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Getting too smart for everyone

November 24th 2008 5:30 am
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Times are bad. People don't tell people things anymore. They think they have the right to do all sorts of things. They think they can keep things from others. It is strange. They think they have the right when they don't. They think they have the authority but they don't. They think they have a brain but alas.

But no problem. All it takes is a good hard slap left right centre up down inside and outside. Oops, that's 7 slaps.

I'll do it!

 

Boney biscuit

November 23rd 2008 7:28 am
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There's this new tidbit I have. It's a free gift when I buy the ultra-no-allergen kibble. It's a bag full of delicious bone shaped biscuits and I get 2 a day, after breakfast and after supper. I always look longingly at the bag when my mamas forget to give me one and they will be quick to correct their error.

I didn't feel like supper tonight, only the biscuit so I looked longingly. Fomfomfom said I must eat my kibble supper first before I can have it and to emphasize her point, she took one biscuit and put it into my kibble bottle. Of course I had nothing but biscuit in my mind after that and I refused kibble politely.

The standoff was resolved in a while when ah ma came out and told fomfomfom to give me the biscuit and stop torturing me. Then ah ma looked fondly at me while I ate the biscuit and fomfomfom was the villain. I told ah ma, thank you ah ma!

Ah ma loves me and I love ah ma.

 

Goubuli not.

November 22nd 2008 8:39 am
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I forgot to mention in my entry last night that Cha and I saw a piece of snake skin near the generator room yesterday. It's a good thing we only saw the shed skin and not the snake itself. That would have been creepy. Fomfomfom was rather freaked out and she kept telling everyone to hit the snake 7 inches below its head if we ever run into one. I don't ever want to run into a snake coz I heard that Wernie's dog was killed by one. So remember if you ever see a snake, run. If you can't, remember Fomfomfom's 7 inches rule.

Today was a much better day. Ah ma kept her promise and made me goubuli buns. I had 4 of them. They were so delish I even ate the skin. I don't usually like flour but I finished everything on my plate. But I think they should get a new name. Goubuli can't be goubuli. Not when I had 4 of them.

Ah ma didn't want to give me a belly rub just now and so I threatened to leave home. I told her that I will pack up my bottle and check into Shangrila without her. She only chuckled.

I forgive her on account of the buns.

 

Kan wo li bu li

November 21st 2008 7:23 am
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Ah ma made pork buns that were both steamed and fried at the same time and I was intrigued, especially by the way ah bee inhaled them. But there were none for me. Fomfomfom rebuked ah ma and ah ma was contrite. Ah bee said ah ma should make some goubuli buns for me next time so we can all eat buns together and how happy that will be. But I thought, goubuli means "a bun that even a dog ignores", so how can I enjoy a goubuli bun? If I do, it'll have to change its name.

Such oxymorons disturb me. Yet the way the buns smelled today, I think I can overcome it.

Yes I can.

 

Doggone faces

November 20th 2008 7:15 am
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The stockmarket wasn't doing too well today and fomfomfom said to ah bee, look at those doggone faces. It turns out the other face belongs to ah gong, and my face wasn't even half as doggone as ah gong's.

And I'm much better at the stock market than ah gong. I have standing instructions to ah bee: buy me one share of SGX at the lowest price for the day. And sell at the highest. Like this, I'll be assured of profits every day. It's so simple I wonder why ah gong is so perplexed, and what sort of method he is using. Besides, it'll supplement my meagre pocket money of 40 cents.

 

The reason why no matter which house we're in, fomfomfom's- room is always my toilet

November 19th 2008 7:47 am
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I remembered some things today. Like how fomfomfom didn't feed me milk when I was only one month old so that even now, I'm smaller than my siblings.

At the thought of that, I walked into fomfomfom's room and shat on the floor. The room was dark and as planned, fomfomfom stepped right on my poo. What wasn't planned was, fomfomfom thought she had stepped on water and didn't look and stepped all over the house leaving poop all over.

Ah ma gave her a scolding of course and my anger was assuaged. At least until the next time I decide to poo in her room again.

