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I know I'm worth 400 cows. At least.

March 8th 2008 8:21 am
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Just now we were watching this programme on tv and it’s about this fella who wanted to marry a gal from the other tribe. He had to seek permission from all the elders in her tribe and they asked for a dowry from him. They wanted 400 cows from him. 400 cows. Do you know how much 400 cows cost? And he didn’t have 400 cows. So he had to get his tribe to contribute cows. He had 70 already and his friends came up with 50 more. So he only had 120 cows. But they let him marry the gal anyway coz they thought he’s a swell guy. See, when you’re nice, it doesn’t matter that you’re short on cows. So he got the gal but the newlyweds will live in poverty coz he no longer has any cows. This all sounds a little strange to me. Oh, and I now know that ammonia makes your hair turn orange and how to make the cow produce more milk. Very educational this programme.

Today at the gardens we met three kids. They were kinda rude and they just kept taunting me. Fomfomfom says they ought to be spanked. So pesky.

Now that the relatives are gone, I have Ah ma’s undivided attention. She gave me so many belly rubs and she even scratched my cheeks. I make sorting sounds when my cheeks are scratched. I like it very much. I lub Ah ma.

 

I like them but I'm so glad they're gone now

March 7th 2008 9:06 am
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My great-granduncle and his wife came over today again and they were all holed up in Ah ma’s room looking at old photographs. His wife was giving me a massage when I squealed. That gave everyone a fright coz no one knew why I had suddenly squealed like that. Even Merrilyn heard me from downstairs and she asked Cha why I was crying. Still no one knew what was wrong so I was banned from that room. For the rest of the time they were here, I was tied to Cha. I wanted to go back into the room but Ah ma shut the door in my face. My little heart shattered and I spent the rest of the time moping outside the room. Then later before they left, they took pictures of me and Ah bee gave them a picture of me from a long time ago. As keepsake you know. I’d soon be famous in China.

When Ah ma came home after dinner, I suddenly felt that normalcy has returned to my life. So I lay by the sofa and Ah ma gave me a belly rub. And then we watched cartoons together. It was lovin’. Just like how it’s always been.

 

And no one knows when I snuck in to play with Mr Lobster

March 6th 2008 8:59 am
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Ah ma and Ah gong went out early this morning and they didn’t come back till after dinner. Sigh. I have no idea where they went and I don’t understand why they didn’t bring me along. I hope they don’t make this a habit. I’m not alright with it at all. I miss Ah ma. I thought maybe she’s mad at me that’s why she’s disappearing all the time. So this morning when I saw her on the porch, I just sat quietly behind the plastic divider. It was as close as I could get. No one knew I was there until Fomfomfom saw me and then everyone called me stupid for not letting Ah ma know that I was just behind her. Turns out she’s not mad at me afterall. She’s just busy showing her uncle around town. Kiss kiss Ah ma.

Yesterday I bought one stock of SGX from Fomfomfom at $7.55. That’s the lowest price it reached yesterday. Then this morning, it rose to $7.75 and I told her I want to sell it. She said I made twenty cents. I told her nononono, it’s now 5 stocks coz I want to make one dollar out of this trade. Of course she said okay. I’m the sole recipient of her love.

And my Ah Jek beibei and Ah Sim mama came over to visit to day. Of course I was the perfect hostess. I showed them around the house. And they brought a bag of lettuce with them. Organic no less. Which goes very well with honey chicken. Burp.

Tomorrow I shall put the touch on Cha.

 

Melmel smells wonderful

March 5th 2008 8:28 am
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I wasn’t happy today. There were three things that upset me. First, I waited 5 hours to go to the gardens. I thought that we were going when Fomfomfom and Ah bee changed. But they went out without me. It started raining soon after they came back. We went only after Ah bee got back from her class. Coz Cha wasn’t around. Which brings me to the second thing I’m unhappy about.

Cha was supposed to buy me honey chicken coz she had an open position and so she couldn’t bring me to the gardens. Then she had the audacity to come home without my chicken. So I ate her chicken for dinner. Soya sauce chicken. I like. And she’s not supposed to scold me today coz she let me down twice. Lalala.

It was terribly lonely at home today and that’s the third reason why I was unhappy. Ah bee was out the whole afternoon and Cha went out at about 4. Fomfomfom was out for a couple of hours too. But the thing that upset me terribly is that Ah gong and Ah ma disappeared for a good half of the day. I didn’t get my belly rubs and Ah gong didn’t watch tv with me. Sigh.

But luckily they came home in the end. With two visitors in tow. I understand that the man is my Ah ma’s uncle and the woman is his wife. So that makes him my great granduncle. But he’s younger than my Ah ma. Hmm.

Like I was saying, I love having people over. I was so excited when they came back I forgot how miserable I was the whole day. I bounced about showing them around. And I kept licking them. My great grand uncle wanted to carry me but they said I’d bite. Silly. I won’t bite if he doesn’t carry me the wrong way. They left really quickly though and while we were waiting for Ah ma and Ah gong to come back, the three of them taught me how to squeeze myself through the grille. So stupid. I’ve known how to do that since I was 2 months old.

I also got my belated Valentine gift from my sigui. Kiss kiss sigui!

 

I don't quite like the Cat Mountain King

March 4th 2008 8:47 am
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I had to wash my belly after my walk today because it was wet at the gardens. And then I had to take a bath in the evening because Ah ma doesn’t have time for it tomorrow. So I was wet for almost the whole day. Brr.

