September 8th 2006 12:33 pm
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Last night I was sleeping on the couch, dreaming of meaty bones and willing feeders, when suddenly I awoke hearing my mom screaming. Half asleep but ready to defend her at all costs, I ran into the kitchen while crying out, "BOUF! BOUF!" I do this so that the attacker, upon hearing my ferocious bark, will cease its attack on my helpless mom, knowing that a formidable foe is fast approaching to her aid.
As mom came into view, I saw a look of horror and disgust on her face as she was shaking and waving her hand, seemingly in an effort to dislodge a foreign body from it. As I approached I could see what looked like a large smudge stuck to the palm of her hand that she was trying to remove without touching it. She finally pursed her lips and blew air on her palm, and it was then that I saw this smudge come to life and take to the air, with flapping wings, in all probability looking for another victim to land on and terrify.
Growling and snarling, I leaped into the air after it, soaring at least three or four inches off the ground, which is an unbelievably high jump, in my opinion; however, this beast was just beyond the reach of my snapping powerful jaws. It flitted into the living room and I bounded after it. I could hear laughter coming from my mom, who was undoubtedly happy that I had saved her from this creature.
Although I am an expert tracker, in my excitement I lost the trail of this monster; however, mom drew my attention to the side of the couch where it had landed, and said, “The moth’s over here, Kooby”. With lightening speed, I caught the smudgy fiend between my teeth and wounded it. It offered no resistance, merely sticking to my mouth. As I was a little hungry anyway, I decided to devour this creature. It would never again terrorize the innocent.
“Yuck,” I heard mom mutter. I think she said this because she wanted some of the tasty kill, but it was much too late to share.
After this battle, I certainly deserved a good nap, so I sauntered over to my couch, jumped up, and fell fast asleep.
September 4th 2006 5:30 pm
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Today I went to my second job, which is guardian of the fence at the Redondo Beach Dog Park.
The RB Dog Park has two areas side-by-side divided by a long fence. One side is for small dogs and the other for large dogs. For some reason unknown to me, Mom takes me to the small side with all the tiny dogs. What could she be thinking?
Doesn't she notice that I mostly ignore the undersized canines with whom I am imprisoned? Can't she see that I have more in common with the real dogs on the other side of the fence?
I made my way up to the chain link fence, as is my duty, and I saw my target - a beefy Rottweiler walking around without a care in the world. He walked up to the fence while I stared a hole through him, just daring him to look at me. He didn't see me, as I think I am able to become invisible at times. He sauntered by without even a sniff or glance.
Bouff, I shouted. Bouff bouff!! He turned around to investigate where this noise was coming from, but for some reason he looked above and past my head, apparently not noticing me.
Just as he began to walk away I roared Bouff!! Bouff!! Finally, he looked down and saw me. I am sure that I must have scared him, because he didn't do anything or react in any way. Big dogs do that a lot when they are faced with my power.
He put his head down to sniff me through the chain links, and as loud as I could make it, I bellowed "Bouff! Bouff! and then began to run full speed along the fence. Big Rotty trotted besides me, huffing and puffing. I stopped and he stopped. Bouff! Bouff! He had had enough, and hollered WOUF! WOUF!
I ran back the other way along the fence, Bouffing at him fearlessly and he loped besides me with his WOUF! WOUF! We did this several times and I could see that he was tired, so I let him rest.
I could hear some of the people at the dog park laughing, as often happens when I am guarding the fence. I think they do it because they are happy that they are guarded by such a fierce dog such as myself.
September 4th 2006 9:30 am
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Who is this enemy I speak of you ask? It appears harmless enough, but it is the most insidious foe I have ever encountered among my many years of battling enemies, some very formidable.
I have battled and won against very fearsome enemies such as Big Mean Kitty toy and Top Dog Airlines toy, who are able to fly through the air but after doing so they tire easily and I can catch them and ravage their weary bodies at will.
This enemy who I have not yet caught seems simple enough because at first glance, it is only a RED DOT. However, upon further inspection, incredibly, I find that it has no odor at all, so in my world, it is, for all purposes, in another dimension. If that is not bad enough, it possesses lightening speed, quickly changing positions, running on the ceiling and walls and then appearing right in front of me in seconds flat.
Oh, when will I catch it? I know that someday I will, because I am a bulldog and for better or worse, bulldogs NEVER give up. NEVER!
OK, time for me to take a nap now.