Life is cheap but beautiful

Today I went to the vet. The vet woman said I had pus inside my ears and invited ah bee and fomfomfom to have a look too. She's a mad woman, I don't like her. They she got eric and robert to clean my ears while she huddled in the next room with fomfomfom and ah bee to decide what to do with my ears.
Heaven's displeasure at their conniving was evident when it started pouring.

It was mahjong day so ah ma rustled up something like chicken rice for her brood and I got some lovely chicken thigh too. I liked the cabbage in the soup but ah ma said not to feed me that coz it was salty. Then ah ma gave me more chicken thigh. I understand that's coz chicken is so cheap. Oh you'll never find me being cheap like the chicken. I prefer to be unapproachable, I need the peace. It allows me to find myself, the real me. Oh.

At night I got more chicken! It was fried wings from wala wala's. It was $10 for a dozen. Oh, cheap. I wondered if ingesting cheap chicken would make me cheap too, as I chewed on chicken bits. But I didn't let that bother me too much coz my mamas are always gonna be cheaper than me. Fomfomfom drinks cheap wine and eats cheap chicken. So cheap. Ah bee goes on cheap dates, oh so cheap. Cha buys cheap lunch boxes for the mahjong gals, oh cheap cheap cheap!

I had diarrhoea last night but it wasn't cheap. It was free! Giggle. I gave it to cha at 530am. Maybe tonight I'll give her one more load. All that oil, oh, cheap.

So cheap.

I am 3 years old

It is my birthday today. There was no celebration at shangrila, but I got pan fried pork chops for lunch and everyone said I look prettier now that I'm 3. We had friends come over--cha's friend power pig and my mamas' cousin and auntie. Even the painters came. But I wasn't allowed to play with them. I heard that's coz the painters painted fomfomfom's nikes and crocs, and also ah bee's birkenstocks. They were supposed to just paint the house. Fomfomfom swore they would have painted her car too if she had left it in the driveway.

We took pictures and lit candles on my birthday cake. It was a mango cake.I wasn't allowed to have any but my mamas enjoyed it for me. There were sultry and rousing renditions of birthday songs for me by ah bee and fomfomfom. When fomfomfom was cutting my cake on the table, a dragonfly flew into the lamp above the cake. It dislodged 2 dead flies which almost dropped onto my cake. Then it kinda got itself electrocuted. It thrashed about and buzzed a little and ah bee and fomfomfom freaked out coz they didn't want to eat dragonfly cake. Ah bee took care of it. It is in the bin now. Later ah bee ate her cake and asked if that crunchy bit was the nuts or the dragonfly. Fomfomfom told her to pretend it's nuts, life would be easier.

They forgot to cook an egg yolk for me. I always have egg yolk on my birthdays. I had leftovers from lunch for dinner.

Then me and fomfomfom and ah bee watched sister act 2 together until ah ma and ah gong came back from sending the auntie and cousin home. Then ah ma and ah gong gave me lovin'.

The plot sickens

Tai ma came this morning. Then I ran out from the kitchen door. Ah ma scolded me. Ah ma was scrubbing the floor outside the house, it was so dirty coz of the foreigners painting the house. I went to hide so I didn't have to offer to help. Scrubbing the floor is one chore I can't offer up my usual excuse that I'm too short.

In the afternoon ah ma came down to fold the clothes and cook dinner. Fomfomfom told me to iron the clothes, but I offered the excuse that I'm too short. Both to iron and to cook. Giggle.

My 3 mamas went to watch a concert and left me at home with ah ma for 4 hours. Not that I don't like ah ma, but she was only interested in the taiwan mayoral elections today. The tv was going on and on about this plot and that and the bad people won one city. Ah ma was not happy and was pounding her chest. I told her to watch the disney channel instead but she paid me no heed. So I went to sleep in this corner and that.

My mamas came back and said they'll bring me to see sandy lam next time. I think sandy lam is an opera singer.

Moppin' and mopin'

It is ah bee's last exam today. And then she came back with janice, and hsien fei dropped by later. All of us were happy as clams.

And then my day went downhill from then. Cha laughed at me coz I farted, and tied me to her door knob coz the foreigners were all over the house and all the doors and gates were open. They did a bad job painting the house and my ah ma wasn't happy. In the evening, I couldn't go out to the garden coz it was so dirty. It was borin'.

Ah ma was tired out by all the housework she did. Let me tell you a secret. Giggle. Ah ma was mopping the floor in the living room, and I was lounging in the middle of the living room. Ah ma had to mop around me. Giggle.

The foreigners were walking all over the house and in the evening fomfomfom had to mop the floor again coz it was so dirty. I've never seen fomfomfom do housework before. Ah ma was snoozing in front of her tv, my poor ah ma, all tired out.

