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The nasi lemak that turned bad

March 3rd 2008 8:24 am
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There are now two si dong xis at the gardens. Oh what a bloody idiot.

Ah ma is so so crabby today and Fomfomfom bore the brunt of it. Poor Fomfomfom, she kenas everything.

Ah bee was watering the plants at 1130pm. Because Ah gong was throwing handfuls of fertilizers around. So she was trying to dissolve those pellets. We cannot have them lying around like that; I walk around in the garden every morning and it would be disastrous if I ate one of them tiny pink pellets. You know, I’m surprised they aren’t all dead yet- he fertilizes them like I dunno every other day. Too much of a good thing isn’t always wonderful.


"See you later calculator!" Er right.

March 2nd 2008 8:36 am
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We spent the entire afternoon watching the Lydia Sum Memorial Ceremony. It’s very sad you know. Everyone shed tears. I know Ah ma did. And she even watched the repeat telecast at night and cried somemore. I wanted to bring tissues to her but I can’t reach them coz I’m too short.

Mas Selamat is really short too. He’s the fella who escaped from the detention centre. He’s only 158cm tall; that’s like Ah ma’s height. And Ah ma is a short woman. So yes, he’s terribly short. They haven’t caught him yet. Maybe he’s hiding in a spider hole like Saddam was.

I had rice, fish and deu dor for dinner. Xp is a happy camper.

And Fomfomfom ate half a chicken for supper. You should have seen her.


Ahhhh deu dor.....

March 1st 2008 8:37 am
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Lemme tell you about the detox regime that Fomfomfom is on. Her sinseh told her that she must avoid caffeine, wheat, fried foods and er two other things which I forgot. And today Ah ma cooked those yellow noodles. Made of wheat. Which she can’t eat. But she wasn’t about to tell Ah ma about it. So she went out and bought a whole chicken for lunch. And her noodles? Ah bee had to eat them. On top of her own share. And you know the way my Ah ma cooks; her portions are huge. So poor Ah bee, she had those noodles for lunch, dinner and supper. No wonder she looked like she was going to throw up.

I love deu dor. I really do. I ate Fomfomfom and Ah bee’s. And when Fomfomfom tried to eat one, I carebear stared her until she removed it from her mouth and gave it to me. Yummy.

Cha is now known as the Champion Mokeeto Killer.


We're not as weird as we sound

February 29th 2008 8:42 am
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Cha says she has an ulcer in her mouth and it’s making her foot hurt. What’s not to get?

I caught Ah gong and Ah ma watching cartoons together just now.

Ah bee twisted her neck just now while doing stretching exercises with Fomfomfom. Orh bi.

And I know why Ah bee got a shock when she saw Fomfomfom with the gooey stuff on her face the other time. It’s hideous. It’s so hideous I had to bark at her. But she didn’t go wash it off like I told her to. So I went to bed. I couldn’t bear to look at her. And I didn’t get my goodnight kiss from her. Coz she had all that stuff on her face. Absolutely hideous.

Oh lemme tell you about Merrilyn and her flowers. She’s so cute I tell you. Ah ma had a pot of flowers in the prime spot on the porch. Merrilyn had the flowers removed from the pot and she planted her own flowers in that pot. Ah ma’s flowers- dying yes but still!- are somewhere in the corner of the garden now. Merrilyn has absolute control over the garden now. I wonder if she’s making progress with her bitter gourd.



February 28th 2008 8:45 am
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Something huge happened. The leader of the JI militant network escaped while in custody in a detention centre. He’s a very dangerous man- he wanted to crash an airplane into our Changi airport. Thus began a massive manhunt for him. There were so many soldiers and policemen stationed around the area near the facility. In fact, the papers said that thousands of military personnel were mobilized. Ah bee didn’t know what had happened and she had even wanted to stop one of the soldiers to ask him what had happened. I am so glad she didn’t; they would probably gun her down considering how tense the situation is now. The police even came by our neighbourhood in the evening, which is a 5 minute drive from the detention centre, to distribute flyers with his mug shot. When we went to the gardens, I was a little scared coz the fugitive might be hiding in the bushes somewhere. Fomfomfom said it’s okay; she can take him on since he’s unarmed and walks with a limp. We didn’t see Magic and Diva and I was a little worried because they live even nearer to the facility than us. I told Fomfomfom that she should call the police in case the fugitive took Sister YY hostage. She says Sister YY would probably yak his ears off. But he’s so dangerous I’m afraid he would just stab her to shut her up. Luckily when we were on our way back, we saw Sister YY & Co. Phew. No need to call the police.

We were outside at the porch just now and I sneezed three times in succession. It was really loud and I gave everyone a fright. And then two police vans roared by with their flashing lights. I wonder where they were headed. He’s probably fled to Indonesia by now but I will keep my eyes wide open. We must all do our duty and be vigilant in times like this.

All this excitement is keeping me awake.


What can $28 buy you?