Just now at dinner Ah bee was holding a duck bone and I was licking it. Then KIAK I bit the bone in half. They were so shocked and wanted to pry my mouth open to remove the half which was in my mouth. But I was already happily chewing on it and they didn’t dare make a move in case I choked. So I chewed and chewed and then it was gone. Yummmmmmy! But Cha scolded me coz she said that the bone will tear the insides of my stummy if I didn’t chew on it properly. Silly. Of course I did. That thing was how tasty. I wish I had more.

Ah bee stole my milkstick so we got into a quarrel. Things got a little heated and everyone gathered to watch us. Of course she lost. So I picked up my milkstick and went to complain to Ah ma. I hope she cuts her allowance. Serves her right for bullying me.

Fomfomfom and I we have a new game to play. It involves her holding my paw and shaking it vigorously. Then I would look at her disapprovingly and slowly remove my paw from her grip. And then we repeat.

 

The nasi lemak that turned bad

March 3rd 2008 8:24 am
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There are now two si dong xis at the gardens. Oh what a bloody idiot.

Ah ma is so so crabby today and Fomfomfom bore the brunt of it. Poor Fomfomfom, she kenas everything.

Ah bee was watering the plants at 1130pm. Because Ah gong was throwing handfuls of fertilizers around. So she was trying to dissolve those pellets. We cannot have them lying around like that; I walk around in the garden every morning and it would be disastrous if I ate one of them tiny pink pellets. You know, I’m surprised they aren’t all dead yet- he fertilizes them like I dunno every other day. Too much of a good thing isn’t always wonderful.

 

"See you later calculator!" Er right.

March 2nd 2008 8:36 am
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We spent the entire afternoon watching the Lydia Sum Memorial Ceremony. It’s very sad you know. Everyone shed tears. I know Ah ma did. And she even watched the repeat telecast at night and cried somemore. I wanted to bring tissues to her but I can’t reach them coz I’m too short.

Mas Selamat is really short too. He’s the fella who escaped from the detention centre. He’s only 158cm tall; that’s like Ah ma’s height. And Ah ma is a short woman. So yes, he’s terribly short. They haven’t caught him yet. Maybe he’s hiding in a spider hole like Saddam was.

I had rice, fish and deu dor for dinner. Xp is a happy camper.

And Fomfomfom ate half a chicken for supper. You should have seen her.

 

Ahhhh deu dor.....

March 1st 2008 8:37 am
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Lemme tell you about the detox regime that Fomfomfom is on. Her sinseh told her that she must avoid caffeine, wheat, fried foods and er two other things which I forgot. And today Ah ma cooked those yellow noodles. Made of wheat. Which she can’t eat. But she wasn’t about to tell Ah ma about it. So she went out and bought a whole chicken for lunch. And her noodles? Ah bee had to eat them. On top of her own share. And you know the way my Ah ma cooks; her portions are huge. So poor Ah bee, she had those noodles for lunch, dinner and supper. No wonder she looked like she was going to throw up.

I love deu dor. I really do. I ate Fomfomfom and Ah bee’s. And when Fomfomfom tried to eat one, I carebear stared her until she removed it from her mouth and gave it to me. Yummy.

Cha is now known as the Champion Mokeeto Killer.

 

We're not as weird as we sound

February 29th 2008 8:42 am
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Cha says she has an ulcer in her mouth and it’s making her foot hurt. What’s not to get?

I caught Ah gong and Ah ma watching cartoons together just now.

Ah bee twisted her neck just now while doing stretching exercises with Fomfomfom. Orh bi.

And I know why Ah bee got a shock when she saw Fomfomfom with the gooey stuff on her face the other time. It’s hideous. It’s so hideous I had to bark at her. But she didn’t go wash it off like I told her to. So I went to bed. I couldn’t bear to look at her. And I didn’t get my goodnight kiss from her. Coz she had all that stuff on her face. Absolutely hideous.

Oh lemme tell you about Merrilyn and her flowers. She’s so cute I tell you. Ah ma had a pot of flowers in the prime spot on the porch. Merrilyn had the flowers removed from the pot and she planted her own flowers in that pot. Ah ma’s flowers- dying yes but still!- are somewhere in the corner of the garden now. Merrilyn has absolute control over the garden now. I wonder if she’s making progress with her bitter gourd.

 

Fwah!

February 28th 2008 8:45 am
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Something huge happened. The leader of the JI militant network escaped while in custody in a detention centre. He’s a very dangerous man- he wanted to crash an airplane into our Changi airport. Thus began a massive manhunt for him. There were so many soldiers and policemen stationed around the area near the facility. In fact, the papers said that thousands of military personnel were mobilized. Ah bee didn’t know what had happened and she had even wanted to stop one of the soldiers to ask him what had happened. I am so glad she didn’t; they would probably gun her down considering how tense the situation is now. The police even came by our neighbourhood in the evening, which is a 5 minute drive from the detention centre, to distribute flyers with his mug shot. When we went to the gardens, I was a little scared coz the fugitive might be hiding in the bushes somewhere. Fomfomfom said it’s okay; she can take him on since he’s unarmed and walks with a limp. We didn’t see Magic and Diva and I was a little worried because they live even nearer to the facility than us. I told Fomfomfom that she should call the police in case the fugitive took Sister YY hostage. She says Sister YY would probably yak his ears off. But he’s so dangerous I’m afraid he would just stab her to shut her up. Luckily when we were on our way back, we saw Sister YY & Co. Phew. No need to call the police.

We were outside at the porch just now and I sneezed three times in succession. It was really loud and I gave everyone a fright. And then two police vans roared by with their flashing lights. I wonder where they were headed. He’s probably fled to Indonesia by now but I will keep my eyes wide open. We must all do our duty and be vigilant in times like this.

All this excitement is keeping me awake.

 
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