL of my dinner now that it is properly prepared.

November 21st

Mommy took *just me* to the beach today!! She can't believe she forgot to take the camera, but I didn't care about that. I found a giant stick to carry around and sculpt with. I romped in the shallow waves. Now I'm dry and lounging in my downstairs bed.

The beach was great, but I've only eaten 1/2 of breakfast all day. Oh, and a few dried beef treats. The salt water seemed to do my owies some good. Mom will try to offer me something yummy here in a bit to get me to eat.

November 20th

I ate most of my dinner last night, but I never did finish breakfast, so I'm down some calories. I ate about 1/2 of my breakfast today. Happy to be at work with mommy!

November 19th

I've been enjoying my day at work with mommy. Mommy is a little worried about how "oozy" my owies still are, so we're headed to the vet tonight. We've got a 5-7pm window to work with, but we're grateful that this doc works so late.

Mommy also wants to talk to the doc about my trip across the Bridge. It isn't time yet, but she wants to have a plan in place while she can still think clearly about it. She's not sure how she'll hold it together if I have to go before the semester ends.

later:

My vet visit was OK. I *really* don't like how much people are poking around and wiping my backside. HOWEVER, the doc didn't think it looked any worse "back there". Where mommy thought there were more owies is just where stuff is sticking to me after coming out of the original 2 owies. Still not great, but at least it isn't worse. I also got acupuncture for stress relief, which really calmed me down and made me more comfy last night.

The vet will come to the house if at all possible to help me cross the Bridge when it is my time. All mommy has to do is call her up, and unless she's in an emergency procedure, she will come to the house, help me cross the Bridge and take my remains to the crematorium.

I have so many places to travel to once I'm done here with mommy. Part of me will be sprinkled on my daddy's grave in NJ. Part of me will go to my daddy's sister in FL. Then the rest of me will go to my favorite places here in CA. Mommy may keep some to take with her on future travels, so I can go there, too. Lastly, mommy will send some of me to a jewelry maker who makes dichroic glass keepsakes that incorporate ash. She's going to get pendants made for herself, for daddy's sister and daddy' s mom.

HOWEVER, today I'm feeling OK and happy at work with mom again.

later:

I didn't finish breakfast today and wouldn't eat it later, either. Mommy hasn't tried to give me dinner yet. Still very oozy in the nether regions, and it's making a mess of my tail. Mommy is going to give me a tail bath later. I enjoyed another day at work with mommy, though.

November 18th

I've been enjoying my day at work with mommy. Mommy is a little worried about how "oozy" my owies still are, so we're headed to the vet tonight. We've got a 5-7pm window to work with, but we're grateful that this doc works so late.

Mommy also wants to talk to the doc about my trip across the Bridge. It isn't time yet, but she wants to have a plan in place while she can still think clearly about it. She's not sure how she'll hold it together if I have to go before the semester ends.

November 17th

I'm doing just fair today. I ate about 1/2 of my breakfast. When mommy lifeted my tail to clean me up, she noticed that there are now 2 *more* places where my sac/tumor is draining. Very worrisome. This is how the 2 big holes started out. Mommy doesn't want to let me go, but she also doesn't want me to live with giant painful sores on my tender little butt. She'll be calling the vet later today for advice for management of the latest.

Meanwhile, please stop by my candles.

Raven's Candles

later:

Mommy has decided that I'm going to start going to work with her. It's totally against the rules, but she broke those rules when I broke my leg and couldn't be left alone! She wants to spend as much time as possible with me, and she needs to clean my owies several times a day. She works too far from home to go back and forth, so I'm going in. I have a red harness that I wear to get in and out of the vehicle. Last time I was going to work with mommy, lots of people seemed to assume I was a service dog. I would NEVER claim to be a service dog, since I am not. Nor would mommy ever take me anywhere other than her office wearing the harness. BUT, it does make it easier for mommy to get away with bringing me in. If anyone would question whether I am a service animal, mommy would of course be honest and say that I'm not.

The truth is that mommy is MY service animal! Since she can't stay home to care for me, I need to go to work with her. I don't think anyone will give us any trouble. I'm kinda famous around here because of who my first daddy was.

November 15th

My spirits and appetite remain good. The owie looks pretty bad, though. There are now 2 openings where there should be none. They're red and nearly 1/4 inch deep. One is about 1/4 inch long, but the other is nearly 1/2 inch long. Mommy is very afraid that when I strain to poo that they're going to rip into one BIG hole and Then what?! The pain meds are doing ok for me today, but not great. I'm having a hard time getting comfy.

