The neighbour's X'mas party

We went for ear washing today by Eric. It wasn't too bad, we didn't have to wait for the washing nor the bill. We were out of the clinic in record time. And then outside the clinic at the carpark we saw a cat. It was pregnant and it went against fomfomfom's leg and ah bee was carrying me and it was up close and personal. It was the closest I've been to a cat.

In the evening I went out to the garden to welcome passers by. I haven't been out for the longest time and I barked for 2 hours and ah ma cut the grass. I was exhausted and I slept in ah ma's room for 3 hours afterward.

At night the neighbours across the street had an early christmas party and they sang christmas songs very loudly. It was late and ah bee told me to bring a candle over and join in the singing. I should drop the candle and let it burn down the house so that they will stop singing. I told ah bee it's late and I'm not supposed to go out at that hour coz I'm still a baby. It was almost 1130 when they finally stopped singing. Then they made a lot of noise and whooped and played strange disco music and were very inconsiderate. I live in a very civil street coz no one called the police to arrest the neighbours for disturbing the peace.

Fomfomfom was complaining throughout about the world's unbearable exuberance and enthusiasm about christmas and Ah bee told her she's a grinch. Ah bee foresees that fomfomfom will be a lonely old woman in future coz she is already so grumpy about christmas at 26.

Fomfomfom told me that when we were sitting under the moon at 1030, a cat ran across the garden. Apparently I didn't see the cat. It is a waste. I would have barked louder than the neighbours' bad singing.

One potato, two potato...

I didn't bathe again today coz it was raining early in the morning. Ah bee went out real early for breakfast with janice and lynn and she dropped her phone in swill at the food centre. Ah bee is so stupid.

I had potato chips again today. It is Pringles Original Jumbo tube with 40% extra. I didn't eat the whole tube, of course. I only ate one or two chips. Ah bee ate the whole tube. Fomfomfom helped a little.

I looked at the night sky for a long time. It is red again and perhaps it will rain non stop for another 3 days. I haven't been out in the garden for a long time.

The Ping's Pong

I haven't bathed for 9 days! It has been raining and ah ma worries that I won't dry even if she hangs me out with the clothes coz there is no sun. Besides, ah ma is busy teaching the new carlin how to do stuff. She has no time for me, so I can run amok and recently, I proclaimed myself queen. Ah bee says I smell. Off with her head!

It wasn't raining at 5pm today. Ah ma went out to the garden to cut the grass. But she won't allow me to go out. She said the grass was too wet. It is not fair that ah ma and the new carlin were prancing about in the grass while I was tied to fomfomfom. So I barked and barked and I wasn't happy at all.

The communist smurfs. The sticker book came today and ah bee and fomfomfom and cha were sticking stickers into the book and I thought it was so stupid. Communism is not going to work here coz it's a monarchy and I am the queen.

Yin and Yang

Cha said to put in my diary that I ate and threw up poo last night. A diary, is for good and bad things. I ate poo, it was good and glorious. But to leave it at that would be untruthful. For like in life, we must take the good with the bad. Ah bee says, in law, omission could be a crime, not just commission. Therefore, I must write it down that I threw up poo. It is bad, but I will relish the good and face bravely the bad. Oh. For after all, there is yin and yang, heaven and earth, eating poo and throwing up poo. I did it, so what?

It rained all day for the 3rd day today. This morning, the basement flooded. Ah ma used the fans to try to dry the clothes. But it was nice and cool. I like to sit at the porch and let the wind blow at my face. The birds came down to the garden when the rain lessened and made a lot of noise. And the grass was very green.

Cha did a very shameful thing. She went to the mall to collect registered mail in her unglamorous home clothes. Luckily I didn't go with her, or I would have gone out to turn my beautiful face to the sky and let the rain go into my nose and drown me there and then. I have to speak to her about such conduct in future.

At night ah ma, ah gong and cha kept me in the dining area while they had a party unclogging the new carlin's toilet drain. So I peed there and later ah bee almost slipped and threw her laptop into the air. That would have been nice.

Mahjong day

It is mahjong day. There were new blue tiles. But the mahjong girls didn't like the new tiles, so they went back to using the old tiles. Some things are better old and used.

But the old and used mahjong girls didn't pay me any attention. I bet they didn't even notice when I was forcibly dragged to the clinic for ear washing by eric. I don't like eric. Last time he was chatting with a girl when he was supposed to be cleaning my ears. He was so slow. This time he used only one drop of ear drop when the doctor said to give it a good squirt. Fomfomfom told him, more! He put in one more drop. I prefer robert.

Fomfomfom was so stupid at the vet's. She took out her new phone and tried taking pictures while my ears were being washed. The flash went off so close to my eyes I would have screamed if not for my terror at being handled by eric. Ah bee communicated her disapproval to fomfomfom. Fomfomfom kept her phone in shame.

At night me and ah bee went to the porch to watch the rain. Ah bee was also watching her laptop. The rain was heavy and it started lighting up. I was back in the house before you could say xiaopingping.

