August 1st 2010 4:24 pm
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It has taken some time for me to update Roxy's Diary. My Heart is so Broken and I miss her so much my Heart Aches for my Girl ~...
Cancer (Lymphoma) took my Beautiful. Precious most Loving Dog I've ever known away from me. I didn't want her to suffer and I could see she was becoming very weary and tired. She didn't want to eat much and had to go out very often and it was becoming to much for her. Roxy would stare at the steps for a while before climbing up. On Saturday, July 10th, I took her to see our Vet to have Roxy examined to determine her well-being. I knew in my Heart, although I didn't want to believe it that this would be our last moments together. My vet confirmed that Roxy was having very decreased breath sounds and he confirmed that it was time to let her go & Say Good-Bye. Roxy was breathing differently for about 2 days before I took her to see the Vet. My Vet is not just our Doctor, but a Trusted and Caring Friend. He told me Roxy would let me know when it was time to "Say Good Bye" and he (my Vet) would let me know as well. Roxy's eyes looked tired and she was sleeping more then usual. I can say right up until the end Roxy chased her Big Yellow Ball, Loved rolling around in the yard and swimming in the pool. Sadly, the reality that she would not be sleeping in my bed anymore, we would not be going to the beach together again, and this would be her final Ride in the car, was so much to process and emotionally heart wrenching. Oh My God, How was I going to do this. Roxy loved going in the car & having the wind blow in her face, with her ears flapping away.
Below is a Letter I wrote to my Vet that express so much about The Love we have for Roxy, The Deep Loss We Feel and the Gratitude for having a Great Doctor.
Hi and Thanks for Thinking of Me. The emotions & unconditional Love that become intertwined in our relationships with those we love, whether it be our children, or families or our Loving Pets, always has a beginning, but never an ending, or at least not one we ever plan for. They completely become a piece of you. Our Pets, Roxy, are dependent on us for all of their care, their well-being, their food, all their health needs, providing a safe, happy, loving home life for them to thrive, be loved, play and grow, and is all selflessly and lovingly provided to them through their loving, committed owners. So, for the 10 years our family was blessed to be Roxy's Mom, I/we didn't have a plan on how to Say Good Bye to this Beautiful Soul, and/or know how to Let Her Go. Having to hold her on my lap while she slept away to a Peaceful, Restful place was one of the most heart wrenching experiences of my life. I cried for 5 days straight, never left the house. I sit in my family room sometimes and I think I hear her feet walking across the kitchen floor. I turn to see what it is, and there's nothing there, of course. Roxy sat in the same place in the Family Room all the time, she slept with me every night in my bed, and now these places of comfort are empty. The only other dog I ever had in my lifetime was Mollye and she died in 2004. You were with me then too!! Roxy was the most amazing, gentle spirited, loving, Beautiful Golden Girl who chose us to be her family for her short 10 years. If there were some way to get her back, I would, But my intelligent, logical mind knows that is not possible. My heart aches for her and I would love to be able to lay down next to her for a little while and brush her soft fur, and pet her beautiful face & her soft tongue lick my hands and face.
I will never get over losing Roxy, or seeing her waiting for me at the front door every time I come home, but someday I will come to a place where I will eventually find some peace in her passing. I do know of all the Golden's in the world there will never be another Roxy. Roxy had many medical issues over this last year, and through it all she remained a Happy, Sweet, Loving Golden Girl who never complained and didn't let her medical issues prevent her from enjoying her days here at home, Chasing Balls, Swimming in the Pool, Sitting for Treats and Smiling. I didn't know if you knew Roxy did smile :). Roxy was Brave and I had to be Brave for her when she could no longer be Brave on her own. I know my Final Gift of Love to Roxy was to Let Her Go and not allow her to suffer any pain or discomfort because of her illness.
However, it didn't feel like a Gift of Love to Me. I just Hope and Pray that it really was her time to go. Making the decision to let her go was painstaking and I pray I did the right thing. I will always question this because I never want to take a life that should not have been taken. I never want to Play God......
Roxy no longer being here at home has not been easy. Her absence is so visible every where in the house because she followed me from room to room, everywhere I went. I still call her name when it's time for all the dogs to go out. For me, this is going to take some time. In Life, Love is Found and it's a most amazing, magical feeling, and then, Love is Lost, and it's the deepest parts of our being that feel the Physical Pain, The Emptiness, and the Overwhelming Sorrow that become a part of the Journey, along with the Memory of a Life Once Shared with Something So Loved, So Treasured and Magical, you never consider a plan for when it will end.