November 14th

Raven's mom is typing, because Raven is at the vet right now. When she got up this morning, there was pus on her bed. I'm pretty sure the infection is in the wound at her tumor site, because it didn't have that awful anal sac infection smell. The were no appointments, so I had to just leave her there for her to get seen between appointments.

My heart is breaking for her to have *another* awful thing to go through. Her spirits were good and so was her energy level this morning, but the infection is serious. How much more do I put her through?

later:

The doc's office called and said Raven could come home anytime between 1-3:30PM. I'm actually typing during a conference call (stupid committee meeting for the college) that I have to participate in. I'll be able to get Raven at 3:30pm exactly. She was done pretty quickly, so they must have been able to take care of her without doing anything invasive. Even when she is not with me, she has been happily playing with packmates. She slept through the night just fine again last night, so I think (I hope) this was just a bump in the road. I'm hoping that her signs will be clear when she's ready to go. I know that she'll always wag her tail to greet me, but I'll pay attention to any other signs of distress she may show. Others around me agree that right now, she's OK. I trust them to gently push me to let her go if I can't do it on my own.

later still:

I'm home and resting in the queen-sized, pillow top bed. They did not have to sedate me, so it wasn't as bad as mom originally thought. When mommy came to get me, I nearly pulled the technician's arm out of his socket! Mommy jokingly told him, "Be gentle with her--she's old and crippled and has cancer!" (when I'm the one who needed to be gentler with the tech!). I got an antibiotic shot along with a pain killer at the vet, and I'll be on antibiotics for 10 days. Thanks goodness mommy already has iFlora for my tummy.

Thanks again, everypup, for your prayers and well-wishes.

November 13th

Pouring rain this morning, so I was on my own for poo time. I slept through the night, though, and ate 3/4 of my breakfast! Mommy is still worried about leaving me over the holidays. We have a wonderful pet sitter, but she hates losing almost 2 weeks with me.

November 11th

Thanks, everypup. I'm feeling pretty good today. I didn't eat all my breakfast this morning, but I finished it and my dinner tonight. No more puking! Mom hasn't seen me poo today to see if the phytomucil is helping yet. Honestly--she gets *so* excited just for me pooing. She must lead a very dull life!

November 10th

Dr. Green said that I'm very well, all things considered! My weight is back up to 74.5 lbs, which is amazing. I've been given phytomucil to lubricate my intestines so that it's easier for me to poo. It won't *make* me go, but it will make going a bit easier. The doc also discovered that I have cloudiness on both corneas. My tear production is good, so we're just going to keep track of it to make sure there's no inflammation.

Still, my energy levels are good. No recent puking. THe meds seems to be keeping my pain relieved. I did also get gentocin spray for my tail where I've licked all the fur off a small spot and caused irritation.

The news is as good as we could have hoped for at this point, though. Thanks for all the good wishes.

November 9th

Later last night, I ate another 1/2 cup of rice with broth and kept it down. I also slept through the night.

I woke to another gray and rainy day here, but I don't mind he rain or putting up with mommy toweling off my paws. I ate a breakfast of 1 cup of rice with 1/2 cup kibble + broth. That was an hour ago, so maybe I'll get to keep that meal, too.

later:

I've eaten nearly full rations today and kept them down. Energy levels are good, too. I'm hoping for a good check-up tomorrow. I know that I'm not cured, but it would be nice to have an idea of what the doc thinks my "timeline" is.

November 8th

Another good day for me! I've eaten a lot and been playing all day. My vet appointment got canceled, because she had an emergency surgery. Fortunately, I'm rescheduled for Monday. It's just a check-up, so it's no big deal.

I'm doing OK this morning. I woke up at 3am to pee, and I needed pain meds. I went back to sleep pretty quickly, though.

The bigger concern now is that my poo is getting very narrow. The tumor is starting to push against my rectum. Once it gets too narrow for me to poo, that will be the end.

BUT...for now I *can* still poo, so we're still taking it one day at a time.


Not long after my previous post, I went out with daddy to get the paper and I puked up my breakfast. That means I also puked up my morning meds. So far, I seem to be ok without the meds. Mommy offered me white rice just now, but I didn't want it. I'm resting comfortably in my crate.

later that night:
I just ate 1/2 cup of white rice with salt-free broth. We'll see if I get to keep it down.