February 27th 2008 8:30 am
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Ah ma was really crabby today. And Ah gong kept pissing everyone off. Fomfomfom is very pleased with herself. Cha kept going out without me. Merrilyn was really busy moving her flowers from the ground into pots. And Ah bee was exceptionally hungry.

Me? I smell wonderful. I am sure to give Cha a headache tonight.


I did a raindance, that's why.

February 26th 2008 8:48 am
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It rained for the first time in weeks last night. Cha woke me up so that I can keep her company and together we listened to the rain fall. You know, just in case the roof leaks. I am very happy it rained. The plants at the gardens were starting to wilt already.

Melmel gave me a fright just now. I think it’s coz I haven’t seen him in a long time. He came straight for me and kept wanting to sniff my backside. I was scared so I kept running from him. But he kept chasing me. Melmel is actually the gentlest one around but still he’s a big dog so we’re scared of him. He can just take one bite at me and I’ll be finito. One can never be too careful.

Fomfomfom says that I am the sole recipient of her love. I am afraid I cannot say the same. Because the only person I love deeply is my Ah ma.

Because dogs are like humans and machines.



The Flash in the flesh

February 25th 2008 9:03 am
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I almost fought with a little terrier just now. I wasn’t scared of him but he just kept coming closer and closer and I wanted to tell him to back off so I growled at him. And then he growled back. And we went at each other. Lucky for him, Ah bee picked me up by my harness immediately. I would have eaten him up. Cha scolded me when she heard that I almost got into a fight at the gardens. But it wasn’t my fault. Really.

There is now a new rule in the house. Every door and window is to be kept shut after 7pm coz we don’t want that bat to come into the house anymore. No one forgot coz Ah bee kept bugging everyone to close everything. She managed to freak herself out by looking at information on bats online last night. And she was so terrified she asked Fomfomfom if she could sleep with her. Fomfomfom told her too bad and shut the door in her face. One day I will catch a few lizards and put them in her bed, Ah bee says. Then just now when Ah bee said she was hungry, Fomfomfom told her to go eat a grilled bat. Tough love here. Very tough.

And just now they got into a debate about whether hens can lay eggs without the cock. Fomfomfom informed Ah bee that the cock only comes into the picture when the eggs are to be fertilized so that they can hatch into little chicks. Ah bee wasn’t convinced. She says all that has to be done is for the hen to sit on the eggs and hatch them. So Fomfomfom told her to go sit on a couple of eggs and see if they’d hatch. You know, if Ah bee’s right, I would go sit on a couple of them chicken eggs myself and hatch a few little chicks of my own. Then they will have to call me Mama. That would be fun.

Thanks for the star Lexie and Buddy Grau!


Please Bat, don't come back anymore.

February 24th 2008 8:45 am
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Today at the gardens, we met this Schnauzer. She’s five months old and wears a pink collar. When we saw her, she was sitting under a bench motionless. Her owners informed us that it’s her first time out and that’s why she’s hiding under the bench. Fomfomfom carried me and brought me closer to her but as usual, I was scared and I refused to play. So we left and continued walking. When we came back and saw them again, her owners had managed to coax her out from under the bench. Her mummy was feeding her tidbits and her daddy was on his belly taking pictures of her. Aww.

And I discovered the pineapple just now. Fomfomfom gave me a little to try. She has been reading and it seems that pineapple is good for us doggies too. So I got to try a little just now. I love it. But Cha and Ah ma said I shouldn’t have too much so I didn’t. I’m starting to like fruits a lot. I’ve been eating lotsa pears and cucumbers too. Nice and cold and sweet. Yummy.

And the bat came back. I am assuming it’s the same bat. Ah bee saw it flying around downstairs and she screamed for Ah gong to come chase it away. Fomfomfom was squatting outside at the porch, while Cha, on hearing that there was a loose bat in the house, promptly shut her door, hiding in the safety of her room. It took a while before that bat finally flew out the door. Ah bee is now terrified coz apparently bats can contract rabies and when they do, their flight becomes erratic and they can fly into things or people when they normally wouldn’t. She says she will just die if a bat flies into her. I believe her.



February 23rd 2008 9:06 am
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A woman came over to pat me today in the gardens. She said I reminded her of her dog, a Shih Tzu-Terrier mix. She couldn’t stop looking at me and touching my head, commenting how much I remind her of her dog. I think her dog is not around anymore coz she looked like she was going to cry. Even after we said goodbye, she kept turning around to look at me. Poor woman.

They started cleaning my right ear again coz it smells funky. The vet woman just gave me the clear last week when I went to get my backside squeezed. How quickly the bateria develop. But it’s okay- the Panalog will take care of that. Speaking of which, Fomfomfom threw out most of my old medicine from donkey years ago, including the eye drops for my ears. *giggles* And the Caesar canned food which expired in 2006. Oops. I take after Ah bee- we’re both rubbish collectors. She used to fish out the things that Cha and Fomfomfom threw away and keep them in her drawer. Really a poon soh collector that one.

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