At night I couldn't go out to get my moon tan coz the floor was still dirty. Then ah bee came back with pepper crabs and durian puffs. I had pepper crab! The crab couldn't walk sideways coz it was all chopped up. It wasn't alive enough to walk. But it was spicy!

Then fomfomfom decided to call me her little unripe tomato. I told her to call me a cucumber coz that's cool. Then I told her she's a big fat ugly yellow banana.

I am also glad to report that my poo has firmed up and I didn't have diarrhoea today.

Cat

Carlin went out this morning with big bags of stuff. She's going back to the philippines, ah ma told me. I didn't know how to react, so I had diarrhoea. Ah ma was doing chores all morning. I think she must have lost 2 pounds by the end of the day. She was doing all the stuff carlin used to do.

The party continued today. The foreigners were back in the morning, and I don't know what they were doing. But they made a mess of everywhere. And I still wasn't allowed to cavort with them. Fomfomfom screamed when she saw that all the doors and gates were open and I could have run out onto the road into oblivion without anyone knowing. Then they watched me like hawks and closed all the doors.

Then fomfomfom and ah bee washed my ears and I screamed bloody murder and they finally let me off. And fomfomfom kept taunting me and asked me where the cat was. I wasn't allowed into the garden, which was a mess coz of the foreigners. But the cat! I wasn't happy.

Then at night, I didn't want to go upstairs and cha decided to go all petty on me and she tied me to the banister and kept scolding me. And my stomach was churning all this time.

It wasn't a happy day for me.

Deck the neighbours with boughs of holly, falalalala, a pox- on them

Last night I had diarrhoea. I did it in fomfomfom and ah bee's toilet, and fomfomfom shrieked when I let go. Ah bee had to clean it up and she used so much paper the toilet almost clogged up.

But I'm ok today. There were strange people, foreigners, walking about the garden all day. Cha didn't let me go out to cavort with them. All day, I was stuck in the house while the foreigners were having a party outside. Painting the house, ah ma said. I know better.

Ah bee and fomfomfom washed my ears and I yelled loudly and ah ma came to rescue me. But fomfomfom didn't let me go, so later, ah ma gave it to her.

The neighbours' house went bang bang bang. I thought they only ill treat their maid. To think, they're inconsiderate too. If only they didn't exist. I would have had a peaceful evening.

But one can't ask for too much. I'll settle for a pox on them.

Domestic Violence

There were 3 episodes today.

Today fomfomfom and cha went to a doggie bakery to buy me stuff. There were apple chips, grilled lamb bits and a chicken pie. I didn't like the apple chips, so we left the bag of apple chips on the table. Ah ma appeared and fomfomfom informed her that it's good for diabetics. Ah ma took one, then was enlightened. She spat out the apple chip and beat ah bee up, who was unfortunately geographically located.

Then fomfomfom and cha also collected photos today. There were like 800 photos of me. Ah ma was angry that unflattering photos of her in her leopard print pjs were sent to be developed. At this moment, ah bee is suffering another bout of violence.

I also suffered violence at ah bee's hands while washing ears. Ostensibly it's coz I was naughty, but the truth is ah bee wanted to vent her anger somewhere, anywhere. Ah bee smacked me on my backside.

Then it rained and the petty person smirked and told me it's coz I was naughty.

Bad Mood

I'm not in a good mood today.

First, the mahjong girls came and played mahjong the whole day until 5 plus. No one paid any attention to me though I hung around all day.

Then at night, ah ma and ah gong went out to some baby's one month celebration. The 3 mamas were so busy watching tv no one paid me any attention either.

Then there was a new japanese girl who arrived today. She's white with a fancy name Jade. If she's japanese, she should take a leaf from Mikasa's book and call herself unagi or chawanmushi or arigato. But I think she should call herself harakiri or kamikaze. I don't like her. My mamas were all over her.

And she's all fancy-schmancy too. Keyless! What rubbish. Whoever's heard of a keyless car? Jade's just a glorified truck. I spat in her when my mamas brought me for a ride. She has to call me mama.

When I went for the ride, the moon followed me around. I was so irritated. I didn't want to talk to no one for the rest of the night.

Moon

I would like to report that the moon is ok again. It has moved house, so I found it in a different place tonight. But it was the whole moon, so I was happy for it.

On the subject of moon, ah ma made moonie cakes today. I think making moonie cakes is a thing you do when the whole moon decides to come out. It is an effect of the whole moon.

But again, it might be the cause. When ah ma makes moonie cakes, the whole moon has to come out.

Maybe the moon is made of cheese.

I. Will. Be.

I bathed today. It is the last time carlin will bathe me coz she's going back to the philippines. And for the first time, ah bee woke up early enough to blow me dry. It was highly emotional.

I emerged from my emotions stronger and more determined to take control of my own life. Not to be like a young sapling swaying in the wind. Oh, those emotions. They will be my downfall yet. Therefore, I will learn how to bathe myself before the next maid comes.

I will make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself.

I will be. Adequite.