November 6th

Breakfast and dinner all gone! Energy levels are good this evening, too. Mommy has decided to feed me in a different room from the others. It seems to help, because the others are "sharking" around me waiting for me to finish or to drop something. That makes me nervous, and I walk away from my meal. In the library, I can walk around and eat at my leisure. Much better.

November 5th

I had another good night. I rolled in something greasy and dark this morning. Mom doesn't know what, but it mostly came off with a good wet washcloth rub-down.

Breakfast ALL GONE!!!

I ate my dinner tonight, too! I seem to be pretty comfortable tonight. Let's hope for another night of not waking up (unless it's to pee!).

November 4th

Mixed. I slept through the night, but I had minor bleeding from the tumor site around 8pm. I've licked a bunch of hair off the underside of my tail, too.

Monday, November 3rd

I got up at 3am, but it was just to pee! Only ate 1/4 of my breakfast, but mommy will pick up yummy canned food for me to get me to eat later today.
Oh, I'm hungry. I wolfed down the Pedigree canned food like I hadn't eaten in weeks! Mommy just needs to get even more variety around, so she'll have whatever it is that I decide I want to eat

later on November 2nd

I ate a can of Pedigree dog food this afternoon. It came in a "gift bag" that a friend got from her real estate agent when her house closed. She didn't want her dog to have it. Mom would never have given me that brand before, but she's glad it was in the house today. Maybe she'll get more at the store tomorrow.

She agrees that the special diet is out the window. I'll get whatever I want, if I'll just eat.

Sunday, November 2nd

Thinking kind thoughts for those who are struggling.

I slept through the whole night last night--all the way to 8:30 this morning, even with the extra hour of sleep for the end of daylight savings time.

Unfortunately, I'm not eating much. Yesterday, it took three separate meal times for me to eat my breakfast (and it was only about 3/4 of my usual). I ate most of my dinner though. this morning, I only ate about 1/4 of my breakfast. i seem interested in food, just not what's in my dish. Why would I suddenly be not so excited about raw ostrich? canned food is no good. Neither is rice or rice with broth.

One full night's sleep for me and mom

I had a good night last night. When I woke mommy up, it was still dark, so she thought it was my usual 2am call for more meds. When she got out of bed, she saw that it was 6:20am! Good news for me, because it meant I slept comfortably through the night. Bad news for mommy, because it was only 5 minutes til her alarm would go off! Still, she was very glad that I had a good night's sleep.

Doing OK.

Our internet service has been terrible since Thursday. We're going to switch to satellite.

I"m doing OK. I started eating kibble Sunday night mixed with pumpkin. Last night I ate a little raw meat mixed with kibble. Mom wants me to go slow so I don't throw up what little I eat. So far, no more puking.

A little bit rough last night. I got up at 2:00am and again at 3:30am. Mommy slept through her alarm! She's got to call then neighbor now to go by and feed me. I didn't want to be rushed this morning, and she didn't have time to sit with me til I finished.

Rough night last night and I didn't get to keep dinner- tonight...

I had a really hard night last night. I was panting a lot and just could not get comfortable. I kept trying to sneak into bed with mom and dad, but I wasn't comfortable there, either. Mom gave me an extra dose of Tramadol at 2am. She talked to the vet today, and we're going to up my meds again to 2.5 Tramadol every 6-8 hours. I'm also getting Amantidine 2X/day (I was only getting it at night). Lastly, I'm switching from Rimadyl to Metacam. That means 48-72hrs without an anti-inflammatory, so I hope the pain meds help til then.

Oh no! Mommy hears me gagging in the hall!!


Well, I didn't get to keep my dinner down. I threw it all up on the stairs on my way out only 20 minutes after eating. I hope this is just a GSD tummy thing and not a really bad sign with the cancer...

Chronicle of my Cancer (cutting and pasting from forums- posts)

Another relatively good day for me. However, mommy can actually feel the tumor when she puts the neosporin/hydrocortisone mix on me--it's starting to push against the external tissues. Very worrying, but there's not much to be done other than to keep me comfy, which I am.

Mommy found out that I can have *ostrich* meat. Yum! Who knew that bird meat would be so RED?!

