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December 30th 2016 8:01 pm
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Fomfomfom's magic finger is not working these days. Ah bee's been incubating her poke-eggs and letting Fomfomfom hatch them and all the thigns that came out were not remarkable. Ah bee's gunning for the smoochum because smoochum looks like me. But no smoochum.

Ah bee says if I were a little girl, I would look just like smoochum. But smoochum is not a little girl. And those lips. Yuck.

Guess they're for smoochin'.


So dirty

December 29th 2016 8:04 am
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Fomfomfom is every mother's nightmare. So there was that time she stepped on my poop and walked all over the house without realising it. And then yesterday ah ma found out she hasn't mopped the floor in over a month even though she's in charge of it. Today ah ma told her to please go buy a few more pairs of shorts to walk me in because she would wear them for months without washing. And she's rewearing her bra today because she ran out.

So 'gustin' you know.


My bench

December 28th 2016 5:16 am
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That low down dog from the next condo, a sausage dog or a dachshund or whatever, he who wears a different shirt everyday, came into our condo today and jumped onto my bench. Then he turned over and wanted a belly rub. I can't begin to say how offended I was. He's a trespasser and he doesn't know it. I can turn a blind eye that he always tries to come into our condo but not if he starts sitting on my bench. There are limits.

Brownie moved away today. I'll miss him. He's cute. I never minded sharing my bench with him.


Not 24 million

December 27th 2016 7:15 am
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Ah ma dug out some old Chinese paintings and told them these were gifts some thirty years ago. She said one of them might have been painted by a famous painter. Then she got them to wrap the paintings carefully in cling wrap.

Of course they googled it, wishing and hoping it would be worth millions. Then I think I heard something about how one of his recent paintings was sold for 600 bucks. Right. I think maybe they need to keep it for 30 more years.

So I said maybe they can hang it in my room for now. Fomfomfom said no because the subject of the painting is a chinese god who exorcises ghosts. That's too fierce and scary and I won't be able to sleep at night. I told her there's nothing to fear - I'll just show him my little girl parts and he will say, "Good heavens my eyes!" and I'll win.



Raining dogs

December 26th 2016 4:42 am
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My friends have finally trickled back. It's good to know they get to pee again. It must have been hard holding it in these 2 weeks.

Ah ma brought ham to my ah yi mama and ah bee told me my sister zhuzhu came down to collect it. My sister looks so much like me, ah bee says. But of course, she's my sista. We're both so cute u know.

Then in the evening they all watched this puppy show and tried to make me watch. The puppies were sleepy and so was I. So I slept in front of the tv and I vaguely heard them sniggering.

Ah bee ate ham all afternoon.


What is this shit

December 25th 2016 6:17 am
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It's Christmas Day and when ah bee came home with the goodies they ordered, there were only 2 hams. Whatever happened to my pork knuckle? I get crackling every Christmas, it's tradition.

Only I didn't today. They said it's too oily for me and they don't want me to get the runs again. I only got 2 lousy pieces of liver, like bath days. And roo.

Someone stole my Christmas.


For shame

December 24th 2016 8:58 pm
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It is Christmas eve and it rained and it wasn't anything special at all. So I decided I'll secure my own celebration and so I barked and barked and barked the house down. Ah bee wasn't compliant so I barked at her boyfriend. They are not very full of the spirit at all.

Tomorrow is Christmas day proper and I shall try again. They can't deny me.



December 23rd 2016 10:27 pm
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The gardener was spraying something on the ground at the badminton court yesterday and when we approached he told us to stay away. He said it's weed killer for the weeds that grow between the concrete blocks. We don't know why they are doing this - the weeds would grow back and in the meantime, dogs and children lick the ground and eat things off it. And the best part is no one even knows they are doing it.

They say I'm not allowed to walk there anymore.



December 22nd 2016 3:19 am
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They were grumbling how hot this December is. Then in the afternoon it started storming and it rained and rained and it won't stop. I'm not sure I like this December weather. The clothes will get mouldy.

Ah ma's not back yet. It's been 10 hours since she went to the casino. What a hard day's work she must be putting in. But I'm not counting on getting $100 from her.

It's december. Same as the rest of the year.


Dong zhi

December 21st 2016 7:16 am
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It's winter solstice today. That means everyone must go home and eat rice dumplings. I knew I wasn't going to get any so I made ah bee give me the pork from her soup just now.

Better than rice dumplings I bet.

I'm not sure if this is the festival when everyone is a year older (I think not). Anyway, it was ah bee's birthday yesterday based on the lunar calendar. So if she turned one year older yesterday and then one more today, one more when her regular birthday in Jan comes around and then one more on Chinese new year, she would be 4 years older within a span of 2 months.

So she'd be something like 47 I think. She'll be older than ah ma in no time.

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