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Ah bee goes to work

June 2nd 2008 7:20 am
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This morning everyone woke up real early. Ah bee was dressed nicely and I heard it was her first day at work. Ah ma had already informed me last night. So this morning I was up early too so that I may bless ah bee before she leaves. In my haste, I almost tumbled down the entire flight of stairs. Luckily I managed to regain my footing halfway down. As I reached the bottom of the stairs, smug over my display of that nifty footwork, I saw fomfomfom and ah bee staring at me, mouths open in horror. I told them they had nothing to worry about, I was never in any danger. Just call me nifty ping.

But that footwork is not meant for menial stuff. Like walking to the gardens. I am always driven to the gardens. Just now we were watching tv and the tv station was looking for Singapore's most eco-friendly person. Cha informed me that my little feet leave behind real big carbon footprints.

I thought about it. Carbon footprint? I'll have to ask ah ma to buy me real good quality shoes so that I won't go around leaving unsightly footprints. Carbon indeed! Pfft, that's for dirty little dogs only.


I don't want to be mummified

June 1st 2008 8:20 am
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We met a Shih Tzu in the gardens today. Her name is Mika and she is white and brown. Her owners said that I am so pretty and that my colours are beautiful. That’s coz black and white Shih Tzus are rarer than you think. Anyhow, Mika got too close to me and so I barked at her to tell her to back off. She immediately ran away from me. Fancy that! Fomfomfom and Ah bee were so tickled because no one has ever run away from me before. That means that she is even more of a tortoise egg than I am. What a baby.

There were kids having a picnic on the pathway. The adult in charge told them, “Look, a puppy! Everyone say hello to the puppy.” And so they all did. We lingered a little to play with them. I like playing with kids coz they aren’t much taller than me. I wouldn’t have to strain my neck too much this way.

Ah ma was a lot less crabby after I had my bath. She even told me that I could step all over her big tummy. Kiss kiss Ah ma.


Score one for Fomfomfom.

May 31st 2008 9:24 am
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Ah ma has her hang-ups. Things none of us get. We usually try to ignore her but sometimes you can run but you just can’t hide. Nothing works on her. Nothing but Ah bee’s dour expressions, Cha and Fomfomfom says. Ah ma simply cannot stand seeing Ah bee sulk. I’m not sure about that so I will have to observe and keep all of you updated.

In other news, Ah gong met his match in Fomfomfom. He was going on and on about how she shouldn’t be drinking lemon with her honey water. In his mistaken view, lemons are evil and one can die from eating lemons. At least that was how Fomfomfom heard him. So she threw all his cigarettes into the sink and soaked them. Cigarettes kill, not lemons, she said. He shut up after that.


Nothing much

May 30th 2008 9:27 am
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Dear Diary,

Well, nothing really special happened today. Just that I got myself another 5 grams of gold and escaped the rain at the gardens today again, but that's all in a day's work, so I shall not mention it further.

Ah bee promised to buy me orange juice, but wasn't sincere enough to drop by the supermarket so I still don't have my few tons of juice.

I know fomfomfom went out and ate chicken knee cartilage for dinner and I shan't go further coz I fear I might throw up. Of all things to eat.

Then ah ma declined to do this very difficult sudoku puzzle ah bee copied back from europe and ah gong expounded on the dangers of the lemon.

Cha went out and ate a whole table of japanese food, while I nibbled on my kibble.

My day has been so boring I fear I might fall asleep if I go on, therefore bon soir.


All in

May 29th 2008 8:16 am
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My word! Who is that I spy, with my little eye? I rummage through my database.

My stars! It is ah bee! My tail, it wags.

You know, this morning I met a shih tzu who doesn't wag his tail. He's the strong and silent type. Pity he's only 2 years old. A mere babe.


I am hungry

May 28th 2008 5:57 am
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This morning cha woke me up and we immediately went to wake fomfomfom up. Then, still rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I found myself in the gardens. It was so happy. I shat and saw a little ugly bulldog thing and I kept barking at him until he retreated in fear. Like I said, it was so happy.

Luckily we went first thing in the morning, for it started to storm shortly after and it rained the entire afternoon. There was nothing to do, and I decided to pee. But hey? There was no newspapers where I usually pee! So I wandered into ah bee's room and peed on her bed. I thought it showed I miss ah bee. But cha was hoppin' mad and spanked me. Fomfomfom was heartbroken and grumbled at cha, that cruel cha.

Dinnertime was a time of regret. I could smell lots of good food, but alas my yearning looks yielded no fruit. Literally. Ah ma wanted to feed me pear but fomfomfom and cha said no.

As I sulk, I am semi-constipated. I haven't relieved myself of today's bulk yet. That bit in the morning was yesterday's. Boo.



May 27th 2008 7:17 am
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Oh no, I had no chance to splashy-sploosh. We went to the gardens when the weather was real ominous, and I sniffed around for only 5 minutes before the skies opened and we took refuge in the pavillion nearest the carpark. We were stuck there for 20 minutes and we decided to go home coz the rain didn't look like it was going to let up. We had a brolly and fomfomfom carried me back to the car so there was no splashy-sploosh either.

I feel a little constipated. Maybe the feeling will go away if I go to sleep and not think about it.


I love you when I bite you

May 26th 2008 8:03 am
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I waited a long time to go to the gardens today as it was a hot day. But when we finally got to the gardens, I thought I wanted to be carried around like a queen so I informed fomfomfom thus. So while I surveyed the gardens in style, cha grumbled and grumbled.

At home, I wanted to eat dinner 3 times. Then I wanted to play with fomfomfom and cha came in and beat me up. She smacked my thin backside and ah ma was pained. But I told ah ma it wasn't painful and cha beat me only coz she loves me.

Lesson thus learnt, I tried it out on fomfomfom at night. She kept trying to rub my teeth so I bit her hand. She kept one hand balled into a fist for me to bite while trying to rub my teeth with the other. I thought, if I bite her, it means I love her, so I bit and bit. And so everyone was terribly happy.

What's up with all that teeth rubbin' anyway?


Ah ma loves me

May 25th 2008 7:57 am
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Ah ma said today that I have grown thinner. Fomfomfom confirmed that I have lost 300g, when they weighed me at the vet's the other day. Ah ma says it's all the fault of that special kibble, I used to have lots of meat and other goodies.

Then I asked ah ma for a belly rub, and ah ma said I ask for belly rubs at least 12 hours out of 24 everyday. I said, oh ah ma, you exaggerate. Then ah ma said her arm has grown a few centimetres longer, with all that belly rubbing she's been giving me.

Like I said, oh my ah ma, she exaggerates.


My bright future

May 24th 2008 9:04 am
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I have decided to go into commodities big time. I have grown up and it is time to consider my future. I have decided to become a trader because there is no better way to think of the future than by trading futures. Fomfomfom has given me 5 grams of gold, and now she has promised to give me one sugar contract. I will be the proud owner of 50 tons of sugar very soon and I will tell fomfomfom to store it in her room when she takes delivery.

Then the whole family was munching on roasted pork belly before dinner, those disgusting people, and they won't give me any. So I told cha to buy me one pork belly contract, since I was thinking about my future and that roasted pork at the same time.

And ah bee. She will have the privilege of buying me orange juice futures. I have put much thought into it, and since I am going to have 50 tons of sugar, I'd better have a use for it. No doubt, some of that florida orange juice will be sour, what with the weather all over the place these days. I can add sugar to my orange juice and neither will go to waste.

I thought that was the end of the matter, but fomfomfom had to go on about buying zinc. I got angry and told her I will only accept gold.

Zinc is, how shall I put it, so unglamorous.

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