Chronicle of my Cancer (cutting and pasting from forums- posts)

Friday, July 25, 2008:

Mom took me in today to have my glands expressed (the second time this has happened since I had the abscessed one in April), and the right one wouldn't express. At first the doc thought it was scar tissue from my abscess, but it's on the wrong side for that. Now the options are that it's cellulitis (another infection, and would be the good news) or a "growth". Mommy can't bring herself to think about the "c" word yet.

So, please pray that it's just an infection and the antibiotics will make me all better!

Saturday, July 26th, 2008:
I had a rough night last night---I was panting until 3:30am, when mom decided to give me an extra 1/2 dose of pain meds. I seem OK this morning.

It's heck being an old dog...

Tuesday, July 29, 2008:
Well, I went to the doc this morning. No change. The doc said that the lump is still the same size and that it's irregularly shaped. It's quite firm. Since I'd had breakfast, I'm going back this afternoon when I'll be sedated and the doc will take a biopsy to get more info.

Mommy is trying very very hard not to panic yet...

Later that day...The vet took a punch biopsy and sent it off. We won't have any results before Friday, possibly not until Saturday. Now my butt feels funny and there are three stitches "back there".

I convinced mommy that kibble just wouldn't do and that I needed the yummiest canned food in the house. But I did eat all my dinner, and I walked up the stairs just fine. I'm resting comfortably on the bed right now.

Mommy is wondering if she should cancel her trip to Seattle next week...

Saturday, August 2, 2008:
The vet called this morning with the bad news. Mommy has canceled her trip to Seattle to be with me. I'm doing well, but mommy doesn't want to spend one of her last few weeks of vacation away from me right now.

Not sure what we'll do. Mommy has a lot to think about. If anypup has experience with anal sac carcinomas, please pmail me.

Thanks for all the good wishes. I'm feeling great right now, and that's what matters most.

Monday, August 4, 2008:
We have an appointment tomorrow for bloodwork and chest x-rays. I'll probably have the abdominal ultrasound, too. I don't *feel* sick right now, and mommy doesn't want to do anything that will make me feel worse.

I'm 10 (almost 11), and I'm a big dog. I have had an amazing life, where I have been spoiled on every occasion. I sleep in a queen-sized bed where my pawrents make room for me. I live by the ocean and have a 2 acre yard. There is no cure for what I have. Maybe if I were a lot younger, mommy would let them cut me open, pump me full of chemicals and zap me with radiation. But I have had some tough times too, and mommy wants whatever amount of time I have left to be filled with as many happy healthy days as possible.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008:
Well, I decided that I was *not* going to cooperate with the vet, so I didn't get my chest x-rays done. I let them take blood, though. So, mommy says I have to go back on Friday so the doc can sedate me. She says I was just being dramatic with all the flailing and the shrieking, because x-rays don't hurt. Hmmph! They don't hurt *physically*, but being asked to lie on my side on a cold table is an affront to my dignity. I'd much rather be unconscious so I don't have to remember the whole unseemly incident!

Meanwhile, we're going to go grain free and are adding mushroom powder to my kibbles. Yummy!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008:
Frankly, I'm not sure what all the fuss is about. I feel just fine. I ran around like a 5 year old pup today, and I asked for seconds on dinner tonight. Dad is out of town, so I *finally* get my HALF of the bed to sleep on. Life is pretty good.

Word on the street is that they're going to drug me and take pictures of my insides on Friday. I hope they don't find anything too awful, but at least the pictures will tell mommy something one way or the other.

Mommy is trying not to worry too much. I keep telling her that I feel fine. I'm playing and eating and being my normal self.

Friday, August 8, 2008:
We found out at the vet today that it looks like the cancer has not spread. At least there are no obvious tumors on my lungs or in my lymph nodes.

Mommy is still pretty sure that she wants to do only supportive care. Surgery would not be able to take wide margins, due to the location. The vet said that meant there was a chance that surgery could actually make it spread rather than cure it.

I've switched to grain-free kibbles and canned food, and I'm getting powdered mushrooms, too. Mom will buy me some leafy greens to see if I'll eat those, too.

I'm still feeing good and acting much younger than my nearly 11 years.

Thanks so much, everypup, for your continued love and support.

Saturday, August 9, 2008:
I had such a great day at the beach!!! I sculpted with logs and swam and ran. We had a scare when my cousin Ek Be ran off for 2 hours (see Aiki's thread titled, "My cousin is *lost*"), but she was found and all is well.

I'm still feeling great, and mommy is learning from me to live life to the fullest each and every day.


