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Splashy-sploosh

May 27th 2008 7:17 am
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Oh no, I had no chance to splashy-sploosh. We went to the gardens when the weather was real ominous, and I sniffed around for only 5 minutes before the skies opened and we took refuge in the pavillion nearest the carpark. We were stuck there for 20 minutes and we decided to go home coz the rain didn't look like it was going to let up. We had a brolly and fomfomfom carried me back to the car so there was no splashy-sploosh either.

I feel a little constipated. Maybe the feeling will go away if I go to sleep and not think about it.

 

I love you when I bite you

May 26th 2008 8:03 am
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I waited a long time to go to the gardens today as it was a hot day. But when we finally got to the gardens, I thought I wanted to be carried around like a queen so I informed fomfomfom thus. So while I surveyed the gardens in style, cha grumbled and grumbled.

At home, I wanted to eat dinner 3 times. Then I wanted to play with fomfomfom and cha came in and beat me up. She smacked my thin backside and ah ma was pained. But I told ah ma it wasn't painful and cha beat me only coz she loves me.

Lesson thus learnt, I tried it out on fomfomfom at night. She kept trying to rub my teeth so I bit her hand. She kept one hand balled into a fist for me to bite while trying to rub my teeth with the other. I thought, if I bite her, it means I love her, so I bit and bit. And so everyone was terribly happy.

What's up with all that teeth rubbin' anyway?

 

Ah ma loves me

May 25th 2008 7:57 am
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Ah ma said today that I have grown thinner. Fomfomfom confirmed that I have lost 300g, when they weighed me at the vet's the other day. Ah ma says it's all the fault of that special kibble, I used to have lots of meat and other goodies.

Then I asked ah ma for a belly rub, and ah ma said I ask for belly rubs at least 12 hours out of 24 everyday. I said, oh ah ma, you exaggerate. Then ah ma said her arm has grown a few centimetres longer, with all that belly rubbing she's been giving me.

Like I said, oh my ah ma, she exaggerates.

 

My bright future

May 24th 2008 9:04 am
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I have decided to go into commodities big time. I have grown up and it is time to consider my future. I have decided to become a trader because there is no better way to think of the future than by trading futures. Fomfomfom has given me 5 grams of gold, and now she has promised to give me one sugar contract. I will be the proud owner of 50 tons of sugar very soon and I will tell fomfomfom to store it in her room when she takes delivery.

Then the whole family was munching on roasted pork belly before dinner, those disgusting people, and they won't give me any. So I told cha to buy me one pork belly contract, since I was thinking about my future and that roasted pork at the same time.

And ah bee. She will have the privilege of buying me orange juice futures. I have put much thought into it, and since I am going to have 50 tons of sugar, I'd better have a use for it. No doubt, some of that florida orange juice will be sour, what with the weather all over the place these days. I can add sugar to my orange juice and neither will go to waste.

I thought that was the end of the matter, but fomfomfom had to go on about buying zinc. I got angry and told her I will only accept gold.

Zinc is, how shall I put it, so unglamorous.

 

Porridge

May 23rd 2008 9:20 am
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I was watching the news with ah ma. They were reporting on the pandas in sichuan. Apparently there is a shortage of bamboo, maybe the earthquake destroyed lots of bamboo, so the zookeepers are feeding the pandas porridge. Those are the olympic pandas, they look like me. We are white and black and very cute, which is the description of me in my vet visit card. Black and white and very cute. Yes. Anything black and white is very cute.

If I had porridge to eat, I would pretend to be Goldilocks. Cha, fomfomfom and ah ma can be the 3 bears. Then I would wear a blond wig and eat porridge. When ah bee comes back she can climb up my blond locks into the house and we can blow the house down and run away to New Zealand where ah ma will buy me 2 sheep and we can all live happily ever after.

 

Little purty gurl

May 22nd 2008 8:13 am
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Just now I told cha to put my little girl scout kerchief around my neck so that I may look nice. Then I went off to show it to ah ma and she praised me for being pretty.

Then ah ma was having a tonic soup with an egg for supper and I thought to show her my prettiest side so that I may get some supper too. Ah ma looked at me for a long time, all the while eating her bowl of soup, and then said I look like a little girl. And then she finished her bowl of soup.

I suppose I should be happy that I look like a little girl.

 

Like a million bucks

May 21st 2008 8:11 am
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It is vet day today. Fomfomfom couldn't make an appointment so we just walked in and squatted like commoners waiting our turn. The vet woman had an attachee with her and proceeded to tell her what a princess I am. Cha was too embarrassed to tell her that I'm not a princess, but the queen, so we just nodded.

The patch of skin on my thigh, it is no good. It has been 2 weeks and it's still as bad as ever. The vet woman said it is a bacterial infection so I have to eat antibiotics and apply a cream. Antibiotics twice a day for 2 weeks and fomfomfom told the vet woman to kill her straight. And continue the kibble only diet for another 2 weeks at least, I told her to kill me too. The vet woman just smiled and thought we were so charming.

Then she proceeded to put her fingers where the sun don't shine and squeeze, all the while telling me what a smelly girl I am. Then she thought she was so cute, and kept asking, who's so smelly? Who is Miss Stinky? After the tenth time I told her I thought she's Miss Stinky. So she wasn't so happy and deflected it by telling fomfomfom luckily humans don't need their anal sacs squeezed. Fomfomfom said thank god, she'd hate to have to visit the vet woman every month. The vet woman promptly informed fomfomfom that she won't do it for a million bucks, and even then, she would have to blindfold herself.

When I grow up, and have a million bucks, I would buy myself a vet woman and make her eat antibiotics everyday and bring her to the vet all the time. All the time.

 

?

May 20th 2008 7:39 am
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Today they were talking about ah bee. What is an ah bee?

 

Happy Vesak Day!

May 19th 2008 8:35 am
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It is a story about the gardens again. We met so many dogs today, it is a public holiday, see? There were people playing soccer and having picnics. I met many big dogs, but fomfomfom always carried me when they approach. The owners would be quick to assure that their dogs are friendly. Then fomfomfom will inform them that I am NOT friendly and that I suffer from small dog syndrome. Then fomfomfom would wink and the owners would all smile knowingly and wave bye bye.

I feel maligned. Fomfomfom suffers from anti-socialism and she heaps it on me. So I demand compensation. I want a pizza. I want a macaroni and cheese pizza. Cha says how can a pizza taste nice without meat? We will have to add bacon and sausages to my pizza. But I said no. Today is Vesak day and I am a vegetarian for the day. I am pious. Om.

The price of my gram of gold went up again. I am sitting on a profit of a whole 70 cents, no kiddin'. But my parking bill today at the gardens is 80 cents so I am a little sad, not to mention in the red. So I asked fomfomfom for more gold and she said ok.

Now I have 5 grams of gold.

 

Sticks and stones may break my bones but beware the fury of- a woman crossed

May 18th 2008 8:42 am
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It was like a party today at the gardens. There were lots of people playing and having picnics. I was just doing my thing when this boy walked towards me and with a rock in his hand, was all poised to throw it at me. Neither me nor fomfomfom saw him, but I was saved by cha's timely action. Her deadly glare reduced the boy to pieces and now he's just a pile of dust in a remote corner of the botanical gardens. Just as well. Were he not a pile of dust now, fomfomfom would have torn him to shreds, ground him into powder and then fed him to the swans then killed the swans and incinerated the gardens until her fury is assuaged.

And then she would kill the boy's mother.

 
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