Xiaopingping wants to sleep as she was busy in the day guarding the mahjong girls and had no time to nap. Later, alligator!

The new carlin

Today a new carlin came. Ah ma was teaching her how to do all the things carlin used to do. Now she's sleeping in carlin's room. I was hospitable, but everyone laughed at me and fomfomfom tied me to the stair banister so that I can't follow ah ma and the new carlin around.

Cha and ah bee went to the last day of the lexus cup. Cha is so red like a lobster. They came back and screamed they are very tired and I don't know what they are complaining about coz I even gave up my nap to follow the new carlin around and I'm not complaining.

Fomfomfom followed me around like I was following the new carlin around like the new carlin was following ah ma around. Nobody followed ah gong around but ah gong was following everyone around trying to get a word in. And the rain was going on and I think he didn't succeed.

Later at night, Fomfomfom and ah bee tried to get me to go orhkoon in Cha's room. I refused and went to knock on the new carlin's door. Two times! She didn't open the door for me though. She's new that's why. Anyone who has spent time in this house knows better than to ignore me when I knock.

Science diet

At night, ah ma didn't want to cook coz she was screamin' that she's too tired. So fomfomfom and ah bee went to get food. I had crab! It was crab from newton. Newton is the guy who talked about gravity. Therefore, the crab knew about gravity too. When it finally realised the gravity of the situation, I said, too late, crab crab. Yummy. Giggle.

Other things today: the maid didn't materialise as promised, ah bee and cha went to the lexus cup again, fomfomfom was watching the gods must be crazy which is 26 years old this year, fomfomfom received a phone from an admirer, the phone made a movie using my picture and the movie looked like a bad school project and my mamas were laughing and they assured me they were not laughing at me but i still feel offended, fomfomfom had diarrhoea, ah bee was constipated and cha is red like a lobster coz she was standing under the sun watching women hit a small ball.

Yawn. I want to sleep now.

Lexus Cup and the Olive Tree

Ah bee and cha went to the Lexus Cup today. The 1st day out of 3 days, they will go to watch women hit small balls. I was left in the care of fomfomfom. Ah ma had to do housework.

Me and ah ma and fomfomfom slept in the afternoon. Then cha and ah bee came back with a lot of food, but I wasn't allowed to have any.

Then it rained again and I wasn't allowed to go out. Ah bee and cha were sleeping all over the house coz they were stupid enough to wake up early to watch women hit small balls.

I threw up at midnight coz my stummy has been unwell for a while now.

Ripe for plucking

Today we went to the clinic for ear washing by robert. EWBR wasn't nice. I was muzzled and he cleaned my ears and we even had to pay for it. I was shakin'. There it was, on the bill, it said EWBR, $10.50.

Then it rained and I wasn't happy with that. I was just tellin' cha that there's nothing certain in life except for death and taxes and rain. Do you know that the mortality rate for man is 100% so far? It is not an inspiring statistic at all. I don't know about that for dogs, but it can't be worse. Ah gong was talking about living to 150 years old at dinnertime. Fomfomfom was sniggering and she whispered to me she's going to congratulate ah gong and put him into the zoo when he reaches 150. I nodded vigorously and showed her my bottom set of teeth.

In ah ma's room, I was so good that I sat on the floor and waited for ah ma to pat the sofa seat before jumping up. Then ah gong came in and patted me and I rested my head on ah ma's thigh. Ah ma was so pleased I could only see her teeth and not her eyes.

At night my water bowl was empty. Fomfomfom was so apologetic she promised to be my slave for life.

My ah ma's stupid children

My stomach rumbled at 10am and ah ma made me lunch immediately. She didn't want me to vomit and dirty her floor coz carlin's not around and she's in charge of all the housework. Ah ma looks stressed.

Then fomfomfom returned with the vegetables ah ma told her to buy from the supermarket coz ah ma had no time to go to the market. Fomfomfom bought a few stalks of the wrong kind of vegetables for $2 and ah ma said she could have bought it at the wet market for 10 cents. I wished I could share ah ma's burden with the housework and her stupid children.

Therefore I bit ah bee on her wrist and knee when she tried to trap me for another round of ear washing. I didn't want to bite fomfomfom though she's so stupid coz she bought me new tidbits.

At night we had supper. It was KFC, but ah bee was so stupid. She paid for 6 pieces of chicken and brought home only 3. Ah ma and ah gong ate all the whipped potato and coleslaw. I had chicken. Then ah ma sent ah bee out to tidy up the rubbish bin in case the cat got to it. Talking about the stupid cat, it ran across my garden at 10pm and I would have gotten to it if cha had not been holding my leash. And ah bee taught fomfomfom that a cat is called chat in french. I told you cats are stupido. That's french too, for stupid.

Then me and fomfomfom and ah bee watched the sky for an hour coz it was all red and lighting up every few seconds. I sniffed sniffed sniffed the air and the wind blew and it was cool and it was red.

Ah bee was finally convinced that a red sky is not a sailor's delight. My ah ma's stupid children.