Tuesday, August 12, 2008:
Today is something called "cleaning day". All I know is that my brothers, sister and I are put out in the yard LIKE ANIMALS for half the day. When we finally get to come back in, all of our lovely furballs that we so lovingly dropped all over the house are GONE!

Mommy says that she has changed her mindset. She was so sad thinking that I was dying from cancer. Now she says that she will only think that I am *living with* cancer. I keep eating well and playing like I'm a younger dog. I am happy, so she should be happy and enjoy whatever time we have.

Saturday, August 16, 2008:
ooks like I'm headed for a raw diet. Around here, mommy can't find dry kibbles that are grain free and don't contain chicken, turkey or lamb.

Guess my vegetarian mommy will be putting a call in to the local meat company to get organic grass fed beef and venison for me. The juicer will finally be getting used regularly for adding veggies. My teeth are too flat to eat raw meaty bones, so I'm getting calcium supplements.

It'll be a big adjustment for mommy, but she thinks I'm worth it!

Monday, August 18, 2008:
So far, I've had three meals of raw meat.

Oh. My. Dog!!!! I can't believe it's taken nearly 10 years for me to get food I love this much. Tonight, I had venison with powdered veggies and calcium added. For the first time ever, I went to the kitchen and begged for seconds! I didn't get any, but mommy did let me lick the plate clean where she divided up the packaged meat.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008:
Had a weird episode yesterday morning where I was stadning looking at mommy, then I just dropped to the floor in a "sphinx like" position. I stood right back up and looked behind me as if to say, "what the heck was *that*?" Got a call in to the vet for a checkup to see if it's just my spondylosis or something else.

Monday, September 1, 2008:
How was everypup's Labor day Weekend? Mommy and daddy LEFT US WITH A SITTER and went to something called a Willie Nelson concert. All I know is that at least I got the bed all to myself.

I'm feeling good and looking shinier than ever on my raw diet. I hope all of you had a great weekend.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008:
I'm doing pretty good. I seem to be extra hungry lately, so mommy is keeping an eye on things. It really helps knowing how many pups are out there thinking healing thoughts for me.

Friday, October 3, 2008:
I've been experiencing what mommy calls "GSD tummy" the last 2 days. I woke her up at 5:45am on Thursday, but I didn't quite make it outside before I had to go. Poor mommy didn't get back to sleep before her alarm went off after cleaning everything up. Last night and today, I've had very squishy poos. Then, after lunch, mommy came upstairs to see me, and I was standing in the hall with little drops of blood on the floor. That really freaked mommy out!! Fortunately, I already had a vet appointment this afternoon. Mom and dad are going out of town tomorrow for a week, so she was really worried about me.

So... I have colitis (getting metronidazole for that), and I have an owie tooth that mommy feels terrible about not noticing. Now the poor pet sitter is going to have to pour pharmaceuticals down me all week. Mom and dad better give him a nice bonus!

PotP for me would be (once again) greatly appreciated.

Friday, October 10, 2008:
Mommy has been out of town (still is), but word from the petsitter is that I'm doing better.

Thanks so much for all the love and support!

Sunday, October 12, 2008:
Mommy's back!!! I'm excited to see her, of course, but I'm also excited that, since I need to gain weight, I'll be getting Solid Gold "Bark at the Moon" kibbles in addition to my meat. The doc said that I'm getting catabolic wasting from the cancer, so we're upping my protein and fat intake. I'm still in good spirits, and the medicine and white rice seem to have cleared up my latest episode.

Monday, October 13, 2008:
In case anyone else is as interested in my poo as mom is, it's been nicely firm.

Must be all that rice and extra kibbles!

Friday, October 17, 2008:
It's back. Mommy found drops of blood trailing behind me again this morning. There's a call in to the vet. Mommy doesn't think it's my time yet, but something needs to be done to make me more comfortable. I still have a great appetite, and I was playing with the pack just now. But, I'm "worrying" at my hip on the side with the tumor, and there's still some blood.

Wish mommy strength to know what the right thing to do for me is.

(Later on the 17th)
Mommy knows that no one but her can really know when it's my time. It might just be "pressure relief", but it's scary for mom. Mom needs to be grading and writing tests, but she can't focus. Hopefully, the vet will call soon and we'll have a plan for the next step.

Much love to all you write here and care so much!