 

Fat maggot

November 18th 2008 5:42 am
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We finally collected the last of the canvas portraits today. Everyone laughed at me and said I looked like I was getting my mug shot done in the portrait. They had a debate whether I was looking into the camera and ah bee finally concluded I was cock eyed and no one can tell.

Later in the afternoon the man from the management office came. It was about water dripping onto our neighbour below. We had tried to fix the problem twice before and it's still there so obviously it's not our problem. The man was squirmy and lazy and tried to worm his way out of doing his job so he incurred the ire of cha. Fomfomfom declared she detested him mightily since a long time ago. Ah bee too. And ah gong, poor ah gong was chased out of the management office by this miserable maggot of a man when he went there for some official business. The maggot said no entry for anyone but employees. And his friends and cronies of course.

I wonder if the maggot knows we're the ones paying his salary.

 

My doughnut was desserted

November 17th 2008 5:24 am
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I went to the vet's today and met the resident shih tzu, who must be the 2nd most loved doggie in the world, after me, of course. Everyone just grabs her and gives her some lovin'. Anyway, I saw her dog tag and it read "camote", which must be her name. Strange, we thought her name was maugh maugh. They must have been calling her mote mote or something.

I didn't think much of her name, I guess it only scores in the creativity and not the poetic department. A security guard who came in with a poor abandoned shaved dog thought so too, for he picked camote up and called her potato. I think potato suits her.

I watched tv last night and this korean woman was singing a song with her daughter. It went something like, I want to be ketchup, I am a tomato. Well, I think camote will want to be a french fry since she is a potato. I will be the tomato and we will be good friends, like the french fry and the ketchup.

The vet woman cracked my tartar and I wasn't happy so I didn't let her complete her cracking. She said she'll continue doing it the next time I visit so I won't have to do dental scaling.

Seeing I was so upset, fomfomfom and ah bee brought me to the botanical gardens. I haven't been there for a few months, so I was happy again. But we met some strange tourists who wanted to hold my leash. Ah bee whispered to fomfomfom that they'll have to take her down first.

All sorts of strange people in the world. Zero etiquette.

 

Shiu Shiu is still wet and he is black again

November 16th 2008 5:44 am
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Ah ma was trying desperately to dry shiu shiu so she put it out on the balcony first thing in the morning. But I was like a bloodhound. No matter how high ah ma put shiu shiu, I could sniff it out within minutes. Ah ma was so impressed and delighted with my skills she let me have shiu shiu. Then I put shiu shiu under my neck and took a nap. I was assured of shiu shiu's safety that way.

And I'm glad cha came back today. Ah bee always makes me angry when she doesn't sleep and the lights don't go off. And sometimes ah bee plays crazy daisy late at night and I'm sleeping and I have to lift my head in disbelief and stare at her.

It is straining our relationship.

 

Poor shiu shiu

November 15th 2008 8:25 am
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I realised this morning ah ma had given shiu shiu a bath. I saw shiu shiu hanging on the clothesline and I demanded the indignity be stopped immediately but ah ma threatened to hang me on the clothesline too.

To distract me, fomfomfom cut open the mini melon that ah ma had grown. It is organic and hokkaido and unfortunately grown in singapore. It had stopped growing after reaching the size of a tennis ball. It tasted melony but not sweet. Not bad, I guess.

In the evening, Ah ma had shiu shiu moved to another corner for drying so that I won't be able to find him, but I found him anyway and insisted ah ma give me shiu shiu or I would bark the house down. Of course I got my way. But shiu shiu was terribly wet and his hair was messy. I had ah ma give him a blow dry with the hair dryer but I wasn't pleased with the results. Perhaps tomorrow I will ask fomfomfom to dry him with curlers and the works.

And oh oh, I met an aggressive cat this afternoon. I was sniffing around the bushes coz I smelled cat and suddenly this ugly thing jumped out and I retreated and barked in alarm and the thing jumped back into the bushes again. All in a split second. When I turned, I found fomfomfom with her heart in her mouth.

So useless.

 
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