February 13th 2009 10:47 am
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I now truly know why rollercoasters and me didn't get along. She started chemo last friday and she was doing well, but then over night she was a completely different dog. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't move, all she did was breath real hard and looked horrible. We took her to the vet and she had a high temperature and clearly having a bad reaction to the treatment. They got fluids in her and her temperature dropped. She started to wag her tail and even ate.
Seeing her when she got home was a revelation. Sure she could get over the chemo and be herself, but what happens when we start the other phase of chemo? Will we see the same fine for days then crash? My wife and I struggled over these past few days but always clear that so long she didn't show pain we would continue. We were in total agreement.
While we were in agreement that Wrigley is strong and recovering what dawned on me was we were seeing what we wanted so badly to see in our hearts -- Wrigley like the old Wrigley.
But last night as I saw her, I felt that I didn't really recognize her. That's when it hit me.
The decision was clear. Everything we loved and cherished in our beloved Wrigley has already gone. Her wiggling butt, her wagging tail, her incessant begging for treats, and her happy vibe was gone.
I am wracked with guilt because I know we could get more time with her and yes perhaps she could get over the side effects, but why would I be doing that? I feel guilty that by putting her to sleep now knowing she could have a few weeks or days more of ok days seems wrong. It's just how I feel.
But I know we are delaying the inevitable. She will die. I want to remember my dog, my Wrigley as she was, not what she is going through now.
While she is too young to deserve this, I have had the most amazing 6 years with her.
It was interesting, one day on my commute into work, I thought to myself, why in the heck am I writing a diary? I'm not a sensitive person. Was I doing it for sympathy? Was this a way for me to mourn? I think I'm doing it because I want people to know Wrigley. Wrigley is loved by so many and so many who know her are grieving and in a weird way, I take that as the ultimate tribute to who she was. So that is why I'm writing this, for her. I know she wouldn't understand it if I told her, but for me this diary is me telling her that everyone loves you and even strangers care.
We love you Wrigley.
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Hi Chris ..
I am Molly's mom.
well, I've just cried reading your story. well, that story really makes me loving Molly more and more.
I hope Wrigley is smiling in the rainbow bridge now.
(well, I am sorry if I made incorrect spelling) I'm from Indonesia and can not speak english very well but I just want to say that I am so appreciate for what that you have done to Wrigley.
I love Wrigley too