(later still)
Still waiting to hear from the doc. She has a crazy busy practice, but mommy trusts her to call tonight and be there if needed even if it's after hours. I'm panting a little, but mostly resting.

I do have an e-collar that mommy may put on me tonight. I don't mind it, but I turn into a bull in a china shop with it on--I bang into things, knock stuff over, and look around like, "What? What was that? How did that happen?" Plus, I like to use it as a shield while I eat yummies I find in the yard that mom doesn't want me to eat!

Sunday, October 19, 2008:
My pain medication dosage got doubled, and that seemed to take care of me chewing at my hip. Mom could always trim down my e-collar if necessary. It doesn't really go too far past my nose, since I can put it on the ground and hoover up kitty rocca. I just swing it around wrecklessly, because it's the only way I can see around me. All the crashing and bashing doesn't bother me at all, but mom seems bothered by it!

I'm doing OK today. No more blood droplets. I don't really like the warm compresses or the application of neosporin, but those do seem to be helping also.

Thanks so much, everypup, for your continued love, support and advice.

Another year without daddy

We made it through another anniversary yesterday. It went ok. Mommy worked all day, but she snuggled me a lot when she got home and I got extra treats before bedtime.

We want to thank all the pups here who have been so kind and loving to us. It helped so much to know that we are loved and supported through the tough times.

My latest tag!

I've been tagged by Dixie !!!

Here are the rules (Hint: Copy and paste the rules so you don't have to type them again):

Each player starts with seven random facts about themselves. Dogs who are tagged, need to post in their Diary the rules & their 7 pawsome facts. Then choose 7 dogs to tag and list their names. Don’t forget to bark them a pmail that they have been tagged and to read your Diary, or, send them a fun Rosette announcing they've been Tagged!

So here are 7 fun facts about me...

1. I *love* my brother Timber, even though I snarl at him as I kiss him.
2. I have a hand-built, carpeted ramp to help me get into and out of mommy's bed.
3. My teeth are quite worn down, because I chew on rocks!
4. When Aiki loses his toys, I can find them when mommy asks me to "go look".
5. I love to play in the snow, even though we don't get to go very often.
6. I like to lick the air when I get a good butt scratch.
7. I am learning my commands in Spanish!

Here are the 7 pals I'm tagging:
1. Jerry the Tripawd
2. Sckyrch
3. Boo
4. A different Raven!
5. Bandit--a true Hero!
6. Ava
7. Another Raven!

Our pack thanks the amazing pups and people on Dogster!!!

Mommy was prepared to pretty much just hang out with the hounds and cry a lot today. Instead, starting yesterday, she found an e-mail box full of pup pal requests and notifications of rosettes and stars sent to me! I've also been getting a lot of pawmail. Those of you who have taken the time to express your sympathy deserve more than a simple "Thank you". You have truly made this day more than just bearable--you have brought smiles to mommy's face and made sure she cried more tears of happiness and surprise than tear of sadness. Eventually, mom will get 'thank you's" out to everyone.

I've been tagged!

Well I've been tagged by Dickens so here we go!!

Here are the rules (Hint: Copy and paste the rules so you don't have to type them again):

Each player starts with seven random facts about themselves. Dogs who are tagged, need to post in their Diary the rules & their 7 pawsome facts. Then choose 7 dogs to tag and list their names. Don’t forget to bark them a pmail that they have been tagged and to read your Diary, or, send them a fun Rosette announcing they've been Tagged!

So here are 7 fun facts about me...

1. I get acupuncture for the arthritis in my back and elbows.
2. I *love* to bite the water jet from the hose!
3. I like to whack myself with my kong-on-a-rope
4. I like to sleep on the bed with mommy, but she never gives me enough room!
5. I used to be very shy, but now I love people.
6. I love to sculpt in the sand and the dirt with very large logs.
7. I can never get enough swimming.

Here are the 7 pals I've tagged:
1. Shadow
2. Kansas
3. Neara
4. Decimus
5. Jazz
6. Mitchell
7. Vegas

My Tail of Devotion for Raven RIP 9/17/97-12/16/08

This is a special Tail of Devotion

See All Tails of Devotion

My saddest day

The worst day of my life was September 11, 2001 when my daddy was killed while fighting terrorists on United Flight 93. He was a law enforecement officer and Wildlife Refuge manager with the Fish and Wildlife service. You can read all about my brave daddy on this link:

http://training.fws.gov/history/guadagno/default.ht m