There are no words to express how Deeply Grateful I am for having you with me for all of the years you have cared for Roxy. You celebrated her well-being and good health with me, you watched her grow from a pup to a big girl, and then with your Gentle Loving Way, you walked me through Roxy's illness and stayed with me to say Good Bye to her. Words are not adequate enough to express my gratitude & greatfulness for all that you have done for Roxy and for me. You will always be my Friend, My Treasured Vet and one of the Kindest, patient, gentle and thoughtful men I will ever know. Just as there will never be another Roxy, there will never be another Dr. Glen Stockett...... With Buckets Full of Gratitude, I Thank You from the Bottom Of My Heart ... I don't know much about the after-life, however, if there is one, I pray Roxy is being Cradled by Gentle Hands of those who Love Her as we do and she is healed where ever she may be, Running Free and Chasing Her Big Yellow Ball, looking down on me and knowing I only did what I thought was my Final Gift of Love for My Beautiful Girl so she could be free where ever that may be. If there were any way to give her a Miracle I would have given it to her. Roxy will be Loved, Deeply Missed and Remembered Every Day for The Rest of My Life..... I am grateful for all the Memories she has left with me and our family, & that Roxy's Life will always be a Part of our families Life. Having The Love of Roxy was Truly a Gift :)
Thank You For Being There For Me :)
The empty space in my Heart aches with the loss of My Precious, Beautiful Roxy and I cry tears every day for her.
I received a note from my Vet and he said I did make the right decision and that if Roxy could Thank me, She would. He also said that we gave Roxy a Beautiful Life filled with all the Love and Care any Golden Girl could ever ask for.
When Roxy was a puppy my Dad said "Roxy was Golden".... Such True Words !! She truly was a "Golden Girl". She smiled, she had a very gentle, sweet, loving nature and she would chase a ball for as long and as far as you could throw it.
Although HeartBroken, Roxy truly left us with the Gift of the most Purest, Sweetest most Gentle Love I've ever known. Having shared 10 Blessed Years with Roxy & that she chose us for her family was a Gift of Her Love We Will Have for Eternity..
My Beautiful Roxy, Chase Your Yellow Ball and Roll around in the Warm. Tall Grasses. When I look up in the sky and I see a Bright Shinning Star, I know it's you, Roxy Looking Back at Me ~!!
With All My Love~For All My Life, My Beautiful Golden Girl ~
Rest In Peace,
Always, With Love Forever,
October 23rd 2006 9:01 pm
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Hi to my FurrBuddies ~
I can't tell all you guys how releived I am that my surgery is all behind me now. Everthing went well and all my lumps and bumps were just Lumps and Bumps, like Dr. Glen said they would be; but I worried anyway....... Dr. Glen had some really long medical word for what they were, but I couldn't repeat it to you if I wanted to.... I'm just glad it's over and I am back feeling my old self again.. OH, and what do you guys think of that rediculous, stupid contraption they put around your head for a few weeks.... that was the "Worst"... I couldn't even get my mouth to my food dish, itch my itches or get scratched without rubbing up against Mom's new furniture...!!!! but Mom held my dish up for me a few times a day so I could eat and drink with the the rest of the family, scratched my itches, rubbed my tummy and brushed my hair for me ~ .... I can't tell you.... "Whew" I'm so Happy to be feeling better and hanging out with the rest of my furr buddies.... Thanks to you all for your get wells and thoughts... Love you ........... Roxy... and Mommy too !!
September 26th 2006 8:45 am
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Hi Friends !
Roxy is feeling a little under the weather today. Yesterday (9-25-06) Roxy had surgery to remove a few lump and bumps we found on her. 1 on each side of her torso and 1 down by her tail. The vet said that he didn't think they were anything to worry about, but we felt much safer having them removed. Roxy had to spend the day at the Doggie Hospital and when I went to pick her up last night she was beyond excited to see me. She has this huge cone on her head and we all feel so bad for her. She can't eat or drink very well and she can't lick or scratch herself. This morning I had to hold her food bowl up for her so she could eat and I guess we will be doing this for the next 2 weeks till the stitches come out. She looks at me with those sad brown eyes and I just want to wave a magic wand to make her all better and not have to see her so uncomfortable.
The other doggies are keeping her company. They all snuggle up to one another and sleep most of the day. We have to wait about 1 week to get the biopsy results and I pray they are nothing to be concerned about. Roxy is only 6 years old so I pray she's a healty Golden Girl. We feed her top of the line food, she gets plenty of exercise, her weight is perfect (76lbs) and she gets tons & tons of hugs, kisses , scratches, belly rubs & love !!!!!!! I will post a picture of her with her "Cone Head" on in the next day or two and will keep her diary up to date with her medical progress. Love to all my FurBuddies !!!!!!!!!!
Love, Roxy & Mommy